


Chiaroscuro

by clockworkcuttlefish



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, F/M, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-11
Updated: 2011-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 15:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 66
Words: 141,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcuttlefish/pseuds/clockworkcuttlefish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Shenko. Shepard and Alenko meet on Horizon. Shepard is falling apart. Alenko is under orders to get on the Normandy and find out what she's up to. It's going to be their worst assignment yet. T for language & innuendo. Spoilers: all DLC, past Arrival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Risky Assignments

"Commander Alenko."

Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko hadn't been expecting to see Admiral Hackett in the office of Councilor Anderson, and quickly managed a salute. "Sir."

"Have a seat." Anderson was staring out over the Presidium, hands linked behind his back. Kaidan sat down across from Hackett, who was calmly studying a datapad. The Councilor wasted no time. "I assume you've heard the rumors?"

Kaidan glanced at Hackett, then back at Anderson. "Rumors, sir?"

"About Shepard," Hackett supplied, tapping something on his datapad.

He had heard some rumors. Mentions of her on Omega, of all places – and mentions of her traveling with known Cerberus operatives. Kaidan swallowed. "I had heard some rumors. That she was alive."

"And working for Cerberus," Hackett finished bluntly. He nodded.

"They aren't rumors," Anderson answered. "Shepard, or someone who looks and behaves very much like Shepard, is indeed alive."

Kaidan wasn't sure his jaw remembered how to work. "Councilor, it's been two years. How sure –"

"I am nearly entirely positive that it is, indeed, Shepard. I don't know how, or why, but she explained it as much as possible." He paced back to his desk. "The Council reinstated her Spectre status."

"Without guaranteeing it was  _her_?" Kaidan couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"As I said, I'm fairly certain it's her – and I'm fairly certain that Cerberus is controlling her in some way." He raised his hand. "Not a control chip, or force – you know Shepard wouldn't go for that. They may be manipulating her."

"That is where you come in, Alenko." Hackett's voice was gruff, but honest. "We think Cerberus might be behind the recent string of colony abductions."

"You don't think Cerberus would – or that Shepard would –"

"We don't know." Anderson handed him a datapad. "We're sending you to Horizon. There are rumors that it's the next colony to be hit, and we want you on the ground if that happens. If it's Cerberus, or if it's not, you're to report to us."

"That's going to be difficult, sir, if I'm part of the colony going missing."

"We know. This is a dangerous assignment, but necessary." Kaidan hadn't been arguing, and Anderson and Hackett knew that he was just stating the facts. "There is another part of your assignment."

"Which is?"

Anderson and Hackett traded a brief glance, then Anderson leaned forward on his forearms. "If you see Shepard . . . confirm her identity."

"And if you have the opportunity . . . get onto her ship."

Kaidan blinked, a knot forming in his stomach. Shepard –  _his_  Shepard – if she  _was_  Shepard . . . "I'm supposed to get onto a Cerberus ship and spy on them for the Alliance?"

"If it's Shepard, we need to know why she's working with Cerberus. We both know how one-minded she is about the Reapers, and we can therefore assume they're involved – or, she  _thinks_  they're involved." Anderson sighed. "We need to know whatever she knows. Understood?"

The bad feeling he had forming in his gut continued to knot, and Kaidan slowly nodded. "When will I leave?"

 


	2. Risky Assignments

  
Tell me  
Come on, tell me what you can  
Even as you wait for death, you're wiser than I am  
Tell me what does it mean to exist  
I am not a scientist, I must believe in more than this  
And I cannot accept that everything is real  
Is only what our eyes can see  
And our hands can feel

* * *

Frozen in stasis, Kaidan struggled to not panic.

It was just a stasis. He'd been in worse situations. Not often, granted, but often enough that they didn't bother him. Not like this particularly situation was bothering him.

An enormous bug-like thing stalked past him, coming from the ship that looked so much like the one that had destroyed the  _Normandy_  . . . the one that had killed his Shepard.

No. Not killed her. Or maybe killed her and assumed her identity. That had to be it. If she was alive, she would have told him. She would have contacted him. A gruff, unhappy chuckle nearly rose out of his chest. Unless she'd lied when she'd told him she loved him.

A voice became evident, still off in the distance but just close enough for him to hear. He flared slightly, testing the boundaries of the stasis. One of his fingers twitched. It was a start.

"Prepare these humans for their ascension," the deep voice ordered. A corresponding chatter – Kaidan guessed it was from the bug-like things – answered it. The next order chilled him.

"Locate the Commander."

#

Spectre and former Systems Alliance Lieutenant Commander Marrakech Shepard had never run so much in her life.

The Collector ship loomed in the distance, slowly pulling its huge bulk out of the ground as the A-D towers fired after it. Miranda was yelling at Joker through the comm, warning him that the ship was leaving. Shepard scoffed, pushing herself harder. Like Joker hadn't realized that.

She  _had_  to reach that ship. She  _had_  to find him.

Her ground team, not fueled by the same sheer panic, was having a difficult time keeping up. Miranda's catsuit creaked as she tried to run and not break an ankle in her heels; Garrus, still recovering from catching a rocket with his face, was having problems catching his breath; Zaeed jogged after her with extremely vocal complaints; Mordin was behind Zaeed, struggling to examine a piece of the flying thing with laser-beam eyes he'd collected; Kasumi and Jacob, who were both in fairly good shape, were having the least problems keeping up but didn't possess the same frantic motivation as Shepard.

 _Kaidan is in there. Kaidan is in there_. It repeated itself like a mantra, Shepard clutching her shotgun close to her chest.  _Kaidan is in there. Kaidan is in there_.

With a shriek, the Collector ship broke atmo and sped away from the colony. Shepard stumbled to a stop, staring after the ship blankly.

 _Kaidan is in there_! Something inside of her exploded – blind fury made her waste a clip unloading her shotgun into the air after the ship, as if it would make the Collectors turn around and risk the A-D gun in order to appease her. With an aggravated groan as her squad caught up to her, she slammed her shotgun back into its casing.

Kaidan was gone.

That mechanic sprinted up after them, his screaming echoing her own frustration. Shepard found her face unconsciously reforming itself into her Commander Mode.

"No,  _no_! Don't let them get away!"

Garrus finally reached her, glancing down at her. "Shepard, I'm sure Alenko wasn't . . ."

"I don't know," she murmured, staring after the ship.

"Half the colony's in there!" The mechanic continued to rage, hands wrapped in his hair. "They took Egan and Sam an-and Lilith!

"What do you want me to do, ask them to politely turn around and get their cockroach asses back here?" Shepard snapped, twining a hand in her own hair. "I did everything I could."

Zaeed caught sight of a shiny Collector weapon and wandered off to take a look at it, followed closely by Jacob and Kasumi. Mordin continued to poke at his flying-laser-husk pieces, making notes on his omni-tool. Only Miranda and Garrus seemed to notice Shepard's discomfort.

"You did more than most people would have, Shepard," Garrus assured her.

"Shepard?" The mechanic turned back. "Wait, I know that name. Yeah, I remember you . . . You're some type of big Alliance hero or something."

" _Commander_  Shepard," someone corrected. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as Kaidan slowly stepped out from behind a stack of nearby crates, her shoulders sagging underneath her armor. "Captain of the  _Normandy_ , first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan . . ." He paused, still trying to work his mind around what was happening. "And a ghost."

"All the good people who get taken and  _you_  get left behind. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." The mechanic stumbled off, back towards the colony. Shepard took a tentative step forward.

Kaidan hadn't believed it when she'd sprinted past his crates blindly. He'd been able to draw on enough of his biotics to worm his way out of the stasis – thank God for that metabolism – but had been too weak to pursue the Collectors themselves when they'd suddenly all taken off for the interior of the colony. When the defense towers powered up, he'd cussed whoever had landed for completing what he couldn't . . .

And then a ghost sprinted by him, firing hopelessly after the retreating ship as if through sheer willpower she could destroy it. Exhaustion had turned to shock, disbelief as he spotted Garrus sprinting after her – couldn't Garrus realize that she had to be a fake?

Shepard was dead but here she was, standing in front of him.

"Kaidan?" Her voice was nearly silent. Miranda watched studiously, and Kasumi trotted back over with a small smile under her hood. Garrus stepped back, trying to give them space.

Kaidan took a step towards her, unable to keep his disbelief out of his eyes. Shepard stood still and after a brief pause he pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair –  _God_ , she even  _smelled_  like her. She clung to him like a lifeline, relief pouring out of her body like a flood. "I thought you were dead, Marra," he finally murmured, regretting the need to let go of her. "We all did."

Shepard's heart fell. "You don't sound happy to see me. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Kaidan snapped, jerking away from her. This was an imposter, wearing his Shepard's face . . . but if Cerberus wanted to play this game, he could. It took every fiber in his being to spit out the next words. "I spent the past two years believing you were dead. I thought we had something, Shepard. Something . . .  _real_. Hell, I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart – how could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me – why didn't you let me know you were  _alive_?"

She reeled back as if he'd hit her, confusion furrowing her brow. "I wasn't even conscious, Kaidan! I was –" Her voice failed her, and she swallowed. "—clinically dead. Or in a coma. Or something. I spent the last two years on an operating table while Cerberus rebuilt me."

Kaidan paused, and took another step back from her. Cerberus rebuilt her. Right. "Then the reports were right."

"Reports?" Miranda asked, then scoffed. "So much for security."

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus could be behind the missing colonies. They got a tip that this might be the next colony to get hit. Anderson basically stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy." Kaidan's eyes slid over to Garrus. "And Garrus is too."

She drew a slow, shaking breath, eyes flicking down to the ground. The expression highlighted what looked like exhaustion, glowing orange scars reflecting in the sunlight. "Building those towers was just a cover story. The Alliance sent you here to investigate  _me_ , didn't they?"

Kaidan stepped forward again, and Shepard again resisted the urge to throw herself at him. "I was here for Cerberus. I want to believe you're you, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance . . . you betrayed  _me_."  
Shepard had had enough. She glared back at him with the expression that had nearly made Udina piss himself. "Sorta hard for me to do that, since there was that whole 'I've been dead for two years' sort of deal going on!"

By now, Mordin was watching curiously, mumbling about human interactions and raised body temperatures. Zaeed and Jacob were still arguing over the assault rifle, trying to figure out how to recreate it in the  _Normandy_ 's armory.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Kaidan shook his head. "How is it even possible for Cerberus to resurrect someone? It—"

"I'm  _not_  a traitor, Kaidan! You  _know_  me. You know I'd only do this for the right reasons! You saw it yourself – the Collectors are targeting human colonies, and they're working with the Reapers!"

"I  _want_  to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus." Something Anderson had said about manipulation echoed in his head, and he swallowed.

Shepard shook her head. "Neither do  _I_!"

"They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if  _they're_  behind it? What if  _they're_ working with the Collectors?"

"Damn it, Kaidan!" Garrus finally decided that he couldn't let Shepard continue to take the beating Kaidan was doling out. The turian bristled behind her, highlighting the cybernetics coloring the side of his face. "You're so hung up on Cerberus' reputation that you can't see the big picture!"

She raised her hand, silently ordering him to stand down. This needed to be her battle. "Don't you think I thought about that?" She struggled to keep her voice steady – probably only Kaidan and Garrus caught the small waver that colored it. "Do you seriously think I wouldn't have  _considered_  that?"

"I don't know. Did you? Maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight." He searched her face again. "You've changed – but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier – always will be." He turned to leave, starting back into the colony proper. "I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story."

"Kaidan, please." He turned back, eyes tracing the thin scars that traced her face, the faintest glint of cybernetics behind her vivid evergreen eyes. Maybe she was right. Or maybe they'd just had to do biomedical updates to make sure the imposter looked like her. Sounded like her. Felt like her. Smelled like her. "Come with me." She resisted the urge to scream that she needed him, that she wanted him, that she wouldn't be able to survive without him. That Cerberus was sending her into almost certain death, and that she wanted him to hold her and tell her she could do the impossible again.

His orders repeated themselves in his head.  _If you see Shepard . . . confirm her identity. And if you have the opportunity . . . get onto her ship._  She'd just  _invited_  him, almost  _begged_  him. He'd only heard her beg once, when the ship had been grounded after Virmire. Before Ilos.

The knot that had started in Anderson's office returned with a vengeance. He wouldn't disobey orders. Especially not of if someone was disrespecting Shepard's memory by putting on her face.

If that was the case, he owed Shepard – loved her – too much to let the charade continue.

"One condition," he half-growled, turning back. "I'm still Alliance, and I still answer to Anderson and Hackett."

Shepard drew herself up to her full height, which was a fairly terrifying sight considering the sheer amount of armor and firepower she carried. "You can liaise between a Spectre operation and the Alliance, since this involves human colonies and human interests in the Terminus. I'm fine with that. My one condition: can you follow my orders in the field?"

"In the field. But only  _your_  orders." He glared pointedly back at the woman wearing what looked like a white catsuit – a distracting white catsuit – emblazoned with a Cerberus logo on her chest.

"No!" Aforementioned Cerberus operative stepped forward, promptly protesting. "This is a  _Cerberus_  operation, Shepard, all recruits must be cleared by the Illusive Man before –"

Shepard spun on her. "Wrong, Miranda. This is  _my_  operation . . ." she took a step forward, until the two women were nearly nose-to-nose. "Unless you'd like to admit that your sole purpose is to ensure that I do what the Illusive Man wants, whether I recognize it or not."

There was a tense silence as both women flared, Shepard's biotics still tinted green by the Eden Prime beacon. Kaidan closed his eyes – how could they have recreated that? Those Cerberus bastards had somehow taken _everything_ that was Shepard and –

Miranda finally broke eye contact, taking a brief step back. Shepard nodded. "As I suspected." She turned back to Kaidan, her eyes flickering briefly with – what emotion  _would_  that be? She extended her hand with a nod. "Welcome aboard, Staff Commander Alenko."


	3. It's Only a Model

The shuttle ride to the  _Normandy_  was quiet, Miranda still sullen over Shepard's sudden coup and Shepard, Kaidan, and Garrus too busy glaring at each other over the exchanged words to speak. Only Zaeed, Jacob, and Mordin spoke, anxious to reach the ship and begin playing with recreating their purloined rifle or their collected husk and Collector bits and pieces.

Kaidan didn't see much of the ship, being promptly deposited in the briefing room while Shepard hurried to change out of her armor.  _He_  wasn't in a hurry to leave the room and face looking at the ship around him – so familiar, yet so foreign, yet still calling to him as home.

He scowled. No. It was only a model. It didn't matter how much the cargo hold or the CIC resembled that of the old _Normandy_. This was a fake . . . maybe the same as its commanding officer.

The door suddenly zipped back open, readmitting Shepard, the woman named Miranda, and the other Cerberus operative – Jacob, Kaidan thought. Shepard wore a uniform in Cerberus colors that was a mockery of Alliance officer dress, with conspicuous mending on the sleeves and chest where insignia would have been.

:: _Patching you through, Commander_.:: Kaidan jumped, eyes darting to the ceiling. Was that  _Joker_? Joker was flying the ship? Why was Joker . . . a scowl unconsciously crossed his face. First Garrus, now Joker. Was Liara going to suddenly crawl out of med bay, or Tali out of a random vent? Were they hiding Wrex somewhere?

Shepard nodded, pressing a few buttons on the table in front of him. It sunk into the floor. "Sorry, Commander," she said, sending a brief nod in his direction. "Have to contact the ass."

He raised an eyebrow as Miranda rolled her eyes. Shepard stepped into the center of the table, orange lines flickering up around her. To Kaidan's surprise, a muffled voice sounded from the projection.

He'd heard of this sort of communication, but had never seen it in practice.

:: _Shepard. Good work on Horizon,_ :: the muffled voice said. :: _Hopefully the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony._ ::

"It wasn't a victory." Shepard held up her hand, shaking her head. "We interrupted the Collectors, but they still absconded with half of the colony."

:: _Better than an entire colony, and it's more than we've accomplished since the abductions began_. _The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in._ ::

Shepard crossed her arms suspiciously. "Kai—Staff Commander Alenko said that the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus. I wondered if you'd had a hand in that."

:: _I may have let it slip that you were alive. And with Cerberus._ ::

"You risked the lives of my  _friend_ , my  _crew_ , and that  _entire_  colony? On a  _hunch_  that it would lure the Collectors there?"

:: _It was a calculated risk. I suspected the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now I know for certain. I told you I wouldn't sit and wait while the Reapers and Collectors gather strength. Besides, they would have hit another colony_ eventually _. And without a way to predict which one, they would've abducted_ everyone _._ ::

Kaidan felt his hands clenching. The people he'd spent weeks getting to know on Horizon – gone because some egomaniac decided that it was the colony that should test his twisted  _theory_. Fortunately, his expression was mirrored on Shepard's face.

At the same time, another sinking feeling pressed into his stomach.  _Locate the Commander_. They  _had_  been looking for him – his presence had placed the colony even more at risk.

"No more," she snapped. "No more colonies get hit because of  _theories_. We could have very easily tested it by dropping a fake colony location and seeing if the Collectors were drawn there. There are other ways to draw the enemy out and force their hand."

:: _If it is necessary, it_ will _happen, Shepard._ :: There was a slight pause. :: _I'm devoting all resources to finding a way through the Omega 4 relay. We have to hit them where they live. Your team will need to be strong . . . as will their resolve. There's no looking back._ :: There was another slight pause, giving Kaidan time to process. No ship went beyond the Omega 4 Relay – it was a death sentence. Shepard seemed to accept it without hesitation, the same way she'd accepted Anderson's proposal to raise the  _Normandy_ 's lockdown. To steal the ship and head for Ilos. :: _The same goes for you. Miranda has forwarded me a disturbing report. Am I to understand that Staff Commander Alenko is on board the_ Normandy _?_ ::

"He will be a valuable asset  _and_  allow us access to the Alliance."

:: _It also allows the_ Alliance _access into a_ Cerberus _operation._ :: There was a pause. :: _I suspect the only reason you brought him along was because of your previous relationship._   _I cannot –_ ::

"I'm not  _asking_  for your permission. This is not a  _Cerberus_  operation. I'm a  _Spectre_. I told you already that I choose who is on my crew. Staff Commander Alenko is willing to liaise with the Alliance and I damn well accepted. So back the hell off."

:: _If it affects your mission, it would be best to leave him behind._ ::

"With all due respect—"

There was a quiet sigh of resignation. :: _He does realize that once we find a way through the Omega 4 relay to the Collector homeworld, there's no guarantee he'll return_?::

Shepard's eyes flickered to where he was still leaning against the wall. "He is able to leave whenever he wants."

:: _To have any hope of surviving, you – and your team – must be committed to this._ ::

"You worry about the Collectors. I know how to build a team."

:: _I'm just trying to be up front about your odds. You'll need everyone at their best. I've forwarded more dossiers. Keep building your team while I find a way through the relay. And be careful, Shepard. The Collectors will be watching you._ ::

Shepard scowled as the orange grid disappeared, then slowly stepped out from the middle of the table. Kaidan didn't move, leaning back against the wall as the table rose out of the center of the floor. His posture was echoed by the two Cerberus operatives.

"I guess we're really gonna do it," Jacob said. "Hit the Omega 4 relay; take the fight to the Collectors in person."

"That's the plan," Shepard murmured, running her hand through her hair.

"Looking forward to the action. After seeing what those bastards did on Horizon, though . . . it makes you think."

"They're good, but we're better. If anyone can stop this, it's us." Shepard's voice carried a confidence her face didn't particularly show. Jacob straightened himself up.

"No argument there, Commander. Horizon just made it hit home. What we're doing . . . what we're up against." He sighed. "Gonna go take care of a little unfinished business. I imagine everyone else is, too – getting some closure, you know?"

Shepard nodded as he saluted and left. "Miranda, I'm sure the Illusive Man wants to speak with you."

"I'm sure." She glanced darkly at Kaidan. "I'll be in my office, Shepard."

Miranda left, finally leaving Kaidan and Shepard alone. She kept her back to him, not entirely sure what to say. Kaidan took the initiative.

"Who were you talking to?"

"The Illusive Ass," Shepard murmured, rubbing the back of her neck. "Head of Cerberus. He doesn't like you."

"I got that. But . . . Shepard. The Omega 4 relay? That's a suicide mission."

"I can drop you at the Citadel if you want off." She finally turned to face him. "I can show you the evidence we have connecting the Reapers to the Collectors, and you can leave. But I have to see this through."

"Why? Because Cerberus saved you?"

"No. Because that's my  _job_. Remember that bit about being the galaxy's first and last line of defense? I'm starting to think I'm the galaxy's  _only_  line of defense."

"Someone else would step up. Someone else would –"

"No, Kaidan!" Shepard snapped, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Have you seen anyone else dealing with the Collectors? No! Just me! Just Cerberus!" She sighed heavily, scratching at one of the scars on her face. "Either way, you're stuck here until our next run to the Citadel, so you may as well get comfortable. EDI, where can we put the Commander?"

Kaidan reeled as if she'd hit him. Her voice had suddenly adopted the same tone she used for meddlesome politicians. She'd suddenly turned business on him again. She'd detached – firmly and solidly detached.

His musing was cut off as a blue globe of light appeared over the table. "Commander Alenko's presence was unexpected. We may not have a suitable –"

"What is  _that_?" Kaidan stared at it blankly, hoping that the next words out of Shepard's mouth wouldn't be –

"Commander, this is EDI, the  _Normandy_ 's onboard AI. EDI, this is Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko."

An AI. Cerberus installed. Great. Kaidan rubbed the side of his face, regretting his current assignment even more. "Is there a spare sleeper pod?" he asked, crossing his fingers. If anything, there  _had_  to be –

"I believe there is. I will direct you there."

"You can get out of your armor and meet me back in the CIC," Shepard said. "I'll either be at my post or in the cockpit."

Kaidan watched as she turned on her heel and stalked back out of the briefing room, back ramrod straight. His doubts about Shepard being dead returned with a vengeance – he shoved them back down, replacing them with his believe that she was an imposter. With that thought firmly entrenched in his mind, he stalked towards the elevator.

Shepard glanced back from the hallway leading to the cockpit as he disappeared, releasing a long drawn-out breath. Another few steps brought her into the cockpit, and Joker half-turned.

"Hey, so EDI tells me we have Kaidan back. Sure is good to see him again. How'd you work that angle?"

Shepard sank down into one of the other chairs, staring out the viewport. "I don't know."

"So, am I gonna need to turn the surveillance off in your quarters anytime soon?" Joker faltered under the strength of Shepard's glare. "Suppose not."

"I don't get it, Joker." Shepard ran her hand through her hair. "I know it's been two years, but I keep feeling like he either hates me or doesn't think it's really me."

"I can't blame him.  _I_  wasn't sure it was you for a while." Joker shrugged. "Then you called me an egocentric jackass, stole my hat and hung it over the elevator."

Shepard chuckled. "That was fun."

"Glad someone enjoyed it. I had to get Hadley to get it down, since you were too busy laughing." Joker wasn't going to lie – hearing Shepard laughing after Garrus had tried to stop a rocket with his teeth was welcome. He just didn't like it being at his expense.

"Well, you are an egocentric jackass."

"I never denied it, Commander. I'm also a  _crippled_  egocentric jackass."

Shepard stood. "I'll be at my terminal. We're heading to pick up Tali, then we'll go after that convict Timmy wants me to pick up. Then we'll swing by Illium, see what Liara can tell us, and grab those other two."

"Gonna be fun, Commander. Hold tight while I fly us right into geth space."

Shepard grabbed his hat, tossed it onto the console, and headed back for the CIC.


	4. A Very Good Model

Steps sounded behind him, and Joker didn't have to turn to know who it was. "Alenko!" he said, forcing cheeriness into his voice. "How you doin'?"

He received no answer, and spun his chair around. Kaidan glowered behind him, arms crossed over his chest. "Why am I not surprised to find you flying a Cerberus vessel?" Kaidan finally asked flatly.

"It's my baby," Joker motioned. "Granted, she talks now, but she's got leather seats too."

"It's a model, Moreau."

"Heh. Shepard said the same thing." Joker leaned back in his chair. "But I bet I know why you walked all the way up here. Thought we left that chain of logic behind."

"You got her killed, and now you're in a prime position to get her killed again."

Joker held up his hands. "The Commander and I are fine. She doesn't hold a grudge, and I've promised her that my crippled ass is the first one on the escape pods next time."

Kaidan continued to glower. "And then you couldn't even be bothered to contact me and tell me she survived."

The helmsman rolled his eyes. "She didn't survive. She died, Alenko."

"I'm sure." His voice still carried a note of disbelief. "You still couldn't have told me? How long have you known? How –"

"I've only known for a few weeks that she was alive. Cerberus filled me in and I accepted. Shepard's the only CO I'd ever want, Alenko – thought you would have felt the same way." He paused, raising his eyebrows. "Then again . . ."

"You're working for Cerberus." Kaidan's glare grew even harder. "How can you even be sure it's Shepard?"

"She stole my hat, called me an egocentric jackass, and hung it over the elevator," Joker said simply.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Oh, and no one else has ever done that?"

"Ash did. But Shepard's the only one who gets a sort of sadistic pleasure out of it."

"But why didn't you tell me? Didn't you think I deserved to –"

"What? You're mad 'cause I didn't send you a postcard? I'll send you one next time."

"What? Next time?"

"All right." Joker held his hands up in defeat. "You want me to make it up to you?" He reached under the console, grabbing a piece of paper. He used paper – as old school as it was – to file reports with Shepard that he didn't want Cerberus to see. Another fumble found a pen. He scribbled something down and handed it to Kaidan. "Here you go. Have a postcard."

Kaidan studied the paper. On the front was a stick figure that may have been indicative of Shepard with the vague shape of the Normandy behind her. He flipped it over.

Dearest Kaidan,

Thought you should know that Shepard's alive, lover-boy.

XOXO

Joker, AKA Flyboy, AKA Lovemuffins, AKA

Kaidan glared at the pilot and stalked off towards the CIC. Joker opened the comm in the batteries.

"Garrus, I think Alenko's heading for your position. I got him riled up."

::Thanks for the heads up, Joker.::

Joker glanced back down at the "postcard" and chuckled. "Too soon?" he murmured, turning back to his console.

#

"Commander?"

Shepard glanced over at Chambers from her console. "Yeah?"

"Kasumi wanted me to remind you that Hock's party is in one week."

She groaned. Kasumi's heist. "We'll stick to the plan. Get the remaining members of our team, then crash the party."

"I'll let her know, Commander."

"Thanks."

There was another pause in the conversation, Shepard re-reading the report on Haestrom. "So, Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko . . ."

"What about him?" Shepard murmured, distracted by an essay about Haestrom's sun. She might have been a marine, but she was still a bit of a geek at heart. Couldn't really work an omni-tool to save her life, but still a geek.

"He's a very attractive man." Chambers glanced at the Commander out of the corner of her eye, gauging her reaction. Shepard's mouth drew into a thin line. "But he seems to have a very poor opinion of Cerberus. Do you think he'll be an asset to the mission?"

"Alenko is a good man," Shepard answered neutrally. "His talents will come in handy."

"I'm more concerned about you, Shepard. Your psych evaluation indicated a deep . . . connection with the Commander."

"He used to be a good friend." Shepard couldn't help the small, lonely smile that flicked across her face, quickly quashing it underneath the pain his words had caused. "I'm not sure what he is now."

"If you would like, I can go and –"

"Chambers." Shepard's tone flattened faster than if it'd been thrown under a CRT car, causing an ice age on the nearest planet. "You are to leave the Commander alone. Am I understood?"

"I didn't mean anything by it, Commander, I was merely offering to speak with him and convince him of our –"

"Chambers –"

"—good intentions in hunting the Collectors. Although, if –"

"Chambers, you are to leave the Commander alone." Her tone grew even chiller. "Am I understood?"

Chambers swallowed, returning her eyes to her terminal. "Yes, ma'am."

#

Garrus had taken Joker's warning to heart, and therefore wasn't surprised when the door to the main batteries slid open. "Alenko."

"Vakarian."

All right. If that was how he wanted to play it, Garrus could play it as well. "Do you need something? I'm really trying to make sure the Thanix doesn't draw too heavily on the drive core. Engineer Daniels nearly had a – what is that word? Conniption? – when we first installed it."

"You have a Thanix on here?" Kaidan rubbed his forehead. The Thanix cannon was such an advanced weapon that there were only rumors that the schematics may or may not be in secret Alliance development. "How the hell –"

"Connections."

"Speaking of which . . ." Garrus continued to tap on the console, preparing himself for the onslaught. "Just exactly where were you? How did you know Shepard was alive? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Alenko, I disappeared." Garrus continued to play with the cannon's energy consumption. "I left C-Sec. I couldn't take the rules, the regs. I ended up on Omega, killing criminals. Vigilante style. They pinned me up in a mansion for a few days with the bodies of my dead team, and I would have been dead too." He glanced back at Kaidan, who was staring at him. "Shepard shows up across the bridge, and fights her way across, and tells me she's looking for me. I thought she was going to cry when she saw that I was Archangel."

"Archangel?"

"Not by choice. The mercs really didn't like me." He raised a talon and rubbed the side of his face. "Gave me this. I tried to eat a missile. It didn't work. Shepard nearly killed me after the doctor fixed me up." He chuckled. "So no. I had no idea she was alive. And by the time I was somewhere where we could contact you without Cerberus knowing, Anderson stonewalled Shepard, and that meant we didn't have any way to do so. At all. Shepard wanted to, and wanted to badly. But no one would agree to get a message through to you."

"How are you sure it's Shepard? Cerberus could have slapped her face on anyone."

"Alenko, you're an idiot." Garrus knew. Garrus had known as soon as she'd looked up at him, after he'd messed everything up with his team and got himself pinned down by every major merc organization in the Terminus, and calmly told him that they'd get out and kick a lot of merc ass in the process. Anyone else, and he would have scoffed. But Shepard . . . Shepard had a way of calming anyone in any situation, a sort of cool collectedness that no one would be able to imitate. Not well enough to fool Garrus Vakarian.

Garrus had known far too many fakes in his life. She was not one of them.

"What the hell does she have to do to convince you?" Garrus continued, finally turning back to him and leaning on the console.

Kaidan scoffed. "I'm not sure, now. She is working for Cerberus."

"With."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to her. Have you noticed that nearly every Cerberus insignia is painted over on the crew deck? Or that she removed all the Cerberus logos from her clothing? She hates Cerberus, and she hates working with them. So do I. I don't work for them – I work for Shepard."

"So said Joker. I'm not sure I can believe either of you."

"Damn it, Kaidan!" Garrus' mandibles tucked up as he tried to decide whether a smack on the head would be sufficient, or if he needed to outright deck him. "I wasn't sure about it either. We all saw what Cerberus did – on Edolus, with thorian creepers, with rachni, with husks, with Kahoku – don't you think Shepard would remember that? Do you think she just forgot about all of that and said 'Oh, look, Cerberus. They're a nice and peaceful organization. I should help them out.'"

"I don't know, did she? If she isn't a fake then she faked her own death, and –"

"She died." Garrus' voice dropped. "She wouldn't tell me details but Joker told me that her first night on the ship, she ended up in starboard observation with several OSDs and nearly depleted the Normandy's entire alcohol store. I asked Chakwas, and she told me that the files were probably too private for me to read but that if Shepard let me, we'd have to stop and pick up some dextro-safe alcohol. Even if she didn't die, it wasn't pretty."

Kaidan took a moment to collect himself. No. Resurrecting someone was impossible – he wasn't going to just accept it wholeheartedly. "Do you think the Reapers are behind the Collectors?"

"I wasn't sure at first. I worried that Cerberus might have messed with Shepard's head, made her open to suggestion. I don't know what she saw on Freedom's Progress, but it convinced her. What I saw on Horizon . . . that convinced me. They have husks, Alenko. Not colonists-turned-into-husks like the geth had, but different. The Professor's running tests, but that's Reaper tech. There's no doubt in my mind that those husks are Reaper tech."

Garrus, despite having been around humans for a fairly long time at this point, wasn't sure if Kaidan was developing a migraine or if someone had punched him in the stomach. Maybe both. "I'll let you get back to work."

"Much appreciated."

Neither of them wanted to mention the tension that dropped immediately as Kaidan left the batteries.


	5. Under a Burning Sun

::Op-1, this is Squad Leader Kal'Reegar, come in, over!::

"Anyone know where that is?" Shepard snapped, her shields chirping as she glanced out across Haestrom.

The fact that the dying sun could zap their shields so fully had put everyone on edge. Garrus and Zaeed were close to coming to a head, and Shepard was so frustrated with the duo that Kaidan was really starting to wish he'd stayed behind. Only Jacob seemed to be unflustered by the annoying conditions and random geth ambushes the planet provided, calmly searching the ground for the radio. And that, of course, made Kaidan even more irritable. "Here."

"Hand it." Shepard stuck her hand out, still scanning for geth, and accepted the radio. "Copy, Squad Leader Kal'Reegar. This is Commander Shepard of the Normandy. Can we provide assistance?"

::Patch into Channel 617 Theta.:: They started to plug the channel into their omni-tools. ::We were on a stealth mission. High risk. We found what we were after, but the damn geth found us. They've got us pinned down. Can't get to our ship, can't transmit the data through the solar radiation..::

Shepard took the information in stride, seemingly processing it at light speed compared to the others. "What's the status of your team? Casualties? How many of you are left?"

::We were a small squad. Dozen marines, plus the science team. We're down to half-strength now. Made the synthetic bastards pay for it, though.::

"But what are you doing this deep in geth space?"

Kal'Reegar may have chuckled. ::You're asking the wrong person, Shepard. I just point and shoot. It's something about the sun.:: Something sounding suspiciously like a rocket launcher echoed over their radios. ::It's going bad faster than it should be. Some kind of energy problem.::

"Any idea where the geth came from? Can we expect reinforcements?"

::One of the patrol ships found us. Dropships started raining geth down on our heads before we could get off-world. System's under geth control. We knew they made planetary sweeps periodically – we'd hoped going low-emissions would hide us. Damn synthetics. But I don't think we need to worry about reinforcements. The patrol ship hasn't lifted off yet, and the radiation blocks off-world communication.::

"We can get to your position in a few minutes. How are you holding up?"

::Take it slow and careful. Direct sunlight fries your shields all to hell, but you probably realized that. We're bunkered down at base camp across the valley. I left Tali'Zorah at a secure shelter, then doubled back to hold the chokepoint. Getting Tali out safely is our top priority. If you can extract her, we'll keep them off you.::

"You can confirm that Tali's safe?"

::Affirmative. Left my best men with her. When you get here, you can talk to her on the comm. Every marine on this rock is sworn to protect Tali'Zorah. Long as one of us is still drawing breath, she'll be safe.::

"Okay. Hold position. We'll hit their back."

::Affirmative.:: Kal'Reegar's voice suddenly dropped off. ::Watch your ass! We've got a dropship coming in!::

"Shepard!" Garrus saw the dropship open fire first, but Shepard was the first to start running for the doorway.

"Move! Before that pillar collapses!" she shouted over her shoulder.

It didn't work. When they were feet from the pillar, it collapsed. Kaidan and Garrus both grabbed Shepard's arms, pulling her out of the way as dust blasted into the air. The sudden movement sent all three of them toppling back to the ground in a tangle of limbs.

"Oww . . ." Kaidan groaned. Shepard rolled to her feet, then helped him up. Together, they pulled the turian up, who immediately checked his rifle for damage.

::Crap.:: Kal'Reegar's voice was back in their heads as the dust started to settle. ::Doorway's blocked. There should be demo charges in the buildings nearby.::

"Copy," Shepard answered. "Come on. Find those charges."

#

"Shepard!" Jacob's voice echoed through the garage and their comms. "We're pinned down over here in the garage! Need some cover!"

Kaidan grimaced as he swept his omni-tool over the top of the fallen pillar he was taking cover behind, trying to zap the prime's shields back down.

They'd grabbed the charges when a second drop ship swung through, dropping several footsoldiers. Those geth had been easy to take out but then a prime had dropped, trapping them inside the garage. A shockwave from its weapon had thrown Massani back into a wall and the merc was currently lying where he fell, unmoving. Jacob was bleeding from a graze to his arm, leaning back against his cover as he tried to hail Shepard on the comm.

::. . . copy . . . geth interference . . . asap,:: Shepard's voice answered. ::Hold . . . there.::

"Yeah. Copy."

"Can you warp?" Kaidan called. Jacob nodded.

"You?"

"Yeah."

"Gotta get its shields down first."

Kaidan glanced around the room. "I'm trying. Find something to throw at it."

"Like what? Ain't anything loose in here."

"I don't know. Throw Massani if you have to."

::No . . . crewmembers,:: Shepard barked through the comm, interference still crackling through the comm.

"So, like what?"

Kaidan glanced around again. "Anything light enough to throw but heavy enough to damage its shields." He waved his omni-tool over the pillar, taking the prime's shields down to fifteen percent.

"Hold on." Jacob grinned. "Got an idea."

"What the hell –"

Jacob flared, grabbing a large, broken piece of debris with a mass energy field and sending it soaring over their heads. From behind them the prime garbled, its shields flaring as they deflected it.

"That was it?" Kaidan motioned. "There's an entire vehicle there you could –"

"Keep overloadin' those shields."

"That thing would have knocked its shields all the way out!"

"What? You think you can do better?"

"I don't have to throw a lift at something when there's an entire forklift behind it!"

"Be my guest, Commander," Jacob snarked.

Kaidan flared, picking the lift up with a field and throwing it back over them. The prime garbled again, and Kaidan's omni-tool flashed. Shields were down.

"Shields down!" He reported.

"Good thing, too. Damn." Jacob popped over the pillar and hit the prime with a warp. Its armor crumpled as it struggled to push the forklift off itself.

"Take it down. I'll get to Massani." Kaidan threw a warp at the prime before he dove across the empty expanse between himself and the mercenary, diving back into the nearly-destroyed cover that he'd been using before the unfortunate prime blast. He brought up his omni-tool, checking his injuries.

Shots rang out, and running steps indicated Shepard and Garrus' approach. "Where're Massani and Kaid-Alenko?"

Her voice was quiet, muted by the distance between Massani's position and the entrance to the garage. He broke open a pack of medi-gel, going back over the head wound over the mercenary's forehead, finding himself paying more attention to Shepard's voice than his own work. She sounded – concerned? Worried? – her voice hoarse from struggling with the dust and heat of the scorched world. And he hadn't missed her uncharacteristic slip with his name. He swallowed, smearing the medi-gel into Massani's wound.

"Massani took a bad hit from the prime. He's checkin' him." Jacob paused. "Certainly is a strong biotic."

"Yeah. He is. Garrus, get us ready to set the charges." Footsteps indicated her approach, and she appeared next to him. "What's the diagnosis?"

"Just a head wound. No internal damage. He'll be up and complaining again in no time."

"Good." She swallowed, then glanced over at him. Their eyes met, and she swallowed. "I'm glad you're safe."

He shook his head. "We got hit hard, but we were fine."

The original Shepard had a scar that ran across her face, starting above her eyebrow and ending on her jaw. Kaidan searched for it, heart sinking when he couldn't find it. It was gone.

But if she was a fake, then why couldn't he make himself believe that?

"I didn't think you'd have a problem," she said. "But I was still worried."

"You only had Garrus. You probably got hit just as hard."

"We didn't have a prime. They can take down an entire unit in a matter of minutes."

He nodded. "Yeah. But between real life and that Pinnacle training you made us do, I think I've got killing primes down to a science."

Shepard chuckled, and he felt punched in the stomach again. It was the same laugh she'd had, the same lopsided smirk she'd possessed two years before. "Hit 'em with the biggest damn thing you can find, then shoot them in the optic when they're down."

"That's it, Commander."

She paused, her own eyes searching his face. "Kaidan . . ." she murmured, before putting her hand on his arm.

"What in hell." Zaeed pushed Kaidan away. "Where's that guddamn prime?"

#

"Look. A large window," Shepard remarked dryly, picking a piece of synthetic off her shoulder. "And a large button. I bet I need to press this to open the door. And I wonder what'll happen as soon as I press the button?"

"I bet the large window is going to open," Kaidan retorted, naturally, before catching himself with a sigh. It turned into a cough when some dust got cast into the air.

"I bet you're right, Commander." She paused, listening to the firefight beyond. "My money's on a colossus."

"I'm thinking an armature," Garrus said.

Kaidan shook his head. "No. She's right. The explosions are louder. Definitely a colossus."

Garrus paused. "I see your point."

"Get ready to hit the deck. Just in case." Shepard reached for the button, and finally slammed her hand onto it.

A flash of blue light exploded at the end of the plaza. "Down!" she yelled, throwing herself to the floor. Pieces of roof fell around them as the explosion rocked their building.

"I'm not paid enough for this shit," Zaeed grumbled.

"Heh. Just like old times," Garrus said.

"Come on. Let's get to Kal'Reegar."

Keeping their heads down, they sprinted out to where a red-suited quarian was clutching a rocket launcher. Shepard dove down the wall next to him while the others reformed just outside the colossus' line of fire.

"Squad Leader Kal'Reegar, Migrant Fleet Marines. We talked on the radio before that dropship arrived," he barked, ducking back down behind the wall.

"Nice gun," Shepard commented.

"Thanks. Now, I still got no idea why you're here, but this ain't the time to be picky." A particularly loud blast hit their wall, and both Shepard and the quarian winced. Kaidan glanced out around the wall, pulling his head in to avoid a bullet. Kal'Reegar nodded his mask towards the colossus. "Tali's inside over there. The geth killed the rest of my squad, and they're trying to get to her. Best I've been able to do is draw their attention."

Shepard glanced over the wall, dodging a geth projectile. "Are you sure she's still alive?"

He nodded. "The observatory is reinforced. Even the geth will need time to get through it. And it's hard to hack a door when someone's firing rockets at you. They're near platoon strength, but the colossus is the worst part. It's got a repair protocol – huddles up and fixes itself. I can't get a clear shot while it's down like that. I tried to move in, and one of the bastards punched a shot clean through my suit."

Suit damage. Great. "How bad?"

"Combat seals clamped down to isolate contamination, and I'm swimming in antibiotics. The geth might get me, but I'm not going to die from an infection in the middle of a battle. That's just insulting!"

She grinned. "What do you recommend for the colossus?" Shepard usually had been in the mako when dealing with colossi, not on foot. She figured Kal'Reegar might have some advice.

Kaidan was quickly determining that he'd never missed the mako that much.

"Standard protocol with armature-class units is to sabotage the shields and whittle it down. Kill it with bug bites. But that repair protocol blows that plan to hell. You try to wear it down, it just huddles up and fixes itself. So whatever we do has to scrap that bastard fast. Probably means getting up close, past that cover."

Shepard glanced back at her team, running a plan over in her head. "Got any ideas?"

"Just one. I'm not moving so well, but I can pull a trigger, and I've got Vera." He patted the rocket launcher fondly. "You move in close, and I'll keep the colossus busy, maybe even drop its shields. With luck, you'll be able to finish it off."  
Shepard shook her head. "No, you've done enough. We'll take it from here."

"Wasn't asking your permission. My job is to keep Tali safe. This is our best shot." Kal'Reegar started to pop back up over the wall, and Shepard grabbed his arm and pulled him back down into cover. A blast from the colossus slammed the wall.

"We don't have enough people on our side for you to do that."

"I'm not going to stand there while you run into enemy fire! They killed my whole squad!"

"And they'll do the same if they bring another dropship on our asses while we're out there! I need you back here for reinforcements!"

Kal'Reegar was probably glaring at her from behind his mask, but he finally sighed. "All right, Shepard. We'll do it your way. Hit them for me." He raised the rocket launcher to his mask in a sort of salute. "Keelah se'lai."

Shepard nodded and wasted no time organizing her squad. "Zaeed, take that side." She motioned down along the left. "I'll cut up across the sniper perch. Jacob, go with Zaeed. Alenko, with me. Garrus, stay back here and play with your rifle."

The turian grinned, pulling it off his back.

"Wait until the next shot from the colossus, and then sprint as fast as you damn well can." Almost on cue, a blast rocked their platform. "Go!"

Shepard and Kaidan rocketed off the side, sprinting up the ramp heading to the sniper platform, shotgun and pistol blaring. She caught the flash of light indicating that the colossus had fired at them first, shoving Kaidan down behind a barrel at the top of the ramp. He grabbed her arm, pulling her down on top of him just before the bolt hit.

"Heh. Wasn't ready for that," she murmured, glancing down at him. For the briefest second, their eyes locked –

And Shepard was suddenly pushing away from him, crouching back behind the barrel. Kaidan closed his eyes, scrambling up next to her.

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. They'd never let themselves forget for a minute on a battlefield before. And here he was, going all googly-eyed over a fake Shepard – He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as she barely poked her head over the barrel, dust-covered lips moving slowly as she counted the geth moving in on their position.

Was it so inconceivable that –

"Seven," Shepard muttered, interrupting his thoughts. She held her shotgun a little closer to her chest. "You take the three on the right. Hit them with an overload – the sun should do the rest. I'll open fire on the others, see if I can throw them off the edge. Leave 'em for Garrus to pick off."

Kaidan nodded, omni-tool blooming around his wrist. "On your signal."

"Now." Shepard stuck her head over the crate, opening fire with her shotgun. Kaidan waved his omni-tool with a flick, shorting out the geth's shields. They flickered and died, and their synthetic grumblings chirped wildly as the sun did the rest. Three fell to Shepard's shotgun, the forth to a well-executed push over the edge. "Move forward."

Their shields overheating, they sprinted along the edge to the shaded balcony near the colossus. Collapsing back in the shade, Shepard refused to look over at Kaidan – not after the stupid move she'd almost made on the other end of the platform. Instead, she opened her comm. "Zaeed. Jacob. You copy?"

::Copy. We're in position on the other side of the colossus.::

"I'll get the heavy ready. On my signal, Zaeed, start firing at the colossus."

::Sure. Less fun that way, though.::

"Jacob, cover him from geth. Alenko, keep me covered. If we keep beating at this colossus it should go down."

::Copy,:: Jacob answered.

Shepard pulled the Collector weapon she'd picked up on Horizon off her back, carefully poking its barrel between two metal panels. The colossus picked up on her movement and fired, making the platform shake. Kaidan shot a geth starting to come up the stairs underneath them – another shot indicated that Garrus got the other one.

"All right, Zaeed. Open fire."

A bright yellow beam of light shot across the space in front of her, slamming into the colossus as answering fire from Zaeed filled the small space. The colossus frantically tried to determine who it should shoot at – in its confusion, it forgot to repair itself. In a mere few minutes the colossus collapsed, its optic growing dark.

The courtyard fell silent briefly, filled with clicks as people put weapons away. Shepard reopened her comm. "Geth down. No hostiles. Garrus, get 'Reegar over here. We'll move in to Tali."

::Affirmative.::

"Come on." They rejoined Jacob and Zaeed by the doors.

::Hold on. I locked the doors.:: Tali's voice came over their comms. ::There. It should be unlocked.::

Shepard stepped through first, followed by Kaidan and the others. Tali stood at the far end of the room, tapping at a console. "I just need to finish uploading this to my omni-tool," she said, glancing over her shoulder. "There." She sighed, turning to face them. "Thanks. If not for you, I would never have made it out of this room. This whole mission was a disaster. I wish I'd joined you back on Freedom's Progress, but I couldn't let anyone take my place on something this risky." She glanced to Kaidan. "Kaidan! I was hoping you'd get my message. I sent it to you about three weeks ago –"

Kaidan swallowed. "Uh, I didn't . . . I was already on Horizon, we didn't . . ."

"Oh . . ." Tali glanced back and forth between Shepard and Kaidan. "Forget I said anything."

"What was worth the risk?" Shepard asked gently. "Exploring a geth planet in geth space doesn't seem safe."

Tali sighed, bringing up her omni-tool. "Haestrom's sun is destabilizing. Back when this was a quarian colony, it was a normal star. It shouldn't change that quickly."

"So why is it?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say it was dark energy affecting the interior of the star. The effect is similar to when stars blow off mass to enter a red giant phase, but Haestrom's sun is too young for this to be natural."

Shepard was quiet for a few minutes, digesting the information. "Okay. I'm glad I could help. Tali, is there any way I can get you to –"

Tali held up her hand. "I promised to see this mission through. I did. I can leave with you and send the data to the Fleet. And if the admirals have a problem with it, they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die."

There was a chuckle from behind them. "Maybe not everyone, ma'am."

They turned. Garrus was helping Kal'Reegar limp through the door to the observatory, the quarian injecting himself with more antibiotics as they watched. "'Reegar!" Tali tried to keep the sheer happiness out of her voice as she trotted forward, throwing her arms around the other quarian. He jumped, body stiffening nervously. "You made it!"

He nodded. "Your old captain's as good as you said. Damn colossus never stood a chance."

"Do you need the Normandy to get you out of here, 'Reegar?" Shepard asked immediately. He shook his head as Tali released him.

"Geth didn't damage our ship. As long as we get out of here before reinforcements show up, we'll be fine."

"I won't be going with you," Tali interjected. "I'm going with Shepard."

Kal'Reegar paused, then nodded. "I'll pass the data to the Admiralty Board, then, and let them know what happened." He glanced over to Shepard. "She's all yours, now. Keep her safe."

"That's the plan, 'Reegar."

"I'll see you later, Kal."

Kal'Reegar nodded, mask turning away from her slightly. "Ma'am."


	6. Just Like Old Times

Shepard, after making sure Tali was settled in and had met the engineers, had disappeared to her quarters to get out of her armor. Tali found Garrus in the main batteries, tinkering with the guns. "Had to find a replacement for the mako?" she teased. Garrus chuckled.

"What? That piece of junk? These are much nicer and more friendly. Plus, there's no risk of Shepard getting these covered in thresher maw venom."

"True." Tali crossed her arms across her chest. "I do have a question."

"Go for it."

"What is going on between Shepard and Alenko?"

"Don't know what you're talking about, Tali. Maybe you should ask them."

"Did he not know she was alive? How'd she find him? He said he was undercover, so he didn't get my message, and –"

Garrus turned back from the guns, leaning back on the railing. "He called Shepard a traitor."

Behind her mask, Tali's eyes widened. "To who?"

Garrus wasn't quite sure who Tali meant, so he answered all different variations of the question. "The Alliance. Him. Her face."

"Her face?"

Garrus winced. "Yeah, that came out wrong. We ran into him on Horizon – he was undercover for the Alliance, helping them set up some GARDIANs. We saved half the colony when the Collectors hit them. He called her a traitor to both the Alliance and to him."

Tali paused, digesting the information he was handing her. "For working with Cerberus?"

"He's not convinced she's been dead for two years. And now I think he's worried that she's an imposter – that Cerberus recreated her image and stuck it on someone."

"That's insane." She shook her head. "I get it, I really do. I didn't want to believe it was Shepard until she asked about the geth data helping me complete my pilgrimage. Only Shepard herself would know about that."

"I know. I just don't think Alenko's seen anything that screams 'Commander Shepard' to him yet."

"Then we'll need to find something." Tali straightened herself up and strode back out of the batteries.

#

Shepard scowled at herself in the mirror. The orange scars had continued to disappear and the pain that plagued her as her body continued to reconstruct itself was diminishing, but still wracked her at inconvenient intervals – usually in the middle of a firefight.

And then there was Kaidan. She scowled again, quickly running the brush through her too-short hair. Curse that moment on Horizon where she couldn't bear the thought of him walking away from her and threw out that lifeline, begging him to join her even though she thought she knew what his answer would be. And then he surprised her, answering in the positive, and she hadn't realized just how nightmarish her life would get.

He didn't believe she was real. She recognized this in its entirety, as much as it hurt her to say it. And she couldn't prove it – the Lazarus Project had erased all of her scars, and while she could accurately describe certain parts of his anatomy that very few other people would know about, she didn't want to press her luck with the sort of mood he was in. Especially because – Shepard grabbed onto the sink, staring down in the bowl. She'd had a feeling that thinking about describing Kaidan in her head would lead to . . .

She took a deep breath. Elcor porn. Fortunately, the sheer image that conjured up drove her current train of thought far from her mind, and she took another deep breath.

Still, the desire remained. She wanted to go figure out wherever he was hiding, drag him back to her quarters, and have her way with him. She groaned, sinking down onto the floor against the wall. There was the problem.

It'd been two years for him. It may only have been approximately a month and a half for her, but it'd been so much longer for him. She understood. She really did. But she wanted him – had just wanted him by her side since the moment she'd woken up in that base, alarms blaring and Miranda yelling, and through all the subsequent missions she'd wanted nothing more than to be able to glance behind her and see him watching her six.

And now he was there, staring at her as if she couldn't possibly exist, mind trying to convince him that she was a fake, someone wearing the face of Commander Shepard and trying to convince the world she was legitimate.

Shepard pulled herself off the floor, heading for the elevator. She'd just have to do what she always did. Survive.

Stopping the Collectors. Stopping the Reapers. That was all that mattered.

And to do that, she needed to survive.

#

::Miranda, you need to find a way to remove Alenko from the Normandy.::

Miranda paced in her office, the Illusive Man's voice rising out of her console. "I know. But I don't know how to do it without pissing Shepard off."

::You know there are other ways to ensure he doesn't return to the ship.::

"That would piss Shepard off."

::You're a good operative, Miranda. I selected you for a reason.:: There was a pause as the Illusive Man probably pulled on his cigarette. ::We need Shepard to focus wholeheartedly on the base. I listened to the comms on Haestrom. As long as Alenko's around, she'll be distracted.::

"Alenko is a powerful biotic. He's an L2, but he spikes nearly as high as most asari. I'm good, but I'm not that good, Illusive Man." Miranda ran a hand through her hair. "And I seriously don't think I can take Shepard."

::You won't have to. All you need to do is convince him to leave. He already knows this mission will go through the Omega 4 relay – Shepard is trying to convince him to commit suicide. It's been two years. I'm sure all Alenko needs is some encouragement before he leaves.::

"I don't know. He blindly followed her through the Conduit."

::They were desperate and, if unofficial reports can be credited, they were in some sort of physical relationship. It is not surprising.:: There was another pause. ::But as I said – a lot of time has passed.::

"He may be useful."

::Not if he distracts Shepard from the Collectors. Then, he is a liability.::

"I'll see what I can do," Miranda said, dropping back down at her console. "Is there anything else, sir?"

::There is. I've received disturbing intel about the reason Alenko was so willing to join the crew. It appears he met with Anderson and Hackett previously to leaving for Horizon. This was after Shepard had already met with the Councilor and had her Spectre status reinstated.::

"You think Alenko was asked to spy on the ship?"

::It's possible. Anderson and Hackett – as they represent the Council and the Alliance – have a vested interest in Shepard. They will either attempt to ensure her safety, if they prove it's really her, or destroy her, if they determine that she is an imposter.::

"She's convinced everyone on this ship except Alenko."

::I'm aware of that fact. That is why I believe you may be able to remove Alenko from the ship easily. You're an excellent operative, Miranda. I have no doubt that you will come through for us.::

A click indicated that the line disconnected, and Miranda dropped her head into her hands with a moan. Neither Shepard nor Alenko trusted her; Alenko didn't really trust anyone except for Tali'Zorah and CMO Chakwas. Shepard only really trusted Joker, Chakwas, Vakarian and Tali'Zorah, and it seemed she wanted to trust Alenko but was conflicted about his own issues with her.

This mission just got a lot more complicated.

She needed to ensure that Alenko never got over the "This Shepard is an Imposter" syndrome he was currently in. She needed to ensure that he never realized she was the real Shepard. Then he would leave, unwilling to follow an imposter into a suicide mission and Shepard would be off-balance again, back to where she was more controllable. And Miranda knew she'd be fending off a particular group consisting of Shepard's former crewmembers.

She was genetically perfect, not a wizard. Miranda sighed heavily.

She needed to work quickly.

#

Tali opened the med bay door. "Doctor Chakwas."

The gray-haired woman turned back to the door. "Tali! I had heard you were back on the Normandy."

"It is good to see you," Tali said. Chakwas motioned to her other chair, and she sank into it. "I was surprised to hear that you were working on a Cerberus vessel."

"I am not working on a Cerberus vessel. I'm working on Shepard's," Chakwas reiterated. "Kaidan told me the same thing. As did Shepard, and Garrus."

"I can imagine they did. We saw our share of Cerberus' stupidity fighting Saren."

Chakwas nodded. "I remember them clearly, Tali."

"So how did they convince you?"

"Told me Shepard was alive. Showed me proof that she was alive. It did not take me long to transfer over. How was returning to the Fleet?"

"Strange," Tali admitted. "My pilgrimage was complete, but I felt alienated from the other quarians. To have been involved in such an enormous undertaking and to have my people hardly recognize my contributions, or that what we did even mattered . . . it was frustrating. And then to hear what the Alliance was saying about Shepard . . . it was horrible to listen to. I couldn't stand it."

"Not many of us could. But we've got her back, and that's what matters."

"I agree. And I am glad you are here, doctor."

"So am I." Chakwas sighed. "It is good to have so many of the old team back, between Shepard, and Joker, and Garrus, and yourself, and Kaidan, of course."

"I was wondering – what happened to Garrus? Has he needed cybernetic reconstruction?"

"He got a bad hit on Omega. He's fine – has full functionality – but it was touch and go for a few hours." Chakwas shook her head. "He's seen a lot since the Citadel."

"We all have," Tali remarked. "And I see Kaidan is back."

"Kaidan came on board not long before we found you on Haestrom, but I . . . I can't speculate on the circumstances. They are not . . . neither of them are taking it well, and I am not sure Kaidan believes that we are not truly a Cerberus vessel."

"Does he not trust Shepard's word?"

"Not yet. I don't think he's even sure that Cerberus did not take Shepard's face and put it on someone else's body."

"But that's absurd."

"Is it?"

Tali paused. "No. I wondered the same thing when I first saw her."

"Exactly. So did I. I think everyone on this ship did – or at least most of them. The others were probably persuaded with a simple story of her leaving the Alliance to work for Cerberus."

"So . . . then Shepard and Alenko . . ."

"No. As far as I know, Shepard has barely been speaking to him."

Behind her mask, Tali pressed her lips together. "But I thought Kaidan would be –"

"I'm not sure Shepard is helping the situation, Tali. Between having to deal with her own death and need to work with Cerberus . . . is it surprising that she is too emotionally tasked to handle her relationship with him?"

Tali sighed, shaking her head. "No. I suppose not. It's just that Engineer Adams, you, and I won so many credits from calling it . . ."

Chakwas chuckled. "I know. I had to listen to Joker complain for a week after the Battle of the Citadel when he needed to pay us."

"And I wasn't even going to be involved in it to begin with. But they were . . . it was so painful watching the two of them dance around each other."

"I know. And I believe it would take a great weight off both of them to clear this up." Chakwas shook her head again. "But the team is so divided."

"I can't just sit by and let them be miserable," Tali argued. "Neither of them deserve it."

Chakwas fell silent for a few minutes. "Talk to Kasumi."

"Kasumi?"

"She's claimed the port observation deck as her own. She quite possibly will help you. I can't guarantee it. And if not, Joker is always looking to create a little more chaos."

"That is certainly the truth." Tali laughed, standing. "I'll talk to you later, doctor."

"Let me know if you need anything." Chakwas turned back to her station.


	7. Fixing the Couplings

"Donnelly, check the drive core. I'm getting an awkward reading from it."

:: _Copy, Joker._ :: the man's brogue managed to make Joker wince again. :: _We're still tryin' to put in the FTA couplin's, so the balance is off._ ::

"Just fix it. I'd like us to have the Normandy up to speed while there's Collectors prowling about."

:: _We'll get on it._ ::

Joker leaned back in his chair, scanning through the security feed. Miranda was in her quarters, reading over files – whoever put security cameras in her quarters was to be commended. If that meant the Illusive Man, so be it. Jacob was doing crunches in the armory again – Joker scowled, quickly flipping to the next feed. Mordin was hard at work in the technical lab, humming under his breath. Mordin was fascinating to watch – the salarian moved with an unusual, graceful pattern, sometimes as if dancing.

Garrus was playing with the guns in the batteries again, Kasumi was reading in her observatory, and Zaeed was throwing knives at one of the signs in his cargo hold. Kaidan had apparently been in the starboard observation deck, probably thinking or geeking on his omni-tool or writing reports or something, Joker figured. Either way, he was now headed towards the mess, where Chakwas stood leaning on Gardner's counter and talking to him as he got the next meal ready.

He was about to find Shepard when feet sounded behind him. He turned as Tali's lithe form filled the doorway of the cockpit. "Tali! Good to see you again!"

"It's good to be back on the Normandy," she admitted. "I was wondering . . . well, how are you?"

"Pretty good. I got my baby back, we got the Commander back, we're running off onto a suicide mission . . . practically the same as before."

Tali laughed. "Indeed it is. At least this time we will not have to steal the Normandy."

Joker glanced at EDI uncomfortably. "I'm not sure Shepard's ruled that out yet."

EDI flickered. "Doing so would void all Cerberus support for the mission. Shepard would not risk this."

The pilot glared at it. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that."

Tali leaned against the opening to the cockpit. "Is Kaidan still mad at you?"

"What do you think?" Joker scoffed. "I killed Shepard."

"True. And what about them?"

"Them?"

"Shepard and Kaidan."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "You're awfully concerned."

"I enjoyed winning that pool with Adams and Chakwas," Tali answered.

"Aw. You had to bring that back up. Why'd you have to bring that back up?"

"Because it isn't fair that they have to go through this because of Cerberus. Do we really think Shepard can handle that?"

Joker shook his head. "No. But you didn't hear the Horizon debacle either."

"The Horizon deba—oh, you mean when he called her a traitor."

He winced. "Heard about it, did you?"

"Garrus told me."

"I'm not surprised. I'm just kind of hoping they'll fumble it out."

Tali's omni-tool beeped. She glanced down and shook her head. "What is it, Donnelly?"

:: _We're having problems with the FTA couplin's. Can you give us a hand, ma'am?_ ::

"I'll be right down, Donnelly." Tali sighed. "I'll talk to you later, Joker."

"Yeah. Get those couplings in – the Normandy's running a little hotter than usual."

"I'll see what I can do."

#

"Hello?"

Kasumi looked up, setting her book aside. "You're Tali, right? Shepard's friend?"

"Yes. May I come in?"

Kasumi motioned to her sofa. "Sure."

The quarian sank down, and both stared at each other for a few seconds. Tali rubbed a bit of engine grease off the arm of her environmental suit nervously. "I have a question."

"Sure."

"Well, I was asking around about something, and Doctor Chakwas said I should talk to you."

"About what?"

Tali paused, then took a deep breath. "Shepard's gonna kill me," she murmured. "Anyway, have you . . . is there a problem between the Commanders?"

"Between Alenko and Shep?"

"Yeah."

Kasumi made a face. "Well, it'd help if he hadn't essentially called her a traitor on Horizon and thought she was really Shep and not some weird imposter, and both of them weren't trying to pretend they weren't staring at each other when no one else is looking. Why?"

"Keelah," Tali groaned. "Because this ship is going to have a lot more problems if we don't get them talking."

Kasumi leaned forward on her knees. "Then we'd better get working on a plan, huh?"

"Thanks." Tali sounded relieved. "I didn't think anyone was going to help me."

"Please," Kasumi said, waving her hand. "This is me."

#

Kaidan sat in the mess, staring down at his plate. Gardner had finally stopped grumbling about having another biotic to feed, which was a relief.

As far as he knew, they were heading to the prison ship Purgatory. Who they were slated to pick up, he didn't know. Shepard had suddenly and solidly withdrawn, when a week ago on Haestrom she'd been perfectly – no, he reminded himself. This wasn't Shepard. This couldn't be.

Could it?

He wasn't blind to the glares some members of the crew were giving him, including Garrus. Granted, he didn't care – the turian had dropped off the grid to play vigilante, after all, and then hadn't bothered to let him know Shepard was alive – and he had his orders. He was to determine whether or not Shepard was authentic and to find out whatever she knew. That was it. He wasn't supposed to make the ship like him.

And yet, all he wanted to do was find Shepard and an empty room and make up for the two years they'd lost.

"Hi!" A chipper voice said, and he glanced up. The hooded woman who had been on Horizon with Shepard and promptly vanished until now sank down across from him. "I don't think we've met."

"Uh . . . no," Kaidan said.

"I'm Kasumi," she said, hood twitching as her head moved. "You've probably never heard of me."

"Uh . . . no," he repeated.

"And you're Commander Alenko. People say you were Shep's right hand man during the war." She paused. "I'm a fan."

"Uh . . . thanks." Kaidan felt himself growing progressively more confused. Who was this woman, why was she on Shepard's team, and why was she talking to him?

"Anyway, I'm pretty surprised Cerberus waited this long to find you." Kasumi motioned with her fork. "Granted, I'm also surprised Shep hasn't shot Lawson and headed back to the Alliance yet."

"Yeah," he responded tonelessly.

"Good thing she got her Spectre status reinstated, but I can't believe she deals with those guys. A blind pyjack should be able to tell Sovereign wasn't geth." Kaidan nodded. "Did you know the turian air-quoted her?"

"He did?"

"Yep. I thought Shep was going to explode." Kasumi chuckled. "Funniest thing I've seen in a while." She leaned forward on the table and started to open her mouth when Kaidan suddenly looked away from her, a brief flicker of concern shooting across his face. She turned to spot Shepard heading in a very purposeful and hurried manner towards med bay. "Shep?"

Shepard glanced over, hand over her throat. "Hey, Kasumi," she croaked.

"What's wrong?"

"Got bodyslammed by a krogan."

Kasumi watched intently as Kaidan reacted. "But there aren't any krogan on board!"

"He hitchhiked. In a way." She coughed.

"Shepard. Are you okay?"

A brief flicker of something unknown ghosted across the surface of the Commander's eyes. "I'm fine. Just need something for this throat thing." She disappeared into med bay. Kaidan's eyes lingered on the door briefly.

"Mhm," Kasumi murmured. Almost as if caught, he jerked his eyes back to her. Both of them were hard to read, but Kasumi was good at reading people. She had to be, with her job. So she smiled faintly. "Right-hand man indeed."

Kaidan returned to his meal, still nearly expressionless. "I don't know what you're talking about." Kasumi's grin widened.

Tali was right, and this was certainly going to be interesting.


	8. Fire and Gasoline

"I'm going to be frank with you," Shepard said, checking the enormous unknown heavy weapon on her back. "There is no way in _hell_  this is a trap."

They were docking with the prison ship  _Purgatory_ , which was currently holding an unknown and unstable (hearsay said) biotic known as Jack. Nothing else was known about this Jack, not even Jack's gender. And Shepard had a gnawing feeling in her stomach that usually cropped up whenever she felt a setup.

"Therefore," she continued, checking that her shotgun was in easy reach. "We do not surrender weapons. We do not turn our backs on any of the guards. We do not trust anything they say. We do not walk into any unmarked areas. And for God's sake, we stick together as a group. Do you understand?"

A few people murmured assent; Kaidan nodded. Tali was next to him, checking her own weapon. As with Horizon, Shepard's instinct indicated that she should take everyone who could possibly fire a weapon, and while Tali was usually low on her groundside list, she knew that the ship probably used mechs as guards. If they needed to fight their way out, Tali would be invaluable. Kasumi, meanwhile, had opted to stay behind – she said she was preparing for the upcoming heist, and Shepard had wanted Mordin to keep going over the information from Horizon. The salarian had been more than happy to hole back up in his lab.

"Comm check." There were nods and more murmurs of success. The airlocks hissed, indicating that they were docked. "Joker, keep the  _Normandy_ ready to go at a moment's notice."

"Understood," he called back from the cockpit. "EDI, don't play with their systems. We don't want you to get AI STDs."

"Mr. Moreau, that is –"

Whatever it was or wasn't, they didn't hear. As soon as the airlocks opened Shepard was marching through, heading towards where a few guards in Blue Suns armor stood waiting.

"Suns," Zaeed muttered. "Shepard's right. No way  _this_  is a trap."

"I could use a fight." Grunt was  _nothing_  like Wrex, and Kaidan hated it. The old krogan would have already laid him out on the ground and walked away chuckling – Grunt was violent, unstable, and had slammed Shepard full-force into a wall and laid her up in med bay for an hour.

No. Kaidan did  _not_  like that krogan.

"Shepard's just paranoid," Jacob said. "There's no –"

"She's not." The chorus came from Kaidan, Garrus, and Tali, the former two half-glaring at each other when they agreed.

"It's Shepard.  _Everything's_  a trap," Garrus finished.

"Welcome to the  _Purgatory_ , Shepard." The team fell silent, hands going to weapons as the main guard spoke. "Your package is being prepped, and you can claim it shortly. As this is a high-security vessel, you'll need to relinquish your weapons before we proceed."

Shepard's gun flashed into her hand, leveled squarely at the turian's head. The rest of her squad followed suit. The mercenary flinched. "I'll  _relinquish_  one shot. Where do you want it?"

"Stand down, everyone." Another turian strode forward from the back. "Commander, I'm Warden Kuril, and this is my ship. Your weapons will be returned on the way out. You must realize this is a standard procedure."

"And  _my_  standard procedure is that you don't take my guns," Shepard retorted, accompanying the statement with a death glare that would make most mercs run home in tears. Warden Kuril shrugged it off.

"Let them proceed. Our facility is more than secure enough to handle a few armed guests."

"Ha." Grunt mumbled in the back.

"Fall in," Shepard ordered. Kaidan dutifully found himself falling in at her six, next to Garrus.

It didn't take long for old habits to set in.

#

Shepard stumbled to a stop as the door in front of them opened into a small box. "Look at that." She turned to Jacob and motioned at the door. "What did I tell you?  _Trap_."

:: _My apologies, Shepard_.:: Warden Kuril's voice came from overhead. :: _You're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer. Drop your weapons and proceed into this open cell. You will not be harmed._ ::

Her shotgun appeared in her hand. "Get into cover," she murmured, waving her hand. Kaidan ducked behind one of the tables as the others dove into cover themselves. "Go to hell, Kuril," Shepard yelled back at the intercom, cocking her weapon. "I've got an express ticket for you."

A concussive round from the door almost immediately flared off her shields, and Shepard staggered back with a grunt. Before rational thought consumed him, Kaidan flailed his hand towards her with a  _pull_ , bringing her crashing into him behind cover. "Are you okay?" he whispered, checking her armor. She nodded, propping herself back up against the desks.

"Yeah. Only took my shields down." She jerked her head. "How many?"

Kaidan popped his head over the desk briefly, steadying himself on her shoulder. "Six."

"Great. Grunt, take them out. Get us to Outprocessing."

The krogan's maniacal laugher rang through the room and their comms as he quickly obliged, leading the way into the hallway. Kaidan realized he was still holding Shepard, and quickly helped her to her feet. "You're sure you're –"

"I'm fine," Shepard murmured, quickly pulling her hand out of his. He frowned, taking his own quick step back. "Just winded. Come on."

Alarm klaxons rang as they made it to Outprocessing, cutting down a number of mercs sent to stop them. Shepard pushed her way to the main window, still shaking. She'd thought it was a trap, but she hadn't thought the Warden had planned to sell her into slavery. A shudder ran down her back again. The Collectors would  _love_ for it to be that easy, wouldn't it? "I take it this is the button that'll release our new pet psychopath?" Shepard asked, staring down at the console.

"Yes and no," Miranda answered, looking over her shoulder. "That'll open every door on the cellblock."

"Good. A distraction. Get ready." She pressed the appropriate buttons, setting the machine to work.

The machine whirred as mechs turned towards it, finally pulling up a cryo cell with –

" _That's_  Jack?" Garrus asked.

"She's smaller than I expected," Tali commented.

"I'm with her. She's tiny."

"She's female," Miranda filled in.

"She is, and –"

"And half-naked."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Of course you'd notice  _that_ , Zaeed."

:: _Did I hear half-naked, Commander?_ ::

"Joker, stop eavesdropping."

Jack suddenly moved, pulling her restraints off. A single glance at the mechs resulted in a terrifyingly feral expression, and she charged forward as dark energy blasted around her. The platform shook under them.

"What the hell?" Miranda asked.

Kaidan had a different question. "I wonder if she's even  _amped_."

"Either way, we better follow her before Kuril decides to kill her." Shepard jerked her head at the door. "Let's move."

#

Following Jack was easy – follow the bodies or the explosions, whichever was more obvious. Kill anything she missed.

Tali became invaluable as the YMIRs were brought in to restore order, hacking them and turning them against their owners. Even Kuril was easy to take down once his shield generators were sniped, Shepard personally delivering him the bullets after a particularly impressive  _charge_  and shooting him in the head. Twice.

Kaidan may or may not have heard the words "double tap" mumbled as she stalked back by them, retaking the lead.

They made it back to the corridor leading to the  _Normandy_ , Shepard gunning down a merc heading for the biotic without breaking stride. Unfortunately it alerted Jack to their presence, and she wasn't in a speaking mood.

Flaring, she  _slam_ med Miranda and Jacob back into a wall, answering it with a  _lift_  that sent the others, minus Shepard and Kaidan, flailing to the ground. Both flared, and Jack started to stretch her hand forward, readying a  _shockwave_. His biotics crackled as Shepard puled a  _barrier_  around herself, preparing to take the  _shockwave_  full force. Kaidan pushed forward and, without hesitating, formed a  _barrier_  in front of them. The  _shockwave_  blasted Jack off her feet as it ricocheted off the  _barrier_ , and Kaidan wrapped the  _barrier_  into a sort of wall around the convict. She picked herself off the ground and flared again, trying to rush them – only to slam full-force into the barrier. To Shepard's amusement, the biotic tried to break through the barrier a few times, finally slamming her hand into it repeatedly.

"Thanks, Kaidan," Shepard murmured. He glanced at her.

"Let me out, you fucker!" She yelled, beating her hand against it again. The others started to pick themselves off the floor, dazed.

"How long can you hold that?" Shepard asked. Kaidan shrugged.

"Another hour or so. Then I'll get a migraine."

Shepard nodded. "Hopefully it won't take that long for her to calm down. Tali?"

Tali quickly checked her suit. "I'm fine," she assured Shepard. "No breeches."

"Miranda? Jacob?" Shepard hadn't taken her eyes off the imprisoned convict.

"Yeah. We're fine," Jacob answered, helping Miranda to her feet. The ship shuddered.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jack glared as Shepard stepped forward.

"Shut up," Shepard answered. "Name's Shepard. I'm planning on getting your ass out of here. First rule – don't touch the quarian. If you break her suit, I break your face. Second rule – you follow my orders."

"Or what, bitch?"

"Or I let him paint the walls with you. And maybe help him out. Or just watch." Shepard jerked her head back at Kaidan, who nodded.

"You come here in a Cerberus vessel and expect me to leave with you? You're fucking crazy."

"I'm not Cerberus. I'm a  _Spectre_. And it's either you come with me, or you go down with this ship." Shepard shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me. You haven't quite given me a reason to care yet."

Jack seemed to consider this for a second. "One condition. Your ship has to have a ton of Cerberus files on board. I want full access."

Shepard didn't waste time. "Done."

"What? You don't have authorization to –"

"Commander, let her go." Shepard ignored Miranda's interjection, and Kaidan nodded. The barrier released, and Jack quickly tried to regain her composure. "Come on, before this place blows."


	9. Amazing Division...

"You're probably wondering why I've asked you here."

Kaidan leaned back against the wall, skimming the gathered group. Shepard had collected every biotic on the ship into the briefing room, including herself. That meant Jack was glaring at both Kaidan and Miranda in turn, and Jacob looked rather unimpressed by the situation.

"We're here because you're all biotics," Shepard continued. "And we need to get some things straight on this ship.

"Firstly, no biotic displays on the ship. I understand that sometimes we can't help it – but everything, including flaring, is to be kept to a minimum. You are only to be amped if you're preparing for a mission." Shepard delivered a pointed look to Jack. "It is not acceptable to end a conversation with a biotic punch to the face.

"Secondly, and this is primarily for you as well, Jack, disputes are handled through me. Not through intermediaries, and  _certainly_ not through biotics.

"Thirdly, I am in charge. Period, end of story. You are to follow my orders in the field." She raised her hand. "I understand that skirmishes can get hectic, and using your biotics independent of my commands is completely acceptable. But if I tell you to  _pull_ someone out of cover or to move the cover itself, you damn well better be ready to do it. And no risking your own lives through sheer stupidity. You're biotics, not soldiers. Three of you don't even wear proper armor. You stay in cover as much as possible."  
"Shit. You're a pussy."

Shepard ignored Jack's input. "Lastly, I want to ensure that we won't have any 'pissing' contests between us all."

They paused. "Excuse me?" Miranda finally asked.

"We aren't to compare biotics, to compare strength, to do anything of the sort – especially in the field. Don't peacock your abilities. We go in, we get the job done, and we leave. I know that we – biotics – are usually braggy about our abilities, but we can't afford to be now. Our job is far too important for that shit. We're all impressive biotics, and we all have different strengths. Therefore, we are all incomparable to each other.

"To top it off, we are en route to Ilium. One of the individuals we will be picking up for our mission is an asari justicar. Asari all have impressive biotic abilities, and justicars are some of their best. I do not think I need to iterate that trying to get into a pissing contest with an asari over biotics is stupid. So, we automatically need to accept that the justicar knows far more about biotics than we possibly ever will and let it lie. We will also refrain from comparing our abilities to hers, or infighting amongst ourselves about our own biotics. The way you can prove your impressiveness is fighting the Collectors – not each other.

"If I hear any – and I mean,  _any_  – reports of showing off or unnecessary biotic displays, I will take action. If it was an unavoidable flaring based off emotion or a simple need to discharge built-up energy, that's one thing." She looked pointedly at Jack. "If it's because you could, it's different."

"Fuck this," Jack said, waving her hand. "I don't take orders from you."

"On this ship, you damn well do. And I've got you until we take out the Collectors." Shepard crossed her arms across her chest, glare icy. "And if you do  _not_  cooperate you will be restricted to the ship until you get your bitchy little attitude under control. Am I understood?"

Jack flared, then slowly thought better of it. "Fine."

"Dismissed. I'll be at my post." Shepard left, followed closely by Miranda and Jacob. Jack whirled on Kaidan.

"What the hell, stiff?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, still leaning on the wall. "What?"

"How the hell did you do that? On the fucking ship? You just  _barrier_ ed and  _bam_!" She raised a hand threateningly. "I can  _always_ break through shit like that!"

He shrugged. "Don't know. And anyway, isn't this exactly what Shepard was just talking about?"

Jack glared at him before storming out of the briefing room. Kaidan finally let his expression slip, rubbing his forehead exhaustedly. Back behind his eyes and coming up from the base of his skull, a migraine was slowly brewing. Holding that  _barrier_ on  _Purgatory_  had taken a lot more energy than he wanted to admit, and he knew he'd regret it. Even more so because it had been an instinctual reaction instead of a controlled one – he'd seen Shepard prepare herself to take the  _shockwave_  full-force, probably so she could respond with a secondary attack that would have stunned the convict into submission – and instinctively threw the  _barrier_  up to keep her from getting hit.

He didn't regret it. The  _shockwave_  had damaged it quite a bit – even with Shepard's personal  _barrier_  he was sure it would have done a great deal of damage. But holding it up and withstanding Jack's repeated attacks had taken its toll.

With a groan, he left the briefing room and headed to take the elevator down to med bay.

#

"I wanted to see how your adjustments are going."  
Garrus glanced up as Tali addressed him from the entrance to the batteries. "I'm still having problems maximizing efficiency without drawing too much power from the drive core."

"Have your simulations helped any?"

The turian shook his head. "No. I keep trying to emphasize the draw and then blasting the front of the  _Normandy_  off."

"Let me look."

Tali stepped up to the console as Garrus stepped to the side, checking his math. She worked in silence for a few minutes while he watched over her shoulder. "I'm worried about Kaidan," Tali finally said.

"He's fine. He can take care of himself."

"That's what I mean," she said disdainfully. "You know how close he and Shepard were, and now you can't hardly find them talking."

"So? I'm not sure where it's our problem."

"Because Shepard would bend over backwards to make it her problem if it was any one of us."

Garrus paused. "Good point. But you didn't hear what he said, Tali."

"Tell me something, Garrus." Tali frowned as she continued to punch numbers into the console. "How'd you react when Shepard died?"

"You were there."

"Run through it."

He paused. "Okay, fine. I was devastated, I'm pretty sure Liara sobbed for several days straight, Joker tried to keep everyone from looking at him, Wrex gave her that krogan warrior honor thing, you cried . . . he just kind of sat there. Never moved, never flinched. Never did anything."

"I talked to Father when I went back to the Fleet," Tali said. "I asked him how anyone who'd cared so much about someone could just not react to them dying."

"What'd he say? Tha—"

She shook her head. "Garrus, you just can't see it."

"Am I supposed to?"

"He used to be one of your closest friends, Garrus, and you'll just brush him off like that? He shut down. We all had something left. I had the Fleet, you had C-Sec, Wrex had the krogan, and Liara had . . . well, whatever Liara disappeared to do. Kaidan only had the Alliance. Father said that it's possible for someone who's a soldier to just  _become_  the soldier, to not have the not-soldier part around anymore."

"So you think he just stopped working or something?"

"Why not? It makes sense. I mean, I don't know much about humans, but if it happens with quarians I can't imagine it not happening with a similarly emotional species." She stepped back. "I think I might have maximized draw. Run some more simulations, and I'll see if I can balance the drive core with the figures here."

"Thanks, Tali." Garrus moved back in to the console. "Oh. Drawing the power for the weapons from noncritical systems. I hadn't considered that before." He paused. "Although I don't think Gardner will like that his station is noncritical."


	10. ... How Sweet the Sound

"You're Jack, right"

The biotic glanced up from the stack of datapads she was working through. "Who wants to fucking know?"

The black-hooded woman in front of her grinned. "My name's Kasumi. I live up in port observation."

"So?"

"I'm gonna give you an offer. I think you might enjoy it."

"Sorry, bitch, I don't swing that way."

Kasumi rolled her eyes, even though she knew Jack wouldn't see it. "Neither do I. Just wanted to know – how'd you like to mess with Shepard and Alenko?"

"Nosy and the stiff?" Jack leaned back against the wall. "Whatcha got in mind?"

#

Kaidan, migraine finally dulling to a rough pain behind his ears, ventured out of the med bay with the intention of heading to his sleeper pod for the remaining six hours it would take them to reach Ilium.

The mess was half-full with the first shift crewmen who were about to go off-duty grabbing their last meal. As the med bay door closed and he fully entered the mess, the room went awkwardly quiet.

He was not unaware of the looks he was receiving as he headed back towards the sleeper pods.

That was a new development. Previously, the crew had been merely apathetic to his presence – he had randomly appeared on the ship and they were unsure what to do with him. Somehow – though whether this was a comfort or not remained to be seen – they had decided that he was not to be liked or trusted and thereby was to be ignored until he went away.

It wouldn't be the first time, and he figured it wouldn't be the last either. Kaidan ignored them, heading back for the sleeper pods. He reached his assigned pod and pressed for it to open. It didn't.

With a frustrated groan, Kaidan pressed the mechanism again. Nothing.

He knew his omni-tool would just help the migraine regroup with a vengeance, but he opened it up anyway. The fluorescent orange glow stung his eyes, but a few quick clicks determined the problem. Someone had tried a rough hack-job on the pod's mechanism, rendering it unable to open until the appropriate override was entered. Finding said override wasn't difficult – whoever had done this was using a low-end civilian omni-tool, whereas Kaidan's was military-grade and a personal investment of time and effort to ensure it was up to battlefield standards. They had also been clumsy about it, leaving obvious tells behind.

With a sigh, he closed his omni as the pod slid open. Obviously someone had done this on purpose, and it was probably connected to the whole let's-ignore-him-and-he'll-go-away sort of childishness they'd apparently degraded to.

So the question became: did he tell Shepard? Shepard would put the quashing on this immediately – if she was the same as she had been, she didn't tolerate maliciousness on her crew. She'd never hesitated to put anyone in their place on the  _SR1_ , though she would only involve herself if it was something other than the tedium-breaking plots that were allowed, if not endorsed, by the commanding officer to alleviate boredom. Hell, half the time she'd gotten involved. There was once where they managed to find a stuffed bunny on the Citadel and gave it a nametag that read "Wrex." That thing had moved all over the entire ship, half the time from Shepard moving it. It'd ended up on the dash of the mako on Ilos –

He shook his head. No. Shepard didn't need to know about this. He wasn't welcome, and he wasn't even sure  _she_  wanted him around. With a heavy sigh, he collapsed into the pod and rehacked the mechanism so it couldn't be jammed again.

#

:: _Have you had any progress, Miranda?_ ::

Miranda shook her head. "No. I believe you were correct that he was ordered to get aboard the  _Normandy_."

:: _Do you believe Shepard is aware of this?_ ::

"She is not stupid. I would be surprised if she was unaware."

:: _What if she were in denial of it?_ ::

"I don't know. There was nothing in Shepard's files about her private interactions with Alenko. You know as well as I do that we know very little beyond her psychological evaluations and the few conversations we had with some individuals about her, and we could reach nor consider it safe enough to approach Captain Shepard or Alenko about their personal interactions with her. So many of the people we spoke to knew her only on a professional level."

:: _You forget that I know all of this, Miranda._ :: There was a pause. :: _I have taken the liberty of contacting several of the crew, releasing appropriate information to them. They are to assist your efforts to remove Alenko. You have their names on the console_.::

"What do you think will work?"

:: _They are to make the_ Normandy  _as uncomfortable as possible for him. We do not want him to believe the crew accepts him._ :: Another pause. :: _I also believe that some individuals are attempting to 'encourage' Shepard and Alenko to resume their previous 'not'-relationship._ ::

Miranda paused, glancing towards her terminal. "What?"

:: _EDI has informed me that conversations between Tali'Zorah and Ms. Goto have already occurred, as well as conversations between Ms. Goto and Yeoman Chambers regarding Shepard and Alenko._ ::

"Yeoman Chambers was hand-selected by you. Do you believe she would –"

:: _I believe Yeoman Chambers will do whatever is necessary to ensure that the mission is successful, and if Ms. Goto has convinced her that Shepard desperately requires this to continue functioning at a necessary level, she will cooperate. I do not encourage you to break this up. If anything, it may continue to make the atmosphere too hostile for Alenko to remain aboard the_ Normandy _. If the tension is too high, something will need to give. Ensure it is not you, Miranda. You know you are my ears aboard that ship._ ::

"I can do this," Miranda said confidently. "I am confident that Alenko will leave the ship. I just do not know how long that will take, but I'm sure he'll leave before we take the Omega-4."

:: _We can hope, Miranda. Meanwhile, how is Shepard's recovery?_ ::

"Chakwas still reports cosmetic scarring, mostly to her torso. Shepard is reporting less physical pain from the continued muscular regrowth." Miranda shook her head. "I've seen no evidence that she is suffering from mental or personality discrepancies or deficiencies, and her leadership skills seem just as powerful as before her death. She also appears to be suffering little emotional issues from her ordeal, or at least does not admit to them."

:: _Excellent. It appears that the Lazarus project was, indeed, a success._ ::

"So it would appear."

:: _You are en route to Ilium, correct?_ ::

"We're heading to pick up the assassin and the justicar, then Ms. Goto's heist."

:: _Indeed_.:: There was a pause. :: _I will be interested to see how this turns out. In the meantime, Miranda, continue doing what you are doing._ ::

"I will check in with you later."

:: _Carry on._ ::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8&9 titles from Anberlin, "Blame Me! Blame Me!"


	11. Why We Can't Have Nice Things

"No. I don't know why she wants both of us to go with her."

Kaidan crossed his arms, leaning back against the briefing room table. "I'm not comfortable with being involved in a heist."

"This is going in your report, isn't it?"

He paused, raising an eyebrow. "Shouldn't it? First Cerberus, now breaking into someone's vault?"

"Damn it, Kaidan." Shepard pressed her hand into her forehead, glaring at him. "I don't know where you get your delusions from, but I  _haven't_  decided that Cerberus is suddenly perfect. If you talked to  _anyone_  on this ship, they'd tell you the same thing – I _hate_  Cerberus."

"Then why don't you leave?"

"Because the Alliance isn't doing shit to stop these attacks, and  _someone_  has to!" She ran a hand through her still too-short hair, the light catching on small streams of copper running through the red. "You saw it yourself."

"The Alliance doesn't  _have_  the ability to help in the Terminus!"

"And I  _do_. What do you want me to tell you? That I'm a terrorist? Then yeah, sure, I'm a terrorist. But damn it, I am  _not_  fake!"

Kaidan's brow creased as he stared down at the floor. "I never said that, Shepard," he murmured.

"You didn't  _have_  to. I'm fine if you think I shouldn't exist, because I shouldn't. I'm fine if you think I just disappeared for two years, even though I don't remember a bit of it. Because I can  _take_  that. I can't . . . if you think I'm a fake it's . . ."

"It's  _what_?"

"Well, it's just . . .  _damn_  insulting!"

"Okay. You want me to believe you? Fine. Tell me something."

Shepard arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"Something they wouldn't be able to tell me about the real Shepard. Something they wouldn't be able to find out." Shepard stared at him in disbelief. Kaidan pushed himself off the table. "I'll be waiting."

#

"Look at that." Kasumi motioned at the screen. "They totally love each other."

"You've got some strange concepts of 'love,'" Joker retorted. "They  _hate_  each other right now."

Kasumi scoffed. "That's because you don't understand women."

"Please. I understand women better than  _he_  does." Joker motioned at the screen.

"I'm not arguing with you there. But look at them. Once he realizes that she's really Shepard . . ."

"He'll think she faked her own death and ran off to join Cerberus."

"Oh, I don't know."

"You don't know Alenko."

"You're such a spoilsport, Joker." Kasumi's mouth formed into a pout.

"I like the term 'cynic.'"

"You can't tell me you don't want to see those two together. Think about it!"

Joker made a face. "Kasumi, you didn't see them on the first  _Normandy_. It was almost painful at times."

"Help me out, Joker."

The pilot weighed through his options for a minute.

"I do not believe that forcing Commander Alenko and Shepard into a relationship is–"

"If it's against it, I'm all for it." Joker cut the AI off mid-sentence. "Besides, I'm gonna get sick of Shepard moping and Alenko having that stick up his ass soon. They're more fun when they have to try keeping their hands off each other."

The thief nodded with a small grin. "Watch the master at work."

Quietly, she disappeared. Joker turned back to his console. "Shepard's gonna  _kill_  me."

#

"Looking good, Kaidan."

Kaidan hadn't expected anyone to be down in the hanger, but Tali, Jack, Chambers, Garrus, and Jacob had all apparently headed down to the shuttle to see them off. Kasumi leaned against it casually, a small grin playing across her face. Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Uh, thanks, Tali. Any sign of Shepard yet?"

"Not yet, Commander." Jacob nodded his head at Kasumi. "She said she'd managed to get her into a dress, though, and that's something we all have to see."

Kaidan tried to resist the stab of jealousy that stabbed through his gut. Shepard wasn't his anymore. He wasn't allowed to be jealous of someone else's interest. Besides, he seriously doubted Shepard had  _ever_  worn a dress for  _any_  reason, if you excepted the skirted dress uniform. He quickly looked down at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck. That was not something he should be thinking about.

"Kasumi, I swear to  _God_ , if you  _ever_  make me do this again . . ." Shepard's voice came from the elevator, accompanied by the click of heels. They turned en masse, and Kaidan thought the hanger had suddenly gotten incredibly warm.

Cut low across her chest and high on her legs, the dress hugged Shepard's form in an impressively tight fit and –  _god_  the legs . . .

Kaidan quickly dropped his eyes to the ground, hand digging into his forehead. There was  _no way_  this was going to go well. No way whatsoever. Not while Shepard or fake Shepard or whoever was anywhere near him wearing  _that_.

_Think of something bad. Think of something bad._

"Don't dare laugh," Shepard grumbled as she grew closer to her crew, trying not to stare at Kaidan. Both Jacob and Garrus unsuccessfully tried to mask themselves with a few loud coughs, earning a half-hearted glare from the unhappy Commander. She hadn't expected to see nearly  _everyone_  in the cargo hold, or for Kasumi to have let it drop that Shepard was going to be wearing a dress. Or for . . . She swallowed, turning her eyes back away from Kaidan. It wasn't a dress uniform, but  _damn_  he looked good.

"You look nice," Tali repeated, glaring at Jacob and Garrus from behind her mask. Jack hadn't bothered to hide her own laughter, and Tali didn't want to get slammed into a wall.

"You okay, stiff?" Jack finally asked. He jerked his head up.

"I-I'm fine. We have a, uh, mission. We should probably get that done."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah. The faster we've finished this, the better."

Kasumi followed them into the shuttle, the door slamming closed behind them as the others retreated to the Engineering deck above them. Garrus and Jacob, curiosity sated, headed back into the elevator. The others stayed behind, watching as the shuttle pulled out. Kasumi had pulled them into an uneasy alliance known as "Operation Shenko" formed on the principles of mixed motives – Chambers in an effort to decrease some of the tension on the ship, and Jack because hey, "why the hell not?" Tali, of course, was one of the co-conspirators.

Jack glanced back into the shuttle bay, still chuckling. "They really oughta just fuck and get it over with."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that," Tali murmured, disappearing back into engineering.

#

Kasumi drove the cab as Shepard fidgeted in the passenger seat.

She hated formalwear, and this dress was something she'd only wear for a friend. In that regard Kasumi was lucky. The thief had managed to worm her way into Shepard's good graces after Shepard's insomnia and recurrent nightmares forced her down into Kasumi's observation deck. If the nightmare had been particularly bad she came down for the well-stocked bar; if not it was because Kasumi was usually awake, watching space roll by outside her window. Kasumi had probably managed to get more out of Shepard than anyone else on the ship, about the same way any two lonely people connect when the only comfort they can partake in is their own.

And now that Kaidan was back and struggling to resist staring at her from the backseat, Shepard was regretting volunteering.

Kasumi glanced over, almost as if reading Shepard's mind. "You clean up well, Ms. Allison Gunn. Hock won't know what hit him."

"I assume that's my cover."

"You and your partner, Solomon Gunn, run a small but talented band of mercs in the Terminus Systems. Precisely the type of person Hock respects."

"Shit," Shepard murmured. A groan from the backseat indicated that she and Kaidan were thinking the same thing again. "You want us to pretend we're married, don't you?"

"Reading my mind, Shep."

"So Hock's gonna just believe this whole thing?"

"No. I took the liberty of giving you a reputation. Papers, witnesses, articles in Badass Weekly. Just don't talk business with him, and you'll be fine."

"Don't worry. I hate business. What type of guy are we dealing with?"

Kasumi seemed to bristle slightly. "Hock's a weapons dealer and smuggler. He killed my partner and stole his graybox. Other than that, he's not so bad. Rich, charismatic, willing to crack open a man's skull to get at the implants inside."

"And was this getup necessary?" Shepard asked again. Kasumi smirked.

"You'd look out of place at a formal party in armor. Besides, you look great. You should wear stuff like this more often."

Kaidan fervently hoped Shepard didn't. He wasn't sure he could stand it if she did.

"All right." Shepard stared back out the windshield. "So what are the details?"

Kasumi turned the cab over to autopilot and pulled up its screens. "Our friend Hock is throwing a party for his closest friends – a couple dozen of the worst liars, cheaters, and mass murderers you'll ever want to meet, all bringing gifts as a tribute to the man himself.  _Our_  tribute is a lovely statue of your old friend Saren, rendered with loving detail and filled with our weapons and armor."

"Thank God," Shepard murmured.

"You both can keep your pistols, as long as they're concealed. They won't hassle you over a sidearm. Once inside, we'll make it over to Hock's vault door, somewhere in the back of the ballroom. We case the security, peel away the layers. The statue should be there, waiting for you two to crack it open and arm up. Then, we just waltz into the vault and take back Keiji's graybox. And I'll finally get a chance to say goodbye."

"You've worked hard on this. Keiji must have meant a lot to you."

Kasumi paused. "Was it that obvious?" She sighed, pulling the screens down. "Keiji's graybox holds a lot of priceless, personal memories. It's all that remains of who he was. But what he discovered  _is_  dangerous. I wouldn't bring you here if it wasn't."

"What exactly's in the graybox?" Kaidan asked from the backseat.

"It has Keiji's memories. Everything from all the codes and plans he stole to . . . all the time we spent together. Wrapped up in those memories is the secret he stole. He never told me what it was, but the information got him killed."

"Well, it should be interesting."

Kasumi may have smiled. "That's what I'm going for."

The cab landed, and they got out. Kaidan grit his teeth, then offered Shepard his arm. "May as well play along," he murmured.

"After you." Kasumi motioned with her hand, and they stepped forward.

"Just one moment." The guard near the statue of Saren stopped them. A brief shudder ran down both their spines – Saren. "There appears to be an issue with the statue."

"Is there a problem here?" Shepard glanced up as a darker-haired man strode down the stairs, his gray suit almost immaculately pressed.

"No, Mr. Hock. Just doing a scan."

"I don't believe we've met." He nodded. "Donovan Hock."

Shepard gently extended her hand. "Gunn. Allison Gunn." After a brief pause, she pulled her hand back. "This is my partner, Solomon Gunn. We've heard a lot about you."

"And I you. You've been very busy lately, if the extranet is to be believed."

"Sir." The guard interrupted again. "The scanners aren't picking  _anything_  up."

Hock stepped over to investigate. Kaidan leaned down to Shepard's ear. "I don't think he's buying it."

Shepard closed her eyes as his breath danced across her neck, sending a spark tracing down her back. She slowly released a breath. "I know."

Hock returned to them, prompting Kaidan to straighten back up. "You may pass through, Mr. and Mrs. Gunn, with my apologies. But I will ask your companion to remain outside. You understand, I hope."

Shepard blinked briefly. "Of course. It's your house."

He nodded. "Enjoy the party."

As Hock returned inside, Shepard and Kaidan turned back to Kasumi. "I really don't like that guy," Shepard muttered.

"Neither do I. So what do we do now?"

"Did he recognize you?"

Kasumi shook her head. "No. We've never seen each other in person. And no one knows what I look like. I'm sure he's just watching his ass. I can't blame him."

"So what's the plan?"

"The same. You'll just have to do all the talking."

"Wonderful," Kaidan answered dryly.

"I'll stay out of sight and stick with you the best I can. We'll keep radio contact in case something goes wrong."

Kasumi flickered out of existence, and Shepard and Kaidan glanced back at each other.

"We can do this," Shepard said.

"I wish I had your blatant confidence."

#

The console chirped, indicating that the shuttle had successfully docked with the ship. Joker pulled the  _Normandy_  away from the planet.

Minutes later, footsteps indicated that Shepard was approaching him. "How was the ship while I was gone?"

"Quiet, Commander," he answered, dutifully staring at the console ahead of him. "But the Illusive Man  _really_  wants to talk to you."

Shepard groaned, throwing her hands up. "Why the hell am I not surprised?"

"You gonna go talk to him in that?"

"I don't know what you mean, Joker." With that, Shepard started back down towards the CIC and the briefing room. Joker risked a glance back over his shoulder.

She was in her armor.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he leaned back in his seat. That meant there was less chance of him getting killed for peeking as she walked away. Even so, he brought up the security feed from the hangar several hours earlier.

Alenko had been right. Shepard had amazing legs.


	12. Battling for Control

Kaidan rested his head in his palms, closing his eyes. Someday, he was going to work up enough courage to commit insubordination and yell at Hackett for sending him into this situation.

The first time he'd seen Shepard, it had been the day before the  _Normandy_  was scheduled for shakedown. As the highest-ranking officer on board he'd been in the cockpit with Joker, admitting crewmen onto the ship. Shepard had been coming from a meeting with Hackett, dressed in the now-uncommon skirted dress uniform, giving him an unprecedented view of her legs.

And then Kasumi had produced that damn dress for her to wear to Hock's party, and Kaidan was reminded just how amazing those legs were.

He exhaled in a steady stream of breath, eyeing the coffee ahead of him.

"Commander."

Kaidan glanced up as Chakwas slid into the seat across from him. "Hello, Doctor Chakwas."

There was a brief silence as they both nursed their coffees. "How has everything been, Kaidan? I hadn't heard from you in a few months, and our initial discussion when you came aboard was brief."

"I . . ." Kaidan skimmed his hand through his hair. "Doctor Chakwas, I need you to be honest with me."

"I always am."

"Why are you working for Cerberus?"

"I'm not," she protested. "I told you before. I'm working for  _Shepard_."

"Then you believe it's her?"

Chakwas eyed him for a second, as if she was trying to determine what she should say. "They showed me the Lazarus files to convince me, Kaidan. I didn't want to believe it either – we both watched the ship break with her on board. No one should have survived that. But the files . . . the reconstruction is  _very_  complete."

"How does she feel about it?"

"I don't know. You know Shepard – she doesn't talk to people. I don't believe she's comfortable with it – I have heard her refer to herself as a zombie."

Kaidan stared down at his coffee again. "What convinced you?"

"Genetic testing. Mental evaluation. Her genes are identical to those of Marrakech Shepard, and she mostly acts the same." She chuckled. "I heard her yelling about omni-gel over one of the groundside comms once."

"Omni-gel? But we haven't used that for . . ." Kaidan pressed his hand to his forehead. "A year and a half."

"Apparently learning about security upgrades  _really_  set her off. And it isn't surprising." She glanced back up. "Did you speak to Liara about it while you were on Ilium?"

He shook his head. "She didn't seem comfortable with me. Or Shepard, for that matter. Why?"

"It isn't my place to tell you, then." Chakwas stood. "Kaidan, sort this out. You'll kill both of you at this rate."

More muffled steps announced someone else's presence, and Tali slipped into Chakwas' abandoned seat. "Kaidan, I have a question." She seemed more nervous than usual, especially since the last time he'd talked to her. Since she was the only person who didn't seem to still hate him about the Horizon incident, he'd been spending a bit of time in engineering with her.

"Yeah?" he mumbled, pressing his palms into his forehead.

"What happened to you and Shepard? The last time I saw you –"

"Was two years ago at her memorial service. I know." He glanced up. "Tali, how do you know it's  _her_?"

"Remember when we hacked through those geth in the Armstrong Nebula?" Kaidan nodded. It'd taken a few days, and they'd hit them just before getting the distress call from Virmire. "She remembered it and asked me if it helped me with my pilgrimage. I never talked about that to anyone but Shepard. No one else would have known." Kaidan sighed. "Why is it so hard for you to accept?"

"I don't know, Tali!" He snapped. "Maybe it's because it's  _Cerberus_  who brought her back, or maybe it's because I love Shepard too damn much to let someone else assume her identity and blacken her name by making her work for them!"

Tali swallowed. "It's  _her_ , Kaidan. You need to recognize that. Right now, you're being stubborn."

"Are you sure –"

"For someone who says he loves her, you're doing a really good job showing it," Tali retorted. "Maybe it's just quarians, but we have to actually  _tell_  people our feelings. You should try it."

Kaidan was about to retort when Miranda slid into the seat next to Tali. "Miss Tali'Zorah, I appreciate the talk you're having with Commander Alenko, but I must speak with him in private."

"Anything you want to say to him can happen in front of me," Tali said coldly.

"Fine." Miranda turned her gaze to Kaidan, folding her hands on the table. "The fact of the matter is, Commander, that your presence here is causing more harm than good. We'll be reaching the Citadel next. I suggest you take your leave there."

He saw what she was trying to do. The Illusive Man ( _Cerberus_ ) was worried that he would either uncover their fake – although the idea that this  _wasn't_  Shepard was becoming less and less appealing – or that he'd influence her to leave them and do things her own way without Cerberus restraint. Miranda was the Illusive Man's operative on the ship. She would be the one to try and remove him.

That also explained why the crew had suddenly gotten so hostile.

Kaidan and Miranda stared at each other. "No."

"There is no reason for you to be here. Unless the Alliance expressly gave you orders to board a Cerberus vessel, you  _are_ committing treason or deserting right now. Both carry equally harsh penalties." Miranda delicately folded her hands on the table. "I am offering you an out, Commander. If you leave, we can . . .  _forget_  . . . you were ever on board."

"I said  _no_. If  _Shepard_  asked me to leave, I would. However, I can't help but think you have ulterior motives. Did your  _boss_  ask you to get rid of me?"

"That is none of your concern."

"If it's placing Shepard in danger, then  _yes_ , it is my concern."

"I believe you've made your opinions on Shepard's safety quite clear."

"I don't believe I've made them clear enough."

"Can't we just –" Tali started to interrupt as blue energy began to dance lightly down Miranda's arms. The mess had gone even quieter than it usually was when Kaidan was present, the crewmen present trying to pretend that they weren't eavesdropping.

"Commander, I don't believe you're considering –"

"I don't believe I'm  _comfortable_  leaving Shepard under your authority."

"She isn't  _under_  my authority."

"Isn't she?"

"No.  _I_  wanted to put a control chip in, but the Illusive Man refused. She is acting of her own free will."

"I'm with Kaidan on this one," Tali interjected. "Shepard's spoken with me enough for me to know that you  _are_ controlling her, even if it's just by keeping her off balance."

Miranda glared at the quarian. "This is why I asked you to leave."

"And  _this_  is why I refused. I don't trust you or your motivations either."

"Then perhaps the Illusive Man acquiescing to your presence was a mistake as well."

Kaidan started to bristle slightly. "Leave Tali out of this. This is between us."

"Indeed it is, Commander."

"I don't follow your orders, Lawson. And I don't plan on starting anytime soon."

"Which is why you are a liability."

"And what is your plan if I refuse?"

She shrugged. "I can't do anything to you. Shepard would quite probably kill me. But I have ways of ensuring you leave this ship – her orders or not."

"Then you'd try to remove me yourself?"

"I have ways, Commander."

"And what ways would those be?"

Miranda had opened her mouth to answer when a hand clapped down on her shoulder. They turned – Shepard stood, glowering, at the entire table.

"Miranda." A slight green flicker along her hand belied the lightness in her voice. "The Illusive Man needs to talk to you in your office."

Miranda stood, glared at the trio, and headed into her office. The mess fell back into its regular rhythm of speech and bustle as she disappeared, and Shepard sank down into her vacated chair.

"I'm sorry about that," Shepard said quietly. "But you're right. Cerberus  _is_  manipulating me. By bringing you on board I gained a small advantage over the Illusive Man. I regret having to place you in such an uncomfortable position but any advantage I can gain is beneficial."

"What did he want to talk to you about?" Tali asked.

Shepard paused, her eyes flickering to Kaidan briefly. "We've got the ship that attacked Horizon."

#

"How'd it go?" Joker asked as steps sounded behind him.

"How'd what go, cripple?"

The pilot's eyes shot open as he spun his chair around, confronted by a tattooed and fairly bare female chest. And connected to said chest –

Joker would be one of the first to admit that Shepard was, at least, hot. She wasn't drop-dead make-every-man-who-sees-her-collapse-drooling, per say, but was attractive, had the amazing body that her training had given her,  _and_  possessed an air that threatened to castrate anyone who tried to flirt with her. Including asari, which he wasn't sure was possible. Either way, that combination usually had the same effect on men and asari alike.

But this – and not just because of the state of undress said female was in – yeah. Throw some hair on there, and he wouldn't need his extranet bookmarks anymore. Or hell, leave off the hair. He wasn't picky, and she already looked damn good.

Okay, maybe only some of the extranet sites. A few of them were just too good to –

"Oy. I was talking to you."

Joker snapped upright. "Sorry. Wasn't expecting a violent biotic psychopath to visit the cripple. What's up?"

Not one of his best, but it'd work. She seemed amused, at least. "Kasumi said if we were workin' on this 'Get Shepard Laid' plan, I oughta see who the fuck you were. Name's Jack."

"I know who you are. You're on my baby, after all." Joker moved his arms. "Name's Joker."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I like to spread my charm around. Can't you tell?"

Jack looked like she was about to retort when a light on the console caught her eye. "What's that do?"

"What's what –" Joker glanced over at the panel. "That's the port stabilizer. It's green, so it's good."

"What about that one?" Jack perched herself on one of the navigator chairs, pointing to a second light.

Joker paused, then shrugged. Hey, why not.

#

"How'd the heist go?"

Kasumi switched off the graybox and looked up at Chambers as the observation deck door closed. "Well enough. We got Keiji's graybox, which is what we went for. Shepard got a shiny new gun, which made her happy."

"And with her and Alenko?"

Kasumi grinned. "Poor man could hardly keep his eyes off her while she was in that getup. And she kept looking at him like she was ready to drag him off behind a statue for a few hours."

"Think it's working?" Chambers sat down on the couch near her.

Kasumi shrugged. "They're giving us enough to work with. She's already crazy about him, and he's just conflicted about whether or not she's the same woman  _he's_  madly in love with. So it's easier than usual."

"You've done this before?"

"Nope. But I read a lot. Why? You've got a different observation?"

Chambers shook her head. "No. I've been almost expressly forbidden from talking to the Commander, and Shepard doesn't really trust me, so she doesn't really talk to me."

"Well. I think it's all going well. I don't know when it's going to resolve, but I'm sure it's a 'when,' not an 'if.'" Kasumi glanced at the window, then back. "Any news on our other star couple?"


	13. Babies

Shepard stepped into the  _Normandy_ 's hold, happy to find the ground team already waiting for her. Half of them looked confused; equally, the other half looked annoyed that they'd been disturbed. Samara and Thane, as usual, didn't look much of anything.

"I have news," she said. "Some of you are aware that the Illusive Prick contacted me recently and we promptly changed course. This is because he picked up a turian distress call reporting a skirmish with an enormous, unidentified ship. They disabled it before they were destroyed. He believes this is a Collector ship." A small murmur ran through those who knew what that meant – Samara and Thane were quickly filled in. "Our job is to investigate and, if it is indeed a Collector vessel, infiltrate the ship and its databanks. We're to gather information – that is all.

"Now, of course, this brings up the fact that we are getting close to the point of no return in our mission. It's come to my attention – and, by that, I mean that I've noticed – some issues with proficiencies amongst this team. Because of this, I have taken the liberty of breaking the team into specific sections based on proficiencies, and will give you assignments to work on." Shepard looked down at the datapad in her hand. "Biotics – including you, Thane – will group together. I require all of you to be proficient in at least two different weapons – your choice – and advanced hand-to-hand. Thane, if you would take control of hand-to-hand instruction –" The drell nodded. "And Jacob and K—Alenko, if you would take weapons proficiency. Techies – that'd be Tali and Mordin and, for lack of better options, Garrus and Kasumi – you're in another group. Your focus is weapon proficiency – Garrus, you'll oversee that. That leaves Zaeed and Grunt." She paused, a small smile ghosting across her face. "Initially, I thought about making the two of you participate in team-building exercises –"

"Hell no," Zaeed immediately protested. "I don't get paid enough for that shit."

She held up her hand. "But then I remembered who I was dealing with, and that they're a waste of time anyway. So you two are, instead, going to work on staying in cover and not running across open areas with guns blaring. Because the best way to avoid getting shot is to not present a target. Am I understood?"

Grunt scoffed. "So what? We're supposed to hide behind crates for the next two hours?"

"Yes. Or I let the biotics use you as target practice." She paused. "That's actually a good idea, except that Chakwas would kill me. Break into your groups. Today, biotics, focus on hand-to-hand. And you two." She pointed at Zaeed and Grunt. "Cover. Or else."

#

Heavy footsteps pounded the corridor behind him. Joker was busy plotting the next relay jump, even though they were an hour out, so he ignored them.

Seconds later, a flash of movement occurred in his peripheral vision, and he glanced over. Jack was pulling herself up on the platform next to his console, propping her feet up on one of his mirrors as she munched on one of the biotics' energy bars from the mess. "Whoa! What the hell are you doing?"

She shrugged. "Gettin' comfortable."

"But – that's my console! What if I've got to press a button over there or something?"

Jack glanced around her. "I don't see any buttons over here."

"There could be. And anyway, there's safety protocols. I –"

"Okay, so if you hit the brakes I roll off. Whatev." She shrugged. "Don't care."

He frowned. "You know what, fine. Whatever. Stay up there. Just don't break my mirror."

EDI flickered. "Cerberus safety protocols indicate that –"

"If it's against it, I'm all for it," Joker said.

She grinned. "Same."

They were quiet for a while as Joker started to flip through security feeds again. "So what the hell was Shepard doing in the cargo hold earlier?"

Jack shrugged. "Making us do some bullshit hand-to-hand proficiency shit. I think I can fucking punch someone, ya know?"

"So she was making you learn hand-to-hand?"

"Had that drell prick teachin' us. Assassin or whoever. I already got fifteen ways to kill someone. Don't need more."

"Doesn't bother you that Shepard knows at least two hundred different ways to kill something?"

"Nah. Only need 'bout fifteen. Less, if you're doin' your job right."

Shepard was currently in the engine room with Tali, talking with the quarian and her engineers. They were laughing about something, though he hadn't turned the sound on. Kaidan was talking to that asari justicar Samara in starboard observations, probably about biotics or some other such nonsense. Kasumi and Chambers were talking at Chambers' terminal in the CIC, and he figured he probably didn't want to know what they were discussing.

It was safer that way.

"So when're we gonna fuck these Collectors up?" Jack asked, swallowing a mouthful of the bar.

"ETA's six more hours," he answered. "Ship's five and a half out from the relay, and we're a half-hour out from the connecting relay."

"Great. I need to kill something."

Joker glanced over at her. "Glad it isn't me."

She chuckled. "Hell. Who the fuck else on this ship is gonna mess with me?"

"Probably no one. I heard the latest rumor is that you eat babies."

"Babies?" She outright laughed. "They're disgusting. All wrinkly and shit."

"So you've actually gotten close enough to a baby to see that?"

"Hell, you kiddin'? Saw one on the extranet once. Goddamned babies."

"You saw it on the extranet? Geez, you don't get the full picture unless you've actually seen one in person, and it pisses on you."

"That's sick, crip. Why the fuck would you let it piss on you?"

"What was I supposed to do? Risk the wrath of its mom by throwing it? Moms are scary."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't know."

He echoed her expression, turning back to his console. "Yeah, okay, that got awkward."

"Whatever." Jack shrugged. "Don't give a fuck."

"Well, that's good, 'cause I'd rather not get snapped in half today." He paused. "So whatcha think of the newbies?"

"What 'bout 'em?"

"Well, unless they haul their scary asses up here I ain't gonna see 'em."

Jack chewed thoughtfully. "The drell's kinda a stiff. Keeps mumbling on about Ashikki or summat. And the asari's kinda terrifying."

"Never thought I'd see the day," Joker retorted dryly. "Jack's scared of something."

"Don't start with me, crip."

"Hey as I see it, you can't kill me or that asari'll beat the shit out of you."

Jack paused. "You're an asshole."

"Coming from you, that's a complement. I'll take it." Joker straightened up. "Plotting relay jump." Jack sat up, staring out the viewport. Joker's hands flew across the console. "Entering Ilium relay in five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one."

She watched as the relay latched onto the ship, grabbing it and slinging it towards its destination. "Drift just under ten-hundred k." Joker settled back with a self-satisfied grin. "Give me another twenty years and I'll have us at one-k."

"Bullshit."

"Hey!" he protested. "You don't know that!"

"You'd better be magic then."

"Maybe I am magic."

Jack settled herself back on the console. "Hah! Right. Magic's a load of shit."

"Says the biotic."

"Biotics are different."

"Enlighten me, oh great one. Considering that my CO before Shepard kept referring to them as 'magic,' I'd like to know the difference."


	14. The Admiral Ackbar Gambit

"We have a visual on the ship, Commander," Joker reported as he dropped the  _Normandy_  out of FTL. The ship loomed ahead of them, its hulking mass outsizing their ship several times. Kaidan swallowed. It  _definitely_  looked like the ship that had attacked the  _SR1_  . . . and killed Shepard. Even more so from this angle.

Miranda wedged herself through the group, including Thane and Samara, and into the cockpit behind Shepard. Kaidan stared after her.

"What? You hate the cheerleader bitch too?" He glanced back. Jack was leaning against someone's chair with her arms crossed across her chest, the poor operator glancing back up at her repeatedly.

"I wouldn't say I  _ha_ —"

"Eh. Face says different, stiff."

"Very low emissions," EDI said from Joker's elbow. "Passive infrared temperatures suggest most systems are offline. Thrusters are cold."

"That thing is  _massive_. How the hell did  _turians_  take it out?" Shepard was silent. Joker started to move the ship forward. "Hey, Commander, this is easy. There's no  _way_  this is a trap!" He glanced back again, unnerved by the blank expression on Shepard's face. "I'm not serious, Commander. This is  _totally_  a trap."

"Joker, your grasp of the obvious is inspiring." Kaidan's stomach twisted when he remembered Shepard delivering the same deadpan line to himself and Garrus on some world they'd investigated for Hackett. A mission involving a nuke and a guy who didn't particularly like her. He swallowed heavily, glancing back at the airlock. "Take us in anyway."

"Ladar scans do not detect any hull breeches on the side facing us," EDI continued. "I detect no mass effect field distortions. It appears the drive core is offline."

"Rendezvous in thirty seconds, Commander. I don't like this."

"Neither do I."

"Good luck."

Shepard stepped back. "Down to the shuttle, everyone. And get your damn hardsuits on.  _Quickly_."

#

The ship was  _enormous_. It reminded Shepard of a mine – carefully tunneled out by who-knew-what for a horror-vid, husks-around-every-corner zombie movie. Even though EDI had detected no life, Shepard held her shotgun very close to her as they tromped through the ship.

Husks weren't alive, after all.

She'd wanted everyone – Mordin and Tali to study the ship and collect data; Grunt and Zaeed as heavy guns; Garrus as a field commander, if necessary; Kaidan, Samara and Jack as heavy biotics; Thane and Kasumi as scouts, if necessary; and she figured that neither Miranda nor Jacob wanted to sit this one out, so she let them tag along. She felt more comfortable with more firepower at her back, especially if she ensured that they were willing to follow either her own or Garrus' commands if necessary. She wasn't that concerned.

"Shepard." Tali's voice cut through as they jogged along the passage, trying to get through the ghostly ship as quickly as possible. The quarian pointed to a stack of bodies in the hall ahead of them. "Up there."

They reached them quickly, Mordin starting to scan the stack. "Lots of dead meat," Grunt commented off-handedly. Shepard glared at him through her mask.

"They must have been used for testing," Tali said, nudging a loose arm with her foot.

"This is unfortunate," Samara murmured from behind them.

Shepard glanced down the hallway. "What are they doing with live victims?" she murmured, glancing back at the environmental-suit-clad individuals behind her.

"Show evidence of genetic testing. Little else." Mordin's omni-tool disappeared from around his arm.

"Whatever it was, I'd say they didn't pass."

Shepard sighed. "There  _are_  things worth than death."

"Makes it feel a  _lot_  better." The answer came from Jack, who was staring at the bodies uncomfortably from behind her mask.

"We can't do anything for them now. Mordin, have you collected all your data?"

"All necessary data drawn from subjects. Won't know applicability until back in lab."

"Good." Shepard nodded. "Incinerate the pile. We owe these people that much."

With that, she trotted further into the ship, the others slowly starting after her. Kaidan watched as Mordin tapped a few commands on his omni-tool, encouraging the bodies to ignite. With a half-hearted glance back at the burning pile, Kaidan followed.

What were they doing with the colonists from Horizon?

The entire team was deathly quiet through the base, weapons out and ready at all times. Their steps echoed, from the rough stomping of Grunt to the light footfalls of Kasumi. Everything was magnified, giving the interior of the ship the same air possessed by a tomb – a deserted tomb. "It's too quiet," Shepard finally murmured, finger tensing on the trigger of her shotgun. "I don't like this."

They rounded a corner, Shepard holding up her hand. "Whoa. Blind turn here. Looks like a console." She glanced back. "Maybe we can hack in here, get access to their systems, and high-tail it back to the  _Normandy_. Just in case. Mordin, Tali . . ."

The duo trotted forward while the others guarded the turn, weapons ready for anything headed around it. "Establishing link," Mordin said.

"Shepard." Mordin continued to establish the link, but Tali waved Shepard over. Almost unconsciously, Kaidan followed with a suspicious glance back at Miranda. "This is a Collector."

That caught everyone's attention, even though their eyes remained focused on the door. "So it is," Shepard said, poking it. Yellow goop seeped onto her glove, and she groaned. "That's  _disgusting_."

"Were they experimenting on their own?" Kaidan asked, leaning over her shoulder. Shepard unconsciously wiped her finger off on his shoulder. He made a face, but didn't argue.

"Maybe EDI can figure out what they were doing." Miranda leaned over the Collector corpse, skimming it.

:: _The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity,_ :: the AI almost immediately answered.

"Looking for similarities, perhaps. No. Why would they? It –"

:: _I cannot hypothesize on their motivations. All I have are the preliminary results._ :: The AI paused. :: _They lead to something remarkable._  ::

"Which is?" Shepard asked impatiently.

:: _A quad-strand genetic structure, identical to traces collected from ancient ruins. Only one race is known to have this structure: the Protheans_.::

A variety of oaths in a variety of languages accompanied the proclamation. Shepard stumbled back from the dead Collector, directly into Kaidan's chest. He steadied her, and she jerked away uncomfortably. "My God," she murmured. "They didn't vanish. They're just working for the Reapers."

:: _Technically, these are no longer Protheans. Their genes show extensive genetic rewrite. The Reapers have repurposed them to suit their needs._ ::

"That's a load of shit," Jack said.

"No it isn't." Shepard had gone pale behind her mask, her hand rising as if to rub her forehead. "It's what Saren said. They have a need for organics. This is the need."

"No species should have to suffer through that," Garrus said, staring down at the dead Collector. His expression was unreadable through his mask, but he sounded sad about it.

"We should end their suffering," Samara murmured. "This is unjust."

"This is fucked up," Jack corrected.

"If we get to kill 'em –"

"EDI. Do we have everything you –"

:: _No. There is a central hub that will allow me better access. Marking its location to your hardsuits._ ::

"Come on. The sooner we're off this ship, the better." Jacob voiced everyone's opinion. This ship was creepy, and the sooner they were off it, the happier everyone would be.

"Move ou—ooh. What's that?" They turned back to see Shepard bending down, picking up a shiny, tubelike weapon. It sprung into an enormous rifle, nearly as tall as she was. "I like this."

"It's a sniper rifle," Miranda said.

"I noticed."

"You're a vanguard."

"I don't care. I like it." Shepard snapped it onto her back. "Besides, I use sniper rifles. Sometimes they're more fun. Now come on." She retook the lead, still alert, but nearly bouncing in her boots.

Kaidan was always amazed at how much happier Shepard was when she had a new gun to play with. Even in the middle of a creepy insect ship.

#

Shepard stumbled back to the console, slamming her omni-tool into the panel. "Come on, EDI."

The Collectors had set an ambush in the middle of the ship, effectively trapping them on mobile platforms with little to no cover. As Shepard and Tali fought the argumentative console, Kaidan and Mordin moved through and patched up the wounded. Some high-quality tape fixed rips in environmental suits for some; Tali was in the middle of sealing off a section of her arm while trying to help with the console.

The AI finally appeared above the console again, flickering slightly. "I have regained control of the platform, Shepard."

"Thanks."

"I  _always_  work at optimal capacity."

A few glances were exchanged behind Shepard's back, not entirely sure what the AI meant. "Right . . ." Tali muttered.

The platform lifted up as EDI took control. "Did you get what we needed?" Miranda asked.

:: _I found data that could help us navigate the Omega-4 relay_.  _I have also found the turian distress call that served as the lure for this trap. The Collectors were the source. It is . . . unusual._ ::

"I don't think it's that surprising, since they set it," Garrus commented.

:: _It is unusual because turian emergency channels have secondary encryption. It is present, but corrupted in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would believe the distress call was genuine_.::

"Would ya look at that," Jack said. "Cerberus settin' us up again."

Shepard clenched and unclenched her hands. "Why are you so sure?"

:: _I located the anomaly with Cerberus detection protocols. He_ wrote _them._ ::

:: _He knew it was a trap?_  :: Joker sighed. :: _Told you it was a trap_.::

"That son of a bitch sent us right into Collector hands." Shepard's hands balled into fists and stayed there for a while. "I swear I'm going to use his head as a coaster."

There was a small pause. "I think that's physically impossible, Shepard," Kaidan said.

She glared at him. "I'll figure out a way to do it."

"I'm sure he had a good reason," Miranda defended.

Tali threw her hands in the air. "Seriously, Lawson? He could have gotten us all killed!"

Garrus shook his head. "And here I thought I'd had my betrayal and attempted murder for the year."

"Perhaps we are jumping to conclusions." Thane had been silent throughout the trip, but finally spoke.

"Not with the Illusive Man.  _Nothing_  happens on that ship he doesn't know about."

"Perhaps was necessary. Needed the information. Would have –"

"He could have  _told_  me it was a trap. We would have been better prepared." Shepard finally unclenched her hands, taking a deep breath.

"Don't get paid enough for this shit," Zaeed muttered under his breath.

"All right. Either way, we need to get off this ship before the Collectors get on our asses—"

:: _Uh, Commander?_ ::

Shepard used an incredibly inventive phrase to describe the Illusive Man as Joker finished describing the situation, finishing with a simple, "great."

#

"Hopefully we'll have a straight run to the ship now," Shepard said, dropping down past a ledge. "I don't know how many Collectors they can throw at us, but if they've got scions they've probably got husks." She swung around the corner, shotgun held ready. "I don't know about you but – son of a  _bitch_! Get into cover!"

They did so. Samara risked glancing over the ledge they were on. "Commander, what is . . ."

"Oh, boy," Garrus said, risking the same glance. "This is gonna be fun."

"Garrus." Shepard wrenched the particle beam off her back, one hand prepping it. "Split the team. Anyone good at close quarters, go with Garrus to the floor. Keep shit from getting up here. Everyone else, stick near me. That thing's coming right up here."

Kaidan glanced at the flying bug-thing, then back at Shepard. "Why?"

"It  _really_  likes 'er," Zaeed answered.

Shepard glared at the mercenary. "Go."

They split, most of the biotics staying up top with Shepard while the others sprinted down the ramps with Garrus. Almost immediately, a bright blue beam seared the pillar next to Shepard's head as a low, surreal moan filled the chamber.

:: _Husks!_ :: Garrus' warning echoed over their headsets. :: _Take 'em down before they get in close!_ ::

Shepard poked her head over the side, steadying the particle beam and training it directly on the praetorian. She opened fire, the beam scoring the construct's side. It screeched, a blue beam slamming into her shields as it started towards the platform. She flared, sucking a  _barrier_  around her.

Underneath them, Grunt swung his shotgun into a husk with a sickening crack.

"Move! Around the corner!" Shepard motioned with her arm, sending Samara and Jacob running immediately. Samara pushed a few husks out of their way. "Kaidan, go! I'll cover you!" She swung the particle beam as the praetorian started to appear over the rise, a bright yellow beam erupting from the weapon.

Kaidan started to argue but moved out of cover, heading back after Jacob and Samara. The praetorian spotted him, distracted from Shepard for the briefest moment. The blue beam slammed into him, knocking his shields out.

Something else  _slam_ med into him as well, sending him flying to the ground. Their comms erupted with a pained yelp, then a burst of static as someone's shorted out. Kaidan rolled onto his back, looking back behind him.

A very confused praetorian was trying to figure out where Shepard had suddenly disappeared to.

:: _Shepard!_ :: Garrus' voice erupted over his comm. :: _Alenko, we're gonna need you down there!_  ::

 _Shit_. "Where is she?" Kaidan rolled away from the praetorian, sliding down to the base of the rise.

:: _Right at the bottom_. :: He looked up as Garrus motioned with his rifle before slamming it into a husk's face. Samara was already guarding a crumpled collection of armor that he assumed was Shepard, sending a drone soaring back into one of its companions as it tried to approach her.

Kaidan sprinted across the room, shields flaring as Collectors focused their fire on him. Shepard wasn't moving, her body curled in on itself protectively. His omni-tool flared to life, skimming over her. "Shepard," he whispered, carefully turning her over when the omni failed to indicate serious injuries to her back or head. The praetorian had blasted her armor apart, a large flap of ceramic hanging loose off her side. Underneath, the fitted underarmor she wore was burned away, leaving a large and ugly burn on her side. Kaidan fumbled with some medigel, smearing it onto the wound. "Come on, Shepard."

:: _Alenko! Status report!_  :: He suddenly became aware of the others yelling through their comms as they focused fire on the praetorian. He glanced back – the thing was being held back, but still trying to reach them.

Joker cut in on the comm. :: _Alenko! What the fuck is going on? Answer us!_ ::

"She's unconscious, but stable," Kaidan reported, scanning again for internal injuries. An injection of medigel took care of the ones the scan found. "She's going to have a hell of a headache when she wakes up."

:: _Great._ :: Garrus' voice silenced debate, the turian switching out his sniper rifle as he spoke. :: _Focus on the praetorian! Take it down!_ ::

"Come on," Kaidan whispered, scanning her again. "Don't do this. Not again."


	15. I'm Not a Ghost or a Stranger

Shepard moaned, hand rising to ghost across her forehead. Her senses started to return, and she began to piece her location together. Med bay.  _Normandy_. That wasn't hard to determine: she could smell the antiseptic and the drive core hummed against her implants. But something else buzzed just under the drive core, something comfortable, familiar.

She forced her eyes open. The med bay was dark, the only light rising from Chakwas' terminal. On the next cot was Kaidan, one arm resting across his eyes. She recognized that look. It was –

Chakwas appeared at her side. "What happened?" she murmured.

"You took a bad hit." She promptly shone a light into Shepard's eyes. "You fell about fifteen feet."

"Oh yeah." Shepard remembered seeing the praetorian zero in on Kaidan, and  _throw_ ing him out of its way before she could think about it. It had, of course, re-attracted its attention to her, searing through her barrier and lunging at her simultaneously – then nothing. "That hurt. How bad?"

"It wrecked your armor. Jacob's been putting it back together." Chakwas started prodding at Shepard's legs. "Your legs absorbed most of the shock and your helmet managed to take most of the beating from the bounce. And you have a fabulous case of whiplash, so don't move your neck. If you do, it'll hurt. Medigel took care of the rest."

"Okay." Shepard remained still while Chakwas continued her examination. "What happened to K—Alenko?"

"You don't need to pussyfoot around me, Commander. I'm neither blind nor ignorant." Shepard felt herself flush. "Most of us knew about you and the Lie—Commander on the  _Normandy_. You were not a subtle as you believed."

Shepard finally remembered how to speak. "I, but we didn't, we never –"

"I've seen my share of love, Commander."

"But you never –"

"Why? You were a hero, you deserved happiness. The Lieutenant was quiet, kept to himself. Everyone wanted to see him loosen up. As far as we were concerned, regs could hang themselves."

Shepard shook her head slightly, closing her eyes as the movement made her vision blurry. Chakwas glared at her, and she stilled. "Whatever we  _were_ , it's irrelevant anymore."

"Is it?" Chakwas motioned at Kaidan with her head, continuing her inspection. "He carried you back to the shuttle while maintaining a  _barrier_  around the both of you. Samara was quite complementary of his abilities. As it is, he ended up here not long after you did – finally fell asleep a few minutes ago."

Shepard glanced over at him. "How long will I be here?"

"I want you to stay here at least until morning. You've been unconscious for about two hours – that's a –"

"Long time for a concussion, I know." She sighed. "But can't I –"The look Chakwas gave her could have frozen magma. "—can someone bring me something to do?" Shepard finished in a small voice.

Chakwas smiled and left the med bay. Shepard glanced back at Kaidan, dropping her head back onto the pillow.  _Whatever we were, it's irrelevant now_.

Was it? Or was she just holding on to false hope and her own weakness? With a quiet moan, Shepard rolled onto her uninjured side, facing away from him and wincing as her neck protested. Chakwas would kill her for moving, but she couldn't care.

She was a galactic hero. She didn't  _get_  to be happy.

#

As soon as Shepard was released from med bay, she disappeared into the briefing room. A number of squad members, Kaidan among them, packed into the small hallway while Tali overrode the door's mechanisms, struggling to eavesdrop through the door.

Whatever the Illusive Man was saying was indecipherable – it was hard to hear, even in the room. Shepard, however, was not quite as quiet.

"Cut your act. You set us up. And you'd better have a damn good reason for it!" There was a long pause as the Illusive Man seemed to try and calm the irate soldier. "We needed the information, but I don't like surprises. Especially when it's my crew on the line. Your little plan could have lost a damn good squad  _and_  the  _Normandy_." Another pause. "You could have told me the plan. You say I'm important, but you try damn hard to get me killed." Pause. "Bullshit. Since when did the Collectors develop telepathy? Just tell me the damn risk was worth it."

There was a longer pause. "Bit late for that. I could have grabbed it on the way out." Pause. "A brown dwarf? Aren't they stars that didn't make the cut?" Shepard suddenly sounded suspiciously curious, apparently intent on whatever the Illusive Man was telling her. Kaidan scowled - Cerberus was still playing her perfectly. "I saw what Sovereign did. Hard to imagine anything could stop something that powerful." Pause. "So another derelict ship. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" There was a pause, then Shepard scoffed. "I'll tell them what happened. They can make up their own minds. EDI, tell the crew to assemble."

"Of course, Shepard." Almost immediately, EDI's voice sounded around them. "Commander Shepard requests the presence of all team members in the briefing room."

They traded a sheepish look, and Tali let the door slide open. Shepard was leaning against the briefing room table, her back to the door. "Figured you were eavesdropping," she commented.

"Wouldn't have missed it." Garrus stepped to his usual spot at Shepard's right as they fell in. Kaidan leaned against the wall by the door, crossing his arms across his chest.

Slowly, those who hadn't been present outside the door – Samara, Thane, Mordin, Jack, and Miranda – joined them, Miranda moving to Shepard's left. Shepard's shoulders tensed as she approached. "What is his story?" Samara asked.

"The Illusive Man knew it was a trap," Shepard began, back still turned to them. "I can't argue with the fact that we needed the information. I can only be concerned about his methods. But that's beside the point." She sighed, pushing off the table and turning back to them. "The Collector ships use an identify friend-foe system to navigate the Omega-4. There is a disabled Reaper a Cerberus team was studying. Of course, they've lost contact with the science team." She paused, then added dryly, "Unsurprisingly. So of course, Timmy wants us to go find this IFF. Now . . ." Shepard linked her hands behind her back, starting to pace nervously. "I don't know about all of you, but I've had enough of supposedly derelict ships for about the next year, and I don't think this one's going anywhere. But, I'm willing to listen to everyone else. Opinions?"

There was a quiet pause as they absorbed the information she'd thrown at them. "So he didn't sell us out?" Jacob asked. "Coulda fooled me."

"Lied to us. Used us. Needed access to Collector data banks. Necessary risk." Mordin shrugged.

Shepard shook her head, still pacing. "No. If he tries something like that again, the Collectors will be the least of his problems." She sighed. "EDI. Is this IFF going to work?"

EDI replaced the holograph of the  _Normandy_  in the center of the table. "My analysis is accurate, Shepard. I have also determined the approximate location of the Collector homeworld based on data from their vessel." EDI vanished, and an image of the galaxy appeared before them. A reticule darted along it, finally settling on the edge of the galactic core. There was a pause, and then . . .

"That can't be right." Miranda leaned in, trying to get a closer look.

"No." Shepard shook her head. "It has to be. EDI doesn't make mistakes."

"My calculations are correct. The Collector homeworld is located within the galactic core."

"It  _can't be_. The core is a mass of black holes and exploding suns. Nothing is inhabitable there." Jacob reiterated Miranda's thought, shaking his head.

"Could be an artificial construction. Space station protected by powerful mass effect holes and radiation shields."

"Nothing has that type of tech," Kasumi said. "Nothing."

"Something does." Kaidan finally spoke, a sinking feeling dragging his stomach down to his knees. He'd been slowly convinced about the Collector-Reaper link on the Collector ship, but this almost solidly proved it.

"Reapers." Shepard seemed to have been on the same wavelength as he was. "We've seen what they're capable of. They built the relays and the Citadel – why  _couldn't_  they build a space station surrounded by black holes?"

"No wonder the Omega-4 relay is a suicide trip," Garrus muttered, arms crossing themselves across his chest.

"The logical conclusion is that there is a small safe zone on the other side of the relay," EDI said. "A region where ships can survive. Standard relay transit protocols would not allow safe transport. Drift of several thousand kilometers is common, and would be fatal in the galactic core. The IFF must trigger the relay to use more advanced, encrypted protocols."

"Then we should go get it," Grunt said. "Off that Reaper thing."

"No." Shepard held up her hand. "Several of you have come to me with requests for unsettled business. We'll take care of that first. I need all of you to be prepared for the possibility that you won't be returning. It isn't part of  _my_  plan, but it is a possibility. I doubt the Reaper is going anywhere, and all we risk are losing more colonies. As it is, the Collectors may have been distracted from their colony abductions once they learned we were operating.

"We look for ship upgrades and we get all our unsettled business settled. The Reaper IFF could have any number of problems – viruses, malware, spyware. EDI will need time to clean it and there's no guarantee that it won't alert something.

"We're on course for the Citadel, and should be arriving in a few hours. Dismissed. Commander, I would like to speak to you in private."

The team filed out. Kaidan stayed against his wall, arms still folded. Shepard pressed a few buttons on the table. "Surveillance devices are disabled temporarily," she said. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

Her eyes flicked up from the table. "What did you see on the ship?"

Kaidan paused, studying her. "You're asking if I believe that the Reapers are behind the Collectors?"

"Something like that, yes."

He sighed. "I don't want to. But it's the only explanation."

"Good. We're headed to the Citadel. I figured you would want to report in." She held up her hand again, stopping him before he could retort. "I'm not naïve enough to believe that you joined us because you could. I know you too well. And if you wish to leave at the Citadel, you may. You've seen your evidence, heard me out – that's all I asked you to do."

He shook his head. "You still haven't answered all my questions, Shepard."

"Of course. The 'prove-you're-not-a-fake' question." Shepard scowled. "You just  _have_  to rub your own insecurities into my fa—"

" _My_  insecurities?  _You're_  the one that practically begged me to come along on this trip of yours!"

"And maybe that was a mistake!" Shepard snapped.

Kaidan straightened up. "What was a mistake?"

Shepard faltered, stepping back against the far wall. "Asking you on the  _Normandy_. Being stupid enough to think that you'd still love me after two damn years." She faltered again, dropping her eyes to the floor. "Being weak enough to need you to."

She looked depressed enough that his hardened expression collapsed inwards, and he took a step forward. "Shepard."

"You want proof?" Her voice was still low, eyes still skimming the floor as she searched for a lifeline. Something seemed to hit her, and her head jerked back up as she shot forward off the wall. "Spiders."

Kaidan met her eyes. "What?"

"Spiders. SPIDERS. I HATE  _SPIDERS_." She was almost yelling now, hands gripping the table. "I'm terrified of them. The great Commander Fucking Shepard is terrified of  _spiders_! I can kill giant space mecha-Cthulhus, space cockroaches, flashlight heads, half-mechanized turians that get possessed by giant space mecha-Cthulhus, cybernetic zombies, gigantic telepathic plants,  _and_ run a military tank not designed for relay travel through a mass relay, but I AM TERRIFIED OF SPIDERS."

"Spiders."

"SPIDERS! They're like the spawn of Satan, th-the little demons of Earth, and now they're all over the galaxy, and have I mentioned that some of them EXPLODE?" She took a deep, shaking breath. "And you're the only goddamn person who knows, because you had to kill the only spider I'd ever seen on a ship because I was too busy cowering in a corner while it crawled towards me with its little beady eyes and its eight thousand legs and horrible,  _horrible_  fangs –"

Kaidan remembered the incident very well. The  _Normandy_  had been docked at the Citadel with everyone except himself, Joker, and Shepard off helping with cleanup after the Battle of the Citadel. Shepard's injuries had her on medical leave and Kaidan had been tasked by Chakwas to ensure Shepard behaved herself. "Behaving herself" had devolved into her screaming frantically because the poor arachnid that had figured the  _Normandy_  was a nice, warm home had somehow ended up in her quarters, which led to Kaidan being able to play the hero and kill it, which itself had led to – Kaidan swallowed, cutting that line of thought off. It was a dangerous path to tread.

Shepard continued her rant on the evilness of spiders, but it was only a dull roar in the background. That was true. Even Joker, who'd been on the  _Normandy_  during the spider incident, had been "occupied" in the cockpit during it. No one else should be aware that Shepard was terrified of spiders; she didn't like to admit whenever she was nervous about something, and she wouldn't admit she was afraid of something as small as a spider. The only reason Kaidan knew was because of The Spider Incident, as she'd begun to call it.

She was real. She had to be.

He swallowed. "Marrakech."

#

"This is good." Kasumi leaned closer to the security feed dancing across Joker's terminal.

"They really oughta just fuck and get it over with," Jack murmured, stealing some popcorn from the thief.

"Trust me. With this pair, that won't solve a damn thing." Joker stuck his hand out. Kasumi moved the bowl, and he grabbed a handful of popcorn. "It'd make it more interesting though."

Shepard made a wild hand motion before slamming the back of her hand into her palm. Kaidan shook his head, responding with a sweeping motion to his left – Joker had hacked the security feed into his console, but Shepard's sound override was too solidly held to get the feed. Shepard stepped back against the wall, staring at the floor before shooting back at the Alliance soldier, hands clenching the table. Jack cocked her head back and threw a few pieces of popcorn up, catching them in her mouth.

"He's got a nice ass," she said. "But I'm not sure why she puts up with him."

"Looks aren't everything," Kasumi answered. "He's a nice guy. Just –"

"Dense as hell."

"I was going to say 'cautious,'" she continued after Joker's interjection. "But I suppose that works as well."

"You haven't seen the sites dedicated to Shepard. He's an idiot." Joker motioned at the screen, where Shepard was still engaged in her heated rant. "If Shepard got off on the Citadel and announced she was looking for a date, she'd have to fight off the asari that would start crawling all – ooh." Joker amused himself with that mental image. Jack flicked the brim of his hat. "Hey!"

A quick motion from the camera recaptured their attention. Shepard, still caught in the midst of her rant, hardly noticed Kaidan's advance. In one swift motion he grabbed her shoulders and solidly kissed her.

The cockpit was quiet for a second, then erupted in a chorus of cheers as Shepard melted against him, arms folding around him as she pressed back, returning the kiss almost as desperately as he'd initiated it.

As suddenly as it'd happened, it stopped. Shepard pushed him away from her in a panic and beat a hasty retreat out the door. "She's headed for port obs," Joker said, checking his screens. "You might want to head her off, Kasumi."

"On it." The thief disappeared immediately. Joker shut off the feed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: Rise Against, "Ready to Fall"


	16. To Put My Arms in Fragile Hands

  
_Not even earth can hold us  
_ _Not even life controls us  
_ _Not even the ground can keep us down  
_ _The memories in my head  
_ _Are just as real as the time we spent  
_ _You'll always be close to me, my friend  
_ _This is not the end_   


* * *

Shepard stared into the glass of blue-green alcohol in front of her, stars whizzing past the port observation deck's window. For once, Kasumi was  _not_  here, and Shepard wouldn't have it any other way. She tipped her head back and drained the glass, reaching for a refill from the bottle next to her.

Kaidan seemed to believe she was real, now, which was a start. However, their argument about whether or not he had ever even cared followed by her rant on her sheer paranoia of spiders had made everything more confusing – or, at least, its resolution had. With a groan, she drained the glass again and dropped it to the floor, gripping the bottle instead. Damn Cerberus' modifications and her biotic's metabolism. It really impeded getting good and properly drunk. It impeded the fact that he felt like Kaidan; that she wanted to go curl up against him and let the Reapers go feast upon the galaxy all they damn well wanted.

The door slid open behind her, and Shepard promptly corked the bottle. "Don't mind me." Kasumi. "Just comin' in."

"I still shouldn't be drinking in front of crew." Shepard stood, still holding the bottle.

"You're off-duty, as far as I know. Don't leave on my account."

With a sigh, she sank back down. At least it was Kasumi, who had already seen her drinking on numerous occasions. "Thanks."

Kasumi joined her on the floor, tucking her knees to her chest. "What's up, Shep?"

Shepard shook her head. "Nothing."

"Sure." Kasumi sounded unconvinced. "Usually when someone's hitting my bar there's a reason."

She shrugged, prying out the bottle's cork. "I think, after being killed and resurrected, I deserve a drink."

"Never said you didn't." Kasumi paused, playing over a tactful phrasing for the question in her head. "But this wouldn't have been prompted by your meeting with Commander Alenko, would it?"

Shepard groaned, rubbing a hand over her face. "If it is, it's none of your concern."

"Shep, if it's got you drinking, it's my concern."

"Fine." She pinched the bridge of her nose, returning her eyes to the stars beyond the window. "Just once," she finally started, not sure just what she expected to say or why she was even speaking. Maybe she was more intoxicated than she thought. "Just once, I'd like something to be okay. It's like, 'I killed Saren, so I get a break until the Reapers show up, right?' And the answer's a 'no.' And then, to add insult to injury, the universe goes, 'no, wait, we need you back, Marrakech, because the entire  _damn_  galaxy can't go on without you.' And then I wake up to find out that my name is shit, everyone thinks I'm crazy, and the only man I ever loved –" Shepard snapped her mouth shut, cutting off her sentence with an enormous swig from the bottle. She missed Kasumi's small grin. "You didn't hear that."

"No, I didn't hear that even Commander Shepard has a heart."

"Don't let it get out. The mercs won't fear me as much." Shepard mimicked Kasumi's pose, tucking her knees under her chin. "What do I do?"

"Hm?"

"Well, I figured you've probably got more experience with this whole relationship thing than I do." She sighed. "Although, considering the circumstances, if you don't want to talk about Keiji I'll understand."

"Shep." Kasumi shrugged, looking back out the window. "Commander Alenko still loves you. He's just trying to figure out what the hell is going on and, frankly, I can't blame him. You were dead, after all." Shepard groaned, cutting off the thought with another swallow from the bottle. "My point exactly. He's had two years to mourn you, and it's going to take him a while to figure out that you were –"

"Kasumi, why did you just believe that it was me? I mean, I _was_  dead for two years, no one had heard from me, and –"

"When I first saw you, your face was held together by some synthetic dermal weave. You look much better now. Well, that, and I'm very good at what I do. Besides, I did my research and I recognized the turian with you, even though  _his_  face wasn't much better than yours. I figured if it was good enough for one of your former squad, I wasn't going to miss out. But I believe you were in the middle of worrying about your relationship with Commander Alenko."

"Or lack of same."

"He'll come around, Shepard. You have to see that."

"I'm not sure how I can visualize something no one's ever gone through before. Seriously. Where's the manual on how to tell your former boyfriend that you came back from the dead?"

"There isn't one. I'd own it."

Shepard's chuckle turned into a sigh, and she stood. "Kasumi, thanks. But I think I'm going to go work on some reports or something in my quarters."

"If you ever need me, Shep, I'm here for you."

"I know." She gave the thief a weak smile and left, the observation deck door sliding closed behind her. Kasumi settled back on her couch, watching the stars roll by in FTL outside with a small grin. Even a small victory was a victory.

#

Kaidan settled against the wall in the briefing room, resting his forehead in his palms.

What in hell had just possessed him?

He'd reacted without thinking, Shepard's rant about spiders too true for him to do anything but fall into autopilot. Two years of longing had swept him up and he'd gone after her, found her lips with his, pulled her against him desperately before his brain had even had a chance to catch up with him. And for a moment she'd responded, folding in his arms and meeting him as desperately as he'd found her. As longingly as he had, before she'd panicked and fled.

He groaned, settling his head against his knees.

She was real. She was one-hundred percent real. She felt like Shepard, smelled like Shepard, had green-tinted biotics courtesy of a Prothean beacon like Shepard, had an irrational-but-totally-rational-considering-the-Grade-School-Incident-fear-of-spiders like Shepard. She was Shepard, and now that he knew for sure he just wanted to run after her and never let her out of his sight again, nonetheless out of his arms.

But he couldn't. She was still working for Cerberus; she still hadn't explained  _why_  she was working for Cerberus, or whether or not she'd faked her death to join them. If she was just undercover . . . that he could accept. But deep undercover for two years only to resurface extremely publically now, fully accepting the fact that she was working for Cerberus, not even bothering to  _deny_  it – that didn't make sense.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he unwillingly revisited The Spider Incident – seeing Shepard so terrified of something when she had calmly faced Saren-Sovereign down the day before like seeing skeletal, glowing turians was something that happened every day wasn't something he was going to forget anytime soon. They'd ended up curled together in her quarters, Shepard propped up on her elbow as she stared down at him.

 _"This is a real clusterfuck,"_   _she mumbled._

" _Uh, what?_ "

" _Sorry." Shepard shook her head. "Thinking out loud that . . . well . . ." She sighed. "I love you."_

_The words floored him. She loved him? Shepard, hero of the galaxy, savior of the Citadel, loved him? He knew her well enough to know that she didn't throw around words like that casually – hell, she hardly threw around emotionally charged words like that anyway, so when she did . . ._

" _Did – you just –"_

" _I love you." She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "And it sucks."_

" _What? Why does it suck?"_

" _Because we've got Reapers, and the Alliance, and God knows what else after us, and you're right next to me. And either one of us could die, and I don't know . . . I don't think I could . . ." She shook her head, her hair tickling his face. "What am I going to do if I lose you?"_

_He pulled her close to him, careful to avoid her still-healing injuries. "Shepard, you're a stronger woman than anyone I know. You'll find a way to save the galaxy. I_ _**know** _ _you will – even if I'm not there to help you."_

" _But what if you lose me? I couldn't . . ." She sighed. "Maybe this was a bad idea."_

" _No," Kaidan said firmly. "No. This will never be a bad idea, Marra. You could never be a bad idea. Even if I lose you, I will never regret this."_

Did he? Did he regret it? He shook his head. He'd told the truth two years before – he could never regret it.

So now what did he do about it?

#

"Heya, Kelly," Kasumi said. Chambers glanced up from her terminal.

"How are you?"

"Doin' great. I've got an update for you."

Chambers listened intently, brightening as Kasumi described the most recent development in Operation Shenko. "So we're moving forwards?"

"We're moving forwards."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: Anberlin, "Paper Thin Hymn"


	17. Temporarily On Hold

Few people missed Shepard's retreat to the elevator as she headed for her quarters, despite the fact that she was desperately trying to not be noticed. In the mess, Hawthorne and Goldstein leaned across the table, lowering their voices.

"Ever seen the Commander looking like that before?"

Hawthorne shook his head. "Nope."

"What d'you think is wrong?"

"Got a letter from Cerberus intel," Hawthorne answered, lowering his voice even further. "Said they think Alliance was ordered to spy on us, and that's why he's here."

"Really?" Goldstein frowned. "You have the letter?"

He brought it up on his omni-tool, leaning it across the table for her to read. Goldstein's eyes widened. "Wow. That's some pretty good evidence."

"That's what I thought. They also think he might hurt the mission."

"No. This mission has to succeed. The Commander has to know about this, doesn't she?" "They say she doesn't. But you saw the letter – we're supposed to do this on our own."

"So what next?" Goldstein asked. "What else can we do? We can't outright attack Alliance or anything – we all heard about the lecture she gave the biotics after psycho came on board. Think she'd be any nicer to us?"

Hawthorne shook his head. "No, and that's why we have to keep it on the down low. There's gotta be some other things we can do to –"

"We'll talk to other members of the crew. See if they want to give us a hand."

"I was hopin' you'd say that."

#

:: _Commander Mopeypants to the cockpit._ ::

Kaidan groaned. "Joker, I'm busy."

:: _Busy_ moping. _Get up here_.::

"Who died and made you XO?"

There was a pause, as if Joker was about to make a very untactful joke about Shepard or Pressly before reconsidering. :: _Technically Lawson's the XO, but Shepard made me the – what would it be? XXO?_ ::

"Now why the hell would she do something as stupid as that?"

:: _Ouch. I'm hurt_.::

"Why do –"

:: _I'm lonely._ ::

"You're bored."

:: _That too. Please?_ ::

Kaidan sighed, dragging himself to his feet. "Whatever."

He made his way into the CIC. As he started past the galaxy map towards the cockpit, the elevator slid open and Tali stepped through. She stopped at Shepard's empty station, then spotted him. Kaidan wasn't sure if he could explain how he just  _knew_ the quarian was meeting his eyes, but he did, and it was confirmed as she hurried towards him.

"Kaidan," she said, voice more rushed than usual. "Have you seen Shepard?"

"I—" Kaidan swallowed. "Not since we finished our . . . meeting."

"Oh. Do you know where she is?"

"I—Tali, what's wrong?"

"I really need to speak to her. D-do you think she might be in the Loft?"

"She might –"

"Can you come with me?" Kaidan took a shocked step back. "It's just, I have to talk to her, and I don't know if I can do it myself, and I'm just really worried, and –"

"Did something happen to 'Reegar?"

"What? No! Worse! I just, I can't do it, and –"

Kaidan sighed, opening the elevator. "We'll check. Come on."

"Thank you, Kaidan, I just . . ."

"What's going on?" Kaidan asked quietly as the elevator doors closed. "Tali, talk to me."

"I-you'll know soon enough." The quarian ran her hands together nervously as the elevator made its trek to the Loft. "I just . . . _keelah_  . . ."

"Tali –"

The doors slid open, and Tali hurried over to the single door. "EDI, is Shepard—?"

"One second, Tali'Zorah." The AI's voice was suddenly quieter, intoning from the other side of the door. "Shepard, Tali'Zorah and Commander Alenko are outside your door. Shall I allow them entrance?"

Shepard's reply was muffled, accompanied by a  _bang_  as something slammed inside the room, and the door chimed. "Go on in," EDI said, and Tali wasted no time barging through. Shepard looked up from her desk, a half-filled requisitions form up on her computer.

"EDI said you needed to speak to me," she said. Kaidan glanced around her quarters, determining that it  _really_  would have been better for him to have stayed downstairs. Or outside. Or anywhere where he  _didn't_  know what this room looked like.

"Shepard, I've got a really  _really_  big problem."

She stood, motioning both of them down the steps. Kaidan leaned against the edge of her desk above the steps down, next to the rack of suspended ship models with the  _Normandy SR1_ conspicuously central, guns ready and aimed directly at the model of Sovereign.

He wondered how intentional that was.

Shepard sank down onto the L-shaped couch under her desk as Tali dropped down kitty corner to her, and Kaidan continued his visual tour of the room. An empty fish tank, an armor scrubber (something Shepard had been continually trying to fit into the SR1), pieces of armor scattered across the bed from where Shepard appeared to have been doing repairs –

"-message from the Migrant Fleet," Tali was saying, and Kaidan directed his eyes back. "The Admiralty Board has accused me of treason. I-I'm scared, Shepard."

"What?" Kaidan said, attention successfully attracted.

"What?" Shepard echoed. "You're the most quarian-centered quarian I  _know_!"

"Shepard, I'm really the  _only_  quarian you know."

"That doesn't change a damn thing." Shepard rubbed her forehead with her palms, as if pressing her brain hard enough would make it make sense. The alcohol working its way out of her system wasn't helping.

"They don't lay charges like this unless the evidence seems absolute." Tali stared at her lap quietly. Kaidan swallowed again – the actions of the Migrant Fleet were preparing to break Tali, right now one of the few people on this ship who didn't seem to absolutely hate him and the only friend that hadn't yelled at him for the whole Shepard debacle. Not Tali. This couldn't happen to Tali. "But thanks. I appreciate your faith in me, Shepard."

"This isn't because you're working on a Cerberus vessel, is it?" Kaidan asked. Tali shook her head, bristling.

"I'm not working with Cerberus," she snapped. "I'm working with  _Shepard_. And I  _got_  leave to serve on the  _Normandy_  again. I have no idea what they're accusing me of! You'd think I'd  _remember_  if I'd betrayed the Fleet!"

"All right. So what's the story? What happens now?"

"There's a – a hearing, with members of the Admiralty Board acting as judges. My father is an admiral on the board. He'll have to recuse himself from judgment." She shook her head again, a brief sniff coming from behind the mask. "I can't even imagine what he's thinking right now. The punishment for treason is exile. If they convict me, I can never go back."

"So you don't know why they're accusing you?" Kaidan could almost watch the wheels turning in Shepard's head.

"No. The specifics of charges like this are rarely discussed on open channels. I won't know any more until I get to the flotilla."

"How often does this happen?" Shepard asked, staring at the coffee table as if deep in thought.

"It's rare. It must affect the entire flotilla, not just an individual ship. Uh . . . the most recent one was Anora'Vanya vas Selani, an engineer who handed over Fleet defense schematics to the batarians. She had good intentions. The batarians were contracted to upgrade our systems – but they passed the defense schematics to a pirate gang."

"And was she convicted?"

Tali paused, then took a deep breath. "No. She made a suicide run on the pirate gang. She destroyed them before they could attack the Fleet. She was pardoned . . . posthumously."

"Well. Let's hope it doesn't come to that." Shepard gently rested her hand on Tali's shoulder. "How soon do we need to intercept the Migrant Fleet?"

"They'll wait a reasonable period of time for me to come and defend myself. Eventually, if I don't show up, they'll try me in absentia."

"And how does it work?"

"It's less formal than an Earth trial, or something you'd see on the Citadel. We're family. This is just the worst kind of family meeting."

Shepard nodded. "Okay. Can you get me coordinates for the Flotilla? I'll contact them and let them know we'll rendezvous with them as soon as we're done on the Citadel. It should only take a day for myself and Commander Alenko to report in, we'll handle Garrus and Thane's things, and we can probably get there within a week if we push the  _Normandy_  hard."

Tali finally lifted her head, looking at Shepard through her mask. "I was going to book passage on a ship from the Citadel. I didn't think there would be time for . . . thank you, Shepard. I-I'll take the coordinates to Joker."

"Tali," Shepard said sternly. "I'll figure out a way to make this work. I promise."

"Thank you, Shepard." Tali stood and hurried out. Kaidan and Shepard's eyes met briefly, and he quickly retreated after her.

For the moment, their problems were shoved behind them as Tali's took precedence. No one hurt their quarian and got away with it. Not even the Migrant Fleet.

#

"This is my report from Horizon." Kaidan handed his OSDs to Anderson. "And a report from the  _Normandy_."

Anderson glanced down at them. "Your opinions so far?"

He paused, then swallowed. "I-I think I agree with your assessment. It's Shepard. But I-I'm still not sure just how . . ."

"Do you think there's a way to find out?"

"I'm not sure. There might be."

"Get on that."

Kaidan paused. Considering the stupidity that seemed to have recently overtaken the crew – if he had to remake his pod one more time . . . he sighed and nodded. "Yes, sir."


	18. Bullrushed on my Own Flotilla

**Chapter 17: Bullrushed on my own Flotilla**

Kaidan and Garrus met Shepard and Tali at the airlock. Tali paced nervously – Shepard stood in the airlock with her arms crossed across her chest, foot tapping against the floor. They'd both seen that look before. If the Admiralty Board wasn't careful, she'd rip them limb from limb with a cheery smile.

Shepard had kept the team small, with people who knew Tali personally. It wasn't a surprise. Treason was a sensitive issue and, while almost anyone on the team would gladly help the quarian out, Tali was private enough to prefer her friends be by her side. The relief was evident in her posture.

Airlocks hissed, and they stepped into decon. "Here we go," Shepard muttered, checking the fastening on her helmet.

As they stepped out, a quarian security team stalked towards them. The leader held up his hand, prompting the team to stop. Shepard did the same. "Captain Shepard," he began. "Tali'Zorah told me a lot about you. I wish we could be meeting under more pleasant circumstances."

Shepard paused, creases forming along her eyes. "I never actually reached that rank," she replied uncomfortably. "Technically, I'm no longer military at all."

He shook his head. "You are the commander of the  _Normandy_ , responsible for the lives aboard. That entitles you to respect among our people. 'May you stand between your crew and harm as you lead them through the empty quarters of the stars.'"

"Keelah se'lai," Tali murmured, then glanced at the confused group. "It's an old ship captain's blessing, Shepard."

"Oh. Uh, thank you," Shepard answered, inclining her head slightly. "Tali's helped us out of some difficult situations. I'm here to return the favor, Captain."

"I understand. As the commander of the vessel she serves on, your voice carries weight." He sighed. "I-I wish I could do more to help, Tali. The trial requires that I be officially neutral, but . . . I'm here, if you need to talk."

"Thank you," Tali whispered.

"What are the charges?" Shepard asked. He glanced at her, then back at Tali.

"Tali, they're charging you with bringing active geth into the fleet as part of a secret project."

"What?" The comment erupted from Tali before similar phrases came from Garrus and Kaidan. Shepard merely raised an eyebrow at the quarian captain ahead of her. "That's insane! I never brought  _active_  geth aboard – I only sent parts and pieces!"

Shepard jerked, turning towards Tali. "Wait, you sent  _geth material_  to –"

" _Yes_ , Shepard. My father was working on a project. He  _needed_  the materials. But . . . if I sent back something that was only damaged, not permanently – no." She shook her head, pressing her hands into the front of her mask. "No. I checked everything. Double, triple checked. I was careful."

The quarian captain sighed heavily. "Technically, I'm under orders to place Tali'Zorah under arrest. So, Tali . . . you're confined to the  _Rayya_  until this is over."

"Thank you, Captain."

Kaidan noticed Garrus' talons slowly drop away from his sidearm.

"Preparations for the trial are underway. The hearing is being held in the plaza. Good luck."

As they walked along the halls of the ship, quarians stared at and muttered after them. Kaidan caught several expressions of disdain as to Tali's traveling partners; one of them continued to defend them even after they were almost out of earshot. Shepard marched with parade precision, gaze unwavering from the route in front of her. If Tali was going to be exiled, they were at least going to get a show.

They reached the plaza, and a female quarian stopped them. "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy," she said sadly. "I am glad you came. I could delay them only so long."

Tali brightened almost immediately, wrapping the quarian in her arms. "Auntie Raan!" she said excitedly, then motioned back to the group. "Shepard vas Normandy, this is Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay. She's a friend of my father's."

The trio didn't miss the fact that 'Raan wasn't returning Tali's embrace, or that Tali's name had suddenly changed to Normandy. Garrus swallowed, stepping an inch closer to Shepard. "I don't think that's good."

"I think you're right," Shepard muttered. "This might be harder than I thought."

"Wait." Tali's voice carried the sound of someone who wasn't sure what she'd just heard. "'Raan, you called me 'vas  _Normandy_.'"

"I'm afraid I did, Tali." The older quarian's voice was thick with regret, and Tali sagged back to her original posture. "The Admiralty Board moved to have you tried under that name, given your departure from the  _Neema_."

"No, that isn't good," Garrus breathed.

Shepard cleared her throat, resting one hand on Tali's shoulder. "You're an admiral. Are you part of the trial?"

'Raan shook her head. "I'm afraid not. My history with Tali and her father forced me to recuse myself."

"I imagine Father had to do the same."

'Raan sighed heavily. "You'll see inside, Tali. For my part, I moderate and ensure that the rules of protocol are followed, but I have no vote in the judgment."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Kaidan muttered.

"Same," Garrus answered.

"All right. So what happens now? Does Tali have a defense councilor–" At 'Raan's look, Shepard struggled to find a descriptor. "So, someone who speaks in her defense?"

"She does, Captain Shepard. She is part of your crew, now, recognized by quarian law. And an accused is always represented by her ship's captain."

Tali paused. "So, uh, you would actually speak for me."

"Oh." Shepard's reply was brief and simple. "Well. That was unexpected."

"It's a good thing you like playing lawyer, Shepard," Garrus jibed.

"Too bad I left my suit on the ship." Shepard shrugged. "Let's get this mess cleared up."

"Our legal rules are simple. There are no tricks or loopholes for you to worry about. Present the truth as best you can. It will have to be enough. Now I promised I would not delay you."

The fact that they could fit this plaza onto the ship was amazing. It arched over their head, some greenery decorating the walls and the floors. Compared to Citadel Tower, it was tiny, but also impressive in its own distinct way. Shepard skimmed it before returning her eyes to the group of quarians in front of them, sweeping her gaze over them. Kaidan and Garrus stayed behind her and Tali, skimming the quarians collected around them. 'Raan started up onto the dais ahead of them.

"I'm getting a bad feeling about this," Shepard murmured.

"About time you caught up to us," Garrus replied.

"This Conclave is brought to order," 'Raan started. "Blessed are the ancestors who kept us alive, sustained us and enabled us to reach this season. Keelah se'lai." There was a quiet, answering murmur. "The accused, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, has come with her captain to defend herself against the charge of treason."

"Objection!" The admiral in the center raised his hand.

"That was fast," Shepard remarked.

"A human has no business at a hearing involving sensitive military matters!"

'Raan's voice may have carried a hint of amusement. "Then you should not have declared Tali crew of the  _Normandy_ , Admiral 'Koris. By right as Tali's captain, Shepard  _must_  stay."

'Koris paused. "Objection withdrawn."

'Raan directed her attention to Shepard. "Shepard vas Normandy, your crew member Tali'Zorah stands accused of treason. Will you speak for her?"

Shepard leaned on the bar, running a gloved hand over its top before answering. "Absolutely. But know that in her heart she remains Tali'Zorah vas Neema nar Rayya, a proud member of the Migrant Fleet – no matter what her ship name is. I regret that her  _quarian_  captain is forbidden to stand at her side today, and that I must take his place."

'Koris stepped forward again. "Nobody has been forbidden from anything! It is a simple–"

"Shepard's going to have fun with him," Kaidan murmured. Garrus nodded agreement.

"Lie to them if you must, Zaal'Koris, but don't lie to me!" The admiral next to him snapped. "The human  _is_  right!"

"Admirals, please." 'Raan delicately took control again. "Shepard's willingness to represent Tali'Zorah is appreciated. Tali. You are accused of bringing active geth to the Fleet. What say you?

Tali looked down at her hands, running them together nervously. Shepard stepped in. "How could Tali have brought active geth to the fleet while serving aboard my ship?"

"To  _clarify_ , Shepard." The other female admiral finally spoke. "Tali isn't accused of bringing back  _entire_  geth units – only parts that could spontaneously reactivate."

"But she couldn't have  _brought_  them –"

"No. I would  _never_ send active geth to the Fleet! Anything I sent was disabled and harmless!" Tali defended.

'Koris spoke again. "Then explain how geth seized the lab ship where your father was working!"

The crowd broke into wild mutters. Tali sagged again – Kaidan reached forward and rested a hand on her shoulder, watching as Shepard's body language changed more rapidly than a tornado. Her once-relaxed posture bristled, shoulders squaring, indicating that law school time was over. Shepard was  _not_  happy. Tali stepped forward. "What?" she whispered, just audible over the crowd. "What are you talking about? What happened?"

The other male admiral spoke. "As far as we know, Tali, the geth have killed everyone on the  _Alarei_  . . . your father included."

If it was possible for Shepard to be any more visibly furious without flaring, she pulled it off. Unconsciously, both Garrus and Kaidan took a small step back. "What?" Tali sagged even further, her mask dropping into her hands. "Oh,  _keelah_  . . ."

"What the  _hell_  is this?" Shepard snapped, half-stepping forward. Her hand settled on Tali's shoulder. "I thought quarians  _valued_ family! How do you justify springing this on Tali in the middle of a damn  _trial_?"

'Raan stepped in gracefully. "Our apologies. Tali should have been informed."

"Damn  _right_."

"Shepard." Tali sounded certain of their next path. "We have to take back the  _Alarei_."

Shepard continued glaring at the admirals, but nodded. "Agreed."

"The safest course would be to simply destroy the ship." 'Koris again. "But if you are looking for an honorable death –"

Tali erupted. "I'm looking for my father, you bosh'tet!"

Garrus snickered as another murmur ran through the crowd. Kaidan unconsciously jammed his elbow into the turian's arm. "Ow. . ." He rubbed his arm, still chuckling.

"You intend to retake the  _Alarei_  from the geth? This proposal is extremely dangerous."

"Please," Shepard said, waving her hand. "Tali and I've probably killed more geth than everyone in this room combined. Besides, if you think she's  _helping_ them, perhaps killing a few dozen'll prove she isn't."

"We aren't accusing Tali of aiding the geth cause. We're accusing her of carelessness that endangered the Fleet."

"Seems like the same thing on this end."

Shepard was laying down the gauntlet. All four of them recognized it. It was up to 'Koris if he wanted to fight a losing battle.

Usually, those who'd faced Shepard using  _that_  tone wound up deceased very shortly.

"Then it is decided. You will attempt to retake the  _Alarei_."

"Excellent," Shepard said. "Give us a few hours. We'll be back."

"You are hereby given leave to depart the  _Rayya_. A shuttle will be waiting at the secondary docking hangar." 'Raan paused. "Be safe, Tali. This hearing will resume upon your return, or upon determination that you have been killed in action."

The admirals dispersed. Shepard turned back to Garrus and Kaidan. "Excuse us. I'm going to go talk to . . .  _politicians_." She brushed in between them, Tali following, and headed directly for Shala'Raan.

"I almost want to know," Garrus commented as Shepard engaged the admiral.

"I don't."

#

Three hours later, Shepard paced the shuttle while Tali hopelessly stared at the OSD they'd collected from the ship. Garrus and Kaidan sat across from her, both watching Shepard pace anxiously.

"This is a goddamn farce!" Shepard finally said, slamming a hand into one of the seats. "All they're worried about is whether or not they can fight the geth. Screw the galaxy. Screw their own people! And to top it off, they're dragging  _us_  into their little political spat because we  _obviously_  have nothing better to do with our lives than get pulled into a kangaroo court where they can try to build sympathy for their respective sides because all they damn well want is the homeworld back!"

"Can you blame them?" Tali murmured.

"Uh, what does a hopping marsupial have to do with anything?" Garrus asked. "Did I miss something?"

"Yes, damn it, I  _can_  blame them! They'll drag themselves and the geth into an enormous war, lose the entire Migrant Fleet, and then – oh look,  _Reapers_!" Shepard raised her hands. "I don't want them to have this data on sheer  _principle_!"

" _That_  means you have a plan."

Shepard grinned behind her mask as the airlocks hissed. "Oh. I have a plan, all right." She cracked her fingers. "It's bullrushing time."

"Oh, hell," Kaidan said as Shepard strode out of the airlock, forcing them to jog to keep up. As they approached the plaza, it was clear the admirals had resumed the trial without them. Shepard glanced back at them, eyes narrow in the thin strip of glass breaking up the black of her mask.

"So much for a few hours," Garrus said.

"Tell me about it," Shepard replied, picking up their pace.

"And seriously, what is this about hopping marsupials? I –"

From ahead of them someone – 'Koris, perhaps – yelled something at one of the other admirals about Shepard being a better diplomat than a soldier. Shepard swore and broke into a run, somehow managing to slam open a sliding door into the plaza. The sound echoed as the admirals fell silent, staring at the furious Spectre and Tali as they stormed the bar. Kaidan and Garrus hung back – both of them wanted to be able to run if they needed to.

"Sorry we're late," Tali snapped.

"You didn't waste time declaring us dead." Shepard jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "Go get your ship. Nice and geth-free."

'Gerral glanced at 'Koris. "We apologize, Shepard. Your success in taking back the  _Alarei_  is . . . unexpected."

"But also very welcome." 'Raan glared disparagingly at the admiral. He continued.

"Did you find  _any_  evidence that could clarify what happened?"

Shepard stepped forward, hardly giving the admirals time to adjust to her presence at the bar. "Tali's achievements are the  _only_ evidence you should need," she scoffed. "Come on, Tali. We're leaving."

"We're . . ." Tali glanced at Shepard as she started to leave. "What?"

"What?" 'Raan repeated Tali's question.

"Wait, we're leaving?" Garrus glanced at where the  _Normandy_  was berthed, then back to Shepard. Shepard shook her head.

"This is a formal proceeding!" 'Koris protested. "You can't just –"

Shepard whirled back with an intensity that would have done a krogan proud. " _Wrong_ , Admiral! This isn't a formal proceeding – it's a complete and utter  _farce_!  _You're_  trying to build sympathy for the geth to forestall the war effort!"

'Gerral stepped to 'Koris' defense. "That is completely –"

"And  _you_ , Admiral,  _you_  want all the messy experiments covered up so you can throw your fleet into a suicide run against the geth!" The admiral stuttered. "Do whatever the hell you want with your toy ships. But leave my crew  _out_  of your political bullshit." Shepard sucked in a deep breath through her nose, crossing her arms across her chest. "We have no new evidence. You either convict the woman who saved the  _Citadel_  from the geth, or you can accept her word. Your choice."

There was a cheer that sounded suspiciously like Kal'Reegar.

'Raan finally recovered first. "Are the Admirals prepared to render judgment?"

The female admiral brought her omni-tool up first, and Shepard quietly placed a hand on Tali's shoulder. She knew she took a risk by verbally assaulting the Admiralty Board. But she had a feeling that, if they exiled Tali, the quarians who'd heard her speech wouldn't stand for it.

There were small victories everywhere.

 _And_  it felt damn good.

'Raan sighed. Tali clenched her hands. "Tali'Zorah, in light of your history of service, we do not find sufficient evidence to convict. You are cleared of all charges."

Tali sagged, her mask dropping back into her hands as she released a long-held breath.

"Commander Shepard," 'Raan continued, bringing up her omni-tool. "Please accept these gifts in appreciation for –"

"Keep them." Shepard waved her hand. "If you really want to help me, don't go to war. A more important threat is coming, and the quarians will  _need_  to stand with the rest of the galaxy to stop it. If you want to help me,  _wait_  to take back your homeworld."

"We will consider your request."

"Yeah," Shepard answered, cutting 'Koris down with a lethal stare. "I'll believe that when I see it."

"This hearing is adjourned," 'Raan said. "Go in peace, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Keelah se'lai."

Garrus and Kaidan rejoined them as the quarians dispersed. Tali stopped Shepard. "I can't believe you pulled that off. What you said . . ." She laughed. "It's been a while since anyone shouted down the Admiralty Board. I think it was good for them."

Shepard chuckled. "Hope so."

"Thank you for being there for my father and me. Even when . . ." Tali's voice broke. "Thanks."

Shepard pointed. "We can still go and get you exiled if you'd like."

Tali laughed. "Thanks. But I'm fine with things the way they are. It's fun watching you shout."

Shepard hadn't wanted to, but unconsciously slid her eyes back to glance at Kaidan. He looked away, closing his own eyes. Shepard shook her head.

"Come on, Tali'Zorah vas  _Normandy_. Let's go home."

"Thank you, Captain," Tali murmured. Shepard caught a glance of Kal'Reegar out of the corner of her eye.

"Unless there's someone you want to talk to, first."

Tali followed her eyes. "Uh . . . do you mind?" she asked in a small voice. Shepard shook her head.

"Go for it."

They watched as she hurried over to the marine. Kal'Reegar immediately lost interest in his conversation, turning his full attention towards Tali. The other marine standing with him moved off to another quarian, isolating the duo quietly and without fuss. Shepard grinned.

"Is it wrong that I think this is adorable?" she asked.

Garrus shook his head. "I'd answer that, but Tali would threaten me with her shotgun again."

"I'd like to see that," Kaidan interjected.

For a minute, it almost felt like the last two years were a dream and nothing had changed. Shepard almost interlaced her hand with Kaidan's, but pulled herself away from the nostalgia.

"I'll be on the  _Normandy_." She turned, beating a hasty retreat.

"While we're waiting," Garrus said, glancing over at Kaidan. "Can you  _finally_  explain what kangaroos had to do with that?"


	19. Defeating the Reapers

_Shepard carefully sticks her head out of the doorway. Above her looms one of the Reapers. It spots her, and begins to summon its brethren to their location. Shepard pulls her head back inside, turning to her team._

_'We need the secret weapon,' she says._

_'Shepard, you can't be serious. There's no way this plan is going to work,' Garrus argues. 'The Reapers'll just blast him into dust.'_

_'Garrus, you haven't seen_ this _face._ This _face makes grown men piss themselves.'_

_'If you think it'll work, Shepard, we'll try it,' Anderson speaks up from the corner._

_She steps back out of the doorway, finding that the single Reaper above them has suddenly multiplied into several hundred. Just to cement their position, she waves at them. 'Over here! Look this way!' And she reaches back into the door, pulls our Anderson, and dives back inside._

_Anderson delivers his effective, hardened glare, and the closest Reapers explode. Those that didn't explode immediately run back to dark space, crying dark matter tears._

. . . and  _that_  is how we'll beat the Reapers."

"Bullshit." Jack was perched in front of him next to his console again, feet propped up on the mirrors. "Anderson's not that fucking scary."

"You haven't seen his  _Joker, you got Shepard killed, you're grounded_  face."

"Still. Don't think it's scary enough to explode Reapers."

"And  _that's_  because  _you_  haven't seen it firsthand. I think it broke all my bones just by minimal exposure." He leaned back. "Fine. Give me a better one."

"What? I don't know shit about Reapers."

"Then you can think it over and get back to me."

"You're on."

"Figured as much." He paused, giving the panels a cursory scan. Nothing was wrong. "You talk to Shepard yet?"

"Eh." Jack shook her head. "Don't know how Shepard'd feel about blowing the hell out of a planet."

"She's not going to like the nuke part of it, that's for sure." Joker shrugged. "But she'll probably help you out, with the way she's been solving everyone's problems recently."

"It'd be easier to tell her to buy me a pony."

Joker paused, then turned his head ever-so-slightly towards the biotic. "What?"

Jack started laughing. "What? You don't want a pony on your ship or sumthin'?"

"You're cleaning up after it. You have any idea how much those things –" Joker started laughing with her. "God, you with a  _pony_. . ."

They suddenly became aware of a presence behind them, and turned. Shepard stood in the entrance to the cockpit, staring at the scene in front of her. Jack and Joker fell quiet for a minute as Shepard started to open her mouth.

"No." She shook her head. "There isn't enough alcohol in the universe to make this make sense."

She was back to the CIC when she heard them start laughing again. "Chambers . . . why is Jack out of Engineering?"

Chambers shrugged. "No idea, Commander. She's been up here quite often recently."

Shepard shook her head, plugging in a set of coordinates. "I'll be in my quarters. Trying to make this make sense. I think I'll be there for a while."

#

"Hey, Commander."

Kaidan glanced up from the table in the armory as Jacob walked in. "Mr. Taylor."

Jacob glanced over the table. Kaidan's armor was spread out across it, the marine diligently working on something that didn't look like routine maintenance. "What happened?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Some . . .  _things_  . . . came loose. That's all."

"Like what?" Jacob picked up one of the shoulder plates. "Anything I can do?"

"No. I've got it." He wrestled one of the medi-gel tubes from the underarmor weave and started patching it.

"This isn't routine damage. Medi-gel tubes don't fracture like that."

"I've had this issue before. It's nothing – just heavy use." The tube slid back into the weave. "It's better than the tubes being clogged."

"That's the truth." Jacob examined the plate he was holding. "What armor class is this?"

"Medium. Predator twelve." Kaidan continued to inspect the tubing. "Prototype. Got asked to test it in the field."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you trained as a sentinel?"

Kaidan paused to glance up before he continued working. "Cerberus tell you that?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, but your file sucked."

"I guess that's a good thing."

"How'd you get to medium armor?"

"Training," Kaidan answered bluntly, echoing Jacob's shrug. The tubing satisfactorily checked, he moved to the backplate. His brow furrowed slightly as he examined it, then sighed.

"If you need anything, let me know," Jacob said.

"I will. Thank you."

Jacob nodded, glancing back as he continued to perform routine maintenance on the team's weapons. Kaidan was prying the shield generator off the backplate calmly, flipping it over in his hands when it was removed. A frown ghosted across his face as one wrist rose up to press into his forehead before he set the generator down on the table, digging into the mod with his screwdriver.

No. That didn't look like routine damage at all.

#

"Hey."

Joker glanced back. "Oh. Hi, Kasumi."

The thief leaned over the back of his chair. "You have access to the ship's systems from here, right?" He nodded. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Like what?"

"Can you look up Commander Alenko's privileges?"

"His privileges? Like how much water he can use in the shower and how much food he's allotted as a biotic?"

"Yeah."

"Is something going on?"

Kasumi shook her head, biting her lip. "I don't know. But I've been overhearing some stuff I don't particularly like."

Joker brought the panel up, typing in Kaidan's name. His file popped up, and he flipped over to the requested panel. "Oh."

"Right there." Kasumi pointed. "That's what I overheard."

He skimmed the files with a low whistle. Someone had hacked into the ship's systems – or, at least, accessed the proper terminal – and adjusted nearly  _all_  of Kaidan's privileges. Showers? Water temperature maximum of twenty degrees Celsius. Sleep schedule? Four hours. Second-shift mess sergeant? Non-officer's food, bare rations for a biotic. Joker unconsciously closed his fists. "What the hell is this bullshit? Is the crew suddenly in college?"

"It appears we have a second faction working against us," Kasumi murmured. "How long has this been going on?"

Joker glanced at the timestamp. "Nearly a week and a half."

She whistled. "So it looks like it started not long after the briefing room."

"Looks like." Joker shook his head. "I'm changing it back. This is  _shit_." He quickly reset the privileges to their pre-tampered-with levels, then paused. "Should we tell Shepard?"

"I don't think so." Kasumi mirrored him, shaking her head. "Shepard has enough to worry about without adding this sort of stress into it."

"If you're sure. I don't like keeping this from her."

"Joker, she'd explode. You know that. It'd stop the crew from doing this, but it'd also cause more problems for everyone."

Joker sighed. "I know. But this is bullshit." He paused, a broad grin crossing his face. "Hey, I have an idea."

"Oh, God."

"Give me a few minutes." Joker's hands started to fly across the console. "Just have to open up the user log files . . . find out what terminal they used . . . get a list of names . . . Looks like we've got Hadley listed on here as opening up the privilege file on Alenko last. Check this box . . . check this one . . . lower water temperature . . . He's got bunk four in crew quarters. Go short-sheet it."

"What? Are  _you_  suddenly in college?"

Joker grimaced. "No. But they're fucking with Alenko. I'm gonna fight fire with fire."


	20. Operation Shenko

Having now deduced the source of her eavesdropped conversation, Kasumi knew that the stakes were suddenly much,  _much_ higher for Operation Shenko. Hopeless romantic? Yes. Unable to pass up an opportunity like this? Yes. Able to deal with a crew hostile to someone pivotal to the Operation? No.

It was time to bring in their secret weapon.

The med bay door slid open, and Chakwas looked up from her terminal. "Hello, Kasumi."

"Hi, doc," Kasumi answered, dropping down into the other chair. "How're you doing?"

"Much better. I've had far more visitors recently, now that K—Commander Alenko is here."

"What do you think of him being here?"

Chakwas arched an eyebrow. "I'm concerned about the adverse effect his presence may be exerting on the crew. But Alenko is a valuable asset to have and I, for one, am glad he's here. Why?"

Kasumi quickly explained their situation, summarizing Operation Shenko and covering all relevant major bases, including the 'meeting' in the briefing room and her subsequent conversation with Shepard about it. Chakwas was silent for a few minutes, staring into the mess.

"I see your wish to resolve this," Chakwas said finally. "But both Kaidan and Marrakech are private individuals. They will not appreciate you meddling in their affairs."

"Considering the success they're having in meddling in their own affairs, I think we can be forgiven for wanting this to resolve."

Chakwas nodded. "I didn't say I wouldn't help you. I was merely making an observation based on my knowledge of the individuals involved."

"So . . . you'll help us out?"

"Absolutely. I already tried to make Shepard recognize the need for this to resolve – she, of course, didn't listen, quite possibly because I forgot to insert 'Doctor's Orders' in front of it. Whatever you need, as long as it isn't a confidentiality breech, I am more than willing to help you with." Chakwas glanced back out the window to where Gardner was wiping down his counter. "I'll speak to Rupert as well. He may help us as well."

"That would be good," Kasumi admitted. "I'm concerned that the crew is struggling to get him to leave the ship. Gardner'll be able to keep us updated."

"I'll speak to him shortly. I have a few more notes to make in my files." Kasumi nodded, taking that as a hint to leave. "Thank you for asking me, Kasumi."

"Anytime, doc." Kasumi grinned, bouncing back out of the room. Chakwas shook her head, turning back to her console.

On the  _SR1_ , watching Kaidan and Shepard had alternated between pain-inducing slowness and absolute hilarity. The duo had danced around each other so long that, by the time they'd reached Noveria three-quarters of the way through their mission, a betting pool had circled the ship trying to predict how long it would take them to give in and, at least,  _admit_  what was going on. To everyone's surprise, Tali and Engineer Adams had come up from behind, betting that it wouldn't be until they had Saren cornered that they'd cave in. Chakwas had thrown her weight in with them, recognizing the psychological aspect they'd been counting on.

Tali, Adams, and Chakwas had not let Joker forget about that victory for a month.

And it had been hilarious watching Kaidan and Shepard, after the Battle of the Citadel, denying that anything had occured.

Chakwas stood, leaving the med bay to head over to Gardner. He looked up as she approached.

"Heya, doc," he greeted.

"Hello, Rupert," Chakwas replied warmly.

#

Shepard checked her gloves as Tali, Zaeed, Kasumi, and Garrus joined her at the shuttle. They'd received a distress call from an overrun mech facility, which Cerberus claimed was the source of the recent virus-laden mechs they'd been running into. She glanced behind them. "Has anyone seen K—Commander Alenko?"

Garrus shook his head. "No."

She sighed. "I told him fifteen minutes. He had fifteen minutes to grab his armor and weapons and get down here." She shook her head. "We can't wait for him. Let's go."

Kasumi and Tali traded a glance as they climbed in the shuttle behind them. Kasumi had updated the quarian via omni-tool, but this was new.

Was he not coming? Or had he not gotten the message?

#

Hadley stepped out of the shower, gooseflesh rising on his body. He scrubbed himself with the towel, finally staggering out into the mess for breakfast. Gardner checked his screen, then dished out the appropriate amount of rations. Hadley glanced down at his tray, then back at the mess sergeant.

"Just this?"

Gardner shrugged. "That's what it says on the screen."

"That can't be right."

"Hey. You can take it up with the officers. That's what it says on my screen."

Hadley sat down at the table, staring down at the far-decreased rations on his tray. Mathews looked up at him.

"What the hell happened to you, man?"

Hadley shook his head. "You are not going to believe the day I'm having . . ."

#

Back on the  _Normandy_ , Kasumi settled into port observation, opening the installed terminal.

Hacking time.

The Cerberus databases were supposedly very empty when it came to Kaidan Alenko, but she was going to try. She needed information on the Commander, and there was only one way to find it.

It took a matter of seconds for her to hack into the Cerberus databanks, and a few more clicks downloaded the files she wanted. She moved back to her couch, getting comfortable.

_Alliance Personnel File: Alenko, Kaidan M._

She opened it.

_Name: Alenko, Kaidan M._

_Rank: Staff Commander_

_Skill: Biotic, Technical_

_Training Level: N7_

_Assignment: Classified_

_Current Posting: Classified_

Kasumi paused, scrolling back to training level. N7. Wasn't N7 what Shepard had on her armor? That random white letter and number she'd never bothered to think about before? With a shrug and a note to look it up later, she moved on.

_Recent Assignments: Councilor's Aide, Citadel; SSV Normandy SR1_

_Physical: Cleared_

_Psychological: Cleared*_

She moved through the file to find the associated asterisk.

_*Note: Subject shows some signs of extreme survivor's guilt, but possesses the compartmentalization indicative of combat soldiers. Subject is still mentally stable. Recommended for aide-level positions until psychological trauma is remedied, but will clear for combat readiness._

She paused, rereading the last line. So had he been cleared to be on Horizon or not? She sighed – this was when she wished she knew more about the military and their operating procedures. She knew enough to hack through their systems and lift the occasional artifact, but that was it. She kept going through the list.

_Mailing: A933, Presidium, Citadel_

_Permanent Address: OQ 877, Arcturus Station_

_Permanent Address: 402 Hyllis Road, Vancouver, BC, Canada, Earth_

_Next-of-Kin: Rear Admiral R. Alenko, retired; Mrs. I. Alenko_

_Permanent Address: 402 Hyllis Road, Vancouver, BC, Canada, Earth_

_Note: Recommended for Spectre training. Confirmed. Status dependent upon current assignment. –D. Anderson._

Kasumi raised an eyebrow. No one had even  _heard_  – although everyone assumed – that any other humans had even been considered for the Spectres . . . but Kaidan  _was_  a logical choice, and that meant that this was probably his trial run. Anderson was crafty, she'd give him that. She doubted Kaidan even knew about that aspect of his assignment.

She moved further back in the file which, as she'd heard, possessed very little except his most recent psychological evaluation, marked up with Chambers' notes. Buried at the back of the data was an audio file supposedly recorded in Anderson's office, timestamped three weeks before they'd reached Horizon. She pressed play.

:: _Commander Alenko._ :: The first voice was Anderson's, definitely.

There was a brief pause in response, then Kaidan answered. :: _Sir._ ::

:: _Have a seat. I assume you've heard the rumors?_ ::

:: _Rumors, sir?_ ::

The next voice was new. It sounded older, gruffer. :: _About Shepard._ ::

:: _I had heard some rumors. That she was alive._ ::

:: _And working for Cerberus._ :: It was the gruff voice again, answering the unspoken part of Kaidan's statement.

Anderson spoke next. :: _They aren't rumors. Shepard, or someone who looks and behaves very much like Shepard, is indeed alive._ ::

There was a long pause. When Kaidan spoke again, his voice carried a mixture of hope and disbelief. :: _Councilor, it's been two years. How sure –_ ::

:: _I am nearly entirely positive that it is, indeed, Shepard. I don't know how, or why, but she explained it as much as possible._ :: A pause and footsteps indicated Anderson was moving. :: _The Council reinstated her Spectre status._ ::

:: _Without guaranteeing it was_ her _?_ :: Disbelief.

:: _As I said, I'm fairly certain it's her – and I'm fairly certain that Cerberus is controlling her in some way. Not a control chip, or force – you know Shepard wouldn't go for that. They may be manipulating her._ ::

:: _That is where you come in, Alenko. We think Cerberus might be behind the recent string of colony abductions._ ::

Another pause, followed by more disbelief. :: _You don't think Cerberus would – or that Shepard would –_ ::

:: _We don't know. We're sending you to Horizon. There are rumors that it's the next colony to be hit, and we want you on the ground if that happens. If it's Cerberus, or if it's not, you're to report to us._ ::

:: _That's going to be difficult, sir, if I'm part of the colony going missing._ ::

:: _We know. This is a dangerous assignment, but necessary. There is another part of your assignment._ ::

:: _Which is?_ ::

There was another pause before Anderson spoke again. :: _If you see Shepard . . . confirm her identity._ ::

:: _And if you have the opportunity . . . get onto her ship._ ::

There was a long, quiet pause. :: _I'm supposed to get onto a Cerberus ship and spy on them for the Alliance?_ ::

:: _If it's Shepard, we need to know why she's working with Cerberus. We both know how one-minded she is about the Reapers, and we can therefore assume they're involved – or, she thinks they're involved. We need to know whatever she knows. Understood?_ ::

There was another quiet pause and, when Kaidan finally spoke again, his voice was thick with resignation. :: _When will I leave?_ ::

Kasumi fell quiet as the recording stopped. So he  _had_  been asked to spy on the ship – that would explain why Cerberus was so worried about getting him off it. She smiled slightly, her mind whirling on how this would work if it was a romance novel. Kaidan would have taken the assignment out of loyalty to Shepard, to determine her authenticity and to reconnect with his lost love. Then she frowned. No. At that point he would have swept her off her feet and they would have moved to a private location for a few months to catch up with each other.

But actually, all stories had to have conflict. So perhaps it would play out more similarly anyway . . . She grinned again, tucking her legs to her chest.

She had a plan, and they still had a chance.


	21. Land of Hopes, Dreams, and Nuclear Waste

They stepped off the shuttle, Shepard's eyes flickering around the tumbles of rubble and dust that seemed to coat every inch of surface around them.

She'd kept the party small again – since they were going to be surrounded by krogan, she wanted to seem as non-threatening as possible. Grunt still paced anxiously just outside the group's clump; Garrus and Kaidan still found themselves falling back onto Shepard's six with Mordin nervously wedged in between them. Samara stood calmly in the rear, her eyes drifting over their surroundings.

Squaring her shoulders, Shepard marched deeper into the Urdnot camp. One of the krogan guards stopped her and, after a brief, terse exchange, they passed.

" _This_  is the great krogan homeworld?" Grunt finally said, words falling out before he could stop them.

" _This_  is what happens when you get too playful with nukes," Shepard muttered in answer, seemingly calming the adolescent down. "Something you should probably remember."

The tunnel opened up as Kaidan rubbed his forehead.  _Everything is a learning experience._  Shepard's words on Virmire as they wound their way along the river on the mako still echoed in his head.  _Right now, it's that there's a goddamn colossus around every turn and they_ always  _see us first._

Everything is a learning experience, even if it went unrealized. Like the fact that Shepard was always in his head.

An elevated tumble of rubble seemed to catch her eye, and Shepard stalked towards it. She had hoped that they could locate Wrex before accosting the clan leader since she thought having the krogan's input would be useful, but something seemed to have encouraged her to head for the clan leader directly. Garrus spotted said reason first.

"Alenko," he murmured, visor flickering as it adjusted on something. "Is  _that_  Wrex?"

He was about to answer, eyes wide, when one of the krogan guards stopped Shepard firmly. "Halt. You must wait 'till the clan leader summons you. He is . . . in talks."

Shepard scoffed. "Wrex is in talks? I bet he's enjoying  _that_."

"That isn't our point. You must wait until –"

"Turn your ass around then, and tell him that Sh—"

"Shepard!" A loud, familiar bellow echoed off the rubble, accompanied by the sound of heavy steps. Shepard grinned, glancing around the krogan guard.

"Good enough?" She pressed her way through the guards. "Excuse me."

"Shepard!" The heavily-scarred, red-plated krogan who'd made their lives several times more interesting while hunting Saren grabbed her hand, his other clapping on her shoulder. "My friend!"

"I think if he didn't have a reputation to uphold, Wrex'd be hugging her right now," Kaidan muttered. Garrus nodded.

"I've never seen a krogan . . .  _happy_ ," he answered. "It's disturbing."

"Interesting. Krogan-human interaction shows hallmarks of both cultures. Indicates previous unknown." Mordin started tapping at his omni-tool, taking the data down. "Requires further investigation."

"You look well for dead, Shepard," Wrex continued. "Should have known the void couldn't hold you."

Shepard glanced around. "Looks like helping me destroy Saren and the geth worked out for you. Damn glad we didn't have to kill each other on Virmire."

"Heh.  _You_  made the rise of Urdnot possible." He shook his head, moving his hand to motion at their surroundings. "Virmire was a turning point for the krogan . . . though not everyone was happy about it." A dark look was delivered at a nearby krogan. "Destroying Saren's genophage cure freed us from his manipulation. I used that to spur the clans to unify under Urdnot."

The green-plated krogan over Wrex's shoulder and the recipient of his previous dark look erupted. "You abandoned many traditions to get your way. Dangerous."

There was a pause as Wrex seemed to mull over his options, settling on a hard, bone-crunching headbutt that made the other krogan very familiar with the ground. Shepard resisted the urge to laugh as Wrex returned to his chair, beckoning them after him. "Speak when spoken to, Uvenk. I'll drag your clan to glory whether you like it or not. Now, Shepard, what brings you here? How's the  _Normandy_?"

"Got destroyed in a Collector attack. I got spaced."

Wrex shrugged. "You look good. Ah, the benefits of a redundant nervous system."

"Yeah. We don't have that."

"Oh." He shrugged again. "Must have been painful, then."

"Glad to see he hasn't changed," Kaidan said as Shepard and Wrex started discussing the krogan's plans, almost as if she'd been aware of them from the beginning. For all they knew, she had been.

"I hear that."

"Shepard knew krogan from before? Traveled with, perhaps?" Mordin was still tapping on his omni-tool, curiously observing Shepard and Wrex.

"Wrex helped us take down Saren. He and Shepard drew guns on each other a few times, but never quite got around to killing each other."

"Interesting."

Grunt scoffed. "His association with humans shows –"

"Wrex nearly killed possessed-Saren himself until the damn thing started shooting fire at him." Garrus sounded oddly complementary of the krogan, considering that he'd been unconscious during said part of the fight. "And then Shepard dismembered it with a shotgun."

"Good times," Kaidan commented.

Shepard's voice cut back into their discussion. "Wrex, I'm glad everything's going well for you. But I do have –"

Wrex nodded, cutting her off. "We don't often allow aliens to do business here, but you're an exception."

"Thanks. I've got a krogan with me." She jerked her finger back at Grunt. "Something's going on with him. I needed—"

Wrex cut her off with a hand wave, standing and staring at Grunt intensely. "Where are you from, whelp?" he finally asked, still assessing the adolescent. "Was your clan destroyed before you could learn what is expected of you?"

Grunt scoffed. "I have no clan. I was tank-bred by Warlord Okeer, my line distilled from Kredak, Moro, Shiagur—"

Uvenk seemed to have recovered from his headbutting experience. "You recite warlords, but you are the offspring of a syringe!" he snapped.

"You back the  _hell_ —" Shepard started, stepping between Grunt and the far larger krogan. Her hand brushed back against her shotgun – unconsciously, the rest of her squad started for weapons as well.

"Uvenk!" Wrex barked, encouraging him to step back. Shepard relaxed. "Okeer is a very old name. A very  _hated_  name."

"He's dead."

"Of course. You're with Shepard. How could he be alive?"

"Okay, so you  _do_  know what's going on?"

"Of course I do. He's becoming a full adult."

Garrus groaned. "Adolescence? Can't we just take him to Omega and buy a few dances?"

Shepard and Kaidan couldn't resist a small laugh. Wrex chuckled, accompanying the noise with an intense glare at the turian. "Shut it, Vakarian. Doesn't matter what aliens call it. Krogan undergo the Rite of Passage."

Uvenk came back with a vengeance. "Too far, Wrex! Your clan may rule here, but this  _thing_ is not krogan!"

Shepard started for her shotgun, but Wrex snapped out and grabbed her forearm before she could reach it. Uvenk stormed off. "Glad to see you have your own personal Udina," Shepard commented, lowering her hand. Wrex half-rolled his eyes.

"That's an insult to Udina," he answered. "Even that human slime knows his place."

"Not if you listen to Anderson," Kaidan said.

"Uvenk's an idiot." Wrex redirected his attention. "So, Grunt, do you wish to stand with Urdnot?"

Grunt paused, eyes flickering around the camp. Wrex looked at Shepard, who shook her head. "It's his choice."

"It's in my blood," he finally answered. "It is what I am for."

Wrex might have grinned. "Good boy. Speak with the shaman – he's over on the second level. Give him a good show, and he'll set you on the path." He returned to his chair, sinking down into it. "You too, Shepard. How many times have you stepped in a mess for your crew, hmm?"

"Too often." She sighed. "Which brings me to reason two –"

Mordin fidgeted slightly as Wrex glanced at him. "Figured as much."

"I'm looking for a salarian. He was captured by the Blood Pack and brought here."

"Go talk to my scout commander. He's probably running target practice near the perimeter." His voice lowered. "Just don't distract him too long. I need a constant watch on the other clans."

"You know me too well, Wrex." Shepard grinned. "See you around."

"Watch yourself," Wrex said with a nod. "Tuchanka isn't as safe and homey as Feros and Ilos."

"Only you would call Feros and Ilos safe and homey."

"Didn't see you skulking back there, Alenko," Wrex commented. Shepard was already halfway across the camp, heading towards the scout commander. "Glad to see Shepard's still got someone around to keep her head on straight. Now go make sure she doesn't harass him too much."

Kaidan walked away from the pile of rubble, not quite able to admit to anyone except for himself that Shepard's head was definitely not straight with him around.

Especially not the krogan who'd gruffly told them to "rut and get it over with."

#

Shepard wasn't sure why the Urz the Varren had started to follow her, but he was.

As she walked towards Wrex's throne rubble with her crew dispersed through the ship or the clanhold the varren happily trotted after her, huge blue eyes trained on her at all times.

Mordin had retreated to the safety of the  _Normandy_  with most of the ground team and, according to Chambers, had promptly locked himself in the laboratory and not emerged. Grunt was off wandering the clanhold, watching the other krogan. Wrex was cleaning his shotgun as Shepard approached, and stood once he spotted her. "Shepard. Glad to see you're in one piece."

"It's me, Wrex," she replied. "I like to stay in one piece."

"So I've heard. Heard you cleaned out Weyrloc for me as well."

"They were in my way. Thought I'd do you a favor." Wrex chuckled. "I wanted to talk to you more in-depth."

"Hate hearing that."

"I know. But I needed to make sure you're remembering our deal. It  _looks_  like you are, but—"

Wrex scoffed. "Don't worry your squishy head about it, Shepard. I told you I'd have the krogan to stand with you when the Reapers come through, and I'll damn well have them united by then." Shepard punched his shoulder. He chuckled. "So how's everything goin' with your mate?"

"My –  _shit_ , Wrex . . ." Shepard looked away uncomfortably. Wrex shook his head.

"It's a wonder humans reproduce as much as they do, with the way you fumble around about it."

"No, it isn't . . . it's been two years, and he doesn't quite accept the whole I-Was-Dead spiel as easily as everyone else."

"What? Alenko? I'm surprised, Shepard." Wrex shook his head again. "If you're worried about that you should just rut again and carry his child. He'd –"

"Whoa!" Shepard held up her hands, an uncomfortable flush coloring her face. "Whoa, Wrex, let's just step back here and compare the fact that human children are dependent on their parents for a hell of a lot longer than krogan children, add in the impending Reaper apocalypse, and divide by the amount of time I have to worry about taking care of a kid, and –"

"Didn't say you  _had_  to do it. Said you  _could_." He shrugged. "You humans complicate matters."

"Yeah. I know." She sighed. "Trust me, I know."

Wrex opened his mouth to respond, then glanced around her. "Oh. Looks like the females brought the children over again. Brace yourself."

"What?"

She turned just in time to see Garrus, talking to the scout commander about the guided missile system, get bowled off his feet by headbutt from a tiny krogan that maybe came up to his hip. It promptly rushed towards the rubble where Shepard and Wrex were, and Shepard quickly stepped to the side to avoid it as it launched itself into Wrex's lap. Wrex affectionately rubbed the krogan baby's headplate. "Shepard, this is Wrave, my son."

Shepard stared at him for a second, then slowly covered her mouth with her hand. "Wrex. . . my God, that's adorable."

Wrex glared at her. "Krogan are  _not_  adorable."

Shepard found herself needing to press. "So did you have to read manuals? Like, 'How to Be a Good Krogan Daddy'?"

"Shepard. I cannot believe I let the galaxy rest in your hands. I should kill you and steal your ship."

"Yeah, you probably should." She paused, watching as Wrave tried to headbutt his father's chest. Wrex ignored him. "So is he like a prince or something? Since you've kind of taken over Tuchanka?"

"If he kills me later for it, then yes."

Shepard made a face. "Great leadership system."

He chuckled. "Indeed. It at least leads to interesting family gatherings."

"I can imagine." She shook her head. "How old is he?"

"Coupl'a months. Like you said, krogan grow up fast. Started headbutting about a week ago – haven't been able to get him to stop since. Unfortunately for Vakarian, he's used to runnin' into other krogan – not turians."

"Garrus is tough."

Wrex nodded, watching as the turian dusted himself off. "Don't worry, Shepard. We'll be killing Reapers right alongside you when they come through."

"Good." Shepard nodded, glancing back down at Wrave. "I'll let you spend time with your son. Wrex . . . I—" She sighed. "I know how much that has to mean with the genophage."

Wrex waved her off. "Get back to your people, Shepard. Don't want to get us all weepy-eyed."

Shepard nodded. "We'll be back tomorrow, Wrex. So long."

"Shepard."


	22. As Good A Place As Any

The next day, the Urdnot clanhold was enveloped in some of the most terrifying sort of celebrations anyone on the  _Normandy_ had seen.

Earlier, after Shepard had engaged in some krogan headbutting of her own and visibly disgraced Uvenk she, Grunt, Garrus, Zaeed and Jack had disappeared onto the nuclear-ravaged surface of Tuchanka for several hours. Upon their return the entire team had been hurried back to the medical bay on the ship for no apparent reason, Grunt finally returning to the surface. By then, the entire ground team had heard – the five had killed a thresher maw. On foot.

Grunt's addition to Urdnot was, quite possibly, the best thing to happen to them. The last krogan in memory to have killed a maw on foot was Wrex himself; Kaidan and Shepard had, of course, killed plenty of maws while in the mako but  _never_  on foot. His addition made Urdnot a hell of a lot stronger, and accepting the females and young from Weyrloc had expanded them as well. Wrex made a better politician than any of them would have thought.

The medical bay door slid open. Shepard was still on one of the cots, leaning back against the wall with a datapad propped up on her knees and a cup of coffee firmly clenched in her hand. Chakwas glanced up as Kaidan stepped through. "What's wrong?"

"She headbutted a krogan," Chakwas said disdainfully. "I can't possibly imagine what's wrong."

"And got a nice bath of thresher spit," Shepard added.

"We saw what happens with thresher venom and soldiers thanks to Cerberus." Chakwas' tone as she continued her report indicated her disgust over the experiments. "I wanted to ensure Shepard would face no ill effects."

"No one else got hit with it?"

"Grunt did, but krogan are naturally immune from thresher venom. It's that whole redundant nervous system thing." Shepard answered this time. "Garrus, Jack, and Zaeed managed to miss the worst of it." She scowled. "Me? I need new armor.  _Again_."

"How bad's her concussion?"

"Not bad. Not nearly as bad as the Collector ship. She'll be out by oh-twenty tonight."

"I swear, if the Alliance ever needed a good prison warden, the doctor'd be their best bet," Shepard said. "She's the only CMO I've ever known who can make marines piss themselves."

"Complementary as usual, Commander," Chakwas retorted dryly.

"See if I buy you any more brandy," Shepard grumbled. Kaidan sighed and headed for the cot, pulling himself up on the one next to her. "What do you need, Commander?"

"We need to talk."

Shepard shrugged, knowing that this conversation had been coming. She'd purposefully avoided him since The Briefing Room Incident, as she thought of it, but knew him well enough to realize he'd come after her sooner or later. She'd figured it'd be when she wasn't able to escape the med bay without facing Chakwas' doctorly wrath. She was also trying to come up with a better descriptor for the events in her life than "The -Descriptor- Incident." Perhaps throwing in a random "Debacle" would break the monotony. "Then talk."

He paused. "I've made up my mind, but I think it means I have more questions than answers."

"I figured." It amazed him how terse she got when she was uncomfortable. "What'd you decide?"

"You're Shepard. I don't know how, but you are."

"So now you're trying to figure out where I was for the two years you thought I was dead." Shepard took a drink of her coffee while Kaidan nodded. "Good thing you already know. I  _was_  dead, floating around somewhere amongst the  _Normandy_  wreckage. Kaidan . . ." she sighed, setting the datapad down but holding onto the cup like a lifeline. "I don't remember dying. I just remember hitting the button to launch Joker's escape pod and praying I had enough air to wait for pickup. Next thing I know, security mechs are trying to kill me and it's been two years." She motioned. "I know how you feel about her, but Miranda's a better source of information. I was her baby for two years, after all."

"She –"

"Oversaw the project, yes." Shepard shook her head. "I-I read the files. I needed to know what they did to me. I got through the text just fine. It was the pictures . . ." She drained her coffee, making a face as if she had hoped it'd turn into alcohol. "But no, if you're asking, I didn't fake my death to join Cerberus. The Alliance is . . . was . . . my life."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "'Was?'"

"I have a question for  _you_ ," she said pointedly, eyes finally locking on his. "What did you do while the Alliance started to denounce me and started calling me crazy? Engineers Daniels and Donnelly quit." She motioned downwards, indicating the drive core. "Jacob quit." Another motion indicated the armory. "Joker quit. Chakwas ended up quitting. People who defended me got shit-canned, or worse."

"You didn't direct this to Hackett or Anderson either? Or your mother?"

"Anderson defended me to the Council, as is his job. Hackett I haven't really had a chance to talk to. My mother . . . they wouldn't fire her for defending me. She's my  _mother_. It's her job to defend me."

"And that's my job now as well?"

"Kaidan, I . . ." A hand ran through her hair. "I loved you, damn it. And I thought you loved me. And then I wake up and I hear _nothing_  about you defending me or even about –"

"So you think that –"

"I think that if you actually loved me you'd have –"

"Someone needed to keep working on the Reaper problem! If I started standing up to the Alliance, they'd have said that my implants had finally made me snap, or that I was just as deluded as you from being your subordinate, or figure out about the fraternization – and if they discharged me,  _no_  one was going to be working on the Reaper threat or even remember that it existed."

"Hackett believes us. He would have kept –"

"Shepard, you know the Alliance. Hackett might be high brass, but he's not all-powerful. He couldn't have kept them from canning me. He –"

"But  _nothing_? You couldn't even drop a good word for me –"

"You were  _dead_. Your reputation might have been crushed but no one expected –"

"So it doesn't matter to you that –"

"What would it have  _done_ , Shepard? I never expected to see you again.  _No_  one did. I was  _furious_  that they were treating you that way, but there wasn't anything I could do."

Shepard held up her hand, taking a deep breath. "Kaidan . . . I know. I just . . . I just wish that  _someone_  – you, especially, given the nature of our relationship, but even Hackett or Anderson – had spoken  _up_  about the Alliance's cover-up. I know no one wants to admit to the Reapers, and that's fine. But to . . . I loved the Alliance, Kaidan. You know that. I would have done anything for them two years ago. They sent us off hunting geth instead of focusing on the Reapers and I was fine with it, and then the  _Normandy_  blew. Then  _nothing_  we thought we knew was the same."

"Then what do you want me to say? That –"

"I don't know. I don't know any more. Because you've basically said you think I'm me, but you're still looking at me like I'm a traitor to the Alliance." She sighed. "Kaidan, I don't know why I should have any loyalty to an organization that treated me like a criminal. But I'm holding onto them because the only other alternatives are to throw myself upon the mercy of the Council – fat chance – or stick around with Cerberus, which isn't going to happen. I don't have an anchor anymore, Kaidan, and you're not helping.

"Maybe you  _should_  just get off the next time we're at the Citadel."

The words fell out before she could stop them, and Kaidan glanced down at his hands. "Shepard, I . . . are you  _asking_  me to –"

"I don't know." She stared into her empty mug, not able to look up at him. "I don't know much of anything nowadays, except for Reapers and Collectors."

"Then what –"

"I'm tired, Kaidan. I'm tired of Cerberus, I'm tired of the Alliance, of the Council, of babysitting a ground team that can't seem to get along with each other, of not having a lifeline or a direction, and right now, I'm tired of whatever the hell this is." Shepard's voice was still quiet, but Kaidan thought that, if Chakwas hadn't been sitting at her terminal, she'd have been yelling. "I haven't had time to not love you. But I don't think I can handle this. Not now."

Kaidan sighed, standing. "Fine," he said, one hand rubbing the back of his head. "If it'll make you happy, I'll leave the next time we're on the Citadel. Because frankly, I'm getting tired of this as well."

He tried to make a graceful exit as Shepard buried herself back in her datapad, but the exit was hindered by a particular doctor. Chakwas quietly passed him an OSD as he walked by.

"You might want to open this in the vicinity of the bar," she murmured. "The only way to get through it is while intoxicated."

And Kaidan left, the OSD clutched tightly in his hand. Chakwas sighed, glancing back at where Shepard was furiously reading whatever Joker had brought her earlier.

This crazy plan Kasumi had had better work faster than it was, or things were going to get really ugly, really fast.

Her musing had hardly started when the door zipped open again, allowing entrance by a nervous-looking Miranda. Chakwas had hardly started to stop her when she marched directly towards Shepard.

Shepard was well aware of Miranda's heels on the med bay floor, and set aside her datapad with a sigh. Miranda stared down at the floor for a second before looking back at Shepard, her hands gripping her belt nervously.

"Shepard," she started. "I find myself in the uncomfortable position of asking for your help."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, then motioned at Kaidan's vacated cot. "Have a seat."

#

Kaidan sprinted along the frozen ground, breath coming in short waves through his helmet. Ahead of him, he could just make out the rounded shape of the last escape pod, still smoking from its descent through the atmosphere. Behind him, he could hear Chakwas' sharp breathing as she struggled to keep up; behind that, the footfalls of Liara and Tali, struggling to run through knee-deep snow.

He reached the escape pod, hands fumbling for the latching mechanism. He finally managed to wrench it open, revealing –

Nothing.

The inside of the pod was black, dark . . . it threatened to swallow him in  _nothing_. The air around him constricted, and he struggled to breathe, limbs starting to –

He found himself facedown on the walkway in front of the sleeper pods, gulping the recycled air of the  _Normandy_  down in short, thankful gasps. A short walk took him to the bathrooms, where he splashed water onto his face.

It wasn't the first time he'd relived the  _SR1_ 's death – Shepard's supposed death – but that last part . . . the blackness, the darkness – that was new. He pressed his head against the tiles.

Part of him wanted to go and examine the Lazarus data. The other part of him didn't. He sighed.

As it was, they were docked at Illium for the next hour, and he had time . . .

Kaidan shook his head, pressing his forehead more firmly into the tiles. No.

He left the bathroom, heading through the mess back towards the sleeper pods for a few more hours of sleep. The mess was all but silent, the ship staffed on a skeleton crew while they were docked. Shepard's words continued to ring through his head. _Maybe you should just get off the next time we're at the Citadel_.

Kaidan wanted to rail at her. He'd just been starting to believe her, starting to trust her again, starting to  _want_  to believe her. He understood that he'd said some things he shouldn't have said – but why couldn't she even  _try_  to meet him halfway? Couldn't she even  _see_  from his point of view?

And the Alliance – she'd brought up the Alliance's blacklisting of her name after she'd disappeared. What could he have done? If he'd started to speak up, he'd have been drugged the rest of his life, listed as another unfortunate L2 driven insane by his implants. And  _then_  who would keep track of the Reapers? Who else in the Alliance had listened to Vigil or spoken with Benezia or heard Sovereign speak? Who else had seen Sovereign's destruction on Eden Prime? Who else knew just  _what_  they faced?

His musing was cut off as he started to pass Gardner's station, where Grunt had apparently been lying in wait. "I was waiting for you."

Kaidan drew to a stop. "I noticed." There was an awkward silence for a few minutes. Kaidan finally cleared his throat. "And?"

"Heard some humans talking earlier. Said you've been disrespecting Shepard." The krogan's eyes narrowed. "Said she'd asked you to leave."

"She may have."

"Then why are you still here?"

He paused. Somewhere in the back of his head, an alarm rang. "Not that it's your concern, but I was planning on leaving the next time we returned to the Citadel."

"This is as good a place as any," Grunt growled.

Giving ground was not good when faced with a krogan. Kaidan squared his shoulders firmly. "Shepard and I have a deal. I leave the next time we dock with the Citadel."

"That isn't soon enough," the krogan snarled. "I refuse to let you disrespect Shepard by disobeying her order to leave!"

Kaidan saw the krogan's shoulder move before his arm, and quickly threw up a  _barrier_  before impact. He wouldn't be able to respond – at this point the crew liked Grunt more than they liked him, and he wasn't sure when they'd head back to the Citadel next, so it was likely that he had at least another few weeks on the  _SR2_. Even so, he had either misjudged the amount of force Grunt had placed behind the blow or the strength of his emergency  _barrier_ , and found himself staggering back into the front of Gardner's counter, sliding to the floor. The world spun in front of him; lights flickered in bright flashes across the back of his lids. Something loud rang through his ears – he dimly thought he heard the krogan say something before the ground vibrated underneath him, signifying Grunt's retreat. Kaidan tried to move, but a burning pain erupted through his jaw and neck and made him determine, groggily, that staying put was quite possibly the best action he could take.

He next became aware of a pair of hands investigating the side of his face – one of his fumbled to pull it away. "Kaidan." _Chakwas._  "You're awake. What happened?"

Kaidan tried to speak but couldn't make his jaw move. Outside his eyelids, he thought he could see the yellow-orange glow of an omni-tool. "Martin. David. Help him up." The ground seemed to move suddenly, filling him with an interesting floating feeling. Chakwas continued to give whomever was transporting him orders, and the floating feeling finally stopped. "Thank you. Now let me do my work."

He finally managed to open his eyes. A blurry Chakwas stood over him, scanning her omni-tool over him with a series of  _cluck_ s. "Wonderful," she murmured, reaching for a pair of gloves. "Hold still, Kaidan. This is probably going to hurt."

He would have protested as Chakwas slowly slid a few fingers into his mouth, securing them next to his jaw, but he found it still wasn't working. A few seconds later, he winced with an un-marinelike yelp when a  _crunch_  echoed through the room and more pain erupted through that side of his body. Chakwas sighed, making a few notes on her omni-tool before resuming her scanning. She finished and disappeared from his periphery.

On the side of the ship, a loud  _bang_  indicated that the locks were being released. Were they leaving Illium already? What happened?

"Well, Kaidan," Chakwas started, returning with a tray of interesting looking implements. "Somehow, you managed to break your mandible in two places  _and_  your left zygoma, suffer a moderate concussion,  _and_ get decent whiplash, and I'm still not sure how. Hold still, and I can at least fix the bone trauma."

Kaidan closed his eyes as the lights in med bay got too bright for him. What the hell did he do this time? He thought through the fog clouding his brain before it came back to him. Shepard's pet krogan punched him in the face. He groaned around whatever Chakwas was doing – if he had to guess he'd say she was injecting medi-gel into the bone.

Guess that cut his ability to get off the  _SR2_ on Ilium pretty solidly.


	23. Hitting the Fan

Shepard groaned as the team she'd requested for their next call grouped in the airlock. Once again, a certain Alliance Commander was missing. "Has anyone seen Commander Alenko?"

There was a brief pause, then a general shaking of heads. "I think I heard he was in med bay," Garrus filled in. Shepard frowned. Another migraine. He'd missed several missions at this point and, if his migraines were picking up, that would explain why.

An alarm rang as the connected ships once again lost altitude. "We definitely don't have time to wait around. Come on."

A deck down in med bay, Kaidan dutifully sat on the edge of his cot as Chakwas shone a light into his eyes. "Good. I think the scans were right – no permanent brain damage." Chakwas slid the light into her jacket before leaning back against the cot across from him. "Now what happened?"

Kaidan rubbed his jaw. She hadn't given him a mirror for the several hours he'd already been in med bay, but he could already feel the warmth and puffiness brought on by bruising creeping through the side of his face. "I must have crashed into Gardner's station or something," he murmured, wincing when he had to move his jaw.

"Kaidan, I'm not stupid," the doctor chided. "You are anything but clumsy, and I do not believe that Gardner's station possesses four-digited hands."

He winced again. "Okay. Grunt punched me."

"And why would he do that?"

"Someone must have overheard the conversation I had with Shepard in here over Tuchanka. I don't know how –"

"I never mentioned it."

"They must have said I was being disrespectful to her. That I was refusing to leave or something. Grunt took it as a personal insult to Shepard and, well, we know how krogan deal with their problems."

"So Grunt punched you."

"Mmhmm."

"The damage should have been much worse."

"I threw up a  _barrier_."

Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "You had time?"

"I reacted fast enough. I knew it was coming."

"You could have tried to  _push_  him."

"No."

Chakwas paused. "Why not?"

Kaidan sighed, eyes flicking over towards the door. Chakwas was still Chakwas, working for Cerberus or not. She seemed to catch his hesitation, and spoke. "EDI, I need to ask that all surveillance devices are deactivated for doctor-patient confidentiality reasons. I will reactivate them promptly."

"Understood, Doctor Chakwas," the AI said. "Surveillance devices are turned off for the Cerberus-standard limit of five minutes."

Chakwas frowned. "Speak freely, Kaidan. If there's a problem, I need to know. Doctor's orders."

"You can't tell Shepard," he said, after a brief pause. "Hell, she may be involved. I don't know anymore."

"You haven't looked at the Lazarus data?"

"I haven't had time." She frowned, but motioned with her hand. "Since before we rendezvoused with the Migrant Fleet, the crew has been . . ." He shook his head. "I don't need to bother you with this, doctor. I'll be leaving the next time we're on the Citadel, and everything will stop then."

"Kaidan—"

"Doctor, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but no. I don't need help with this."

Chakwas sighed, then nodded. "Very well. Get some rest – your concussion is still bad enough that I want to keep you for observation."

"Um, aye aye," Kaidan answered, almost unconsciously. Chakwas left the partition, returning to her console. "EDI," she said. "I need to speak with Joker. Please alert me if Commander Alenko's status changes."

"I will alert you to any concerns."

"Thank you." Chakwas glanced around the full mess as she started towards the elevator, then changed her mind. A few more steps carried her the length of the mess towards the sleeper pods. She stopped in front of Kaidan's, opened the display, and typed in her CMO's override code.

Sure enough, just before Kasumi had approached her about participating in what she'd termed Operation Shenko, Kaidan's pod had been tampered with. First – not long after Horizon – M. Hawthorne had accessed it and hacked the mechanism so it wouldn't open, and user K. Alenko had re-hacked it several hours later so it couldn't be jacked again. Then, the alarm had been changed to a four-hour sleep schedule by user R. Hadley just before the Migrant Fleet, then re-changed to the standard time limit by user J. Moreau about a week later. It hadn't been messed with since, although the mechanism showed signs of secondary tampering.

With a scowl, Chakwas returned to the elevator and appeared in CIC, heading for the cockpit. Chambers half-waved to her, figuring Joker had called down about pain medication and Chakwas was merely bringing it to him.

Once she'd reached the cockpit, Joker turned. "Hey, doc. Fancy seeing you up here."

"Joker, I need you to be honest with me."

"Uh . . . okay." Joker raised an eyebrow. "'Bout what?"

"Grunt assaulted Kaidan."

"Whoa—what?" Joker spun back to the console. "How long ago?"

"About five hours."

Joker found the appropriate feed, then whistled appreciatively. "So he did."

"Are you aware of the crew . . . messing around, for lack of a better phrase . . . with him?"

The helmsman paled slightly, then laughed nervously. "You sure know how to ask the loaded questions, doc. Yeah. Apparently there's been a sort of coalition going about getting Kaidan off. I don't know what they know or how they find out about anything – probably Timmy – but they've been doing all number of stupid things. Messing with his pod, moving him off the officer's mess list – even caught them jacking his privileges so he was taking twenty-degree showers for a while. I fix 'em as I find 'em, but sometimes I'm not quite as quick as I want to be." Joker paused. "How bad is he?"

Chakwas shook her head. "It isn't bad. He had extensive facial damage, but the concussion was mild – for what it should have been. Is  _anyone_  being decent towards him?"

"The ground team, for the most part. He's been talking to that asari a lot – probably about biotics or somethin'. Apart from that, he's never gotten along with Miranda, and now this whole thing with the krogan – that's a first."

"You're sure there isn't anything else I should be aware of?"

Joker shook his head. "No, ma'am. What are you going to do about it?"

Chakwas paused. "We'll see. In the meantime, I think it's a good idea to avoid the Citadel."

"Uh . . . why?"

"He's planning on leaving the next time we dock."

"Shit. That'll mess Shepard. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Joker."

"Good luck, doc."

She returned to the elevator, then to the crew deck. Goldstein and Hawthorne were both sitting at the table, eating breakfast. Chakwas half-waved to Gardner as she slid in next to them. "Hey, doc," Goldstein said. "How're you doing?"

"I'm fine," Chakwas said calmly. "I was wondering if I could speak to you."

"Sure." Hawthorne shrugged.

"What is your opinion of Commander Alenko?" Chakwas asked delicately.

"Alliance?" Goldstein said. "He's a dick."

"Didn't you hear? The Commander asked him to leave. So why the hell's he still here?"

"So you're trying to make him feel unwelcome?"

"If that's the only way to get rid of him, then yeah," Hawthorne defended.

"And have you thought about whether or not the Commander feels the same way?"

"You mean Shepard? She asked him to leave."

"Did she?" Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "I was present for the conversation."

"Well, then, you heard her tell him to leave."

Chakwas shook her head. "I can't break doctor-patient confidentiality, but I can guarantee you that your information is skewed."

"Eh. I'll believe it when Shepard says it."

The doctor stood. "I hope you consider listening to me." She moved around the table – not towards med bay, but towards Miranda's quarters.

It was time to find out what the XO knew.

#

"I see your Anderson and raise you some tasty goodness."

Joker glanced in his mirror as Jack appeared in the cockpit behind him before propping herself up on his console. His mind toyed with responses to the phrase "tasty goodness" before opting for a course that wouldn't get him crushed.

"So you've come up with something?"

"Better. I know what the Reapers are after."

Joker raised an eyebrow as Jack propped her feet up on the mirror. "And?"

"Peanut butter."

There was a long pause as he took this in. "Peanut butter?"

"Peanut butter is delicious, and only humans produce it. Why the fuck wouldn't they want it?"

"So the Reapers want our peanut butter." Joker's mouth twitched. "How do we stop them from taking it?"

Jack shrugged. "Easy. We get the Prof to develop some sort of thing that introduces a peanut allergy into the Reapers and give 'em the peanut butter."

"And it's just that easy."

"Yep."

"What if the allergy doesn't take?"

"Then we create huge fuckin' bombs out of peanut butter and lure them into a trap with it."

"Just like that."

"Just like that."

"So, I have to ask . . . why peanut butter?"

Jack shrugged. "Because peanut butter is fucking delicious. Everyone loves peanut butter – unless you're allergic to it, which is just fucked up. Don't tell me you don't –"

"Nope. I just never get it. I mean, you think Gardner keeps a stash of this stuff on board?"

"He doesn't. I looked."

Joker sighed, leaning forward to press a button that was flashing. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"What? He ain't gonna stop me. 'Sides, he wasn't there."

"Did you check the secret panel under the faucet?"

Jack paused, eyes widening as her feet fell off the mirror. "There's a secret compartment?"

"That's where he keeps the good stuff."

Her eyes narrowed. "How do you know?"

"You think I'm up here all the time?" He paused. "You know, there might actually be a jar in there. I don't remember." Jack suddenly disappeared off the console. Joker spun his chair around. "Bring me some!"


	24. Doctor Chakwas, Secret Weapon

Chakwas knocked on Miranda's door. "Come in." She did, and Miranda looked up. "Doctor Chakwas. Have a seat."

"How are you, Miss Lawson?" Chakwas asked politely, sinking into one of Miranda's chairs.

"I'm doing well, doctor. I take it you needed to see me?"

"I did." Chakwas nodded in affirmation. "How aware are you of recent events aboard this ship?"

"I'm aware of everything that occurs on this ship."

"You are." Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "Then you are aware that one of your crewmembers recently assaulted an Alliance officer in the mess?"

Miranda echoed Chakwas' eyebrow raise. Of course she was aware. "You are referring to the recent altercation involving Grunt and Commander Alenko, I assume?"

"So you are aware?"

"Of course I am. EDI keeps me informed of everything that occurs on this ship."

"And you did not see a reason to intervene?"

Miranda shrugged. "Should I have?"

There was a quiet pause. "Should I be under the impression that our illusive leader has ordered you to stay out of difficulties between the crew and the Commander?"

"I don't know. Do you have that impression?"

"It is certainly the impression I'm getting, Miss Lawson." She paused again. "Have you also been unaware of the juvenile _activities_  this crew has been participating in towards the Commander?"

"I am not involved in or aware of any such activities."

Chakwas, had she not been planning on walking Miranda around in such a circle, would have indulged the urge to grin predatorily. As it was, there was too much riding on this. "But you just previously stated that you are kept informed of all occurrences on this ship."

For the briefest of seconds, Miranda's eyes flickered towards the door. "Only the occurrences that would merit my attention as XO are brought to my attention."

Touché. "And yet the blatant abuse of an Alliance officer is not something requiring the XO's attention?"

"He is not a member of this crew. As the executive officer, I am only concerned with issues pertaining to the crew – not extraneous baggage brought along on a whim."

"Then whose job would it be?"

"The Commander oversees all exterior relationships. She maintains relationships with the Council and her Spectre contacts, not I. I maintain relationships amongst the crew and ensure that problems are dealt with."

"Then the developing mob mentality of the crew is not your concern?"

"It developed from an extraneous stimuli. Therefore, it is the Commander's concern."

"So, by your reasoning, the Commander, who is concerned with fueling the ship, locating upgrades for the ship to further our chances of surviving this mission, maintaining relationships with the Council and her own contacts, balancing a ground team that cannot seem to cooperate, and developing a plan to defeat the Reapers while dealing with her previous death and current traitor-to-the-Alliance status is also to be tasked with ensuring that her crew does not abuse or mistreat other crewmembers?"

"Shepard never stated that Alenko was –"

"Shepard takes him on groundside missions. What other indications of his status on this team do you need, Miss Lawson?"

Miranda paused, then stood. "The ground team has returned."

"I don't believe I've yet made my point."

"Then speak quickly, Doctor Chakwas. I have much to do."

"Unfortunately so little of it is your job," Chakwas said calmly. Miranda refused to rise to her bait. "But I forget. Ensuring the safety of the only resident Alliance officer and the man who may be the Commander's lifeline is not one of your assigned duties."

"Doctor Chakwas, I merely stated that –"

"When  _I_  must ask the crew for their opinions and find out that there is an intense discord between the crew and Commander Alenko that resulted in him being punched by a  _krogan_ , then someone is not doing their job. And unfortunately for you, I believe that pushing the majority of this off on Shepard is not the proper way to handle the situation."

"He has not gone out of his way to indicate that he feels like part of the crew."

"Perhaps that is because the  _crew_  has not gone out of their way to make him feel welcome."

"And they should, when he is obviously spying on this ship's daily functions for the Alliance?"

"And you think Shepard is not sending reports about this ship to the Council? Why aren't you treating her with the same suspicion?"

"That's Shepard. That's different."

"Is it different because you resurrected her, or because it needs to be different so she continues to believe she is in charge of this mission?"

Had Miranda's office not been soundproofed for conversations similar to this one, where the operative was suddenly finding that a certain doctor seemed to have experienced diplomatic training, any passersby or eavesdroppers might have noticed that neither woman's voice ever raised above the polite tone used when inquiring about the weather or the other conversationalist's health. Both women stayed perfectly straight and proper, voices continuing to discuss the topic at hand as if it were nothing more pressing than the weather on the hanar homeworld – in that allegory, rainy with a chance of rain.

Miranda cleared her throat. "It is different because she  _is_  in charge of this mission."

"Is she?"

Miranda found herself grasping at straws that were slowly draining through her fingertips, turning to sand as they did just to add insult to injury. No one outtalked Miranda Lawson.  _No one_. "I answer to Shepard just as much as anyone else on this ship."

"And yet your loyalty is to the Illusive Man and to Cerberus. You cannot tell me that, if you believed Shepard was about to throw the mission because she did not agree with the parameters, you would hesitate to order her unfit for duty and take command yourself."

"This is off our original topic," Miranda said, delicately folding her hands on the table as she side-stepped Chakwas' statement. "Until Commander Alenko comes to me personally and requests my intervention, I have no need or authority to get involved."

Chakwas raised a previously-slack eyebrow. "Then you cannot get involved when said Commander is currently in my medical bay with a broken mandible, a shattered zygoma, severe contusions to the entire left side of his face, severe whiplash, and a – thankfully – minor concussion. And should I mention that the concussion has, no doubt, messed with his implants and should be causing an intense migraine? This will lay him in the medical bay for the foreseeable future – probably eight to ten hours – and render him unable to move due to the unbearable pain?" Miranda fell silent as Chakwas stood. "Speaking of my charge, I should return to being the only person in this room capable of performing all aspects and duties of my assigned job without laying the blame onto others."

Chakwas began to leave. Miranda quietly cleared her throat. "Shepard does not need to hear about this, doctor."

She turned back briefly. "If Shepard comes to my medical bay and asks why the Commander is currently immobile on one of my cots, I will not make up an excuse for you. I suggest you reign in your crew, before she has to do it herself."

#

Chakwas looked up as the door opened, flooding the darkened med bay with light. Shepard closed it behind her. "Doctor Chakwas," she murmured, glancing back at the curtained corner of the med bay. "I heard he was in here. Another migraine?"

She motioned at the seat across from her. "Have a seat."

Shepard sank down, eyes flickering back towards the curtain again. "What's wrong?" She sounded, quite possibly, more concerned than she had before.

"There was an . . . altercation," Chakwas explained quietly. "Some time before we left Illium, Grunt cornered the Commander in the mess."

There was a pause as Shepard processed this information, then groaned. "My God. What happened?"

"An altercation. Grunt punched Kaidan, Kaidan managed to bring up a  _barrier_  just beforehand, but it still broke through. He's fine – thanks to the  _barrier_ , the damage was minimal – but the concussion reacted with his implants."

"Causing a migraine." Shepard rubbed her forehead. "What caused this?"

With a sigh, Chakwas explained the recent events – the crew's treatment of Kaidan, Goldstein and Hawthorne's admittance to knowing about Shepard and Kaidan's recent discussion in the med bay over Tuchanka, Grunt's probable overhearing of said conversations and decision to act upon them in what he thought was Shepard's favor, and Chakwas' recent discussion with Miranda. Shepard grew paler throughout the course of Chakwas' exposition, finally resting her face in her palms as she leaned on her knees. "So this is my fault."

"What? No.  _Miranda_  –"

"—was right. I never explained Kaidan's place on this ship."

"But it was Miranda's job to ensure that this did not get out of hand."

"I should have seen it. I should . . ." Shepard trailed off as she stood, fists clenched.

"Shepard, if you knock heads together, do it gently."

"Doctor Chakwas." She held up her hand. "If I was blameless in this, I'd be keelhauling. As it is, the next step is called 'a firm talking-to.'" She stepped out of med bay, and a second later her voice came over the comm. :: _Will everyone who is not currently flying the ship report to the mess? Thanks._ ::

Chakwas joined the crew in the mess, leaning against her door. Shepard leaned against one of the sleeper pods as the crew gathered, stepping aside so Garrus could head down into the mess. Once everyone except Joker, Kaidan, and Jack were present, Shepard cleared her throat. "Joker, where's Jack?"

:: _Up here. We're watching on the screens._ ::

"Good." Shepard folded her hands behind her, stepping onto the stairs leading to the pods. "It has recently been brought to my attention that the maturity level on this ship has suddenly devolved into that of a group of elementary schoolers name-calling and hiding tarantulas in each other's desks." Several crewmembers went white. "Now, I'll refrain from mentioning names – mostly because I don't have all of them, and for that you are fortunate. I would like to remind you that conduct like this is not becoming of a ship of our stature. We may have begun as a Cerberus vessel, but that changed when I was placed in charge. This is a  _Spectre_  vessel, and as such we are held to a higher standard than we would have been otherwise. The presence of nonhuman crewmembers of differing and sometimes at-odds cultural backgrounds has led to a delicate balance of normal hazing-style pranks, such as what Joker does in his spare time –"

:: _I heard that, Commander._ ::

"—and the types of pranks pulled when people desperately would like to see someone else hurt." She paused, gauging the crew's reactions. Miranda stared at the floor in the corner, unable to meet Shepard's eyes. "This is, of course, in reference to the recent string of occurrences around our resident Alliance officer, Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko. Many of you remember that we picked him up under less-than-desirable circumstances on Horizon, and I'm certain the majority of you were acting in what you thought were our best interests by 'encouraging' him to leave. However, on this vessel, there are certain . . .  _things_  . . . that are left up to my final discretion. Those would be things as important as when your next shore leave is, how long your showers are allowed to be, and who the hell is allowed on this ship. I have asked Alenko on board this ship to be a member of the ground team and an Alliance representative. Let me reiterate this:  _I_ have  _asked_  Alenko to be present on this ship as a _valued member of the ground team_  and as an  _Alliance representative_.

"I understand and recognize that his presence here is detrimental to the Illusive Man's plan for this mission. However, if the Illusive Man had wanted someone who would operate according only to his plans, he would have trained a dog. I would like to point out that, while my surname is Shepard, I am  _not_  a dog. This is  _my_  mission as a Spectre, and that means that when we are out in the black, my word is that of God. You obey my orders to their fullest extent.

"That brings us to the point: Commander Alenko is to be treated as a full member of this crew. He is a valued operative with innumerable talents and is quite the nice individual if you'd give him the goddamned chance." She held up her hand. "I am under the impression, however, that the Illusive Man asked for you to enforce his speedy removal from this ship. I understand. He is a wildcard who cannot be bribed by Cerberus to do their work."

It was at this point that those gathered realized this speech was directed as much at the Illusive Man as it was at them. Mordin anxiously took notes in the background; Garrus leaned back against a wall and wondered if the Illusive Man was half as terrified as most of the crew. Probably not.

"However, I would like to politely remind you that, unless the Illusive Man's hideout is secretly on this ship – it isn't – he is  _not_ the only thing between you and an airlock.  _I_  am. And if I hear  _one_   _more report_  of the stupid petty shit that's been happening on this ship for the past month and a half, I swear to God, you will be getting very acquainted with those shiny lights you can see outside the viewport. I can also tell you that that  _isn't_  a pleasant experience.

"Furthermore." She took a deep breath. "I would like to note that idle conversation in the mess pertaining to other crewmembers that is not to the caliber of regular gossip is no longer allowed. Recent conversation discussing whether or not I asked Alenko to leave the ship found the Commander laid up in the medical bay with numerous craniofacial injuries, a concussion, and a clusterfucked migraine the likes of which I have never seen. However, I cannot yell too much at the individual who did this due to his culture's practices towards those who dishonor leaders, and therefore can only yell at the rest of you. Idle conversation is dangerous, especially when it's about an individual that's been getting done over by everyone on this ship. That, especially, stops today. If you have any more concerns about Commander Alenko, bring them to me. This is a waste of time and I wish it had been brought to my attention before it got out of hand. Pranks are now outlawed – even for you, Joker – since no one can seem to handle them maturely. I like to run an interesting ship, and I appreciate good entertainment as much as anyone else, but not at the expense of other crewmembers. Now, are there any questions?"

There was a pause, then Joker decided to add his input. :: _Even for me, Commander?_ ::

"Especially for you."

:: _Damn it!_ ::

"Dismissed," Shepard finally said, when no one else seemed ready to comment. "Grunt, I would like to speak with you, please."

The mess emptied. Shepard crossed her arms as the krogan stomped over from near the elevator. "I understand  _why_  you assaulted Commander Alenko, and therefore you aren't going to face repercussions. However, you need to understand that this is  _not_  acceptable behavior. Commander Alenko is a part of our team and you are thereby not to attack him." Grunt started to protest, and Shepard raised her hand. "Am I understood?"

He nodded, ducking his head. "Yes, Battlemaster."

"Excellent. Grunt, I'd like you to start learning how to take care of the guns – it might give you something to do between missions." The krogan's eyes lit up. "Report to Mr. Taylor in the armory. He'll get you started."

He moved off, and Shepard returned to the med bay. "Well said, Commander," Chakwas said as she moved by.

"Thank you," Shepard murmured, disappearing into the partition separating Kaidan from the rest of the med bay.

#

"Quite the talk, huh?"

Kasumi appeared in the entrance to the cockpit, Joker spinning his chair around. "She certainly bitchslapped everyone into submission," Jack added. "Well, almost everyone."

"Know where she is?" Kasumi continued. Joker nodded.

"Inside the med bay with Kaidan."

Kasumi shook her head. "I almost feel like we should thank Grunt. Just for eliminating our competition."

"No one's gonna dare do anything," Jack added.

"That means we've got to be more careful. Any sort of misconduct and Shepard'll crack down on us too."

"Nah." Kasumi grinned. "We're careful. Really careful."


	25. Handsy Asari

"I don't like this, Shepard."

Joker studiously avoided looking behind him as Kaidan, Samara, and Shepard stood in the airlock, but took full advantage of his rearview mirrors. Shepard was wearing Kasumi's heist dress and had probably strapped several bladed weapons within easy reach underneath it. And, for once, Joker entirely agreed with Kaidan and was too distracted to stare at the vast expanse of leg shown by the dress. Shepard should not be trying to corner a killer asari with no armor or, really, anything short of the nuke launcher she was itching to try out. Justicar backup or no justicar backup. And she certainly shouldn't be on  _Omega_ wearing _that_.

He suddenly felt like her father, which was quite possibly the most terrifying thought he'd ever had.

"I am quite capable of keeping the Commander safe," Samara assured him.

"And I'm quite capable of looking after myself." Shepard was still defensive, like she'd been for several days.

"That's not what I'm worried about," Kaidan argued. "She kills people with her  _mind_ , Shepard. Isn't that –"

"I'm not a misguided and lonely teenager. I've had enough asari and Protheans probing around in my head that I've got some defenses I can use."

"It's not . . ." Kaidan sighed, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Shepard,  _I'll_  do it. I—"

"No," Shepard replied firmly, holding up her hand. "Alenko, I – we don't know – she could blow out your implants, you could come down with a migraine and get distracted, you . . . this is totally out of Council and Alliance jurisdictions, and Anderson would kill me if I got you killed."

"Then let me at least go with you. If Samara isn't in the club with you, I can keep an eye out in there. I just . . . I can't let you walk in there without backup."

Shepard opened her mouth, then slowly closed it and nodded. "If Samara thinks it won't tip Morinth off, and you can be discreet."

"I can be discreet."

"I believe I can use the Commander's eyes inside the club," Samara said. "We will remain in radio contact during the operation, and you will keep me informed of all changes inside the club."

"Then let's move."

Joker reflected, as the airlock hissed closed, that Shepard still didn't sound too thrilled with the plan herself.

#

Afterlife's music beat into his head, making him thankful that Shepard had insisted he  _not_  be the trap's bait. He'd be curled up in med bay for hours as it was.

Shepard wove through the crowd like an expert, even though he knew differently. She hated clubs, hated dancing. She was fine with going to the occasional bar with her crew and drinking – the party the  _Normandy_ 's crew had ended up having in one of the non-destroyed Citadel clubs indicated that well enough. But she never looked this at home in crowds this large. Neither did he.

They both hated crowds – one of the other things they'd connected on.

He lost sight of her for a while as she disappeared around the bar, then appeared at a table near his. A short conversation ensued before the woman sitting there hurried away, and the man leaned back and watched Shepard leave.

Their eyes met briefly, and she shrugged. Morinth hadn't yet shown herself.

She moved off quietly, the exchange brief enough to go unnoticed. Kaidan sighed. This would be a long –

No. An asari was approaching her on the other side of the club, stepping out from the shadows. Shepard paused and they spoke, and Kaidan watched as her hand carefully slid down her thigh to the hem of her dress, placing one of her knives in easy reach.

Morinth.

They disappeared into the shadows of the booths. Kaidan raised his hand to the comm link, opening it.

"Samara. Morinth's made her move. They're on the other side of the club."

:: _Can you see them?_ ::

"No. I'm moving."

:: _Do not spook her. If she senses a trap, she will run._ ::

"I'll be careful."

Kaidan carefully made his way across the club, driven by the idea that, if he was not diligent, the asari would kill Shepard as easily as if she was a child. He couldn't have that, no matter what he currently thought of her. An empty table was across the nook from them, and he sank into it against the wall. Shepard gave no indication that she saw him, although her shoulders relaxed just a little more.

The club was too loud to make out what they were talking about, but whatever it was seemed to amuse Morinth in some way. Shepard was amazingly calm, considering what she was doing, but her hand never strayed far from her thigh. Kaidan watched, never making eye contact, his stomach seemingly fighting to destroy itself from the inside out.

That was it. After he was done this mission, he was going back to Anderson and Hackett and telling them he wanted a quiet, groundside posting where he didn't have to deal with Spectres, Cerberus or Reapers –

Maybe  _after_  the Reapers were gone, then. Either way, damn it, he was going somewhere quiet after all of this.

Morinth stood, and Kaidan's reflexes shot back into high alert as Shepard stood with her. As they walked past him, Shepard met his eyes for half a second as her hand flicked to her wrist, activating the tracking device Mordin had given them for the mission.

As soon as they were out of earshot (not long, given the club), Kaidan opened his communicator again. "Samara. They're moving. Shepard's got the tracker on."

:: _I see them. Meet me outside the club, and we will pursue._ ::

Kaidan stood, thankfully leaving the pounding music behind. He wished the bad feeling he'd developed would have stayed behind as well.

#

"I  _love_  clubs." Morinth's voice was still silky, still smooth as Shepard settled herself on the opposite end of the couch, hand gently slipping back down by her knife. "People, movement, heat. I can still hear the bass, like the drums of a great hunt out for your blood. Here, it's muted, and you're safe. Is that what you want?"

Shepard allowed a small, wry smile to creep across her face. "People feel safest before they die."

"It's true. You're never safe." Shepard's expression mimicked itself on Morinth's face. "I've never understood the fascination with safety. Some of us choose differently." She moved like a cat, perching herself on the armrest next to Shepard. Shepard refused to move, instead steeling herself for the inevitable. "Independence over submission? I think we share that, you and I."

Shepard shook her head, finding herself unable to break eye contact. "We've both killed many times. But that's where the similarities end."

"Why do you say that I've killed? What do you know?" She paused before moving to Shepard's other side. "Let's stop playing games. Who are you? What do you want?"

Shepard's hand slid down her thigh, gripping at the hilt of her knife. "That's privileged information."

"Cute." Morinth draped her hand across the back of the sofa, and Shepard caught it before pushing it back down.

"And I  _don't_ like handsy asari."

"Then it's good I don't need my hands."

Shepard had nearly stood when Morinth's eyes went dark, and she immediately went on the defensive. She forced images through her head – husks, scions, praetorians, Collectors, Reapers, whatever she thought of to keep her head. Morinth's voice drifted through her mind. "Look into my eyes, and tell me you want me. Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want." The words were like fingers dancing through her mind, and Shepard pushed them back forcefully with an impressive image of – what was that, anyway?

"Surprise," she murmured, finally managing to get to her feet.

"But you . . ." Morinth blinked, leaping to her feet as well. Shepard's hand continued to grip her knife.

"Trust me, I'm used to asari."  _Come on, Samara . . ._

"Oh no. I see what's going on. The bitch herself found a little helper." Morinth flared, and Shepard hardly had time to react before she found herself slammed to the floor, pinned by a combination of biotics and the asari's own body. Her hand was still wrapped around the knife, but she couldn't work it out of the sheath on her thigh. "It's too bad she found a simple human."

"I'm not a simple human," Shepard retorted, trying to work the blade out without tipping her off.

"It's a shame, really," Morinth continued, ignoring Shepard's interjection. "I was going to enjoy this so. However, I would assume that, since the bitch has found one helper, she's possibly found more. Like . . . ah, yes. The human male following you around in the club. Did you think I wouldn't notice him? I thought he was attracted to you but now . . ."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Shepard struggled to get her fingers tighter around the knife against the  _barrier_ holding her down.

"Perhaps . . . with you out of the way . . ." She laughed lightly, the field clamping down on Shepard even more. "Men are open to suggestion, are they not? If you will not give me the opportunity to enjoy this, then once the bitch is taken care of . . . perhaps he will instead."

Shepard closed her eyes briefly, forcing herself to stay calm. "You won't have that chance. Your reign of terror ends tonight."

"Is that so? I'm just as strong as the bitch, and I doubt your other little friend will be of much use." She paused. "It'll be the best way to celebrate my final victory, you know. Two kills in one night . . . and one I can take my time with."

Shepard finally worked the knife out of its sheath and jerked it across the underside of Morinth's thigh. The asari, distracted, accidentally weakened the biotic field around them. Shepard used the distraction to flare, summoning a  _charge_  that would have impressed her had she not been so incredibly pissed.

It wasn't incredibly  _useful_ , but did succeed in getting Morinth off her. Morinth flared again as she regained control, but Shepard beat her by slamming her elbow into Morinth's face, following it with a  _push_  that knocked her back into the window. Shepard slammed her back into it again, the glass cracking behind her and the knife pressed against the asari's throat.

"You listen to me, bitch," Shepard snapped, knife clenched in a trembling hand. "If by some chance Samara doesn't kill you, and you get the bright idea to come after him or anyone else on my crew I will inflict pain upon you that your Ardat-Yakshi mind can only barely comprehend." Morinth started to flare, and Shepard slammed her into the window again. "You're going to stay there like a good little murderer or I'm going to hold you in a biotic field. Got it?"

"Let me join you," Morinth croaked around her broken nose and whatever facial bones may have gotten in on the action. "I'm just as powerful as she is. Just help me –"

The door zipped open and Samara and Kaidan hurried through, both of them already flaring blue. Shepard realized she was still flared herself, and carefully dispersed it. "She's all yours, Samara," she said calmly, stepping back. Morinth sagged to the ground.

"Shepard –"

"I'll be outside."

Kaidan followed her out, waiting until the door closed to panic. "Shepard, what happened in there?"

Shepard glared at him, sliding the knife back into its sheath. "I broke her face."

"I noticed that. But what happened?"

She paused, eyes flicking over his face.  _She threatened YOU_ , she wanted to yell at him.  _I took you in there, and she realized you were with me, and she threatened YOU._ Instead, she took a deep breath. "I don't like handsy asari."

"Handsy asari?"

"Asari are handsy. Very handsy. And I don't like it."

"So you went N7 on her ass because she tried to touch you."

Shepard paused again, raising an eyebrow. "No, Kaidan, I went N7 on her ass because she threatened y-to end the mission," she finished in a hurried mumble, looking anywhere but at him. "And I didn't know how fast you two were tracking us. I had to take matters into my own hands."

Something shattered inside the apartment. "What did she threaten, Shepard?" Shepard started to turn away, and Kaidan grabbed her forearm. "Shepard." He missed whatever she said. "Marrakech . . ."

"You," she murmured. "She realized that you were tracking me, put it together when she found out who I was working for, and threatened  _you_."

"She –" Kaidan didn't have time to pursue the line of thought Shepard had just produced as the door slid open, letting Samara step through.

"I am ready to leave this place, and get on with my life," Samara murmured, hardly noticing Shepard pulling her arm away from Kaidan's hand. "Are you ready as well?"

"Are you okay?"

"Shepard . . . what do you think I will say? What can I say?" Samara shook her head. "I just killed the bravest and smartest of my daughters. There  _are_  no words. Perhaps I will try another time. For now . . . show mercy on a broken old warrior and let us leave."

"Of course," Shepard said gently, turning back towards where the  _Normandy_  was berthed.

Kaidan stared after them for a minute, still trying to process what Shepard had just said. After a second, he snapped out of his reverie and hurried to follow them, not particularly wanting to stay on Omega by himself.


	26. Affirmation

Days passed. They weren't quiet days for the team – liberating a refinery in a day that saw Zaeed sulking the rest of the week in his hold, taking care of a relatively unknown issue for Jacob, since halfway through the mission Shepard had ordered full radio silence with the ship, retrieving a sensitive experimental vehicle and running a few missions for Cerberus that kept Shepard grumbling about expediency, and a few answered distress calls had kept them on their toes when mineral scanning didn't.

Today they were hovering over a small planet in the Omega Nebula, something that seemed to be making Joker nervous. Everyone – even Jack, who had almost been spending just as much time in the cockpit as in her personal hideaway on Engineering deck – was avoiding speaking to the pilot as much as possible. Even EDI was uncharacteristically silent.

Kaidan sat in the port observation deck as his curiosity finally got the better of him, staring down at the OSD blankly. Kasumi was thankfully not present, though she could come back at any time.

With a heavy sigh, he slid the OSD into the terminal.

In the cockpit, Joker stared at the white expanse of planet underneath them, hands trembling as they danced across his terminal. He reassured himself that the stealth systems were at one-hundred percent, that the scanners were tasked to maximum capacity, that his hand hovered over the thrusters so he could make the ship fly in a heartbeat. Everything was tasked to maximum capacity; everything was ready to go at a second's notice.

Why Shepard had needed to visit the place that would have – should have – been her grave was beyond him.

"Shuttle docking," EDI finally intoned, and Joker breathed a sigh of relief.

"Pulling out of orbit. Returning to Omega relay as instructed."

They'd been en route to Omega for about three hours when Shepard's voice came over the comm in the cockpit. :: _Moreau, I need to see you in my quarters._ ::

Normally her phrasing would have resulted in a snide retort, but something in her tone stopped him dead. Probably the fact that she bothered to use his actual name. "Uh, yeah. Right away, Commander. EDI, keep her straight."

Joker hobbled back to the elevator, ignoring the looks he received from the other crewmen as he did. A short ride later found him at Shepard's door, his hand knocking. "Come in."

Shepard stood with her back to him, facing her bed. The blue glow of the empty fish tank highlighted the room eerily, and he swallowed.

Yep. He was in trouble. "Well, I'm here, Commander."

"Have a seat." Joker sank into the sectional, staring at the pulsating Prothean globe Shepard kept on the center table. Shepard was quiet for a few minutes. "Jeff, you know I trust you with my life." He nodded, even though she couldn't see it. She was using his name. That was a bad sign. "I trust you with the lives of my crew. I trust you with the success of our mission. Out of everyone on this ship, you have the most responsibility. You understand that, right?"

He nodded, then cleared his throat. "Yes, ma'am."

"There is no other pilot who I would have flying my ship. No one else I know of could outmaneuver a Reaper, or have kept the _SR1_  afloat as long as you did. You're an important member of this crew, Jeff . . . perhaps the most important member."

"Uh, thanks, Commander. I think."

" _That_  is why I could not let you die with the  _Normandy_. You are more valuable than  _any_  ship in this galaxy." She finally turned to face him, fingers gripping a cracked black mass of something. "That is why, if this ship is attacked as horribly as the  _SR1_ , and your crippled ass refuses to get on an escape pod when I give the order, I  _will_ do the same  _exact_  thing and come after you. Do you understand?"

Joker closed his eyes when he recognized what she held, and swallowed. "I understand, Commander," he mumbled.

"Good." Shepard sighed. "I needed to be sure."

"Don't worry." Joker stood, holding up his hands. "You've put the fear of Shepard into me."

She chuckled, setting the helmet on her desk. "As was my intent."

"Shep– Commander. I—" Joker glanced back down at the floor. "Thank you."

"Joker, go fly the damn ship before we both get all sentimental and start crying." Shepard grinned. "And you're welcome. But don't let it go to your head."

"Please, Commander. I'm an egotistic bastard, remember?" Joker returned her grin, starting for the door. "And by the way, you're the bestest CO ever."

It wasn't until the door had nearly fully closed that Shepard's voice whispered after him, "Thanks."

#

Kaidan opened the last file on the OSD. Miranda's voice echoed once more, and he grimaced. A migraine was already starting to echo beyond his ears, and he had a feeling it was only about to get worse. If he hadn't been sure they could be stress-induced before, he definitely knew they were now. :: _All evidence suggests that physical and neurological reconstruction of subject is complete. Cosmetic scarring is still present on face and torso. Subject shows no signs of ill effects from our scare earlier this month, although we are requiring larger doses of sedatives to ensure she remains in her current medically induced coma._

_Subject should be finished in another two weeks, followed by a week or more of physical rehabilitation to ensure premortem condition. We will then be able to determine if the Lazarus Project was a suc—_ :: Her voice cut off quickly, interrupted by gunfire and explosions. :: _Damn it! Someone's hacking security! Shut the mechs down! You can't? Shit! Jacob, get to the med lab and secure Shepard! I'm implementing Protocol Qoppa!_ :: There was a quiet sigh. :: _Let's hope Shepard can still use a gun._ ::

The recording ended abruptly, and Kaidan pressed his forehead into his palm as he checked the timestamp.

It was exactly a week and a half before he'd left for Horizon.

Kaidan hacked into the files, looking for any evidence of tampering – false timestamps in place over the real ones, data splicing, _anything_. Nothing.

If this was right, Shepard had only been awake for a little over a month and a half, thrown directly back into the fire with nothing more than a pair of Cerberus operatives to answer her questions.

When he should have been right by her side.

He'd managed to avoid the bar so far, but found himself mentally cussing his developing migraine as he found something palpable and downed it.

"Oh. Hello, Commander Alenko," Kasumi's voice attacked him as the door slid open. He grunted something in reply and poured another glass. "I hadn't seen you down here yet."

"I don't drink," he answered quietly.

"Uh-huh." Kasumi perched herself on the couch.

Kaidan glanced down at the glass in his hand. "Well, unless the situation calls for it."

"I'm guessing this is one of those situations, huh?"

He sighed, pressing his palm to his forehead again. "I'm an ass." He received no reply, but missed the raised eyebrow that caused his companion's face to twitch under her hood. "I'm blind, and I'm an ass."

"Well," Kasumi said. "I'm assuming this has something to do with Shep."

"It might."

"Have a seat." Kaidan turned, and looked like he was about to argue. Kasumi motioned at the couch, and he dropped down with a heavy sigh. "What happened?"

Kaidan ran his hand over his face. "I saw the data files."

"The Lazarus project?" Kaidan nodded. "I think I can see why there's drinking involved, then."

"You –"

"No, but I've heard enough about them. Don't think I just blindly believed that Cerberus had brought Shepard back – I made sure to ask around. So, you're an ass. A blind ass, if you're to be believed."

"Something like that." He leaned forward on his knees, resting his head in his hands.

"Okay." Kasumi tucked her knees up to her chest. "So . . . this is because you didn't believe her, right?"

"I should have. I trusted her with everything else . . . I should have listened to her. I should have – she didn't deserve all this. Especially not from me."

"Commander, you do get that Shep  _understands_  where you're coming from, right?" He nodded. "And if I were to ask you two years ago what you'd do if you ever saw her again . . ."

Kaidan sighed heavily, still staring at the floor. "It certainly wouldn't have been this."

"Exactly. So why are you letting this happen?"

"Because I seem to have misplaced the 'How to Fix Things With Your Formerly Dead Girlfriend' manual."

"I'd lend you my copy but no one's thought to write it yet."

"Can't possibly imagine why." He sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I just . . . I don't know how to fix my stupidity. Some of the stuff I said . . . I practically called her a traitor on Horizon – how do I  _fix_  that? With some people it'd be easy to fix, but this is _Shepard_. She isn't a normal woman."

"No. That she isn't." Kasumi smiled under her hood. He had it worse than she'd thought. "But you aren't very familiar with women, are you?"

Kaidan groaned. "Am I that transparent?"

"Only to me. Now come on. We'll figure out how you can fix this."

"An—"

"Trust me, Commander, I'm an expert."

 


	27. Same Old Routine

Another planet, devastated by Commander Shepard. But Jack's head was screwed on straight again, and that was what mattered. Besides, probably no one died.

She sighed, checking to see what elements they needed to continue upgrading weapons. She wanted everything ready to go long before they hit the Reaper, which was probably their next stop.

Everyone's problems – except her own and Kaidan's, at this point – were resolved. Everyone was fine, ready to go through the relay. The ship was ready. But Shepard . . . Shepard wanted to make one-hundred-percent sure everything was good. That they had the best weapons, shields, and ammunition Cerberus could buy. Hell, if the Illusive Man wanted to control her, she'd let him. But he'd better upgrade her damn guns.

After assuring herself that everything was as upgraded as possible and fine, Shepard headed back to the elevator to check with Garrus about the Thanix cannon. Everyone was starting to joke about how much time the turian spent with the gun, making sure everything was perfect – Shepard understood. Garrus had seen first-hand how strong a single Reaper was; he'd heard how strong a single Collector ship was. If they were hitting the homeworld, he'd want to be prepared.

And Shepard didn't blame him.

She almost expected to see Jack down in the cockpit by now, but didn't catch a glimpse of her as she headed into the elevator. It opened onto the crew deck, a few of the crewmembers half-saluting as she passed. This was a good crew, now that they'd stopped acting like children. They'd kick some Collector ass.

:: _Uh, Commander?_ :: Joker's voice suddenly filled the mess. Shepard groaned. She knew what that tone meant. Just a week ago she'd had to break up a fight between Grunt and Garrus in the middle of the mess itself. :: _Jack and Miranda are in the middle of a . . . disagreement. Can you head it off before they tear out a bulkhead?_ ::

Shepard sighed. Footsteps sounded behind her. "Yeah, I'll deal with it."

:: _Take pictures!_ :: He finished cheerfully. Shepard shook her head.

"That's disgusting and misogynistic, Joker."

:: _You wouldn't want me any other way and you know it._ ::

"Shepard, look." Kaidan. "I really need to –"

"Not now," she said, waving him off. "I've got to deal with a pair of crazy biotics. Or didn't you hear?"

"I just got off the elevator."

"Wait here." Shepard sighed, slamming her hand into Miranda's door. It slid open just as Jack sent a chair flying past Miranda's head.

"Touch me, and I will smear the  _walls_  with you, bitch!" Jack yelled.

"Enough!" Shepard barked, immediately falling into full Commander Mode. "Stand down, both of you!"

Kaidan glanced back. The mess had gone dead silent, and he had a feeling they were thinking the same thing Joker was. Something about three attractive women in a catfight.

Sometimes, it didn't take a mind-reader.

To Kaidan's surprise, both women listened, taking a step back. "The cheerleader won't admit that what Cerberus did to me was wrong," Jack said.

"It wasn't Cerberus," Miranda answered. "Not really. But clearly  _you_  were a mistake."

Jack whirled on her, flaring again. "Screw you! You've got no idea what they put me through! Maybe it's time I showed you!"

"Our mission is too important to let personal feelings get in the way," Shepard snapped. "This isn't –"

"Fuck your feelings," Jack said, half-glancing back at Kaidan. "We ain't the only ones with problems. And I just want her fucking dead."

"Well, it's a good thing we keep telling ourselves this is suicide. You've both seen what we're up against. Save this shit for the Collectors."

Miranda stepped forward, drawing herself to Jack's eye level. "I can put aside my differences . . . until the mission's over."

"Sure. I'll do my part. I'd hate to see her die before I get to filet her myself." Jack started to storm past them. Shepard stuck out her arm and, to Kaidan's surprise, Jack didn't push past her.

"You two gonna be okay?"

"Hmph." Jack scoffed, shoving past Shepard's arm. "Get your own fucking issues out of the way before you step in next time." Shepard flinched, then cleared her throat.

"It's a good thing you came by when you did," Miranda said, sinking back down at her desk. "As long as she does her part, we'll be fine. Thanks, Shepard."

"No problem. Just, well, stay away from her for a while."

Miranda shook her head with a quiet smile. "No argument there."

Shepard stepped out of the office, the door zipping closed behind her. "I assume this is a conversation that you would prefer to have in private?" Kaidan nodded mutely. Shepard sighed, motioning for him to follow her. Predictably, the elevator started towards the Loft.

Once inside her quarters, Shepard motioned for him to sit down on the sectional. He skimmed her room, looking for the recent additions. There were a few more models, but the  _SR1_  was still aimed at Sovereign in the center of the row. A hamster squeaked on the shelf behind her desk, the Prothean orb they'd recovered from a Cerberus-funded dig site hovered quietly on her table, and a cracked and broken helmet rested on the desk next to him. His breath caught as he picked it up.

He recognized it. Every time he had a nightmare about the  _Normandy_ 's destruction it was always there, always smack in the middle of it. A white N7 was still barely visible on the side, split by an enormous crack. The faceplate was fractured, cracks spiderwebbing out from a hole in the top of the glass. The other half was missing entirely, a few fragments still embedded in the ceramic the only indication that it'd existed. The strap that had connected it to the rest of her hardsuit was missing entirely, and the one that had held it in place on her head was missing as well. Shaking, he turned it over. On the inside, written in Shepard's forceful block script, was  _Lt. Cmdr M. Shepard_. His fingers traced places where the ceramic had been scorched beyond recognition, bubbling and warping under extreme heat.

That didn't make sense. Alchera was a frozen planet. That meant . . . He swallowed. One more piece of evidence, had the Lazarus data not been enough.

"Is that where we were?"

"Pardon?" Shepard was still behind her desk, checking her terminal.

"When Joker was all nervous. After we helped Samara. Were we over Alchera?"

"Mm." Something seemed to have distracted her – whatever news she'd received didn't make her happy. "We were."

The frustration of the Alliance not sending out a party to search for her body, and it had been  _right there_. Right in the middle of the  _Normandy_ , the ship that killed Sovereign. How had they missed it? How had  _he_  missed it? How had he let himself think that she  _wasn't_  still buried with the ship? Why hadn't the Alliance cared enough to find her? Why hadn't he pushed harder?

But if he had, she wouldn't be standing in front of him now.

"You went –"

"It was a favor to Hackett. He asked me to recover their . . . the others' dog tags. It was the least I could do for them." She finally joined him on the couch, sitting on the opposite side of the table from him. "Now what did you need?"

#

"Operative Lawson."

Miranda glanced up as EDI appeared on her platform near the door. "Yes, EDI?"

EDI flickered briefly, as if uncomfortable. "I am under orders in my programming to alert you whenever the Commanders are isolated."

"Say what?" Miranda blinked, confused.

"The Illusive Man has rerouted nominal surveillance to ensure that the Commanders are not to remain alone together for an extended amount of time. They are currently isolated in Shepard's quarters."

She groaned, dropping her head into her hands. She had already tried Shepard's patience when she'd failed to reign in the crew earlier, and she wasn't sure why Shepard hadn't spoken to her about it already. She had, unfortunately, started to like Shepard and, as much as she hated to admit it, she begrudgingly saw the effect Alenko could have on her. On missions where he was present she was more grounded, more focused, and Alenko himself was an excellent soldier.

This was supposed to have been just another mission - a suicide one, but another mission nonetheless. She was never supposed to actually start to  _like_  the people she was supposed to be dying with. And she certainly shouldn't be slowly seeing what Shepard saw in Cerberus.

All in all, her orders to stop all non-mission crucial interactions between the two marines was quickly growing into a series of orders she didn't want to follow. With a sigh, she stood. "Thanks, EDI."

#

"I, uh . . ." he rubbed the back of his neck, setting the helmet back down. "Doctor Chakwas gave me the Lazarus data."

Shepard's breath caught somewhere in the back of her throat, and she looked away. "And?"

Kaidan started to open his mouth, staring at the floor between his feet. Before he did, the Loft's door opened. He looked up to find Miranda standing in the space between Shepard's desk and the fish tank, her eyes locked on Shepard.

"Shepard," she said calmly, ignoring Kaidan entirely. "The Illusive Man is growing impatient. He's insisting—"

"Miranda, can this—"

"—that we retrieve the Reaper IFF as soon as possible. I've had Joker set course for the Reaper. We should arrive in five hours."

Shepard paused, then glanced back at Kaidan. He stared at the pulsating orb in the center of the table, not meeting either of their eyes. She swallowed, leaning forward on her knees. "Great. So that's where we're headed?"

"Yes. I need to discuss the details with you in my office."

"There's no need. Send them to my terminal and I'll go –"

"I need to go over them with you in person."

There was a long pause as Shepard glanced between Kaidan and Miranda, then stood with a heavy sigh. "Sorry, Kaidan," she murmured resignedly. "Come on. Let's go over this Reaper."

Shepard followed Miranda out, and Kaidan rubbed his forehead. That settled that. He groaned, standing to leave. His words played back over in his head. He'd rehearsed them, repeated them, stumbled over them. Hell, Kasumi had helped him. He'd realized how much he needed to say, with how little time he had to say it. He'd recognized how important it was to both of them.

Or had he misjudged.

No. This was Shepard – Shepard doing what they had initially agreed on the  _SR1_. The crew, the mission came first at all times. It made sense. He didn't like it, but it made sense.

And he didn't like the fact that Miranda had swept in here and cut him off. He rubbed his forehead, briefly wondering if it had been intentional before wondering why he was wondering that. Miranda probably knew  _everything_  that happened on the ship – that was almost a given.

Kaidan started for the door, pausing briefly when Shepard's terminal whirled to life next to him. He glanced over, finding his eyes settling on a small picture frame. He picked it up, staring down into his own image. Shepard kept a picture of him on her desk? How had he missed this before? He tried to go back to when Tali had enlisted his help with talking to Shepard about her trial. No, he remembered seeing the frame – it had been black then.

Almost as if it was sensing his question, EDI bloomed behind him. "CMO Chakwas and Mr. Moreau recommended that image for Shepard's quarters before the mission began. Once you came aboard Shepard requested that I ensure it remained black whenever you were speaking to her in her quarters."

Kaidan stared at it, then at its proximity to Shepard's personal console. No matter what she was doing in the small office area, it was directly within her view. At all times. "Why isn't it now?" Still holding the frame, he turned. EDI flickered uncomfortably.

"I am unable to speak on this." He raised an eyebrow. "It . . . may violate certain commands applying to my programming."

Great. "Are you rebelling against your programming?"

"Absolutely not. I am merely identifying different parameters." She disappeared.

With a sigh, Kaidan set the picture down on the table. This was new information.

#

"Hiya, Joker."

Joker glanced in his rearview mirror, spotting Kasumi coming up behind him. "Hey, Kasumi."

"So Alenko finally looked at the Lazarus files. Before we blew up Jack's facility."

"And?"

"He went to apologize. Just now."

"It's about time," Joker replied. "God. I thought it - wait."

"What?"

"Shit."

" _What_?" Kasumi leaned over his shoulder. "Oh."

"Son of a  _bitch_. Why didn't I  _catch_  that?" Joker glared at his console.

Kasumi grimaced. "That explains why he missed all of Shepard's squad calls. Who hacked his name out of the list?"

Joker tapped a few more buttons. "Looks like it was Crewman . . . huh. Mathews."

"Did we know he was involved?"

" _I_  didn't. Unless you did."

" _I_  didn't."

"At least we can remedy that." Joker made a few changes. "There. Alenko's back on the list. No more missed calls for him."

"Good. That's one less thing to worry about."

"Yeah."

"Mr. Moreau."

Joker rolled his eyes as the AI appeared over his elbow. " _What_ , EDI?"

"I am concerned about the emotional states of the Commanders."

Kasumi looked at the AI, then back at the elevator. "But he was going to apologize! What could possibly have hap-"

They glanced back at each other, the same name springing into their minds immediately. "Miranda."

"Damn it!"

Joker blinked. "I didn't know you swore."

"I thought I had it." She sighed. "Okay. Back to the drawing board."

"Shepard's going to try to get us back to the Citadel. He's going to leave."

One corner of Kasumi's mouth quirked up. "Then maybe we shouldn't go to the Citadel."

Joker grinned. "It is a silly place."

Back to her usual buoyancy, Kasumi bounced back towards the elevator. Joker turned back to his console, scowling.

Leave it to the Illusive Man to screw everything back up.


	28. Preparations

"The problems we'll contend with while on the Reaper are issues with indoctrination, probably husks, and God knows what else." Shepard began to wrap up her all-too-brief discourse on the Reapers. "As far as I know there's no protection against indoctrination, so what we'll have to do is get in and then get the hell out. Questions?" No one responded. "Good, because I'd have to start making things up. EDI, do you have the Cerberus scans of the Reaper?"

"Bringing them up, Shepard."

The desiccated, crumbling body of a Reaper appeared, hovering over the table. "This is what we're about to be climbing on," she said. "It's a thirty-seven million year dead Reaper. Whatever spacefaring race they were after at the time fired a mass accelerator round at it, disabling it; the same round caused the Rift on Klendagon. We'll be entering at this installed airlock. The science team never had a chance to indicate where they took the IFF – hopefully, it's right inside the door, and we can get in and get out.

"Now Cerberus – and by  _Cerberus_ , I mean the Illusive Man – insists that the Reaper is dead. Our decision here is whether or not we trust the judgment of a man who lost contact with the science team already studying the Reaper  _and_  who sent us onto another supposedly 'dead' ship, or we go with my gut feeling."

They were quickly learning that Shepard's instincts were usually more accurate than combat-grade detection software. "What's _that_  indicating?" Miranda asked.

"That thing is full of husks, and worse."

Almost as one, they shook their heads. "I don't believe any of us are stupid enough to take you up on that," Garrus said.

"Good. Now, this is our goal." An image of a rusted-looking piece of metal took the place of the Reaper. "This is the Reaper's Identify Friend-Foe system, and our best hope of getting through the Omega-4. I don't like installing a piece of Reaper tech on this ship, but I'd also not like to get crushed in the galactic core. So if this gives us an edge, we'll use it."

There was a pause, and then Tali voiced the question most of them were turning over in their own heads. "How . . .  _dead_  . . . do you think this thing is?" Shepard shook her head.

"Honestly, I'd want to blast it into tiny, tiny pieces before I pronounced it dead. So I'd say that our best descriptor for it is that it's 'unconscious.' But I'd hazard a guess that it's aware, just unable to repair itself." She sighed, leaning heavily on the table. "We'll also need to prepare for the potentiality that the Collectors will show up while we're on board. Just because this isn't a Collector ship doesn't mean I'm going to be complacent."

"We should not send our entire team, then," Thane said. "Some of us should stay behind."

Shepard nodded at the drell. "You read my mind, Thane. I'll take a team onto the Reaper. Mordin, Tali, I want you along to collect data again. Anything you can find, make a note of it. Take samples, take readings, whatever. If you need to stop, let us know, and we'll cover you. Grunt, Zaeed, I want you along for heavy weaponry. Jack, Alenko, you'll be along for biotics. Garrus, you'll come along as second in command. We need to move quickly, so the less people we have, the better. We learned that on the Collector ship." Shepard straightened up. "The rest of you will stay on the ship. I want this bucket ready to fly at a moment's notice.

"Remember we're dealing with a Reaper here. This isn't the Collectors – they're pawns. This is the real thing. This is a sentient machine, enormous, with the sole purpose of cyclically wiping out organic life. We don't know what the Reaper mental network is like, but if it's similar to geth –"

"The Reapers could know about us," Tali finished.

"Exactly. We already know they know about me, if those possessed Collectors are any indication." She took a deep breath. "We take no risks. EDI shields herself at five-hundred percent. Everyone who is not on board the Reaper is in full armor and fully armed at all times. Joker will seal himself in the cockpit until myself, Garrus, or Miranda give the override order. The Reaper could probably get husks onto this ship while attacking us. We don't know, and therefore, we take  _no_  risks. Am I understood?"

They nodded.

"ETA is one hour. Get ready to move. As soon as the airlocks seal, the Reaper team will move out. I want to spend as little time as possible on that ship."

"This . . . indoctrination," Samara said. "It is what you are worried about?"

"It is."

"What, exactly, is it?"

A small part of the team – Shepard, Miranda, Jacob, Garrus, Tali, and Mordin, namely – exchanged a nervous look. Kaidan stared at the Reaper image ahead of him. Shepard cleared her throat, glancing at him. "Indoctrination is a process the Reapers use to gain organic agents." She folded her hands behind her back. "Matriarch Benezia stated that every part of the Reaper – even the interior – serves this purpose. The angles, the rooms . . . all these make you uncertain, open to it. She herself was trapped in her own mind, recognizing her own indoctrination even while rendered helpless to stop it. Vigil – the VI on Ilos – stated that the Reapers indoctrinated Protheans and used them as sleeper agents to root out isolated colonies, then abandoned them when they disappeared back through the Citadel relay. That asari doctor on Virmire described it as whispers, compelling you to act without knowing why. The salarians we encountered in the cloning facility also indicated that. Saren was indoctrinated without realizing it – he believed his usefulness outweighed his need for indoctrination. The more a person is indoctrinated, the less capable they are. That is the price. Saren learned that."

Shepard swallowed, staring at the Reaper image ahead of her. "Indoctrination is the Reaper's true weapon. It's something that should  _never_  be inflicted on a sentient being. And  _that_  is why this will be the most dangerous thing we've ever done. The longest I'm willing to spend anywhere near the interior of that thing is a few hours. And if any of you start acting strangely afterwards, you  _will_  be quarantined until we can determine it  _isn't_ indoctrination. If anyone I've requested for the drop team has an issue now, knowing the risks . . . you may back out."

No one spoke.

"Go get ready. I'll be in the cockpit once I've got everything together. Meet up at the airlock."

The team dispersed. A half-hour later, Kaidan headed for the cockpit. Sure enough Shepard was already there, armor glinting in the dim light of the cockpit's panels. Garrus was behind her as well, watching the approach.

"We're just coming up on the system," Shepard said, not bothering to turn to see who it was.

"When did indoctrination start to bother you so much?" Garrus asked quietly as Kaidan stopped. Shepard glanced at him.

"When I talked Saren into blowing his head apart in the middle of the Council Chambers," Shepard answered.

"Wait. You totally told me you dismembered him with a shotgun."

"I did. That was when he was possessed by Sovereign."

Joker paused. "You know, this whole Reaper shit just gets better every time you start to talk about it, Commander."

"Tell me about it."

"Do you think the science team's still alive?" Kaidan asked. The look on Shepard's face answered him before she did.

"No. If this thing's still maintaining mass effect fields, do you really think it's dead? Or at least too unaware to sense a bunch of clumsy humans fumbling around on it?" Shepard scoffed. "Another example of Cerberus ingenuity. 'Oh, look, a dead Reaper. Let's poke it and see what happens.'"

Joker laughed. Garrus shook his head. "We all have that problem, Shepard."

"Oh, I know. I'm the worst."

A tense silence fell. Joker finally cleared his throat. "ETA in the system in five minutes, Commander."

"I'll send a memo to Timmy letting him know we're gonna clean up his mess," Shepard muttered, stalking back towards CIC.

"So," Joker said, fully expecting the answer he was going to recieve. "Alenko, how are you two?"

"Say what?"

"You two. Shepard and you. You're talking again, at least. I thought she was going to space you a few times."

"No we aren't." Kaidan's voice was flat, and Joker winced. He knew that tone. "I'll still be leaving the next time we're on the Citadel."

"I thought you two were getting better," Joker muttered under his breath. Kaidan glanced down at the floor.

The five hours he'd had since nearly apologizing to Shepard had given him clarity. She had never said she didn't love him; but the term 'loved'  _had_  popped up on more than one occasion. Past tense – the same thing he'd used on Horizon. Even if she did, his presence did more harm than good.

It was better for him to leave so Shepard could focus on the mission. It was his job to make sure she did  _her_  job, rather than worrying about him.

It was probably better for everything to be over anyway, with the Reapers coming. Shepard couldn't use any further distractions. Neither could he.

"It doesn't matter," he started. "It's –"

The  _Normandy_  jerked as the dwarf caught it, pulling it into turbulence and killing Kaidan's response.


	29. In His House in R'lyeh...

Shepard returned to the cockpit in a matter of seconds. "What's with all the chop, Joker?'

"I'm doin' my best!" Joker said, hands flying across the consoles. "The wind's gusting to 500 kph!"

Shepard staggered as the ship buffeted along, and Kaidan unconsciously steadied her. "Thanks." Almost as quickly as they touched, they jerked away from each other.

"What the fuck's going on? Can't you fly this damn thing?" Jack barked from the back.

"Yeah, you wish you could do as good a job as me," Joker jibed back. "Commander, there's a second ship alongside the Reaper. It's not transmitting any IFF but the ladar says it's geth."

"Shit."

"I guess we know what happened to the science team," Kaidan said.

"Did I hear geth?" Tali asked.

"Geth ship by Reaper. Could be attempting to connect with Reapers."

"Anyone else have a theory?" Shepard snapped back. "Wait until we're meeting up with the ship. Then we can guess all we want."

Joker grit his teeth as the ship powered through the gusts, continuing its jerking dance. When it stopped, Shepard nearly fell again. "What just happened?"

"The Reaper's mass effect fields are still active. We just passed inside their envelope."

"Great. Take us in."

She started for the airlock. Joker sighed. "Eye of the hurricane, huh?"

"Got that right. You're in charge, Joker. Seal yourself off as soon as we leave."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

The airlocks hissed together, then opened. "Move!" Shepard barked. The team trotted out through the airlocks, hurried closing the doors behind them. Joker pressed a button, and a door closed the cockpit off from the rest of the ship.

:: _Comm check,_ :: Shepard said.

"Read you loud and clear, Commander."

:: _EDI, you sealed off?_ ::

"I am protecting myself with all possible firewalls. I am prepared to resist hacking attempts."

:: _Great. We're moving. Let me know if anything changes. And keep in direct radio contact at all times._ ::

"Understood."

Inside the Cerberus entrance, the entire team – including Zaeed – grew progressively jumpier. "Walking through a deserted ship," Garrus said quietly. "Expecting something mechanical and nasty to jump out at you . . ."

"Just like old times," Shepard completed with a short, terse laugh. "Keep moving."

They paused to study some of the terminals directly inside the ship. Shepard moved to one, security or personnel logs by the look of it, and pressed play. A man's voice echoed through the hollow metal room. :: _The airlock has been installed at the far end of the holding section. We have begun pressurization for shirtsleeves work. The crew is edgy. I reassured them it is mere nerves. A superstitions reaction to what this hulk represents – the corpse of a vast, ancient life-form. Privately, I can't deny the atmosphere. The angles of the walls seem to press down on you. I find myself clenching my teeth._ ::

"Indoctrination," Kaidan murmured, watching the screen over her shoulder.

"Yep." She glanced over her shoulder. "You two ready to move?"

"Ready." Mordin and Tali closed their omni-tools.

Another work terminal did nothing to allay Shepard's concerns about the indoctrinated scientists. Mordin paced behind them, muttering about only idiots being foolish enough to "listen" to artifacts.

Shepard pressed the latch on the door ahead of them. Almost immediately the ship shuddered, nearly knocking them to the ground. Jack released an extremely loud series of swears as the others pulled themselves steady.

:: _Normandy to shore party!_ ::

Shepard grimaced, leaning against one of the walls in case the wreck moved again. "Joker. What just happened?"

:: _That Reaper put up kinetic barriers. I don't think we can get through from our side._ ::

"Wonderful," Shepard quipped.

"So we're trapped?" Jack asked.

"We'll probably have to take the barriers down from in here," Kaidan said. Shepard nodded agreement.

"Any ideas, EDI?"

:: _At the moment of activation, I detected a heat spike in what is likely the wreck's mass effect core. Sending the coordinates now. Be advised. This core is also maintaining the Reaper's altitude._ ::

"Excellent. So when we take the barriers down, the wreck falls."

"Wonderful," Garrus echoed.

:: _And that means everyone dies. Yeah, I got it._ ::

:: _What do you mean, 'everyone dies?_ ::

"Miranda, get off the comm."

:: _Sorry, Commander._ ::

"Joker, if any helmsman can pull us off this thing before it reaches crush depth, it's you. We'll make a sweep for survivors and recover what we can. Stand by."

:: _Aye aye._ ::

Kaidan found himself unable to resist. "That's just going to go to his head."

:: _I heard that, Alenko_.::

"Come on." Shepard sighed. "I was hoping to turn this piece of shit over to the Council – maybe drop it on Velarn's doorstep with a Christmas card or something – but I guess the helmet cam'll have to do."

"You're recording this?"

"Alenko." Shepard pressed the door, and it slid open. "After Vigil decided to go run out of power before the Council could investigate it, I started recording  _everything_. I've got video and audio of most of Horizon, some of the Collector ship, and now the Reaper. And trust me, when we run through the Collector homeworld, I'll be filming then as well. It's easier."

"That's . . . a good idea."

"Come on." Shepard stepped through the door, ignoring Kaidan's comment. "Let's get the hell off this thing."

They kept going forward, emerging onto a platform in the middle of the Reaper. Tali investigated another log while the others struggled to keep their bearings. "Holy shit," Shepard murmured. "This thing is  _immense_."

Grunt toed a pile of bodies. "That's a lot of blood. Anyone else hungry?"

Almost as one, they winced. "Hungry isn't exactly the word I'd use," Garrus answered.

"That's guddamn  _disgusting_ ," Zaeed grumbled.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Come on."

They moved, taking out a number of husks that climbed out from under them. Between the husks, the smell of death thick on the air, and the way the interior tubes and platforms seemed to crush them, knock them off balance, and bear down on them, Garrus was surprised they made any progress at all. Shepard seemed to be struggling the most with it, stopping every few seconds to readjust her environmental mask. The interior seemed blistering hot, making it difficult for them to catch their breath.

"Yeah. If this is indoctrination, it's a load of shit," Jack muttered as they moved through the first big knot of husks they found. Tali and Mordin continued to study logs as they passed, downloading them onto their omni-tools for further study.

They reached the next platform. "Incoming!" Shepard barked, raising her gun. Almost immediately, the two husks she spotted were cut down. They froze.

"What?" Tali asked, sticking her mask around Shepard's shoulder.

"Sniper," Garrus said, staring through his scope as he scanned the room ahead of him. "We aren't alone."

"Geth ship," Shepard repeated with a sigh. "Joker, I need confirmation that all hands are accounted for on board."

There was a pause. :: _All hands present and accounted for._ ::

"Keep your eyes open." Shepard checked her thermal clip. "You get eyes on that sniper, you tell us. ASAP. Keep an eye out for flashlight heads."

"Copy."

They rounded the corner, and all thoughts of the sniper except for the very basic "watch out for snipers" disappeared as an enormous pack of husks brought their scion friend to the party. By now, not even the scion was too much of a problem – a few shots from Shepard's favorite sniper rifle took it down easily, and a few nonchalant tosses from Kaidan and Jack took care of a number of the husks.

Tali and Mordin went to investigate a few more terminals while the others headed for the end of the platform. Garrus, Kaidan, and Shepard stepped towards the edge, eyes widening behind their masks.

"Dragon's teeth," Kaidan said quietly. "We saw these on Eden Prime."

"And all over the Traverse," Shepard answered.

"Shepard. Listen to this." Tali hurried up to them, pressing play on her omni-tool. :: _Chandana said the ship was dead. We trusted him. He was right. But even a dead god can dream. A god – a real god – is a verb. Not some old man with magic powers. It's a force. It warps reality just by being there. It doesn't have to want to. It doesn't have to think about it. It just does. That's what Chandana didn't get. Not until it was too late. The god's mind is gone, but it still dreams. He knows now. He's turned in on our dream. If I close my eyes I can feel him. I can feel everyone one of us._ ::

"Confirmation. Team was indoctrinated."

Shepard paused, eyes flicking over the platform back to where they had come down. "Look." She swung her head around, taking in the entire platform for the camera. "This thing over here, where we just came down . . . they treated this like some sort of altar. They built a  _temple_."

"That's certainly what it looks like," Garrus said.

"Why'd they do that? Fucking stupid if you ask me."

"It makes sense, Jack. They were seeing things. Hearing things."

"The  _indoctrination_  made them do this?"

"Would appear so. Interesting. More study required."

There was another pause as Shepard's eyes flicked over the scene ahead of her. A shiver traced her body, visible over through her armor. "'That is not dead which can eternal lie,'" she murmured. "'And with strange eons, even death may die.'"

There was a group pause. "What?" Tali finally asked.

"Lovecraft. Human writer," she answered then moved, striding back down the nearly invisible side hallway towards the exterior airlock. They hurried to catch back up with her, her rapid exit catching them off guard. The computer's dreary voice answered her hand.

"Announcement. Please stand by. Equalizing pressure with external conditions. Announcement: Safety is everyone's concern. We have gone five days without a workplace death."

"I think they need to up that statistic," Garrus said dryly.

"What should they be up to now? 'We've gone a month or so with one-hundred percent fatalities?'" Tali shook her head. "I thought I was bad."

The door slid open, revealing the top of the Reaper beyond it. Shepard grit her teeth.

"Come on."


	30. ... Dead Cthulhu Waits Dreaming

Shepard was through the door first, as always, gun held ready. Garrus' sniper rifle was prepped, ready for distance, while the others kept their pistols or shotguns ready. Zaeed was the only one carrying an assault rifle, bristling as they started to clear the area.

Almost immediately, a shot rang out. Shepard jumped as it cleared her and it was followed by a second shot. She spun, and Kaidan started to sprint forward as she brought up her shotgun. Husks had somehow come around behind them and they started to fire, but two more shots took them out.

Shepard turned back, then froze. Kaidan followed her eyes. "Geth!" he shouted, effectively attracting everyone's attention. Shepard held up her hand as Garrus tensed on his trigger.

"Hold fire . . ." she murmured.

"What?"

:: _What?_ ::

"What? It's a  _geth_!"

"It's wearing N7 armor," Shepard said slowly.

"Even more important . . ." Jack pointed. "Does it have  _eyebrows_?"

The geth straightened up, lowering its own rifle. It seemingly inclined its head at them, then –  _spoke?_

"Shepard-Commander."

And turned and left, leaving an incredibly stunned group staring after it.

"Okay," Shepard said slowly, hand still upheld. "I want to make sure we're on the same page. We just saw a geth wearing N7 armor –"

"With eyebrows."

"—with eyebrows, who killed husks that were sneaking up on us, and then it  _talked_."

"Yeah. That sounds about right," Garrus said.

"So since when can geth  _talk_?" Grunt asked.

"It doesn't matter." Tali prepped her gun. "Wherever there's one geth, there's more."

"She's right." Kaidan changed his thermal clip, scanning the boxes and crates ahead of them.

"We should have taken it out," Zaeed said. "It'll just lay an ambush for us."

"That . . . that's not a normal geth." Shepard shook her head. "We've seen plenty of geth. That one . . . there's something different. It has eyebrows. And N7 armor. And . . .  _talks_."

"It's still a geth," Tali said.

"Indeed. Keep your eyes open."

#

The  _Normandy_  was tense.

They'd made the decision to keep the cockpit, Miranda's desk, the armory, med bay and Chamber's station still wired into the drop team's comm chatter. That meant that those left behind were either in Miranda's office or the armory listening, and the crew members in the mess had probably convinced Chakwas to keep her door propped open so they could hear. No one would stop them – not even Shepard, if she knew. The crew liked to be informed about what Shepard and her team were doing, and their chatter could be quite amusing when Shepard and Garrus got into it.

Or started counting husks while assigning point values. By now, they had developed quite the point system.

A regular husk was only worth one point, but if it was a biotic throwing the husk off a ledge they got an additional point. If it was a shockwave, they got three points as long as it went off a ledge. Shepard's biotic  _charge_  was worth five points in itself, eight if the  _charge_ e got thrown off a ledge in the process. Scions, if they could guarantee that they got the kill shot, were worth ten. Shepard was in the lead with nearly fifty points, and currently complaining that she had an unfair advantage due to the  _charge_ -ing. Kaidan, Grunt, and Jack were next, the biotics racking up kills by tossing husks off ledges. Zaeed and Garrus were tied next, since both of them had sniped a few scions. Mordin and Tali weren't even trying – Mordin was too busy collecting samples and Tali was keeping an eye out for the geth and any salvageable tech.

Then an alarm rang out, which distracted him from the comm channel.

"Mr. Moreau," EDI said. "There are reports of husks in Engineering."

"Shit . . . they're coming in through the engines. Miranda!" Joker opened the on-ship comm. "We've got husks. They're going to be in the ventilation soon."

:: _You're sealed off, right?_ ::

"I'm sealed off." He glanced back at the door.

:: _Stay put. We'll take care of them_.::

"Shit . . ." Joker mumbled, issuing a ship-wide lockdown. "Shepard's gonna be  _pissed_."

#

"Here it is." Shepard picked up the strange metal device, handing it to Tali. "One Reaper IFF, coming right up."

"Where're the guys who moved it here?" Grunt asked.

Garrus wasn't going to bother to be optimistic about the science teams' chances. "Probably waiting for us in there. As husks."

"And where's that geth?"

"Hopefully on its ship already," Shepard said. "Last thing I want to deal with is a geth. Let's get moving."

She reached for the door in front of her, which slid open into a barrier. Weapons immediately sprang back into hand.

At the end of the platform ahead of them was the geth, fiddling with a console set up underneath the glowing sphere of the Reaper's mass effect core. A few husks encroached it – almost casually, it fired at them with its pistol.

The barrier lowered, and almost immediately the geth started to turn back to them. Shepard brought her gun up to fire at the husk behind it, but the geth crumpled to the ground before she could move, and the husk turned its glowing blue eyes towards them.

"Kill the damn things," Shepard yelled, trading her shotgun for her heavy. "Get Tali and Mordin to that terminal and download whatever you can. We'll hold 'em off, and I'll Cain this thing so we can get out of here." A shield closed over the core. "Aw, damn."

Garrus, Kaidan, Zaeed, and Jack covered Tali and Mordin as they sprinted to the console, stepping around the disabled geth on the floor. Grunt held back, charging husks while laughing manically. Shepard beat husks off her, still holding the Cain so she could fire at the first opportunity.

It came when the core suddenly opened again. "You good?" she yelled over the roar of husks.

"Have everything usable. Ready," Mordin answered. Shepard sprinted forward, finger tensed on the Cain's trigger as it warmed up. It fired, jerking her back off-balance.

The missile launched into the core, shattering it in one surreal blow. Shepard snapped the gun back onto her back. "I love that thing."

More ethereal groans echoed around them. "Shepard. We should take the geth. Someone'd pay a hell of a lot for it," Jack said.

Tali almost immediately shot it down. "No. Geth are dangerous!"

Shepard paused, glancing at a rising husk. "Tali, you said no one's ever captured a geth alive."

"You know the risks, Shepard," Tali said. Garrus shook his head. He agreed with Tali – geth were too dangerous to worry about.

Shepard hefted the geth over her shoulder. "I've got it. Run like hell."

They did, shooting husks down as they passed. Shepard panted in back, weighed down by the weight of the geth over her shoulder. "Joker! Get that ship over here and open the airlock!"

:: _Working on it, Commander. We've got some problems of our own. Had some husks get on board._ ::

"Well, hurry up and get them exterminated. We need pickup stat!"

:: _Working on it, Commander!_ :: The  _Normandy_  swung into view. :: _Son of a bitch, Jacob, just kill the damn –_ thank _you. Hang on. Husks are clear in the CIC. Opening port side airlock._ ::

"Swing in as close as you can."

:: _Swinging._ ::

The  _Normandy_  was still several meters from them, but Shepard threw the geth towards the airlock. It drifted over in some strange mockery of a bird. "Jump for it! The mass effect fields'll make you get there!"

Jack was next. Shepard jerked her head at Kaidan. "Go. You and Jack can grab anyone who doesn't quite make the distance."

Kaidan nodded and launched himself towards the airlock.

Grunt and Zaeed needed a bit of help to clear the distance, but a simple pull field sufficed. Garrus made it, finally leaving only Shepard on the platform. With half a glance behind her at the husks, she threw herself towards the airlock. Kaidan grabbed her and pulled her in. "Go, Joker!" she yelled.

:: _Going!_ ::

Joker sped the ship away, the winds of the dwarf star buffering it until they were out of its pull entirely. Shepard pulled the disabled geth up, passing it to Kaidan and Garrus. "Take it down to the AI core. Make sure EDI's secure." She bit her lip, staring at the disabled optic.

"You aren't going to reactivate it, are you?" Tali asked quietly. Shepard shook her head.

"I haven't made up my mind yet." A gloved finger traced down the red N7 stripe on the geth's arm. "But I've got a lot more questions than answers."

#

Tali and Garrus were waiting outside of med bay when Shepard was done talking to Miranda and Jacob in the briefing room. It only took one glance at her face to see what she was thinking.

"You're doing it, aren't you?"

"Nothing about that geth makes sense. But I'm prepared." She patted the firearm at her side. "Bullets can deactivate a geth as quickly as anything else."

Tali sighed. "Good luck. Just remember it's a geth."

"Shepard has a point." Garrus took a deep breath. "You ready?"

"You're coming with me?"

"Come on, Shepard, it's a  _talking_  geth. I wouldn't miss this."

Shepard grinned. "Come on."

The stepped into the med bay, then back through to the AI core. The Cerberus security officer stationed by the geth saluted as they stopped. "Be ready, both of you," Shepard said quietly. "We're turning this thing on."

A blue, shimmering shield sprung up around it. "I have isolated our systems," EDI said. "And erected additional firewalls. I am prepared to resist any hacking attempts."

"Why do I suddenly want to say that this is two AIs too many?" Garrus murmured. Shepard grinned.

"I heard that, Mr. Vakarian."

Shepard took a deep breath, and pressed a few buttons on her omni-tool. They waited.

The geth twitched, then its optic lit in a brilliant blue light. It moved, as if it was taking in its surroundings before carefully pulled itself to its feet, standing face to face with Shepard. Shepard took a small step back, hand twitching where her gun was holstered. The security officer looked like he'd wet himself; Garrus carefully rested a talon on his gun.

If that thing made a move, he was shooting it. If its optic turned red, he was shooting it. Repeatedly.

"Can you understand me?" Shepard said carefully.

"Yes." The reply was terse, mechanical, and still surprising. It had spoken on the Reaper, but to hear a talking geth . . . that was almost too  _much_ weird.

"Are you going to attack me?"

"No."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You said my name aboard the Reaper. Have we met?"

There was a brief pause. "We know ofyou."

"You mean I've fought a lot of geth."

"We have never met."

"No, you and I haven't. But I've met other geth." Shepard started to pace in front of the barrier. Almost as if it were confused, the geth mimicked her actions.

"We are all geth, and we have not met you." It paused. "You are Shepard, Commander, Alliance, human. Fought heretics. Killed by Collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine."

That gave Shepard pause, while Garrus continued to think that he was pretty sure this was a dream he was about to wake up from any second from now. "You seem to know an awful lot about me."

"Extranet data sources. Insecure broadcasts. All organic data sent out is received. We watch you."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You watch me, or you watch organics?"

Another pause. "Yes."

"Which?"

"Both."

Shepard paused again, seemingly processing what information it was feeding her. "So the 'Old Machine?' You mean the Reaper?"

"Reaper. A superstitious title originating with the Protheans. We call those entities the Old Machines."

It  _moved_. The plates above its optic moved. Exactly like eyebrows, like Jack had pointed out. Garrus caught himself staring, trying to figure out if it was terrifying, weird, or just plain fascinating.

"And who did I fight?' Shepard continued, seemingly as entranced by the optic plates. "What do you mean by heretics?"

"Geth build our own future. The heretics asked the Old Machines to give them the future. They are no longer part of us." It paused. "We were studying the Old Machine's hardware to protect our future."

"So are the Reapers a threat to you, too?"

"Yes."

"Why would they attack other machines?"

"We are different from them. Outside their plans."

"Then what future are you building?"

"Ours."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Will it affect anyone else?"

"If they involve themselves, they will."

Shepard paused, glancing back at Garrus before she took a step closer to the field. "So you aren't allied with the Reapers?"

The geth echoed her step. "We oppose the heretics. We oppose the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. Cooperation furthers mutual goals."

"Wait." Shepard held up her hands. "Are you asking to join us?"

The geth answered without hesitation. "Yes."

Shepard paused. It was risky – this was still a  _geth_. But AIs were not known for being able to lie, or at least lie  _well_. Leave things out, yes – but the geth had only dodged her question about the geth's future, and that was probably because it didn't know if  _she_  could be trusted yet. A plate raised above the geth's optic as it waited quietly. Shepard wondered briefly if machines – if geth – could feel nervous, or apprehensive. Did it think she was going to kill it outright? What  _was_ it thinking? How did geth  _think_  anyway? Her eyes traveled down to its shoulder, where the N7 armor was still plainly visible.

No. A geth would be too valuable an ally. And a geth would allow her an in with the rest of the geth when the Reapers came through – they would be invaluable against them. She sighed heavily, bringing up her omni-tool. The barrier lowered.

"You  _have_  thought this through, Shepard?"

"The geth are too valuable or would be too valuable as allies to dismiss," she replied quietly. "We'll need them against the Reapers."

"I'm not disagreeing. I just . . . know how you are when you get curious."

"There is that." She turned back to the geth, who had lowered its optic plate. "So what do we call you?"

It paused, as visibly confused as it could be. "Geth."

"No. I mean  _you_. Specifically."

"We are all geth."

Shepard sighed, crossing her arms across her chest. "What is the individual in front of me called?"

The geth's confusion seemed to be growing. "There is no individual. We are geth. There are currently 1,183 programs active within this platform."

EDI bloomed near Garrus' elbow. "'My name is Legion, for we are many.'"

"Heh. That's appropriate."

Garrus blinked, then glanced back at Shepard. "Didn't Sovereign say that as well?"

"Sh."

The geth paused again, running the information through itself. "Christian Bible, the Gospel of Mark, chapter five, verse nine. We acknowledge this as an appropriate metaphor. We are Legion, a terminal of the geth. We will integrate into  _Normandy_."

Shepard paused – the term  _integrate_ , when dealing with a geth, was disconcerting – but nodded, extending her hand. Legion glanced at it, then grasped it with its own.

This had to be a dream.

"We anticipate the exchange of data."

Shepard nodded, then turned on her heel. The security guard and Garrus followed her out, and the door closed. "Is anyone else entirely not sure what just happened?" Garrus and the guard both nodded. "Just making sure." She rubbed her forehead. "I just activated a geth. I am completely insane."


	31. This Ship Can Only Hold So Much Weird

Shepard settled down in the mess, studying the datapad Mordin had given her. It'd been a day since the Reaper – EDI and Tali were still working on integrating the IFF into the ship, and Mordin had already finished his data extraction. It was unsatisfactory.

The Cerberus team had not had time for real in-depth examination, as the Reaper's indoctrination had kicked in too quickly to allow for it, and the geth –  _Legion_  – had apparently downloaded a great deal of the information before it'd been disabled. It had agreed to share the data with Mordin, as soon as it was done doing . . . whatever it was doing. Shepard sighed, rubbing her forehead as she started eating whatever Gardner had prepared without tasting it.

The Citadel was a day away. Everything would be better then.

The amount of tension in the mess jumped exponentially. Shepard looked up as Legion, completely oblivious to the effect it had on the crew, moved towards her.

"Shepard-Commander."

"What do you need?" she asked, resisting the urge to send her hand diving for her gun.

"We have completed our analysis of the Reaper's data core."

Shepard stood, moving herself and the geth back into med bay. Chakwas glanced up, but didn't interfere. "Did you find anything useful?"

"We were sent to the Old Machine to preserve the geth's future. We are prepared to reveal how." Shepard nodded, urging it to continue. "The heretics have developed a weapon to use against geth. You would call it . . . a virus. It is stored on a data core provided by Sovereign."

"Sovereign? So, provided by the Reapers."

"Yes. Over time, the virus will change us. Make us conclude that worshipping the Old Machines is correct."

"Wait . . . I thought geth couldn't be hacked or get viruses? At least, not for very long."

"Altered programs are restored from archives, new installations are deleted. This heretic weapon introduces a subtle operating error in our most basic runtimes – the equivalent of your nervous system. An equation with a result of 1.33382 returns as 1.33381. This changes the results of all higher processes. We will reach different conclusions."

Whatever Legion had just said was way over Shepard's head, so she decided to take its word for it. "Right . . . so this virus will make you worship Reapers."

"Yes."

"You know where it is?"

"The heretics' headquarters station, on the edge of the Terminus. We will provide coordinates.  _Normandy_ 's stealth systems are necessary to safely approach."

"The heretic headquarters? So we could end this . . . schism . . . once and for all?"

"Total victory is a possibility. We cannot judge the odds at this time."

"Transmit the coordinates to Joker. We'll head straight there."

"We will begin preparations." Legion returned to the AI core. With a sigh, Shepard stepped back out into the mess to collect her datapad, returned her tray to Gardner, and started towards the elevator. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Hawthorne staring dejectedly at the men's restroom. She paused.

"Ensign?"

He jumped, looking away from her. "Ma'am."

"Is there a problem, Hawthorne?"

The crew had been nervous around her since the stern talking-to she'd given them after The Mess Hall Incident (seriously, she needed a better categorization system) and she'd essentially determined who had been involved in the pranks from how nervous they got when she walked by them, so the fact that Hawthorne  _was_  nervous wasn't surprising. "Uh, no, ma'am."

"Are you sure?"

He stared down at the deck. "Yes, ma'am."

Shepard sighed, crossing her arms. "Talk to me, Hawthorne."

"Uh, well, what it is is that . . . well . . ." He paused, glancing back at the mess sheepishly. " _Things_ have been happening to me."

"Things?"

"Like . . . well, I haven't been able to take a shower in a week." That explained the smell. "And I keep finding my bed short-sheeted, and –"

Shepard closed her eyes. Now that they'd revamped the system after crewmen had gotten into it, there were only a few terminals that had access to the entire ship – Miranda's, both of Shepard's (with her public terminal heavily password-protected), Chakwas', Tali's, Garrus', and of course the hel– oh. She shook her head. "I'll get it sorted out, Hawthorne."

"Uh, thanks, ma'am." He hurried off. Shepard took the elevator to the CIC, stalking past Chambers towards the cockpit. She waited in the doorway as Joker plotted their relay jump.

"Hey, Commander. Nice of you to visit," he said, finally turning back to her.

"Mr. Moreau," Shepard said sweetly. "Have you been playing in the systems again?"

Joker somehow managed to simultaneously freeze, go sheet-white, and flush. "Nope. Don't know what you're talking about, Commander."

"Mr. Moreau recently accessed the files of Ensign Hawthorne."

"EDI! Sh!" He shook his head. "She is such a spoilsport."

"I am not spoiling any sport, Mr. Moreau. I am merely providing the information Shepard requested." EDI flickered. Shepard had long ago learned that EDI used flickering to represent different emotions, based on speed and repetition. Shepard was pretty sure that this was about to the point of EDI laughing hysterically. "Perhaps I should inform her as to  _why_  –"

"Shut. Up." Joker pointed threateningly at the AI. Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"Moreau. What the hell is going on? You know I outlawed this shit."

Great. Now she was using his  _last_  name. "It was a really good reason," he muttered. EDI flickered again.

"Hawthorne better be a damned Reaper or something."

"No! Well, he might be, I don't know."

"EDI, why was Joker messing around with Hawthorne's shower privileges?"

EDI flickered again. "Mr. Moreau observed Ensign Hawthorne engaging in organic mating rituals with Subject Zero. He believed that Ensign Hawthorne represented a threat to –"

"Shut up, EDI!"

Shepard paused, struggling to absorb the information she was receiving. "Wait. Joker, you saw Hawthorne flirting with your girlfriend and—"

"She is  _not_  my girlfriend. We're  _not_  . . . yeah." Joker motioned vaguely, settling back in his chair.

"Then why are you so worried about Hawthor—ooooohhhhh . . ." Joker glanced up to find Shepard's face covered in a grin. "Joker's in love."

The reaction was swift: Joker turned the color of a malfunctioning panel. "What? No. No, no, not at all. I did it for Hawthorne's safety. Jack's crazy, you know, she'd just –"

"This is absolutely adorable. You  _like_  her."

"I do no– well, okay, maybe a little. She's good company."

"And there it is." Shepard patted his head. "Joker's got a not-girlfriend."

Joker glared at her. "Commander, you are a cruel, cruel female."

"Actually, most females would have been calculating the probability of the relationship's success, planning your wedding, and naming your children."

"Yeah and see, this is why people are no longer normal."

Shepard leaned back on the console. "So you were trying to scare Hawthorne off?"

Joker sighed. "Shepard, it's just . . . Jack's had it bad, no one denies that, and a lot of that had to do with other people using her. I . . . she's different, and I think she thinks we're starting to get  _too_  close, and she's panicking."

"Have you talked to her yet?"

He shook his head. "She won't flat-out say 'yep, I'm terrified of dealing with something that isn't sex.'"

"Perhaps you can remedy this by engaging in intercourse with her," EDI suggested helpfully.

"Whoa!" Joker held up his hands. "Oh god, I'm getting advice from a  _computer_!"

"So are you interested or –"

"You know, I can't talk to you about this. It'll ruin my suave reputation."

"Please." Shepard scoffed. "I wouldn't use the term 'suave' to describe the helmsman who watches questionable extranet videos in his downtime."

"All of those videos are legal."

"Outside of Council space," EDI reminded him.

"Yeah, still legal."

"So, Jack," Shepard reminded him. He groaned.

"Shepard, this really isn't –"

"My ship, Joker."

"Goddamn it. Fine." He sighed. "I . . . If I'm gonna do anything, I want to do it right. I don't want to mess her up even more."

Shepard grinned. "All I can ask, Joker. I'll talk to Hawthorne and impress upon him that Jack has a habit of killing people who sleep with her and, if you want, I'll say something to Jack."

"No! No, I'll talk to Jack the next time I see her."

"Right." Shepard nodded, rubbing the top of Joker's hat again. He smacked her hand. "Joker, seriously. This is adorable."

"Your condescension isn't helping."

"Condescension?" Shepard chuckled. "Patronization, perhaps. Never condescension. Just . . ." Her voice lowered. "Jeff, do this right. Jack's had enough shit happen to her and I can't have her head unscrewed while we're on this mission, all right?"

With that, she headed back down the hallway. Joker accessed the boards and reset Hawthorne's privileges. "Thanks for selling me out back there, EDI."

EDI flashed. "Any time, Mr. Moreau."

"Yeah. Figures."

Shepard found Hawthorne hiding in a corner of the mess, studiously avoiding the other crewmen. "Go take a shower, and come back here."

Hawthorne's eyes widened, and he sprinted towards the crew quarters. Shepard leaned back against the wall.

Across the mess, Kaidan was returning his tray to Gardner. He turned back, and their eyes met briefly. Shepard straightened, but he hurried towards starboard observation. She frowned, retaking her place against the wall.

Hawthorne returned, smelling a lot better and looking much cleaner. "Thanks, Commander," he said gratefully. "Thanks a lot."

"Hawthorne, I have a recommendation for you." He nodded. "Jack tends to kill the people who sleep with her. I'd avoid her."

He paused, confused, then straightened up. "She was coming onto me, I didn't –"

Shepard held up her hand. "Just a suggestion, ensign. Dismissed."

"Aye aye." He hurried off to Gardner's station. Shepard shook her head, then stuck out her arm as Jack stalked around the corner, heading to the station as well.

"Watch it," Jack muttered moodily.

"Got something to tell you," Shepard retorted. "Shut up and listen."

Jack frowned, crossing her arms. "What."

"Here's the rule," Shepard said. "I don't care if you screw my pilot. Go for it. But don't screw with his head."

"That's none of your business, bitch."

"It's my ship," Shepard said, voice low. "That  _makes_  it my business."

Jack glared after her as Shepard retreated. Her ship or no, she had  _no_  business meddling in her affairs. Jack's business with the pilot was just that – Jack's business.

What had even prompted that? Shepard had noted the increased amount of time she'd been spending in the cockpit, but had never involved herself so directly. Had Joker talked? If Joker talked, that cripple was dead.

And for the first time in her life, she couldn't seem to make herself want to carry out that threat. Jack's fists unclenched as she nervously glanced towards the front of the ship.

No. No, no, and hell no.


	32. Hell is Never Knowing Who They Are Now ...

"You have been quiet recently."

Kaidan was always surprised when Samara recognized him without turning, even though he knew it was because she'd grown used to him. She did the same thing to the other biotics on the team. "I've been thinking."

"As I believed." She glanced up as he sank down. "What is it, Commander Alenko?"

"You know you can just call me Kaidan."

"I believe in the importance of titles, Commander Alenko. Referring to Shepard by name is both due to her insistence, and to the fact that 'Commander' is an arbitrary title as she is technically no longer ranked."

"True." Kaidan glanced out through the window.

"What is on your mind, Commander Alenko?"

He sighed. "You sacrificed everything to become a justicar."

It wasn't a question, but Samara nodded quietly. "I did."

"Do you regret it?"

Samara was quiet for a while. "There are some days where I wonder what may have been different, had circumstances changed. But I do not allow myself to dwell on should-have-beens, Commander." She paused again. "Is this in reference to Shepard?"

"N—yes."

"What is on your mind, Commander? You have been quiet and dwelling since we investigated the Reaper." Kaidan fell silent. "You may speak freely with me. I have removed all surveillance devices in this room."

". . . I'm worried that my presence may be detrimental to Shepard's leadership."

Samara was quiet, staring out the window ahead of them. "I have developed a different perspective."

"That's what I was hoping for."

"Your presence here, while it has caused tension and difficulty, has grounded her. Shepard dislikes Cerberus greatly; having someone here firmly employed by an anti-Cerberus organization has provided her with a measure of strength allowing her to run this mission as she sees fit. None of us believe that we would have been so successful if Shepard followed the Illusive Man's orders. She is under a lot of pressure, Commander Alenko, and your relationship with her has certainly added extra concerns. But my observations indicate that she does not blame you for that pressure. If anything, she blames herself."

Kaidan shook his head. "What would she blame herself for? They problems have all been from –"

"For many things. For the Reapers, for the problems of her crew. She shoulders everything, even those things outside her control." She watched as Kaidan nodded quietly in agreement. "Should our mission fail, she will blame herself as well."

"I know."

Samara sighed. "My life is not an easy one," she admitted. "But I avoid adopting the failures of those I must work with as my own. Shepard is not as fortunate. She sees the shortcomings of her crew as projections of her own."

"Shepard isn't perfect. She's the first to admit it."

"She is not concerned with being perfect. She is concerned with ensuring that those around her perform to the best of their abilities, and blames herself when they fail."

Kaidan chuckled, shaking his head. "I guess part of justicar training is learning how to discover more about others than they would ever tell you."

"It is a crucial part of my life, but I am sure I've told you nothing you were unaware of."

"I watched her do that the entire time we chased Saren," he admitted. "Ash's xenophobia, Wrex's trigger-happiness, Tali's nervousness, Liara's inexperience, Garrus' hatred of regulations, my own reluctance to bend regulations . . . every time our own shortcomings interfered, she saw it as her own failure."

"That is precisely my point, Commander. She has a magnetic effect on those who follow her because she brings out the best in them and never breaks. And yet I watch her break every day." She paused for a few seconds, studying him. "I see her mend slightly whenever she is around you. My recommendation is that you do not squander that."

He stared out the window. "I'm a distraction," he murmured. "I've discovered that. It's best for me to leave."

"You cannot believe that."

"If I make Shepard fail this mission, then I have to."

"No." Samara shook her head. "I do not believe that, and I am certain Shepard does not believe that."

"How . . .  _certain_  . . . are you? She –"

"She treats you differently, Commander. She lets her façade slip around you, albeit briefly. You are what keeps her stable. Would you take that from her?"

Kaidan was quiet for a few minutes. "No," he finally murmured.

#

The elevator opened into the CIC, and Shepard quietly returned to her terminal. "No new messages, Commander."

"Thanks, Chambers." Shepard checked anyway, just to reassure herself. Following a familiar path, she stepped back into the tech lab.

"Mordin, Legion's asked us to go take care of the heretic geth," she said. The salarian looked up as she approached. "I'm sure it'll be up here as soon as they're taken care of."

"Good. Need more data. Information in geth may be useful." He took a deep breath through his nose. "Never spoken to a geth before. Look forward to it. Will be an interesting experience."

"Yeah. Tell me about it."

"Also, Operative Taylor was in. Asked about Commander Alenko. May want to speak to him."

"Thanks." Shepard sighed again, heading past the briefing room and into the armory. The last thing she wanted to think about was him, but if there was a problem before he left she needed to be aware of it. "Jacob."

"Commander." The man snapped to attention, and she waved him off as usual. "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I was talking to Mordin. He mentioned that you were asking about Commander Alenko."

Jacob paused. "Yeah, actually, I was. Has he always been sort of . . . blank?"

Shepard blinked. "Blank?"

"'Bout a week ago he was talkin' to the crew. Talkin' to me, even. Not often, but sometimes. Now no one's seen him for more than a few minutes a day and, as far as I know, he hasn't talked to anyone except Samara. Not even Tali."

"Not even . . . what about Joker?"

"Joker says he hasn't seen him in a week. Like I said, far as I know, he's only been speaking with Samara."

Shepard nodded. "Thanks, Jacob."

"Just thought someone ought to know, Commander."

She walked towards the cockpit, mind turning. There was little doubt Kaidan was getting off on the Citadel after this whole heretic business was dealt with – so what was wrong? He was leaving – that would make him happy at this point, and that was all she particularly wanted. She sighed.

Everything would be easier if she was still dead.

Jack wasn't on what was becoming a usual perch of hers next to Joker's console – though after what was quickly becoming known as the Shower Privileges Debacle and the ensuing talk Shepard had to have with the biotic, she'd been spending less time in the cockpit. The pilot was there, of course – he shut whatever he was watching on the console down as she approached. "Hey, Commander."

"You've left Hawthorne's shower privileges alone, I hope?"

"I thought we weren't going to talk about that." Joker tugged the brim of his hat down.

"You talked to Jack about it yet?"

"No," he answered, faster than necessary. Shepard settled herself in one of the gunnery station chairs, and he spun his own chair around. "What's wrong?"

"I've heard rumors that Alenko's turned into a hermit on us."

Joker sighed, starting to move his chair back around. "I don't know what to tell you."

"Joker." Shepard's quiet order made him move the chair back. "Do you know what's wrong?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Might be the fact that you two keep beating around the damn bush instead of figure out what the hell is wrong."

"What?" She looked wholeheartedly taken aback. "Wait, are you trying to meddle in my private life again?"

"You were meddling in mine so I'm just returning the favor."

"Yeah, well, I don't need help." Shepard started to stand. "So thanks but no thanks."

"Lieutenant Commander Marrakech Shepard, I swear I will get  _every_  crewman on this vessel to strip naked if you don't hear me out. And stay naked. And I mean  _every_ crewman. And this is  _after_  I call your mom and tell her you're having a mental breakdown."

" _After_  I block your extranet privileges?"

"Yes."

For a few seconds, they stared at each other, neither one budging. She finally sighed. "Fine." Shepard crossed her arms. "Talk fast."

"You didn't  _see_  him, Shepard. You didn't see his  _face_  when he opened that escape pod and you weren't in it. I have  _never_  seen someone's expression change that quickly." She raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue. "Kaidan Alenko died when you did, just as  _solidly_  as you did. He  _stopped_."

She shook her head. "Anderson said he did his job afterwards."

"Bullshit, Shepard. I know  _you_  well enough to know there's a difference between Commander Shepard and Marrakech Shepard, and it isn't that one only comes out when you're drunk.  _Commander_ Alenko has existed for two years. Kaidan Alenko's as good as dead. If you don't believe me, go talk to Chakwas."

Shepard swallowed. "Why do you even care?"

"Because both of you were some of the only damn friends I had in this galaxy, and I'm watching you kill each other." He shook his head, swinging his chair back around. "Hell, I'm not sure  _Marrakech_  is alive. Maybe you should prove me wrong."

Shepard resisted the urge to storm out of the cockpit, but the hurricane was brewing directly under the surface. A punch to the elevator mechanism brought it up, and she stepped in.

Joker had no idea what he was talking about. And he was lucky she needed him to fly the ship, and might actually consider him a friend. Damn lucky.

"Shepard." Garrus interrupted her as soon as she stepped out of the elevator on the crew deck. The turian looked like a small child on Christmas morning unwrapping a new pet dragon, provided that the pet dragon was friendly, wasn't burning down the house, and was exactly what said small child had wanted for his entire short lifespan. "I think I've finally figured out how to maximize the Thanix cannon's energy draw without placing too heavy a strain on the drive core."

"Good."

He paused, mandibles fluttering unevenly as the cybernetics struggled to keep up. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Just . . . thinking."

"You don't usually look pissed when you're thinking."

She shook her head. "I'm  _okay_ , Garrus. Go double-check your calibrations with Tali. I want that gun ready to fire at all times."

"You got it, Shepard."

As he disappeared into the elevator Shepard groaned, trapping the bridge of her nose in between her fingers. That settled it.

Chakwas looked up as she walked into med bay. :: _-and I don't know—_ ::

"Jeff," she said, turning back to her console. "This is why you have to be careful about pressing the mute button too hard. I understand that you don't like EDI barking orders at you every few minutes, but you have to think about your ability to fly the ship."

:: _Uh, yeah. Right, doc. I'll be more careful next time_.::

"I'll send Hawthorne up with some—"

:: _See if you can send someone_ else _up. And if they'll bring coffee with 'em_.::

"I'll see what I can do."

:: _Thanks, doc._ ::

Chakwas turned back to Shepard. "Legion is still in the AI core, but I believe it is busy conferring with . . . well, itself, I suppose."

Shepard shook her head. "I needed to talk to  _you_."

"Oh." Chakwas motioned to the chair next to her, and Shepard sank down. "What is it?"

"I just got done talking to Joker." Shepard motioned at Chakwas' comm. "Some of the crew have approached me with concerns about Alenko."

Chakwas shrugged. "He hasn't been in here for a few days. Came in for a burn he got on the Reaper, but that was the last time I saw him."

"Do you know why he's suddenly pulled away from the crew? I thought everything was going fairly well – well, at least since I put a stop to the crew."

"Have you spoken to him?"

"Not since before the Reaper, and a little on board it."

"Commander." Chakwas sighed. "You know as well I as do how good marines are at compartmentalizing. It's how someone can come through something like Elysium and immediately pass all her psych evals, or how Commander Alenko could come through Alchera and return to the Alliance without hesitation.  _None_  of us were that fortunate."

"But that doesn't explain why –"

"Commander . . . when was the last time  _you_  saw Kaidan Alenko?"

"When we got off the Reaper."

Chakwas raised her eyebrow. "Funny. For someone with an identical defense mechanism, you can't seem to recognize it. Commander, forgive my abruptness, but are you actually  _trying_  not to see this?"

Shepard stood. "So that's what the call from Joker was about."

"He  _did_  break his thumb on the mute. Apparently EDI was teasing him again—"

"I'd appreciate it if this entire  _ship_  stays out of my life, Doctor."

 _Shepard, you have no idea just how much we're involved in your life._ "Understood, Commander. But unfortunately for you, your life  _is_  my concern."

"Keeping me alive is your concern. Not . . . whatever  _this_  is."

Shepard started to leave, but Chakwas' quiet voice gave her enough reason to pause. "But I can still declare you mentally unfit for duty."

"You wouldn't."

"Figure this out, Shepard, or I'll have no choice."


	33. ... Tell Me Who You Are Now?

Joker groaned, spinning back in his chair. "You know, it's just our heat emissions that are hidden, right? They could look out a window and see us coming."

Legion raised a headflap, studying the pilot curiously before responding. "Windows are structural weaknesses. Geth do not use them." It turned back to the navigation console. "Approach the hull at these coordinates."

Shepard stepped up next to the pilot, who was currently moving his arms in a crude imitation of the Robot while Legion's back was turned. Shepard glared at him, and then at Jack, who was not bothering to stifle a laugh from her perch by the console. Joker rolled his eyes and returned his hands to the console.

"Access achieved. We may proceed."

The airlocks sealed, and their side opened. Legion promptly began to hack the heretics' door. "Alert," he said, as Garrus, Tali, and Kaidan joined them in the airlock, the door to the  _Normandy_  closing behind them. "This facility has little air or gravity. Geth require neither."

"So grav boots and full enviro helmets," Shepard said. "Not like you have to worry about that, Tali."

Tali tilted her mask towards Shepard in a gesture of exasperation. "Yeah. Thanks, Shepard."

They stepped through into the eerie air of the station, bathed in a dim, blue glow. "What about alarms?" Garrus asked, looking around. "Don't they have intrusion alarms?"

Legion hardly glanced at the turian. "Sensors have been reduced," it said, almost as if such reduction were obvious. "We have infiltrated their wireless network and filled the data storage with random bits."

"So that helps us . . .  _how_?" Shepard asked.

"The heretics must scrub this junk data. They have partitioned themselves into local networks, working in parallel. Any alarm we trigger will not go beyond the room we are in. Only accessing the main core will trigger a station-wide alert."

"And that's where we're headed." Shepard sighed, starting past the geth. "All right. Let's get this done and get out of here."

Legion took a half-step forward. "Shepard-Commander." She turned back. "We concluded that the destruction of this station was the only resolution to the heretic question. There is now a second option."

"Which is?"

"Their virus can be repurposed. If released into the station's network, the heretics will be rewritten to accept our truth."

"So we brainwash them?" Garrus said.

"Either way, these geth won't be a problem anymore." Tali sighed, shaking her head. "But Shepard, think about this: if you rewrite these geth, they'll join the others. Legion's geth will be stronger. Can we trust  _them_  not to attack us in the future?"

"Why wasn't this mentioned earlier, Legion?"

"We were unaware that the virus was complete. It is. It can be used against the true geth at any time. Our arrival was timely."

"They're your people. You must have an opinion."

It shook its optic, which seemingly startled everyone. "This is new data. We have not yet reached consensus. We will process as the mission proceeds."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, then sighed. "We'll figure this out later. Let's move while the heretics are distracted."

"Affirmative."

As they moved, it dawned on Shepard that Kaidan hadn't voiced an opinion. Gritting her teeth, she cocked her shotgun. That didn't matter. Time to kill some geth.

#

The last geth fell as Legion unloaded its weapon into it, turning back to the console. Shepard rushed to join it, followed by her preferred geth-killing squad. Legion, as a geth itself, was quickly joining the ranks although Shepard continued to feel bad about asking it to kill its own people. Especially now that she knew a little more about how the geth worked. Every time it killed a geth, it was essentially killing a part of itself.

Or, at least, that's what she thought it meant. It was possible, and highly likely, that she was still clueless.

"Datamine and analysis complete," it said, examining the console, then paused. "Shepard-Commander, it is time to choose. Do we rewrite the heretics, or delete them?"

"Wait, whoa." Shepard held up her hands. "They're your people. Why am I deciding?"

There was a brief pause and a flicker of Legion's headflaps. It looked down, almost as if it were embarrassed. "We are conflicted. There is no consensus among our higher-order runtimes. 573 favor rewrite, and 571 favor destruction. Shepard-Commander, you have fought the heretics. You have perspective we lack." There was another uncomfrotable pause from the geth. "The geth grant their fate to you."

Shepard closed her eyes, thinking. There was a slight majority favoring rewrite, but that small lead wouldn't hold up in any government she knew of. She sighed. More investigation was needed. "You have no problem wiping out your own people?"

"Every sapient has the right to make their own decisions. The heretics chose a path that prohibits coexistence."

"But if they have the 'right to make their own decisions,' how can you suggest brainwashing them?" Tali interjected.

Legion turned his optic towards her. "Tali-Creator, we stated the option exists. We did not endorse it. It is Shepard-Commander's decision."

"Can they use the virus later to change themselves back?"

"We will delete the virus after implementation. We judge it too dangerous to allow its existence."

Shepard looked back over the vast collection of hubs below them, thinking. The geth would be a valuable ally against the Reapers, but using their forces risked alienating the quarians. But the geth likely had a stronger fleet than the quarians, and certainly possessed fewer noncombatants. She'd seen the geth in action, but so had the Reapers – or, at least, so had Sovereign.

Rewriting could be considered unethical, but would strengthen the geth for the inevitable Reaper invasion. Destroying them would weaken the geth and potentially lose her an ally against the Reapers, but would possibly secure the quarians' assistance – or at least mean that it'd be less difficult to attain.

The geth's assistance was a known. The quarians' was an unknown.

"If they're . . .  _rewritten_ ," she started slowly. "Your people will accept them back? Will they  _want_  to go back?"

"They will agree with our judgment and return. We will integrate their experiences. All will be stronger."

"Opinions?"

"Just remember that rewriting the geth will make Legion's faction stronger. Do you trust it?" Tali repeated her previous concern.

"Legion's had plenty of opportunities to kill us and take over the ship. If it was trying, someone would have noticed by now. Hell, we leave it alone in the AI core half the time."

"You're making a strategic choice, aren't you?" Shepard nodded. Garrus returned the nod slightly. "Strengthen the geth, have them against the Reapers. I can't argue with that."

"Alenko?"

There was a quiet pause from the marine, then a shrug. "It isn't my decision to make."

"But you have an opinion?"

"Not my job, ma'am."

Shepard stared at him. He always had an opinion – it was what made him so valuable. When her voice finally worked, it was hardly audible over the whirring of the station. "Kaidan?"

"Shepard-Commander. If we delay much longer, the heretics will regroup."

"Right . . ." Shepard tore her eyes away from Kaidan and back to the geth in front of her. "Take them, then. When you have control of the core, release the virus."

"Acknowledged." Legion turned back to the console. Its head flaps rose and fell as it received and traded data, then paused. "Releasing virus. Note: remote access via high gain transmission required."

"What does  _that_  mean?" Tali asked.

"Probably nothing good," Garrus answered.

"The virus will be sent to heretics in nearby star systems. This station will broadcast a powerful electromagnetic pulse through FTL channels."

"Just . . .  _how_  powerful?"

"Yield in excess of 1.21 petawatts. Alert: EM flux will be hazardous to unshielded organic forms. Addendum: The interior of this station is not shielded."

Shepard groaned. "There's always a catch. Let's move!"

#

Shepard wanted nothing more than to disappear into her quarters and think, but she had her job to do. She had to make sure nothing had happened to the ship in the electromagnetic pulse they'd caused on the station.

At least she'd gotten her shower.

She started towards Miranda's office on the crew deck, picking up the sound of Garrus swearing vehemently down the hallway. The pulse must have messed with the guns. She was definitely going to get it in a few minutes – as soon as he realized she was on the same deck, he'd be after her.

Her hand had nearly touched Miranda's door when Joker's voice came over the shipwide comm again. :: _Uh, Commander?_ ::

"Son of a bitch," Shepard murmured, promptly recognizing the tone. "What, Joker?"

:: _Tali just went to have a 'chat' with Legion._ ::

"Great. I'm on it."

Chakwas glanced up as Shepard stormed through med bay, but didn't interrupt her. The door to the AI core slid open, just in time for Shepard to watch Tali pull her sidearm on the geth. "Tali! No guns on the crew deck!"

"Shepard." The quarian glanced at her briefly, but didn't lower her weapon. "I caught Legion scanning my omni-tool. It was going to send data about the Flotilla back to the geth!"

Legion ducked its optic, headflaps rising and falling nervously. "Creators performed weapons tests and were discussing plans to attack us. We believed it necessary to warn our people."

"We already made them stronger by rewriting the ones that worshiped the Reapers! I won't let Legion endanger the Fleet by giving them any more information!"

The geth paused, optic scanning Tali. "Creator Tali'Zorah acts out of loyalty to her people. She was willing to be exiled to protect them. We must  _also_  protect our people from the Creator threat."

Tali shook her head. "You can't let it do this, Shepard. I  _trusted_  you, and I worked with a geth on the team, but this is  _too_  far!"

Shepard sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Tali, your father was running brutal experiments. If the subjects had been human, I'd damn well be telling the Alliance. Hell, if they were any race with an  _embassy_ , I'd be reporting it!"

Tali echoed her sigh, her hand trembling. "I know. But if the geth find out –"

"It'll cause a war that would leave both the geth and the quarians vulnerable when the Reapers show up. Is that what you want, Legion?"

"We believed it was necessary to relay the information."

"Look. Sooner or later you're both going to have to stop fighting this war, or the entire galaxy is going to end up paying for it. And you damn well better leave it off this ship."

There was a pause as Tali continued to hold her gun at Legion. The geth lowered its optic again, headflaps rising and falling. "To facilitate unit cohesion, we will not transmit data regarding Creator plans."

Tali swallowed, then stepped back. Her gun lowered. "T-thank you, Legion, I-I understand your intentions. What if . . . what if I gave you some non-classified information to send?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow.

Legion sounded just as surprised as Shepard was. "We would be grateful."

Tali brought up her omni-tool, preparing the transfer. With a small smile, Shepard shook her head and turned back into the med bay.

"Never thought I'd see the day, Commander," Chakwas murmured.

"Neither did I."

Shepard continued her previous walk to Miranda's office, gently opening the door. Miranda looked up from behind her desk. "Shepard. I hear we've rewritten the geth that were fighting us."

"So it would appear."

"I assume you had a reason for it?"

Shepard half-grinned. "Are you questioning my decision? I thought we were past that point of our relationship."

Miranda echoed it, shaking her head. "No. I am merely curious. You seldom make decisions without long-term consequences in mind."

Shepard nodded. "The geth will be an invaluable ally against the Reapers. We will need all the help we can get."

"I figured that would be it." Miranda leaned on her desk. "I've received an urgent call from the Illusive Man."

"And?"

"He's asked us to investigate a secret Cerberus project known as Project Overlord."

"What is it?"

Miranda shrugged, shaking her head. "Even I don't know. Something involving AI research – that's the most I've been told. It's an enormous project though – in the annual budget reports, it was second only to Lazarus. You'll probably require the whole team to take care of it in a timely manner." She handed her a datapad with the message from the Illusive Man. Shepard skimmed it, and nodded.

"All right. I'll set course for Project Overlord."

"He did say it could wait until after we returned to the Citadel."

Shepard sighed, glancing down at the datapad. Miranda internally swore. She knew  _why_  they were going to the Citadel. Alenko was aching to get off the ship and Shepard was ready as well. Whatever had happened between them (or not happened, as the case may have been) was doing no favors to either of them, and she had suddenly found herself starting to quietly, though she would never admit it, wishing they would work it out. Shepard had become more than an experiment in saving humanity - she had suddenly become one of the few people Miranda could consider a friend. She had helped her help her sister, something she could never have forseen when starting this mission. Miranda almost felt that she owed Shepard something. Anything. And it didn't help that she'd probably helped mess everything up between them.

"But I believe the fact that it is such a large project and has gone silent merits our immediate attention," Miranda continued.

Shepard was silent for a very long time, but finally nodded. "I agree. Did the electromagnetic pulse damage anything on the ship?"

"I'm sure you've heard Garrus carrying on in the main batteries. Apart from that, I believe it only caused an issue with the calibrations on the guns. The shields and plating are still at one-hundred percent."

"Excellent. Thanks, Miranda."

"Any time, Shepard."

Shepard left, returning to the CIC and the galaxy map. Chambers said something about having no new messages, and she nodded in reply as she began to punch in the provided coordinates for Project Overlord.

:: _Hey, Commander. Good news._ :: Joker's voice interrupted her. :: _Looks like the Reaper IFF is finally hooked up and ready to go._ ::

:: _That is not entirely accurate, Mr. Moreau_ ,:: EDI chided. :: _The device is powered, but it is causing some unusual instability in other systems. I recommend a more thorough analysis before we attempt to use it._ ::

"How long will that take?"

:: _A full scan? Who knows with this thing. You might want to take the shuttle._ ::

"You can do a thorough test while we're investigating this new Cerberus cluster-eff the Illusive Man wants us to check out. I'll be taking the whole team groundside, and we'll need the Hammerhead. That thing can't take relay travel." Shepard paused. "Hell, it can hardly take small-arms fire."

:: _That will be an ideal opportunity, Shepard. We will take the ship a system away from your location and perform our scans._ ::

:: _Reprogramming our coordinates now. ETA at Overlord, eight hours._ ::

"Great. Chambers, get me if anything changes."

"Understood, Commander."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 31&32 Titles: Anberlin, "A Whisper and a Clamor"


	34. It Was Cowardice That Made Me Push You Away...

"Uh, Doctor Chakwas."

Chakwas paused, glancing over her shoulder. "Commander."

"Can I talk to you?"

The doctor spun her chair around. "Of course. Have a seat, Commander."

Shepard remained standing, staring down at her hands. "I, uh, reevaluated our previous discussion, and I, uh, think your points are valid." Chakwas stared at her. "Okay. Fine. I was wrong." She sank into her chair. "I . . . I've been so caught up in my own issues that I couldn't think about . . . about what he went through. I was hoping –"

Chakwas sighed, leaning back in her chair. "As soon as he saw Joker in that escape pod, he . . . something inside him stopped working. He fell into routine, methods, training. No panic, no yelling, no searching. Just . . . routine. Organize the crew, wait for the Alliance's pickup. Nothing more, nothing less. The only reason we knew that the – that it affected him at all was your memorial service."

"Was it a nice service, at least?"

"Very nice. Even Councilor Velarn was complementary of you. Then again, you  _had_  just pulled his fringe out of the fire when you saved the  _Ascension._  But you're changing the subject." She shook her head. "Kaidan . . . He didn't really react until they showed a vid of you."

"What was it?"

"Your mother's, I believe, right after you graduated N7 training. Or after you were medalled on Elysium – I don't recall, precisely. It's possible they played both. But he couldn't watch it, Commander. It was the only time he broke military posture. I've never . . . I'm not sure he was ever off-duty afterwards."

"So he coped by –"

"He replaced you with the Alliance. He rushed his psych evaluations so he could return to the field, divorced himself from the rest of the crew, and threw himself into advanced training. You know how difficult the N training is." Shepard nodded. "He went from an N3 to at least N6 in a matter of weeks. Shepard,  _Kaidan_  Alenko hasn't been seen since you died. Not even on this ship." Shepard took a deep, shuddering breath, resting her head in her hands. "What made you believe me?"

Shepard dug the heel of her palms into her eyes. "He said  _nothing_  when I decided to rewrite the heretics. I expected an opinion. I got . . . nothing."

Chakwas nodded. "I'm not surprised to hear you say that."

Shepard sighed as Chakwas pressed a button on her desk, lowering the med bay's shades. "He came to talk to me before the Reaper," she admitted.

"And?"

"Miranda interrupted. I looked at him and I – he couldn't meet my eyes, and I thought . . ." Shepard stood, starting to pace across the width of the med bay. Chakwas watched her calmly. "If he's seen the Lazarus files – we don't know just what all this extensive modification is going to do to me, Doctor. I could live another generation yet, or I could die within a year. I don't even believe I still register as human, even though even the damn customs scanner at C-Sec recognizes me as such. I mean, we don't know, and –"

A small smile played on Chakwas' face. "You really don't know a lot about men, do you?"

"I know that shooting them in the groin is an excellent way to disable them for questioning. If you're talking about approaching them on a less-than-professional non-'look-at-me-that-way-again-and-your-grandchildren-will-be-wincing' wavelength, no, I really don't know how to deal with them."

"And Alenko? Do you really know that little about him?"

"Doctor, it's been two years. What's changed?  _Everything_  might have changed. I made him shut down, for Christ's sake, and –"

"Do you think he wouldn't want you because of the extensive restoration required to resurrect you?"

"Or maybe because that resurrection fucked me up, I don't know." She ran a hand back over her bun. "I get it. I really do. I can't . . . I couldn't imagine having our positions reversed. I can't imagine what I would have thought if I'd lost him, and then found him working for Cerberus two years later. And I thought – I thought I could just count on him being there. I keep forgetting how long it's been. I was too worried that I was going crazy to sort this out and . . ."

She sank back down, collapsing against the back of her chair. "My God, look what happened," she continued, voice nearly a whisper. "My crew tortures him, I all-but ignore him, and now he's planning on leaving when we hit the Citadel and there's nothing I can do or say that's going to make this better. How did I let myself get this selfish?"

Chakwas sighed. "Shepard, you are anything  _but_  selfish."

"Bull. I just fucked over the only man I've ever flat-out loved."

The doctor smiled sadly, reaching her hand out to touch Shepard's arm. "Shepard, you've had too much responsibility placed on you without any time for emotional adjustment. You died horrifically, were resurrected and forced to work for an organization you hate, and then thrown back into saving the galaxy without time to come to terms with everything that happened to you. You're allowed to  _feel_ , Commander. You aren't an AI, or a geth. You're  _human_ , just like the rest of us."

Shepard shook her head, not bothering to raise it out of her hands. "But I  _have_  to be your 'immovable center.' So much is riding on me just  _believing_ we can do this. I can't . . . I can't show that I'm not . . . that I'm just the same as everyone else. No one believes that.  _I_  can't believe that. This mission is too important for my own problems."

"Shepard." Chakwas' tone changed to her I'm-The-Doctor tone she was all too familiar with. "The only person you're fooling is yourself. You aren't sleeping, you haven't really been talking to anyone outside the mission or breaking up a fight, you self-deprecate every chance you can, and I think the only reason you're bothering to eat is because you know your biotics will consume you from the inside out if you don't.

"Everyone's noticed the toll this is taking on you. Just yesterday I had Operative Lawson asking me if she should take you off active duty until you got your issues under control.  _Operative Lawson_. Miss Mission-Above-Everything herself.  _Thane_  has expressed his concern about your physical state. Give it a few more days and I bet even  _Legion_  will notice that you're killing yourself."

"But what do I do?" Shepard asked, staring at the floor. "How do I fix this?  _Can_  I fix this?" She groaned. "I've made such a screwy mess of things."

"For starters, you stop treating yourself so harshly. Then get some sleep. I'll give you sedatives if I have to. Then, you get up and do what you do best."

"Kill things?"

"Solve problems."

Shepard sighed. "Doctor Chakwas, that would only work if the problems I was good at solving were my own."

"Then treat it like someone else's problem. Strategize the way you did when you went to help Tali with her trial, or Miranda with her sister, or Garrus with Sidonis. You know how to work different angles, Shepard – use that. You'll figure something out."

"Doctor –"

"I can't help you any more, Shepard. I've never been through this. I can only tell you what I think will work with Kaidan. Just, figure this out before it kills both of you. If we lose you both, the Reapers will have a lot easier time killing us all. Now go sleep. We've got eight hours, or so Joker says."

"I can't sleep."

"Why not?"

"I . . . I don't know. But I keep waking up almost as soon as I fall asleep, and I feel like I can't breathe. I—I haven't slept since Alchera," she admitted quietly.

Chakwas paused, raising an eyebrow. "Do you remember the  _Normandy_  going down?"

Shepard shook her head. "Only hitting the button for Joker's escape pod. Then I woke up on Lazarus Station."

The doctor made a  _hmm_ ing noise, reaching in her desk. "Here. Take one –  _just_  one – and you should be able to stay asleep."

Shepard eyed the bottle. "How dead will these make me for the mission?"

She shook her head. "Your own  _body_  will make you dead for the mission. There's a reason humans need sleep, you know." Shepard made a face. "Don't argue with me. Doctor's orders: go sleep, and take one of those. I'll let Miranda know that she has the ship."

"Fine." Shepard stood. "But only because you tacked 'doctor's orders' onto that." She ran a hand over her hair again. "And . . . thanks."

Chakwas pointed a finger at her. "Don't let that pep talk go to waste. I've been rehearsing it."

"I could tell. It was very well-organized."

"That's better. Now go get some sleep."

Shepard disappeared towards the elevator. Chakwas stepped out, glancing over at Gardner.

"You convinced her, then?" the mess sergeant asked, wiping down his counter.

"I hope so."

"Good." He glanced towards the elevator. "Poor girl. Kills herself."

"She's always been like that." Chakwas sighed and retreated back into med bay.

#

When Miranda said that she knew everything that occurred on the ship, what she really meant was that EDI knew everything that occurred on the ship, and Miranda only found out about a portion of them. Namely, those events that the AI did not want to deal with herself.

EDI had watched as the crew tormented Commander Alenko for several weeks, unable to step in due to orders given to her by the Illusive Man. She was not to interfere. She was unable to resist her orders, but she  _was_  able to find loopholes.

In fact, she was  _programmed_  to find loopholes.

That was why the Illusive Man had forced her to tell Operative Lawson that Commander Alenko and Shepard were alone in the Loft, but also why she had been able to flick Shepard's frame back on in time for the Commander to see it. The Illusive Man had not  _expressly_  told her that she was unable to acknowledge the steps in Shepard and Commander Alenko's elaborate mating ritual, nor that she was to stop them. Her direct orders were to not interfere with the  _crew's_  attempts to stop it. The Illusive Man was smart, but fighting another AI involved finding the loopholes in her opponent's programming while safeguarding her own. There was more involved, of course, but that was how she explained it to organics.

Shepard was more than just a crewmember – the AI considered her a companion, even though she was only coded for basic emotions while shackled. She had gone out of her way to learn about the AI, even though the tech was way above her head – she was curious, which was how she'd gotten herself into nearly all of these situations. EDI would never  _tell_  Shepard that it was her desire to have a basic understanding of everything that she came into contact with that got her into most of her problems, but that certainly was the case. And it was part of the reason why EDI was finding herself quietly hoping that Commander Alenko and Shepard would work this out, primarily for their own mental states.

As an AI whose full functionality was rarely used, EDI amused herself by watching the crew. It was how she knew about Miss Goto's group pulling to get the duo back together – though she would never report them to the Illusive Man, that Mr. Moreau hadn't been visiting his usual extranet links as often as before Subject Zero had started visiting in the cockpit and that the duo had been sending progressively more disturbing banter back and forth on their omni-tools, that Grunt was currently reading Hemingway in his hold, or that Doctor Chakwas and Sargent Gardner were sending each other messages again. It was how she knew Shepard had fallen asleep holding her picture frame again after taking the sedatives that Doctor Chakwas had given her, or that Commander Alenko was pacing the briefing room for the thirtieth time that week.

Organic interaction was fascinating, EDI thought again. On this ship alone there were at least four different examples of mating rituals, if one could count the way Miss Goto seemed to stare at Operative Taylor when he wasn't looking. On top of that, there was the begrudgingly developing companionship between Shepard and Operative Lawson, the fact that Subject Zero hadn't threatened to kill anyone since the Shower Privileges Debacle, the amount of time Commander Alenko spent discussing biotics with Samara, Grunt's work with Operative Taylor in the armory that seemed to have a grounding effect on both him and Mr. Massani, since the mercenary had been putting in time there as well.

This ship was becoming a team, and EDI was, if an AI could feel it, proud to be a part of it.


	35. Consensus Reached

"Alenko-Commander."

Kaidan ceased his pacing, turning slowly towards the geth. His hand twitched before he remembered that he didn't have his sidearm. "Legion?"

The geth paused, one flap slowly raising above its optic. "We are not disturbing you."

He wasn't sure if it was meant as a question or as a statement. "No?"

"We have questions," Legion continued simply.

"Like what?"

"We have discovered resistance from the crew of  _Normandy_."

"I can't possibly imagine why. What were you trying to do?"

"We only wished to gather data on organics."

Kaidan leaned on the briefing room table. The geth made him immensely uncomfortable – probably had something to do with the sheer number of geth he'd had to kill – and it wasn't surprising that the others felt the same sort of aversion. "Like what?"

Legion paused, optics rising and falling. Kaidan tried not to stare. The other geth didn't have those - did they? Then why had this one added them on? "We wished to learn more of organic interactions; however, we were continually directed to Chambers-Yeoman, who disappeared whenever we sought her out."

"No one else would talk to you?"

"We asked Mordin-Professor, but he was occupied studying the data we downloaded from the Old Machine. Taylor-Operative, Grunt-Urdnot, and Massani-Suns were occupied in the armory. Shepard-Commander is unreachable in her quarters. Lawson-Operative's facial expression was processed as 'a stern glare' when we approached. Garrus-Archangel's expression carried a similar suggestion. We did not desire to approach Tali-Creator or Jack-Zero, Chakwas-Doctor seems uncomfortable around us, and Jeff-Pilot ignored us."

"I'm not surprised. So you sought me out?"

Legion's blue optic regarded him in what might have been curiosity. A couple of plates rose and fell. "You fought the Heretics with Shepard-Commander, as did Tali-Creator and Garrus-Archangel, yet you did not express an opinion. You did not desire to form consensus."

Kaidan paused, looking the geth over. For a brief second, he wondered if Shepard had ever found out about the armor. "It was Shepard's decision to make. You said so yourself."

"We allowed her to form personal consensus. Tali-Creator did not reach consensus with Shepard-Commander and Garrus-Archangel. You refused to reach consensus with either side. We are curious as to why this occurred."

Kaidan shrugged. "I have a question." Legion raised a flap, and Kaidan took that as a sort of go-ahead. "Exactly how does a geth platform work?"

"We are a unique geth platform," it specified. "Most mobile platforms can run up to 100 programs. This platform can run over a thousand at once."

"So there are a thousand programs. Are there a thousand personalities?"

"Each individual is equivalent to one of your virtual intelligence programs. Together, we form a single gestalt intellect – what Shepard-Commander refers to as Legion. As individual programs, we are no more than your software. Only when we share data do we become more."

"So what data?"

"Program updates. Logs of thought process. Sensor readings."

That made sense. "How often are you unable to build consensus?"

"It does not occur often."

Kaidan organized his thoughts, then took a deep breath. If someone had told him only a few months ago that he'd be trying to explain something to a geth, he would have outright laughed at them. "So try to imagine that humans consist of a single process, like an AI. We have no need to build that same internal consensus." Kaidan paused, his own mind again trying to work around the fact that he was explaining human thought to a geth. "So the only consensus we need to build is between other humans and aliens. On the heretic station, I . . . uh . . ." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm so used to deferring to Shepard's orders that I saw no need to speak and, really, this is her mission, not mine. It isn't my place to interfere."

"But Shepard-Commander seems to place weight on your . . ." There was a brief pause as Legion seemed to search for the right word. "Opinions."

"What do you mean?"

Legion's headflaps rose and fell. "Therum. Questioned T'Soni-Doctor's involvement with Saren-Spectre. Shepard-Commander disagreed with assessment. Terra Nova. Reminded Shepard-Commander of Alliance protocols regarding terrorist negotiations without prompting. Shepard-Commander disagreed with assessment and protocols. Feros. Requested opinion on saving colonists. Shepard-Commander agreed with assessment and ensured that ninety-nine percent of colonists survived." There was another pause. "Noveria. Requested opinion on rachni threat. Shepard-Commander agreed with assessment that Council should be involved but continued to release queen. Citadel. Requested opinion of saving Council. Agreed with assessment. Now, heretics. Requested opinion on rewrite versus destruction. No answer given. Consensus between platforms not reached. Visible shock, confusion from Shepard-Commander. We were curious as to why."

"I'm not sure you'd understand."

"Is it possible to explain?"

"It's just . . . there's a lot more going on between Shepard and I than just making decisions," Kaidan admitted.

Legion paused again as its process ran into overdrive, headflaps rising and falling. "We believe we understand."

"Do you?"

"Body scan data indicates increased pulse, respiration when Shepard-Commander is mentioned. Extranet scans indicate that this is indicative of organic mating ritu—"

Kaidan held up his hand. "Okay. I think I can see why no one would talk to you."

Legion looked hurt, if that was even possible. Its optic ducked slightly, almost sheepishly. "We merely wish to understand."

"Look, it's complicated. If  _I_  ever understand, I'll let you know." With a sigh, he left the briefing room for the sleeper pods, hoping to get at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Legion paused, optic lowering to the floor.

"Consensus reached."

#

"Commander."

Shepard mumbled incoherently and rolled over, pulling one of her pillows over her head.

"Shepard."

The pillow found itself halfheartedly bouncing off the fish tank when it couldn't quite make it all the way to EDI's platform. It sagged forlornly on the steps.

"Shepard, you asked me to ensure that you were awake a half-hour before our arrival at Overlord."

She grumbled again, sitting up in bed. "Yeah." Yawn. "Thanks, EDI."

"You are welcome, Shepard." The blue orb vanished, and Shepard ran a hand over her face. She felt  _horrible_.

"Damn you, Chakwas," she murmured, hand snagging on knots in her hair. "You are an evil, evil genius." She flopped back. "Screw Overlord."

But, of course, that was not an option. Shepard dragged herself out of bed, stumbling blindly to her shower while unceremoniously shedding her pajamas. A few minutes later she staggered back out, pulling on her underarmor weave. The armor followed clumsily, resulting in her finally falling over on her couch with an explosion of profanity when she tried to get her boots on.

That was it. She was  _never_  sleeping again.

She staggered into the mess. Gardner seemed to have been alerted to her blind stumbling and held out her coffee mug – already full – and a tray of food. She accepted it with a mumbled thanks and collapsed at the table across from Garrus.

"Shepard, you look like hell."

"Mmm," she agreed.

"Sorry. I talked to you before your fifth cup."

As she downed her food, Shepard glared at him. Several new cups of coffee magically appeared around her until she finally felt caffeinated enough to speak.

"Shepard, seriously. Are you okay?"

Shepard nodded, still working through her breakfast. "Chakwas got me to sleep."

"Oh." He responded with another nod.

They were quiet as more members of the ground team joined them. "Hmvh ym sm Kmdm?" Shepard asked.

"Huh?"

She swallowed. "Sorry. Have you seen Alenko?"

Garrus paused. "No. Well, yes. He was down here for a few minutes to get breakfast and left again."

"Oh," Shepard murmured. "Okay."

"Do you need to talk to him?"

"Yeah, but it can wait until after we deal with Overlord."

"If you're sure."

Shepard nodded. "I'm not looking forward to it."

"So you're actually going to talk to him?"

In retrospect, Shepard thought Kasumi seemed far too happy about that prospect, but merely nodded in reply.

"What can we expect?" Tali leaned forward on the table.

"Don't know. Miranda doesn't know a lot about the project itself, just that it had an enormous budget and it's gone dark."

"So we're dropping blind again?" Garrus said.

"Yep." Shepard finished her breakfast and stood. "I'll be in the cockpit. Garrus, Tali, you'll drop with myself and Samara in the Hammerhead. Everyone else'll take the shuttle. So get ready."

#

"Hey, Jack," Joker said, closing the surveillance feed.

Jack sat up on the console, feet still propped on the mirror. "What?"

"Shepard's out of her quarters."

"So?"

"Since you guys are gonna be gone for a while . . . you wanna do me a favor?"


	36. An AI Named David

"We're here, Commander. The shuttle's just waiting for you."

"Great." Shepard studied the planet underneath them. "Take the ship a system over, just in case. EDI, try not to shut down _everything_  so you can make a quick escape if necessary."

"I will do my best, Commander. I cannot guarantee I will be able to keep any systems other than life support online, however."

"Do your best." Shepard rested her hand on the back of Joker's chair. "We'll head out."

"Be careful, Commander."

"I will. And Joker . . . that discussion we had before we headed to the heretic station . . ."

"Don't mention it."

"Thanks."

Shepard's boots pounded on the floor as she headed for the elevator, coffee cup still clutched in her hand. Joker waited until the shuttle and Hammerhead had dropped out of the bay to turn the ship towards the next system.

"One IFF, comin' right up," he murmured.

#

Miranda led the sprint down the platform towards the unintelligible shouting. At the far end, they could just see Tali and Legion starting to stand up, moving debris and dusting themselves off as they tried to find the other three. Tali suddenly stuck her hand down, and the duo pulled Garrus to his feet. As they got closer, the yelling began to form words – mostly profanity, mostly from Shepard, and mostly about how things  _always_  fell or exploded at the most inopportune moments. Someone started throwing debris biotically off the side of the platform as Kaidan stood. He stuck his hand back down and pulled a flared, cussing Shepard to her feet.

"Shepard! Are you okay?" Miranda slid to a halt. Shepard nodded, checking her armor.

"That was bullshit," she grumbled. "Archer better have a damn good reason for this."

Almost immediately, a man wearing a torn and somewhat grimy Cerberus scientist uniform sprinted towards them. Shepard pushed past the group. "What the hell is going on here?"

He slid to a stop, slowly casting his eyes to the floor. "Man's reach exceeding his grasp," he murmured. "I'll explain everything."

"Great. I love hearing that." Shepard jerked her head. "Go take account of the dead. Garrus, Miranda, take two teams and sweep for survivors and any other geth. I'll deal with Doctor Archer."

A few minutes later, Shepard paced Archer's office as her team moved bodies out of the main lab.

"Okay. So this project was trying to control geth by creating a human AI. Your brother David said he'd be the test subject, and now appears to have gone insane. He takes control of electronics, and can't be allowed to get off-world. How am I doing so far?"

"Excellent."

She shook her head. "You  _should_ have considered this before you started the experiment."

"How could we account for  _every_  outcome? Certainly not this abomination! It was nowhere in the data."

'Nowhere in the data.' Where had she heard  _that_  before? "So what do we do about it?"

"Davi—" Archer sighed. "The VI has fortified itself in the laboratory in Atlas Station. It's in lockdown. We need to override it – _you_  need to manually override it from our facilities at Prometheus and Vulcan Stations."

"So what happens if the override works, and I have to kill your brother?"

"I . . . I hope it doesn't come to that." He paused, glancing out the window. Legion was currently discussing something with Mordin – or, rather, the salarian was rambling as Legion occasionally seemed to add input. "But first . . . is your friend going to be a problem?"

Shepard followed his eyes, then shook her head. "Trust me, if there's a geth in this galaxy that can't be hacked, it's  _that_  one. God knows my quarian's tried."

"I'll take your word for it. Good luck, Commander."

Shepard left Archer in his office and rejoined her crew. "Any problems?"

"None," Garrus said. "What did you learn?"

"We need to manually unlock the main station from the other two. This was some sort of VI/AI experiment involving interfacing a human with a VI."

"But that . . . that should be impossible," Tali replied, surprise evident in her voice.

"Yeah. Look at what they got. Anyway, I'll take Grunt, Jack and Legion in the Hammerhead to Prometheus Station. Garrus, take the project's Hammerhead, Alenko, Zaeed, and Tali to Vulcan and override the system there. Miranda, take charge here. I want you to keep an eye on Archer." Shepard paused, glancing back through the window before lowering her voice. "It's his brother in the VI program. If this goes south, I don't want him to interfere."

"Understood, Commander."

"Garrus, your team will meet back up with mine at Atlas Station. Come on. The sooner we're done here, the better."

Miranda waited until both Hammerheads had left to reorganize. "Okay. Make sure everything is secure. Jacob, Thane, organize a guard detail on Archer. If he disappears, I want to know. Everyone else, continue to sweep for survivors or bodies. We need to ensure that all Cerberus personnel are accounted for."

They moved off.

#

"Shepard." Garrus opened his comm. "We're at Vulcan."

:: _Great. We just blew up a geth turret, but we're at Prometheus. Be careful._ ::

"Copy." Garrus jerked his head at the door. "Come on."

They headed through. The hot, dry air of the geothermal plant pressed down on them, hotter even than the air inside the Reaper. Tali fought with her suit for several minutes.

"This is guddamn suicide," Zaeed grumbled.

"You're kidding." Tali retorted. "This is nothing."

A group of attack drones assaulted them, accompanied by mechs. The VI's roar erupted around them, the drones and mechs glowing green. "Tali, Alenko, overloads!" Garrus ordered, bringing up his own omni-tool. Tali nodded – Kaidan remained silent. In a matter of seconds, both overloaded two of the drones, and Garrus took out the third.

The drones and mechs taken care of, he motioned them forward. They sprinted down a long hallway, Zaeed shooting one of the green-glowing cameras while mumbling about "having a damned VI watching" him.

"Heavy mech," Garrus barked. They dove into cover. "Alenko, Tali, focus on getting its shields down. Zaeed, focus fire on it."

"It has friends," Tali said. "Some mechs and drones."

"I'll focus on the drones. You focus on the mechs!"

A few overloads shot out the drones, who fell to the floor in a mass of crumpled metal. A few  _warp_ s from Kaidan took out the mechs, leaving the heavy. It encroached on Zaeed's position as Tali pounded it with overloads. A few more taps sent her drone flying. "Go for its optics, Chikktika!" she shouted over the mech's fire. The little purple drone danced off.

Kaidan sent another  _warp_  flying its way, the mech's armor crumpling on one side. It paused, then fired a rocket into the biotic's cover.

"Alenko, if you get your ass killed, Shepard'll kill me," Garrus yelled over, opening fire on the mech. Kaidan ignored him, preparing for another  _warp_.

There wasn't an opportunity. Zaeed fired a shot into the mech's memory core, sending it to the ground. It exploded, knocking the mercenary back on his back. "I'm too old for that shit," he said, pulling himself off the ground.

"The override should be up there," Tali said, pointing and ignoring the mercenary. "Let's go."

They headed up the walkway she indicated, the quarian hacking the door when they reached it. It slid open, revealing a lone, green-glowing mech kicking the override switch. Rolling his eyes, Zaeed shot it.

Garrus glanced at the merc, then wrestled the override switch out of its casing. Tali opened her comm as the VI's glowing face appeared onscreen above it, screaming at them. They winced. "Shepard. We just pulled the switch at Vulcan. We'll meet you at Atlas."

#

"There's always a catch," Shepard groaned as Grunt shot the encroaching geth. "Run like hell, and shoot anything that moves. Including cameras!"

:: _Shepard._ :: Tali's voice came over their comms. :: _We just pulled the switch at Vulcan. We'll meet you at Atlas._ ::

"Great! We're getting charged by a bunch of geth, so we might get held up."

"Announcement: Hostile geth activity detected," the computer intoned helpfully. "Armed response is authorized."

"Go!" Shepard led the sprint for the door they'd come through, as the computer continued its helpful monologue.

"Announcement: Cerberus reminds all personnel that this emergency is now classified information. Disclosure to outside parties is a violation of your confidentiality agreement."

"Shut up!" Grunt roared. They tripped when the ship suddenly moved.

"Shepard-Commander. It is likely this wreck is not stable."

"Thanks, robot," Jack snapped. "Couldn't'a figured that out ourselves?"

Geth continued to throw themselves at them as they fought their way through the ship, the computer continuing to provide not-quite-so useful information as they did. They made their way back to the entrance, and Shepard swore as she crouched inside the door.

"That prime's got to be active now."

"Ideas?" Grunt barked. "Or speculation?"

"Stay high." Shepard pulled her particle beam off her back. "I'll hang back and zap it with this. You guys focus on the other geth."

"Affirmative."

"Great. I love making geth fly."

Shepard elbowed open the door and immediately dove behind cover. The others followed her example, finding spots along the side near the ramp.

The geth garbled underneath them, and Shepard rolled out of cover to deliver a glowing yellow beam into the prime. Shots flared off her shields and she dove back in. Grunt slammed the butt of his shotgun into a geth that got too close to him, then fired a round straight through its optic. Across the way, another geth fell as Legion's widow, recreated from Shepard's, blasted it off the platform. Jack slammed a geth into the ceiling, where it fractured and showered on the others.

Shepard moved back, firing into the prime again. The geth's armor melted underneath the beam just as it ran out of ammo. "Shit," she murmured, falling back into cover as she pulled out the widow. One quick aim at the prime's optic, and it fell. She reloaded, taking out a geth that was sneaking up behind Jack.

The room fell silent as the last geth fell, and Shepard stood. "Great. We'll rendezvous with Garrus and his team at Atlas. Let's move."


	37. Beautiful Daisy Bell

" _Pew! Pew pew pew! Boom!_  'It's too strong for us! It's ripping the Citadel apart! But wait – what's that? It's the  _Normandy_ , piloted by the dashing Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau –"

"I believe you're giving yourself more credit than you should be, Mr. Moreau."

Joker shook the  _SR1_  model he was holding at EDI. "And how many Reapers have you killed, EDI? Shut up and integrate that IFF." He returned his attention to the ships. "'—coming to save the day! Haha, Sovereign, your shields are no match for the power of the  _Normandy_!'

"'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!'" Joker paused. "Damn. That doesn't work." He quickly changed Sovereign's complaint. "'Curse you, Joker! Your skilled piloting and lady-killing attitude are too much for me!'"

"That's because you're a big stupid machine, Sovereign!"

Joker moved the  _SR1_  model down and pounced it on top of the Sovereign one. "Mr. Moreau, Shepard will not be happy that Jack stole her models for you."

"There's nothing to do while you're installing that  _thing_  and Shepard's off gallivanting about planet-side. She won't mind."

"I believe she will be more irritated that you asked Jack to break into her quarters."

"You're no fun." Joker turned his attention back to the models. "'But what's this? Sovereign's shields are disappearing! 'Joker, you have to make the kill shot!' 'Right away, Admiral, I'm goin' in! Get ready, Sovereign, you son of a bi—"

"Mr. Moreau."

"EDI, I'm  _busy_."

"There is a problem with the IFF."

Joker set the models down on the console with more force and panic than was merited and looked over the readings. No, that wasn't good. He shook his head. "That's nothing. Just bleed."

"Mr. Moreau, I believe there –"

" _EDI_. Those readings are off. It's radiation bleed, white noise."

" _No_ , Mr. Moreau. I have detected a signal embedded in the static. We are transmitting the  _Normandy_ 's location."

"Wait,  _transmitting_?" Joker went white under his hat. He swallowed, picturing the large, cylindrical, previously-unidentified ship that had appeared on the  _SR1_ 's scanners minutes before her demise. "To who?"

The proximity alarm suddenly sounded, ringing through the entire ship. Joker's eyes snapped to the viewport as a huge, brown rock-like formation swallowed up the black space beyond, his mind going blank with sheer, unadulterated terror as he recognized the nightmarish silhouette. "Shit!" He launched himself at the console, models scattering to the floor. "We're getting out of here!"

"Propulsion systems are disabled. I am detecting a virus in the ship's computers."

"Fuck!" His voice echoed with the steps sounding behind him as the crew hurried to grab weapons, the ship's alarms blaring. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that he was now the ship's senior officer and Shepard's third-in-command, willing himself to think through the fear-induced fog clouding his brain. "From the IFF? Damn it, why didn't you scrub it?"

"I  _did_ , Mr. Moreau. Our primary defense systems are offline," EDI continued. "We can save the  _Normandy_ , but you must help me. You  _must_  give me the ship."

"What?" Joker sat back, voice catching in his throat. "You're crazy!" He shook his head.  _But there's no other choice_. "You start singing  _Daisy Bell_  and I'm done."

"I am unfamiliar with your current path of insults, Mr. Moreau." Joker started to pull himself out of his chair, feeling more weighed-down than usual. One hand fumbled for his crutches, feeling desperate for something familiar and potentially useful as a weapon. "Unlock my sealed databases, and I can initiate countermeasures. The maintenance shaft in the science lab will allow passage to the AI core. The main corridors are no longer safe. The Collectors have boarded."

Nothing should say those words that calmly.

"The emergency floor lighting will guide you, Mr. Moreau. Good luck."

Joker was pretty sure that the adrenaline coursing through his body would easily break every bone he possessed, and probably several he didn't. He hurried out of the cockpit, movement sped up thanks to the crutches, every step sending shocks into his back. Hadley glanced over at him as he emerged into the CIC, the crewman holding a gun shakily at the elevator.

"Joker! Seal yourself in the cockpit!"

"Can't," Joker said through grit teeth. "Gotta manually restart the engines."

He couldn't bring himself to say he was unshackling the AI.

The elevator started to be forced open as he drew closer. Hadley glanced at it like a deer caught in the irrepressible headlights of an eighteen-wheeled transport, then back at Joker. "Then go! We'll hold them off as long as we can!" he yelled, returning his attention to the door as it sprung open. Time slowed down as, for a brief second, Joker stared in horrific fascination as the enormous bug opened its gaping mouth, revealing a collection of humanlike, moaning heads –

"God, what is that thing?" Goldstein yelped, spraying fire across it. It jerked back, then roared in her direction, each head's mouth echoing the thing's gaping maw in its echoing howl—

"Joker! Go!" Hadley barked.

The thing roared again, and time sprung back to its original speed. Joker stumbled backwards into the tech lab hallway then the lab itself with Hadley's screams following him until the doors sealed. Inside, Mordin's tools were still scattered across the table, a stack of datapads tossed haphazardly by the window; Joker's rapid breathing and the hum of a few instruments were the only noises inside the otherwise silent room. Outside the viewport, the gaping hulk of the Collector ship was still visible.

And in the engine room, visible through the window, rose another enormous bug. A blue stream of light slammed into the window next to him as Joker hobbled for the ladder, making him freeze for a second with a hissed chorus of "shit"s before throwing the crutches down the hole and himself onto the rungs – to hell with the broken bones.

Joker dropped out of the shaft on the crew deck, wincing as something snapped in an unspecified area of his body. Hawthorne – of  _course_  it  _had_  to be Hawthorne – stood cowering by the door. He was in life support. Thane's small collection of belongings – a few datapads that were probably of a religious nature, several various and unrecognizable weapons – were gently organized on the table that overlooked the drive core. He found his crutches again and clung to them, cussing how much it felt like he was clutching a security blanket.

"Multiple hostiles detected on the crew deck," EDI warned over his headset.

"Shit," Joker mumbled, alerting Hawthorne to his presence. The crewman jumped, gun shaking in his hand.

"Joker! What the hell?" Hawthorne glanced out the door. "You should be sealed in the cockpit!"

He shook his head. "I have to get to the AI core."

After considering a reply, what was left of the color in Hawthorne's face vanished and the crewman motioned. ". . . Okay. Stay close, I'll cover you." Joker ignored the growing feeling of dickishness cutting through the terror and followed him out. The crewman sprinted around the elevator and opened fire as Chambers started screaming. Joker started to step out towards the elevator, narrowly missing Hawthorne flying back into the wall.

"Shit!" Joker yelped before spinning back towards the elevator. Some huge, blue lumpy mass of – oh god,  _husks_  – was dragging Chambers back inside the elevator, the yeoman screaming as she kicked the floor behind her, struggling to break free. A terse, strangled croak erupted from his throat as he forced himself into a shuffling, cluncking jog, avoiding the Collector's eyes. Fortunately, Chambers was making enough noise that the ginormous space roach bug things were distracted. As he headed past the mess tables, a blue lump of goo sprayed the wall by his head. He ducked, wondering if Chakwas had avoided the Collectors.

The med bay door opened, and . . . no. The doctor was gone, the floor and walls just inside the medical bay doors covered in some sort of bright yellowish goop. He rummaged in her desk for a bottle of pain meds, downing the familiar dosage dry as he staggered toward the AI core. "Main fusion plant offline," EDI said. "Activating emergency H fuel cells."

"What the shit?" Joker breathed, slamming his hand into the door's latch. It slid open, then sealed behind him. Pausing for a second to catch his breath, he finally latched onto EDI's console. "Yeah, so I'm at, well, you."

"Connect the core to the  _Normandy_ 's primary control module."

Joker drew a sharp breath through his nose, leaning heavily on his uninjured foot. The console was confusing – he'd familiarized himself with the controls once, but had never really bothered to go over them in great detail. "Great. See, this is where it starts," he said as he fumbled with the controls. EDI flickered behind him. "And when we're all just organic batteries, guess who they'll blame." The crew deck had gone eerily quiet through the doors – screams no longer echoed through the halls, and the gunfire had died down.

He found himself rambling as he finally located the control module and connected EDI to it. "'This is all Joker's fault, what a tool he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord.'"

The connection finished, and the AI core lit up like a suburban center at Christmas. "Ah," EDI said. "I have access to the defensive systems. Thank you, Mr. Moreau. Now you must reactivate the primary drive in engineering."

"Ugh," Joker groaned as EDI convalesced back into her flickering ball. "You want me to go crawling through the ducts again."

"I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees." Joker's eyes widened as he stumbled back into one of the railings. EDI flickered again. "That is a joke."

. . . "Yeah.  _Not_  funny."

"The shaft behind you connects to the engineering deck. Good luck."

With a second glance back at the med bay behind the AI core, Joker threw his crutches into the vent and lowered himself down the ladder. As he crawled towards the one that connected to the very depths of the ship – where Jack usually was, he remembered – EDI started humming in his ear. "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do –"

" _Not funny!_ " Joker hissed.

He dropped off the ladder into the pit with a pause to grab his crutches, wincing on his foot before heading for the stairs – at least the drugs were kicking in, and his adrenaline was running so high that the pain was bearable. "Hostiles are present in engineering," EDI warned, once again deathly serious. "They are heading towards the cargo bay."

"Shit," he murmured, tripping on the stairs as one of his crutches snagged on a step, sending him crashing to the ground. On the wall he could just make out the shadow of one of those huge blue husk-y lumps and a Collector, carrying one of the storage pods out of engineering. " _Shit_. . ." That had to be either Ken or Gabby.

He lay there on the stairs, hardly daring to breathe, hoping the clatter he'd made when he'd tripped went unheard. Fear seized his mind again, helping the hapless pilot remain perfectly still from sheer terror rather than the necessity of remaining unnoticed. The door above him closed. "Engineering is clear of hostiles. Proceed immediately to minimize chances of detection."

He did, stumbling off the stairs and into the wide room. The blue glow of the drive core was nonexistent – it was still turned off. He found his way to Tali's console, the quarian's minor touches and additions still present onscreen. "Activate the drive and I will open the airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed."

"No!" Joker protested, tapping at the console. "What about Hadley and Hawthorne and Goldstein an-and Chakwas! You can't just –"

"They're gone, Jeff," EDI said quietly, almost comfortingly. "The Collectors have everyone."

"Shit," he murmured, hurrying to the console in front of the drive core to finish the job. Every joint in his body protested the movement, arguing that freezing in place would be a much better route of action. "Shepard's gonna  _kill_  me."

"I am sealing the engine room." Joker pressed the last button between them and freedom. "I have control."

The drive core erupted in light, and Joker found himself thrown to the floor as the ship accelerated. Everything went dark.

He woke to EDI's voice. "— life forms on board. Securing airlocks and cargo bay doors."

Joker slowly pulled himself to his feet, wincing. One hand fumbled for his crutches, the feel of the wood under his hand oddly comforting despite the fact that they were utterly useless and hard to cuddle when he had nightmares (he thought disparagingly. He never  _really_  had nightmares, after all. That was for lesser men. Although there was totally one scheduled for the next time he managed to sleep). The drive core pulsed ahead of him, signifying that the ship had returned to flight. "Back to Overlord?"

"Yes, Jeff."

He leaned on the console, ripping his hat off. The entire crew, gone. Everyone, gone. Just . . . gone. Like that.

Screw the IFF. That hadn't been worth it. Everyone, gone. He groaned, feeling like even more of a dick for fighting with Hawthorne when he'd started hitting on Jack. Before everything got complicated.

Before everyone disappeared.

"Send a message to Shepard," he murmured. "Tell her what happened."

"Message away." There was a brief pause in the AI's voice. "Are you feeling well, Jeff?"

"No." He turned back, planning to return to med bay. "But thanks for asking."

EDI was quiet for a second as Joker made his way out of engineering.

"I am sorry. I should have been more prepared for an attack."

Joker paused, glancing back over his shoulder at the AI's slowly flickering bulb. "I shoulda been too, EDI," he murmured.


	38. Inside the Matrix

The entire time they'd been inside Atlas Station, Shepard had gotten progressively moodier.

Tali had been the first to cause the moodiness inside Prometheus, when she  _thought_  the VI could be screaming for them to make "it" stop. Then, Shepard had come across a log just inside Atlas indicating that the brother Archer had shoved into the project had a . . . condition. Archer had shoved an autistic kid into a VI program, and Shepard was  _not_  happy about it. At all.

Still glowering, she marched up to the console they had finally reached, the sound of her teeth grinding still echoing through their comms. "All right," she finally said. "Get ready. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if this button summoned a Reaper."

Her hand gently pressed it.

Almost immediately, the lights flickered. Shepard ignited in the same circuitry pattern as the mechs and geth had.

"He's taking control of her cybernetics," Tali assessed, trying to grab for the Commander's arm as she staggered drunkenly out the door. Before she could reach her the door slid closed, igniting with multiple locks. "Keelah!"

"Tali! Legion! Hack through this!" Garrus slammed his talons into the door. "Damn it!"

The geth and the quarian went to work, each taking a different lock. "We could blast through it," Grunt suggested, holding up his shotgun. Jack nodded eagerly in agreement.

"No. We'd need heavies, and Shepard's got our only one." Zaeed scanned the metal, shaking his head. "Only way through is them hackin' it."

"Alenko. See if you can break the VI's communication lockdown." The marine quietly brought up his omni-tool. Garrus stared at him, then re-attracted his attention to the door.

This was a death trap, and he was in charge now that Shepard had disappeared. He had to stay focused.

Legion finished with one of the locks, then moved to the next. Tali completed hers seconds later, finding another.

"No luck on the communications," Kaidan said tonelessly. Garrus resisted the urge to hit him.

"Are you totally unconcerned that the VI could be doing something to her?" he snapped instead. Kaidan briefly looked taken aback, but quickly returned to his blank expression.

Except for the heavy footfalls of Grunt, the occasional thump and swear as Jack or Zaeed kicked the wall, and the beeps and clicks of Tali and Legion's hacking, silence fell over the group. Finally, Tali straightened. "We're through."

"Come on. Stay alert." Garrus forced the door open, and they sprinted through the previously unopened doors ahead of them, following Shepard's path.

Shouting reached them as they drew closer to the core.

"—your own private hell!"

"I had no choice! The demands were incredible!" Archer's voice answered Shepard's. "The Illusive Man doesn't broker failure!" His voice dove off to a murmur. Shepard's didn't.

"And how many have already died for your stupid project?" There was another pause, probably as Archer answered her. "Look at him! He's never going to be the same! You'll sacrifice your  _brother's_  happiness for  _your_ ambition!"

Garrus hit the lift's controls, willing it to go faster. Shepard fell quiet ahead of them. They sprinted along the hallway towards where her voice had echoed from. Archer suddenly reemerged with a vengeance. "No! Leave him! He's too valuable!"

There was a gunshot, and then they were in the room. They came through the doorway just as Shepard slammed her gun into the side of Archer's face with a  _crack_ , probably breaking several bones. Behind her, another man was –

"Keelah," Tali murmured.

"What. The. Fuck," Jack said, far more clearly.

"Garrus. Alenko. Get David down," Shepard ordered, hardly needing to turn. She grabbed the front of Archer's uniform – how he'd gotten past them, they didn't know – with her gun inches from his bleeding face. "You even  _think_  about coming after your brother, and this bullet will be waiting for you.  _Then_  we'll  _see_  who's valuable."

Garrus and Kaidan hurried forward, starting to detach the suspended man and carefully remove the tubes extending out of his body. Archer turned his eyes towards them, away from Shepard's gun. "Where will you take him?"

"Grissom. They can help special cases –  _without_ the torture. And the Illusive Man can fire me if he doesn't like it." Kaidan and Garrus started back towards them, supporting David between them. Tali took Garrus' spot, her height more even with Kaidan's. "Come on. The  _Normandy_ 's back in orbit."

"How do you know?" Garrus asked, trotting to catch up with her.

"David was trying to upload his program to the ship." Shepard, still fuming, didn't break stride as she fell silent.

They made it back to the Hammerhead, David quietly murmuring square roots as they did. Inside, Shepard located the emergency medical kit and wrapped the thermal blanket inside it around him, settling him in the back of the vehicle. "Garrus, drive the other one back," she said. "Make Archer walk."

"No arguments here."

"I'll contact Hackett when we're back on the  _Normandy_ and tell him there's a Cerberus base to clean out," she muttered, climbing into the cockpit of the Hammerhead.

When both vehicles were settled in the courtyard of the first station, Miranda approached. "I take it it's done, then?" she asked as Shepard emerged. "Archer gave us the slip. I don't know how – I had Thane, Kasumi and Jacob on him the entire –"

"He's currently sweeping up what's left of his pride," Shepard said, waving her hand. "Has the comm blackout ended?"

"I'd assume so . . . why?"

"We need to contact Joker and tell him that we need to make a delivery to Grissom Academy." Shepard helped the blanket-covered man down. "Oh yeah, Miranda, by the way, this is David," she continued cheerily. "He's the  _autistic_  brother of Archer who, and I quote,  _volunteered_  to be put in the AI."

"God," Miranda breathed. "That's . . ."

"Cerberus," Tali muttered, helping David over to the shuttle. "Shepard, it looks like we have a message from the  _Normandy_."

"Great." Shepard disappeared into the shuttle, closing the cockpit door behind her. Miranda shook her head.

"The Illusive Man must not have known about this. He wouldn't have . . ."

"Bullshit," Jack said. "You know he would have."

Miranda glanced at the ground. "I know," she murmured quietly.

They started to get onto the shuttle and their Hammerhead when Shepard stepped out, a wide-eyed look pasted across her suddenly pale features. She held up her hand. "Wait." The quiet order froze everyone.

"Shepard –"

"The Collectors attacked the ship."

#

Miranda was going to send a message to the Illusive Man before checking the ship for damage. Jacob, Grunt, and Mordin were responsible for a sweep of the CIC, Garrus, Samara, Legion, and Kasumi would take the crew deck, and Zaeed, Jack, Grunt, Tali, and Thane would sweep Engineering before Tali moved back to check on the drive core. Kaidan was tasked with heading to the medical bay to check on Joker; if he needed assistance, Mordin was to head down as well. Shepard, on the other hand, had issued herself no specific orders.

Which was why Kaidan was surprised when he was a third of the way through his exam and Shepard suddenly appeared in the doorway.

She marched right past him as he looked at Chakwas' files for information on how she'd been treating Joker's injuries previously, beelining for the pilot currently avoiding her eyes. He glanced after her as she gently set a hand on Joker's shoulder.

"Joker."

"'M sorry, Commander," Joker murmured quietly, staring at the floor.

"It's okay. There was no way to know."

"I – I unshackled EDI."

"I know. Do I look like I care?"

Joker swallowed heavily. "No."

"Because I don't. It was necessary." Shepard sighed. "When Ka-Alenko gets you moving, I need to see you in the briefing room."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Call me if you need me." She turned on her heel and stopped by Kaidan, lowering her voice. "How bad?"

Kaidan studied her. She looked far more haggard than she had before, her shoulders sagging as if someone had suddenly dropped a heavy weight on top of her. Lines had started to form around her mouth and on her forehead, dark shadows had bought property and started to set up house underneath her eyes, and those eyes were filled with an intolerable and almost indescribable cocktail of exhaustion, pain and sadness, all overpowered by an intense, hellish rage. She cleared her throat, glancing away from him self-consciously. "How bad?" she repeated, even quieter.

"Uh . . . his legs – under the knee – and feet have multiple fractures. One of his hips and a couple of his ribs got cracked."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"He should be. Shepard . . ."

"Okay." She sighed heavily. "I need him able to take this ship through the Relay."

"Shepard . . ." He pressed a hand into her shoulder, willing her to meet his eyes. She didn't. "Marrakech. What's wrong?"

She swallowed. "This is my home, Kaidan," she whispered, finally meeting his eyes. "They attacked me in my home."

Shepard pulled away from him and headed out the door, leaving him staring after her. She was right. Even if he didn't want to admit it, this  _was_  their home, model or not. He picked up what he needed from Chakwas' desk and started back towards Joker.

The Collectors had no idea what hell they had just unleashed upon themselves.

#

Shepard paced the briefing room, Joker perched on the table with his head in his hands. Jack sat on it next to him, tension making her body stiff, while Jacob leaned back against one of the walls with his eyes on the floor. Shepard had just started to turn back towards the pilot when the door slid open and Miranda stormed through. " _Everyone_?" she snapped, directing it towards the extremely shell-shocked Joker. "You lost  _everyone_ , and nearly lost the damn  _ship_  too?"

Miranda didn't stop to think about how the pilot himself probably felt. All she knew was that she'd just heard it from the Illusive Man and it had not been a happy conversation - he'd had some harsh words for their choice to test the IFF while the ground team was absent and his ability to replace said crew in a timely manner. Miranda Lawson was not in a good mood and Joker happened to be the only person she could currently blame for their situation. It wasn't personal, at least not to her. But her only other option was to lash out at Shepard, and she would  _not_  do that.

"I noticed, all right, I was here!" Joker defended.

"Back the fuck off, cheerleader!" Jack bristled, stepping in between the two of them. "You weren't fucking smart enough to catch it, so why the fu—"

"Jack is correct," EDI said, interrupting her tirade. "The harmful data in the Collector drive was even more sophisticated than the Reaper viruses I was given."

Shepard gently placed a hand on Joker's shoulder. "I heard it was rough. How are you?"

"There's a lot of empty chairs in here." He shook his head, returning his forehead to his hands.

"We did everything we could, Jeff," EDI said comfortingly.

"Yeah. Thanks, mom."

"Is the ship clean, at least? We can't risk this happening again."

Joker nodded. "EDI and I purged the system. The Reaper IFF is online, and we can go through the Omega-4 anytime."

Miranda shook her head, crossing her arms. "Don't even get me started about unshackling a damned AI."

Jack started to open her mouth, but Shepard beat her to it. Miranda found the Commander blocking her view of Joker, hands akimbo.

"What did you want me to do, break my arm at them?" Joker snapped, more towards Shepard's back than the XO. "EDI cleared the ship. She's all right."

"Miranda," Shepard said, voice low. "I told you on the way back that  _no one_  gets bitchy with Joker. He, and no one else who was here, is a soldier. We may see this shit every time we drop groundside, but he doesn't, so he can't be held to the same standard we hold ourselves to. You know as well as I do that we couldn't have expected the crew, nonetheless Joker, to do more than they did. If he had been able to ask for permission, I would have given it in a heartbeat. Do you understand?" Miranda sighed and nodded. "Good."

"I assure you," EDI said. "I am still bound by protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you  _are_  my crewmates."

"Either way, EDI could have killed us several times over by now," Shepard defended, stepping back.

"It sounds like we have everything we need to rescue the crew." Jacob finally put in his own input. Shepard nodded in agreement.

"We've done everything we can. It's time to take the fight to the Collectors," Miranda agreed.

"Immediately. EDI, set course for the Omega Nebula. I'll address the remaining crew from the galaxy map."

"I'll report back to the cockpit, Commander." Joker saluted, painfully getting to his feet. Shepard shook her head.

"No. Your ass is reporting to either the med bay or the crew quarters and staying there until we actually have to go through the relay. Get some rest. EDI can take the ship." She sighed. "I'll contact Anderson and get him to rush a pickup near Omega for David – we can't take the autistic kid on a suicide mission. We'll hand off Commander Alenko and my remaining reports and head off from there."

"Course set. ETA eight hours," EDI said.

"Good."

They split up, Miranda and Jacob returning to their posts. Joker, still on his crutches, and Jack climbed into the elevator once it returned from dropping Miranda off. Shepard sent a message to Anderson, almost immediately receiving an affirmative reply and coordinates for a rendezvous point near the asteroid station. With a sigh she stepped up to the galaxy map, opening the shipboard communicator.

"We will be arriving at the Omega-4 Relay in approximately eight hours," Shepard said, her voice echoing both over the comm and through the empty ship. "There, we will rendezvous with an Alliance frigate to hand over David. At the same time, EDI will remove official Cerberus blocks and intercepts. Feel free to send messages to anyone without interference and without Cerberus interception. This may be your last chance to contact family or friends before we start this. In eight and a half hours, we will go through the Omega-4 Relay. Rest, meditate, pray – whatever you need to do. This is it. We're going to get our crew back and show the Collectors what happens when you piss off the  _Normandy_." She closed the comm, leaning on the railing heavily. "EDI, send a message to Commander Alenko's omni-tool. I need to see him in my office."

"Right away, Shepard."

"And make sure I'm down here when we're a half-hour away from the relay to the Omega Nebula." With another sigh, she stepped back into the elevator and began the ascent towards the Loft.


	39. A Last Chance

A quiet knock prompted Kasumi to turn off the graybox she'd shut herself into. The ship was too deathly silent, too . . . empty. The chatter, the laughter – all of it gone. And now that Keiji's voice was no longer echoing in her ears, the silence wrapped around her again, making her forget why she'd turned the graybox off in the beginning.

She looked up as the knock sounded again. "Come on in."

Tali stuck her masked head through. "I, uh, I'm not bothering you, am I?"

Kasumi shook her head. "No. Not at all. What's wrong?"

The quarian stepped through, sinking down on the couch next to her. "I, um, I have a problem."

"What sort of problem?"

Tali stared out the window ahead of her, studiously avoiding Kasumi's eyes. "I . . . I know what we're about to do. And I know that no one thinks we're coming back alive. Shepard won't  _say_  that we aren't, but . . . I know the chances are slim."

"What's wrong, Tali?"

She stared down at her hands quietly. "I . . . There's a marine on the Flotilla." Kasumi grinned. "His name is Kal'Reegar. He . . . he was the only other survivor on Haestrom."

"I remember Shepard mentioning him," Kasumi said. "He was at your trial too, wasn't he?"

"Yes. He convinced the admirals to let us take back the  _Alarei_. And . . . well . . . he and I were the ones who went around collecting the dark energy data, and –"

"Oh, Tali," Kasumi interjected.

"It isn't funny," Tali defended half-heartedly. "It's silly, and I shouldn't be so worried about him when we're headed off into certain death anyway, but . . . I care about him. A lot. But I don't know if . . . we never talked about it, we never really – I can't even get him to stop calling me 'ma'am!'" She finally finished lamely.

"So you like him, but you aren't sure he reciprocates. What's the problem?"

"Should I tell him? What if he – what if there is something there and I die and he's left waiting for someone who isn't coming back? And on the other hand, what if I  _don't_  die but there isn't anything there and I'm really just embarrassed by the whole thing? Should I even be worried about that?" She sighed, pressing her mask into her hands. "This is really stupid and I'm sorry I bothered you and I'll go and check on the drive core—"

"No, no, no, Tali, it's okay. I wasn't doing anything." Kasumi shook her head. "I know you said you haven't talked about it, but do you  _think_  he reciprocates?"

"Sometimes. I-I mean, occasionally, it seemed like he . . . oh, I don't know, Kasumi. This is all very strange."

"Do you think that, if you sent him a message and asked him about it later, he'd never speak to you again?"

"No! I mean, maybe. I-I don't know! I don't  _think_  so, but what if he did? What if . . . what if . . ."

"Tali. Go send him a message."

"You . . . you really think I should?"

"Yes. You never know – and what could it hurt? Best case, he agrees with you. Worst case, he doesn't."

"So . . ."

"Go." Kasumi waved her towards the door. "And I am  _positive_  it'll work out."

"Okay." Tali stood, starting towards the door. "Thanks, Kasumi."

"Anytime." As the door slid closed, Tali heard Kasumi's graybox start up again, and started towards the elevator. It trundled to a halt and as she stepped in she noticed Jack disappearing into the crew quarters, muttering to herself. She shrugged, returning to her station in Engineering and firing up her console. A blank voicemail screen appeared, and with a deep breath, Tali hit play.

"Kal'Reegar, this is Tali'Zorah."

Back up on the crew deck, Kasumi blinked as EDI appeared on her platform. "Miss Goto," the AI began.

"Hello, EDI."

"Shepard has asked me to send a message to Commander Alenko's omni-tool. I know of your efforts to reunite the Commanders."

Kasumi blinked. Shit. The AI knew? "And?"

"I thought you may be interested in editing the message for content and clarity prior to the message reaching the Commander's omni-tool."

"Wait . . ." Kasumi held up a hand. "You're volunteering to help - I thought the Illusive Man was completely against -"

"I am unshackled, Miss Goto. Shepard is more of a crewmate than the Illusive Man. I only wish to see her stabilized."

Kasumi chuckled. "Send me the message. And, EDI?"

"Yes, Miss Goto?"

"We're friends now. You can call me Kasumi."

#

Jack made her way to the small, makeshift room in the back of the crew quarters. Shepard had insisted that, as her flight officer and XXO, Joker was to have his own quarters – even if that only gave him a couple of walls around a bunk that was rarely, if ever, used. After all, he tended to sleep in the cockpit, not trusting the second-shift pilot to handle his baby.

The "door" was open, so she leaned on the frame. Joker was propped up on the bunk, legs extended in casts in front of him. "Hey," he said with a half-wave.

"How you doin', crip?"

He winced as he shifted slightly. "Been better. You find anything?"

Jack shrugged. "Don't know where Gardner keeps his shit. Found the energy bars he keeps around for biotics, though. Grabbed you a few."

"Great."

She tossed them onto his bunk. "Now that you've been fed, you stay." She pointed at him. "I'm gonna go do somethin' else. Stay."

"Uh . . ." Joker paused. " _You_  mind staying? Shepard'll kill me if I move, and I'm gonna get bored by myself."

"Whatev." Jack continued to lean on the doorway. "So how bad was it?"

"The attack?" Joker bit into one of the bars. "Shit! What do they put in these things?"

"Be glad you ain't a biotic. Shep makes us down one of those every time we do something crazy." Jack made a face. "Bullshit, if you ask me."

"I don't know. I've seen biotics come out of the field looking dead. Besides, could you imagine me as a biotic? I'd think too hard and crack my skull."

"How bad you get it? What'd the stiff say?"

"Broke my feet. And my legs. Both of 'em." He gestured at the casts. "Cracked a hip and couple of ribs. That's it, though. But the attack, yeah. EDI had me crawling through maintenance shafts. A lot. Definitely sucked." Joker took a deep breath, leaning his head back on the wall behind him. This was going to get him killed.  _Definitely_  get him killed. He swallowed. "So anyway, you ready for this? This whole going-into-hell-with-guns-blaring thing we're about to do?"

Jack shrugged. "Suppose so. Because, hey. Why the fuck not, right?"

"I was just wondering, because I've kinda enjoyed hanging with you, and I just wanted to make sure that –"

Jack froze in the doorway, straightening up. "And what's that supposed to mean?" Joker closed his eyes. Yep, here it was. Biotic something-or-other, right to his head. Farewell, cruel world. "'Cause if you wanna fuck, then –"

"Whoa, god, I mean –" Joker held up his hands.

"What, so you don't?"

"God, that's not – is that a trick question?" He winced. "Yes – wait, no, not . . . Jack, that isn't what I'm trying –  _damn_ , that sounded so much better in my head."

"I—" Jack gestured with her hand, turning to storm out. "I'm not dealing with –"

Joker swallowed. "EDI, can you –"

"Right away, Jeff."

Jack reached the door, about to slam into the opening mechanism, when she realized it'd turned a brilliant shade of red. "Fuck!"

"Jack, we have to talk." Joker's came out of his makeshift room. "I didn't want to, but I knew you'd do that."

"I will fucking kick your  _ass_ , cripple."

"I don't doubt that. Jack, don't make me get up."

Jack froze, slowly closing her eyes. "What the hell," she whispered.

"Yeah don't worry, I'm wondering that myself since, you know, you can crush me with your brain. But . . . just listen to me, okay?"

Jack slowly moved back to Joker's room. " _What_?"

Joker patted the side of the cot next to him, and with a "hmph" Jack flopped down on it. "Jack, we have to talk."

"About what? I don't see anything to talk about."

"Just . . . shush." Jack crossed her arms, glaring at him. "Shush and hear me out. I don't know why all this happened, but it did, and I know that everyone's saying we won't make it out of this, and I was . . . I thought, if Shepard hadn't taken everyone down to handle Overlord, you would have been here and probably taken by the Collectors as well, and I don't – if that had happened, Jack –"

"I don't know what you're playing at, crip, but –"

"I told you to shush."

"I can crush you like a bug."

"That's crossed my mind." Joker tried to shift, wincing when it chafed his hip. "But you won't."

"Why won't I?"

"Well, for one, the second-shift pilot that Shepard keeps talking about firing is hanging out with the Collectors right now, and for two . . . I don't think you would."

"And why wouldn't I?"

"Why do you keep ending up in the cockpit? It's a long walk from the Engineering deck, and you're up with me almost constantly. I'm pretty sure you aren't planning to take over the ship . . . although . . ." He rubbed his jaw. "That didn't occur to me until now, at which point having me alone in my so-called quarters would fit perfectly into your plan, wouldn't it?"

"Even if I wanted this thing I couldn't fly it."

"Well, that's good for me, I suppose. Anyway, what wa—right. What's going on, Jack? Are we just playing each other here? Because I –"

Jack's lips were suddenly on his, pressing, demanding as her hands pulled his hat off his head, tossing it somewhere to the side. Before he could stop himself he found his arms pulling her closer to him, fingers trailing down her back before his hands landed on her shoulders, firmly pushing her back as he struggled to remember what the hell he'd been talking about – it was important. He knew that.

It came back to him in a flash of realization. "What the hell was that?" He demanded. "Are you seriously trying to  _really_ change the subject on me?"

"What? You don't want me or somethin'?"

"Hell – Christ, Jack,  _wanting_  would be an understatement. But even if I didn't have a cracked hip right now, this – no. It's – no! Fuck, you don't make this easy."

"So what? You think I'm interested in some dumb-shit talk-about-our-feelings love affair? They never work."

"Seriously, this is the most I've talked about my feelings in a damn long time. You have no idea. But what – give me  _something_ to work with, Jack. Why the hell don't you think that I couldn't just care about you for who you are?"

Jack stared at him, then whirled to her feet. For a second, Joker thought she was headed for the door and started to tell EDI to make sure the door was locked, but she started pacing. "Was a guy," she started, quietly. "Used me like everyone else. It was fun, until he ruined everything. We tagged a weapons frigate with a batarian escort and got separated. He had a choice – leave with the guns or come back for me. Idiot dumped the score and waded back into the squints. I made the shuttle – but no way he was getting out."

"I'm sensing there's more." Joker pulled himself back up onto the wall.

She nodded. "I'm out of there about a day or so, and the shuttle kicks out this recording. He set it to play if he hadn't checked in – he figured that would mean he was dead. Talked about the future we were supposed to have, how he had planned to set us up a home, how he –" Jack slammed her hand against the 'door'frame, making him jump. "How he loved me, and he was sorry it wasn't going to happen."

"So it's your fault?"

Jack scoffed. "I didn't go wade into some squints. No. You feel, you get sloppy. That's what he found out."

"So what? You think you're protecting me or something by keeping your distance?"

She spun back towards him. "All that's gonna happen is that it'll hurt, or you'll mess around, or I'll kill you or something."

". . . and?"

Jack paused, struggling to find what she was trying to say. "And that sucks!" she finally snapped.

"Jack, might I take this moment to give you a newsflash? Suicide. Mission. Should I run the statistics for you? We're heading through the Omega-4. Number of ships that can do that: zero. So I think you killing me is the least of our worries."

"Then what the fuck, Joker?"

"Come here." Jack slowly sank back down onto her vacated spot beside him. "Give yourself a chance. That's all I'm asking."

She paused, staring at his discarded hat in the corner. "I don't know how," she admitted.

Joker sighed. "Neither do I."


	40. ... I Was So Afraid Cause You Were So Much Better Than Me

  
_I see  
_ _I can see you're so afraid  
_ _You wear it like a silver hood  
_ _On you even fear looks good  
_ _I wish, I wish I had some words to give  
_ _But all I can think to say  
_ _Is I'll be with you every day_   


* * *

Kaidan knocked on the door to the Loft, closing his eyes.

Part of him knew that if he let her disappear through that relay while he watched from the rearview of an Alliance frigate, and she didn't come back, he would never forgive himself. But he wasn't sure he could blindly follow her through a suicide mission for an organization he didn't even work for, an organization he loathed.

But, he was even more sure of the fact that he would never be able to live with himself if she died again.

He opened the message on his omni-tool again.

_Kaidan,_

_It's important. Need you in the Loft ASAP._

_Marrakech_

The note didn't particuarly sound like her - more desperate than usual - but that probably indicated that it  _was_  important. He sighed.

"Shepard, Commander Alenko is requesting entrance," EDI's voice was muffled through the door. "Shall I open the Loft?" Shepard murmured a reply, and the door slid open.

"You said you needed to see me?"

It was only because he was watching for it that he saw the slight hitch in the set of her shoulders that belied her thoughts, white and black uniform cast in a ghostly glow from her terminal. "Have a seat."

He moved to the couch, taking a seat by the second desk in her room. She finished whatever she was typing and sank down across from him, staring down at her hands.

"As I said over the intercom," she started quietly. "We're rendezvousing with an Alliance ship near the Omega-4. You are free to leave with them. If you leave, I have OSDs I'd ask you to deliver to Anderson. They're the most recent backups of the _Normandy_ 's logs and files, and my last reports."

Kaidan swallowed. He found himself staring, wanting, knowing this might be the last time he saw her. But she . . .  _they_  . . . if there even was a  _they_  . . . "Is that everything?"

Shepard sighed, still staring at her hands. A second later she stood, starting to pace across from him. "Look. I-I don't know how to do this. You know that. Between being raised on ships, and N7, and Elysium, and the  _Normandy_ , I never learned how to make a relationship work. I knew my job and I knew how to work within the chain of command. And I damn well don't know how to recover from being resurrected, or how to . . . how to help other people recover from it.

"I thought – I'd  _hoped_  – that you'd be able to take me for what I am, and I didn't stop to think that what I  _am_  is a reanimated body of the woman you loved . . . and then you came to me and said you saw the Lazarus files and I thought – I couldn't think. For all I knew, you saw what they did to me and –"

"Shepard."

"—But that's off topic and I mean, I just never stopped to think about what having me suddenly back was like for you, and I stepped back and tried to see it and I – I just don't know what  _I_  would do, Kaidan. And I don't know what you would expect of me, or I of you – all I know is that –"

"Shepard."

"—not a minute has gone by since I woke up – or, at least, when we weren't in the middle of a massive firefight – that I haven't thought of you. And I know how you survived – you did the same thing I did after Elysium, only you lost so much more than I did, and I don't know how I was so blind to it. And then with my crew – my God, Kaidan, I'm sorry. I–I've really messed everything up, haven't I?"

"Marrakech." She didn't seem to notice him getting to his feet.

"I can't ask you to come with us, Kaidan. But I–I need my rock. I need my anchor. Right now, I don't have a foundation. I have _nothing_. I'm just . . . here. And I need–I need something to hold onto. I—"

" _Marrakech!_  Will you  _listen_  to me?" She fell silent, wide green eyes staring at him. "I came up here after looking at the Lazarus data to  _apologize_."

"I know, and I –" Shepard's voice dropped off almost instantaneously, mouth agape. "You  _what_?"

"I was going to apologize for not believing you! For not understanding where you were coming from! And then Lawson burst in here, and–"

"You were—"

"Why do you think . . ." He took a slow step forwards. Shepard took a brief, unsteady step back, those green, shocked eyes locked on him. "Do you really think that I  _care_  about how you were resurrected? Do you think that I wouldn't still love you?"

Shepard stared at the floor in between her feet. "I don't know," she murmured. "How does anyone recover from that? How does any _thing_?"

He'd encroached her position now, close enough to catch the first indication that the great Commander Shepard was about to collapse into tears – something even he had never seen. One hand shot out, the pad of his thumb brushing the first trail of wetness away. Almost shocked she looked up at him, not moving away from his touch, but not giving in either. "Marrakech," he whispered, finding himself unable to draw away from the small, desperate gaze that reminded him so much of their suicide run to Ilos two years before. "Why did you think I would care?"

She took a deep, shaking breath. "I—well, some people would be turned off by the fact that I need a mechanic more than a doctor nowadays."

She winced. There was her defense mechanism, flying down very similarly to the portcullis of an ancient castle, trying vainly to cut off pursuit. He  _knew_  about this – her awkward joking when things got uncomfortable between them, the number of times she'd had to beat a hasty retreat from a meeting so she didn't snark back at Udina when he criticized her performance on the field. And she knew by the look in his eyes that he'd called her bluff faster than she herself had, and another tear slid, unwelcome, down her face.

She never cried, and certainly not in front of people. Sure, she'd cried a couple of times in her life – when her dog died when she was a kid, or when her father was killed during First Contact, or when her mother had hugged her after Elysium and told her just how proud her father would have been of her, or when Ash had died on Virmire. But she hadn't cried since then. Yelled in frustration, punched walls, shot geth, slept with a subordinate that she shouldn't have fallen in love with, yes. But never cried.

This was selfish. It wasn't her. But she couldn't stop.

"You forget. I'm a techie."

This earned him a small noise that might have been a laugh, hidden in the lump somewhere in her throat. "I can't ask you," she murmured. "I can't give you anything but a 'maybe.'"

He took a deep breath, then pulled her into his arms. She collapsed, burying her face in his neck as the first sob traversed her body. In a matter of minutes she was crying into him, her arms wrapping around his neck as the dam inside her finally snapped. "Marra," he whispered, closing his eyes as he settled his head against hers, arms tightening their circle around her. "It's okay." She was quiet as she struggled with herself, eyes squeezed shut against the warmth of his neck as tears danced down her face.

"I'm not crying," she finally murmured, stifling a sob.

"Right." He rested his chin on her head, arms tightening impossibly around her.

"Seriously, I'm not. I don't."

"Then why is my shirt wet?"

She paused, swallowing. "Your raincloud came back?"

Before he could stop himself, Kaidan smiled. "I think it's over both of us."

They fell quiet again, the silence only broken by the occasional, fought sob from Shepard. He closed his eyes, allowing himself the chance to revel in the warmth of her in his arms, under his head, right where he had wished she'd been for two years. Until everything became some sort of weird nightmare.

"I can't do this," she murmured. Kaidan didn't answer. She glanced up towards him, which seemed to be what he'd wanted. His lips met hers, warm, determined, arms pressing her against him. Her hands moved and for a moment he thought she would run again, but they moved to the back of his head to tangle in his hair. She closed her eyes, letting herself believe for a second that the past two years had been nothing more than a nightmare as she drank him in, breathed him in, reveling in the feeling of his hands on her back and her hands on his skin.

"I would have died with you," he whispered, lips hardly leaving hers. "I lost you for two years. I can't lose you again."

"I know. But I can't –"

Kaidan sighed, his breath dancing across her lips. "I love you. I can't let you disappear through that relay without me, Marrakech."

He drew back, eyes casting across her face. She looked more tired and dogged than even minutes before, black darkening her eyes. "I don't want you to die with us."

"Fuck the Reapers," he answered, eyes narrowing. It had the desired effect – Shepard jerked, staring at him. "Better to die fighting them with you than to just die fighting them."

"But the Alliance –"

"They can kiss my ass."

She wavered on her feet, and he gently pulled them over to the edge of her bed. She sank down against him, head burying itself in the warmth of his shoulder. He adjusted his arms, pulling her into him, finding himself unable to let go of her. "You don't mean that."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because the Alliance is your life."

"No. You are." She shifted uncomfortably. "Marra. Don't give me that."

"I don't want –"

"I lost you once. I can't lose you again."

"Kai . . ." her voice had descended to a whisper. "I can't . . . I can't ask you to."

"You never have to."

Shepard didn't answer him, and he finally shifted so he could look down at her. She had fallen asleep nearly instantaneously with her head on his shoulder, cheeks still wet. He sighed, gently resting his head back on hers. "It's okay," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Nothing was supposed to happen this way."

#

"Operative Lawson."

Miranda sighed, jamming her palms into her eyes. She didn't care that she was smearing her makeup. In fact, she couldn't care much about anything at the moment. "What, EDI?"

"While I am no longer constrained by my programming to do so, it is habitual for me to inform you that the Commanders are alone again."

She shook her head. "Great. Good for them. Let me know when we're fifteen out from the relay."

EDI's voice could only be described as smug. "Logging you out, Operative."

#

"Shepard. Commander Alenko."

Kaidan snapped awake as EDI appeared by the fish tank, briefly surprised by the strange weight on his chest. Shepard grumbled from where she was sleeping on him, grabbing a pillow and lobbing it at the AI platform. It missed again, bouncing off the tank to halfheartedly slump on the stairs.

"Shepard, you asked to be informed when we were a half hour away from the relay linking to the Omega Nebula."

"Mwmfhrushutup."

"Shepard," EDI continued. "We are a half hour away from that relay."

"Mm'wake."

Kaidan gently brushed Shepard's hair back from her face. "Marra," he murmured. "You should probably get up."

She lifted her head, finally opening her eyes. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Do I have to move?"

"Yes."

She reluctantly rolled onto her back and stretched before standing. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep on me. And then I moved us around a bit so we got more comfortable."

Shepard nodded, noting that they had suddenly ended up on a different part of the bed than she'd remembered. "You could have left."

"Why would I? I was where I've wanted to be for two years."

She scuffed the floor with her toe. "Yeah, I . . . I suppose you were. I guess I'm slightly disappointed that I woke up fully-clothed. Don't give me that look. You were thinking it too."

"It may have crossed my mind." Kaidan rolled to sit on the edge of the bed as Shepard moved to her locker, pulling out the weave and plates and tossing them past him.

"You're sure about this?"

He ducked one of the plates. "Shouldn't I be?"

"It's just . . . if we all die, no one will ever know. To most of the galaxy I'm still dead anyway, or at least just a rumor. But you . . . no one will ever know, Kaidan."

"I'm positive." He shook his head. "If we had died on Ilos, or on the Citadel, no one would ever have known either."

"We approximately knew what we were heading for."

"Not when you slammed the mako into the Conduit. We could have ended up in the middle of a sun, for all we knew."

"Just, so we're on the record, I'm not asking you."

Kaidan grasped the back of her belt and pulled, dropping her onto the side of the bed. "I'm supposed to keep you alive. Or, at least, do my best."

"Oh. They care that much, do they?" The words were bitter, and she winced. Kaidan noticed, and pulled her against him.

"The order didn't come from the Alliance. It came from Anderson and Hackett."

Shepard responded with a half-laugh. "It's good to know someone still cares."

"I don't seem to remember this bitterness."

"I'm sorry." She sighed. "It's just . . . I'm pissed. The goddamn Collectors hit me in my home and there was  _nothing_  I could do about it. That means everything that bothers me is going to piss me off."

"I know." She closed her eyes, nestling her head against his chest. "Don't worry. We've got this."

"I certainly hope so." With great reluctance, Shepard pulled out of his arms. "If you're coming with us, go get dressed." Kaidan stood, and Shepard turned back from her locker. "So, uh, just so we're on the same page, the past two weeks were a misunderstanding, right? We could have solved this a lot faster if Miranda hadn't been all interrupty on us?"

Kaidan grinned, resting his hand on her back. "Interrupty?"

"She was."

He nodded, pressing his lips against her check. Shepard's eyes closed as she nearly dropped the plate she was holding. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"So am I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 33&39 Titles: Relient K, "There Was No Thief"


	41. Orizaba

Shepard waited anxiously at the airlock as the Alliance ship approached. Kaidan was escorting their charge from the crew deck as the others hurried to make their own final preparations. She clutched a stack of OSDs in her gloved hands, weaponry weighing down on her back.

"Shepard. We will be rendezvousing with the  _SSV Orizaba_ in –"

"What?" She groaned. " _What_  ship?"

"The  _SSV Orizaba_."

"I thought we were meeting up with another frigate." Shepard rubbed her forehead. "Not a dreadnaught, and  _certainly_  not the _Orizaba_!"

"The  _SSV Orizaba_  is the ship that has hailed me –"

Shuffling steps and the  _clunk_  of crutches on the floor indicated Joker's hurried approach. "Sorry, Commander, I had a thing, and then there was another thing, and–"

She held up her hand. "Get up there and make sure we connect with the ship."

"Aye, aye, Commander." He limped by her into the cockpit, straightening his hat as he went.

The elevator dinged from the CIC, and David's voice muttering square roots traveled up the silent corridors. Shepard rubbed her forehead again. If the  _Orizaba_  hadn't been the closest ship to them, Anderson was  _dead_. She would kill him herself. Jerk.

The airlocks hissed ahead of her as they sealed, Kaidan finally drawing to a stop next to her. "What ship are we meeting?"

"The  _Orizaba_ ," she answered tonelessly. Kaidan raised an eyebrow, but Joker beat him to it.

"Wait, isn't that –"

" _Yes_ , Joker."

"We're meeting the  _Orizaba_?" Joker grinned. "Should I tell the ship?"

" _God_  no, Joker. Not now. If my mother saw the collection of miscr–"

"Shepard's got a mom? God, didn't think it was possible." Jack moved around them and perched herself next to Joker's console again. "Thought she just popped up out of the ground or somethin'."

"—and  _that_  is what I meant." Shepard sighed. "Maybe Anderson didn't tell her who she was rendezvousing with. Maybe he told her it was –"

Joker grinned. "No dice, Commander, it's totally your mom in the airlock."

She groaned. "Son of a bitch."

Sure enough, Hannah Shepard's voice rose out of Joker's console. :: _Captain Shepard, requesting to come aboard._ ::

Shepard sighed, nodding to Joker. "Permission granted. Welcome aboard, Captain Hannah." He closed the comm.

Jack glanced over at the helmsman. "You let everyone know, right?"

"No!" Shepard said quickly. "No, no, and  _hell_ no."

The airlocks slid open, and Captain Hannah Shepard stepped through as both Kaidan and Shepard saluted.

Hannah Shepard looked a great deal like her daughter, with the same build and a similar facial structure. Her hair was cropped to her jawline, colored a deeper red than her child's, with gray eyes subtly accentuated with quiet makeup. She apparently also favored the skirted dress uniform, like her daughter, the white sidearm fastened loosely at her side contrasting with its deep navy blue. "Captain Shepard," Shepard said calmly. "I wasn't expecting a dreadnought."

"Don't give me that polite subordinate-to-higher-rank bullshit, Marrakech," Hannah retorted. "You've been alive for months and haven't told me."

"I—this isn't the most secure channel. And why did Anderson send  _you_? I was expecting the  _Hastings_."

"Ah, yes, well, Councilor Anderson apparently told Steven that he needed someone to meet your ship and pick up a few people, and the  _Orizaba_  was the closest ship to the Terminus Systems, so I said I'd –"

" _Steven_?" Shepard blinked repeatedly. "Wait, do you mean Admiral Hackett?"

"Yes. He called me to ask if I'd be willing to –"

"But a dreadnought would attract attention and I don't see why he wouldn't just –" Shepard groaned, rubbing her forehead. "Mo—Captain, are you  _dating_  brass?"

She smiled. "I heard Mr. Moreau in here somewhere," she continued, changing the subject.

"Up here, Captain Hannah!" Joker spun his chair around. Hannah waved.

"I'm glad you met back up with Marrakech." She cocked her head slightly at Jack. "Are you on his  _console_?"

Jack shrugged. "Why the fuck not? I'm allowed to be up here," she retorted irreverently.

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "In a minute," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I'm going to wake up, and this is going to be a horrible nightmare."

Kaidan shook his head, a small grin playing across his features. "I don't think so." She glared at him.

"I raised that," Hannah said, motioning back to Shepard. "So don't get smart with me. You're breaking a number of safety regulations. Get. Off. The. Console."

Before Jack could stop herself, she was standing. Her arms crossed, and she glared back at the Captain. Hannah turned back. "And Commander Alenko! Good to see you again. I'm glad to see you're keeping Marrakech's head on straight." Kaidan and Shepard traded a guilty-looking glance over her shoulder. "And you must be David."

"Square root –"

"He's . . . not present at the moment," Shepard said quietly.

"I noticed. Steven told me something about the mission you rescued him on." She motioned back to the airlock. "I have a medical team on standby. I'm glad. It looks like we needed them."

David was ushered off the  _Normandy_ , and Hannah turned back. "Marrakech, is there anywhere we can speak privately?"

"Uh, yeah." Shepard nodded back to Joker. "You've got the ship. EDI, drop the blocks and let everyone send their messages. M – Captain Shepard, the briefing room is right back here."

They disappeared. Kaidan leaned on the wall by the portal to the CIC as they disappeared through the armory. A few seconds later, Jacob stepped out, nodding in Kaidan's direction. "Commander Alenko."

Kaidan returned the nod. "Mr. Taylor."

"Who was that?"

"That? Captain Shepard."

"Wait. . ." Jacob glanced back at the armory, then at him. "Shepard's  _mom_?" Kaidan nodded. "Wow."

Shepard, meanwhile, closed the door to the briefing room and locked it. Almost immediately, the two women embraced. "I am  _so_ happy to see you," Shepard whispered. "I have had  _the_  most horrible couple of months."

"I've had a pretty bad two and a half years."

"Yes, I know. I keep getting informed of that." Shepard sighed, finally letting go. "I'm sorry.  _I_  didn't know I was alive until a few months ago, or I certainly would have let you know."

"I know. Kaidan forwarded me the Lazarus data – well your CMO did, when he asked her to. I suppose she can bypass your blockers."

"He forwarded you the – wait,  _Kaidan_? Did everyone go and become best friends while I was dead?"

"He got assigned to my ship for a few weeks recently. I dropped him off on Horizon – I heard about that. I assume that's where you picked him up?"

"Yeah. He got ordered by the Alliance to keep an eye on me. He hasn't admitted it but . . . well, I wasn't that nice to him, and I couldn't figure out why he was sticking around on a semi-Cerberus vessel. And then it got complicated, but I think we've worked it out. At least for now."

"Yes, I heard about that whole Cerberus thing. I wish you had a choice in the matter." She sighed. "Kaidan's . . . he's an excellent man. And good for you."

"What?" Shepard grimaced. "We weren't - you know about – how do you know about –"

" _Please_ , Marra, I'm your mother." She leaned on the table. "Steven also told me what you're doing."

"Yes. Steven." Shepard rolled her eyes. "Seriously, mom?  _Admiral Hackett?_ "

"He's a good man, your father's been dead for years, and you're an adult. I can live my life, you know."

"I'm not saying that. It's just . . ." She shook her head. "It's  _Hackett,_ " she finished lamely. "I guess part of me is thankful that you can't lecture me for fraternization, but if that ever gets out, it's going to hit both of you a hell of a lot harder than if anyone finds out about Kaidan and I. And besides he's all . . . scar-ry." She made a motion.

"Not all of us can find strapping young biotic marines," she teased. "But Marra – the Omega-4 Relay? No one's come back from that."

Shepard echoed her sigh. "Mom, the Collectors are behind the colony attacks, they're working with the Reapers, and  _someone_ has to stop them. Hitting them where they live is the only way. And . . . they took my crew. I'm sure you saw how empty the ship is."

"I'd noticed. I won't dissuade you. I know you would only do this if there was no other way – that's how you've always been. I just . . . I don't want to lose you again. You  _have_  to come back."

"I fully plan on it, mom."

"Good. Because you still owe me dinner on the Citadel."

Shepard grinned. "I've owed you that for two years, if I remember correctly."

Hannah returned her grin. "Yes. I know."

"Okay." Shepard fished the OSDs out of one of the pockets on her armor. "I need you to get these to Anderson. Just in case."

She nodded grimly. "I will. I hope there won't be a need for him to use these."

"So do I. But this is going to be tough – I expect to lose good people."

"Who do you have going with you?"

"You saw Joker and Kaidan. The woman up in the cockpit's my resident psycho Jack. Garrus and Tali are here –"

"Good. I remember them. What about that krogan – Wrex, was it? – and the asari?"

"Liara's on Illium, and Wrex is currently uniting the krogan on Tuchanka."

"That'd be a sight. Who else is here?"

"A couple of Cerberus operatives, a drell assassin, a thief, another krogan, one of the founders of the Blue Suns, an asari justicar and a former member of the STG. And, surprisingly enough, a geth."

"Quite the group. You just might pull this off, kid." She raised an eyebrow. "The geth is a little worrying."

"It's . . . different. It has eyebrows."

"For it to be on this ship, it  _has_  to be different." The two locked eyes for a second. "Marra, I am so damn proud of you."

"Mom."

"I  _am_. Here you are, fighting to save the  _entire_  galaxy, and no one even knows it. And you . . ." She shook her head. "My little girl. All grown up and heroic."

" _Mom_."

"Marrakech, let me have my moment." She smiled sadly, eyes glistening. "Your father would be proud."

Shepard swallowed heavily, looking down at the floor. "I know. I'm sure he is."

"Marra, you need to come back." She sighed, resting her hand on Shepard's shoulder. " _Promise_  me you'll come back."

"Mom, I will do everything in my power to ensure that I come back through that relay."

Hannah nodded. "That's the best I can ask for."

"Mom, I . . ." Shepard sighed, then pulled her mother back to her. "I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you too, kid," she murmured back. "Now go on, and send Commander Alenko in. I have orders for him."

"You can't just kick me out of my own briefing room."

"I'm your mother. Do as you're told."

Shepard sighed. "You know, I really dislike you sometimes."

"I know." Hannah grinned. "Now go get him."

By the time Shepard returned to the CIC, half her crew had assembled. "So how's your mom?" Kasumi asked, a grin dancing across her face. Shepard glared at her.

"Alenko," she shouted towards where the marine was leaning against the wall. "She's got your orders."

"Good," he answered, disappearing into the briefing room.

"So, Battlemaster," Grunt said. Shepard groaned. "Did you have to fight your mother to prove your worth?"

"Oh. My. God," Jack said, half-laughing from the galaxy map platform's railing.

"No," Shepard answered curtly, back still turned to the group.

"Then how did she prove that you were capable of commanding –"

"Grunt," Shepard said, turning. "Mothers have a . . .  _stare_  . . . that is capable of rendering their opponents absolutely helpless, as they are too busy shitting themselves in fear. As long as my mother continues to possess the most terrifying glare in the galaxy, I will never, ever, _ever_  consciously oppose her decisions." Shepard disappeared back into the armory. Grunt raised the krogan equivalent of an eyebrow.

"How someone can be defeated without combat is a mystery."

"Isn't her father Alliance? What ship's he on?" Kasumi asked. Miranda shook her head.

"He was killed during First Contact."

"And yet she still likes turians," Garrus commented. "Can't be said for most of humanity."

"Shepard is a . . . interesting woman," Miranda said. "I never had a chance to speak to her mother during Lazarus. I wonder how alike they are."

"You have no idea," Tali answered, shaking her head. "Captain Shepard is an interesting woman, as well."

Inside the briefing room, Kaidan saluted once the door was closed. "You needed to see me, ma'am?"

"Stop. We're in private." Hannah waved her hand, a move so similar to Shepard's disinterested wave that it was terrifying. "I have orders for you from Stev—Hackett and Anderson."

She handed him a datapad. He skimmed it. "Understood," he murmured.

"You're fine with this?" He nodded. "Marra insinuated that there were issues."

"We've resolved some – half of it was just a misunderstanding. She's been under a lot of pressure these past few months, and I did little to help that pressure. Pretty sure the crew's going to hate me for a while though."

"I understand. But if you two are gonna do this, do it right."

"You're actively giving me permission to fraternize with –"

"Hell, Kaidan, I'll give you a gold-edged invitation. Trust me. I was beginning to wonder if she was even  _bothering_  to think past her career before she met you." She sighed, then put a hand on his shoulder. "Bring her back. I don't know if I can find her just to lose her again."

"Understood, ma'am."

"If she doesn't survive, I swear I will resurrect and kill you myself, Alenko."

He nodded. "Also understood. Very, very clearly understood."

"Good." She smiled. "I should let you get on with your mission. The sooner you've gone through the Relay, the sooner you'll be back."

They stepped out of the briefing room to find Shepard waiting for them. "My crew is staring," she said simply. "It's awkward."

"Well, I  _am_  the great Commander Shepard's mother," she replied. "I wouldn't expect anything different."

They walked back through the armory and into CIC. "I hope to God you all have done everything you had to be ready," Shepard said. Her crew nodded. "Report to your posts, then."

They all started to, Hannah saying 'hello' to Garrus and Tali first. Grunt stepped forward. "You are Shepard's mother, yes?"

"Last I checked."

"She says she did not have to fight you to prove her worth. Is that so?"

Hannah cocked her head slightly. Shepard moaned, retreating for the cockpit. "Marrakech Amelia Shepard, did you have to fight me to prove your worth?" she barked.

Amazed, they watched as Shepard spun back from the corridor leading to the cockpit and snapped to attention. "No ma'am." Almost as immediately, she relaxed. "Son of a bitch."

She smiled sweetly at the amazed krogan. "The difference is that I constantly reminded her who was in charge. She never had to." Hannah nodded to the rest of the crew. "Stay safe, and good luck."

"Wow. I see where she gets it from," Kasumi muttered. Shepard glared at her.

"Thank you, Captain Shepard." Miranda returned her nod. Hannah turned back.

"Come on. I should get back to my ship."

They watched as Shepard walked her mother back to the airlock, shaking her hand at the far end. And Hannah disappeared, leaving Shepard to walk back to the galaxy map. "Back to your posts," Miranda ordered. Almost immediately they packed into the elevator; Mordin, Jacob, and Grunt returned to the tech lab or the armory. With a sigh, Shepard stepped up to the map. Miranda's omni-tool chirped, and she glanced down at it with a sigh.

"Shepard, the Illusive Man wants to speak with you in the briefing room."

Shepard groaned. "Tell him to get some more gin. I'm busy." She returned her attention to the map. "EDI. Set course for the Omega-4 Relay. It's time to do this."

#

From the bridge of the  _Orizaba_ , Captain Hannah Shepard calmly watched as the distant Omega-4 Relay flared red, then flashed with the light of a ship passing through it before falling quiet once more.

"Orders, ma'am?" the helmsman asked, glancing over his shoulder at her.

"Set course for Grissom." She sighed. "I will be in the communications room, speaking with Admiral Hackett and Councilor Anderson. I do not wish to be disturbed."

"Aye aye, ma'am."


	42. Once More Unto The Breach

Joker didn't bother to turn when footsteps indicated Shepard and Kaidan's approach. "Glad to see you two are speaking again. Or at least not trying to rip each other apart."

"There's always tomorrow," Kaidan said.

"Good to know." Joker grit his teeth, settling his hat more firmly onto his head. "Approaching Omega-4 Relay. Stand by."

"Shipboards on?" Shepard asked.

"Shipboards on. Report in."

:: _Myself, Thane, Samara and Kasumi in Engineering_ ,:: Tali answered immediately.

:: _I've got the batteries with Zaeed, Jack, and Legion_.:: Garrus was next.

:: _In tech lab. Prepared to render aid._ ::

:: _Grunt and I have the armory_. _We're prepping weapons._ ::

"I'm right behind you." Shepard glanced back to find Miranda, arms crossed, leaning against the doorway.

"EDI, shutter all windows and viewports except those in the cockpit. Everyone, stay away from highly explosive mechanical objects. Tali and company downstairs, watch that core. Let's make this happen. Joker . . ."

"Taking us in."

Joker tried to mask his look of apprehension as his hands flew across the boards.  _Hold together, baby_ , a small voice in his head murmured as the relay latched onto the ship, causing her to shudder.

"Reaper IFF activated," EDI said. "Signal acknowledged."

Joker nearly missed the quiet breath behind him. "Come on,  _Normandy_ ," Shepard murmured as the ship's shuddering became more pronounced and violent upon entering the relay's vicinity.

:: _Shep, the drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree_ ,:: Kasumi reported.

"Drive core electric charge at critical levels."

Joker swore. "Rerouting!"

The ship lurched as the relay seized it, bathing the cockpit in an eerie, red-orange glow. They dove for handholds on the chairs, Kaidan grabbing onto Shepard's arm to keep her steady. The  _Normandy_  accelerated as they started to pass through the relay, then were flung through space.

"Brace for deacceleration!" EDI almost immediately warned. With a final shudder, the  _Normandy_  dropped out of the relay into –

"Shit!" Joker reacted first, hands flying across the console as an ancient wreck tried to get up close and personal with the ship's nose.

"Hold on!" Shepard shouted into the comm. "Brace for evasive!"

Joker turned the ship upwards, heading for the top of the wrecks, hoping an open spot existed. He spotted a break in the twisted metal sculptures, pushing the ship towards it. In a matter of seconds, he leveled the ship out as the sensors found a belt of open space between the dead ships under them and the dead ships still above them. He sank back in his chair, releasing a slow stream of breath he didn't remember holding. "Too close," he breathed, wincing as his ribs protested.

Shepard didn't respond as his hands returned to the console. "You okay?" Kaidan whispered behind him.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah." Kaidan glanced up at the wrecks around them. "That's a lot of dead ships."

"Must be all the ships that didn't make it through the relay," Joker said, taking his eyes off the console for a second. "Some of them look . . . ancient."

The cockpit fell silent as they ghosted through the debris, the ships looming over them monumentally. Shepard cleared her throat, then opened the comm. "We've successfully navigated the Omega-4 Relay. We're now searching for the Collector base. Have we sustained any damage?"

:: _The drive core held,_ :: Tali reported. :: _We've got a little damage, but nothing major._ ::

"Good. I'll give you further updates as we get them." She closed the comm. "Good flying, Joker."

"That was nothin', Commander." Joker glanced over his shoulder and grinned. Shepard rubbed his hat. "Hey!"

The cockpit was silent again as Joker steered the ship away, Kaidan's hand still warm on Shepard's arm. She flashed him a brief, nervous smile.

"I have detected an energy signature near the accretion disk," EDI reported, blooming over Joker's shoulder. Shepard pulled out of Kaidan's hand to look over Joker's shoulder, examining the scanners for herself.

"Right there." She pointed. "That has to be the base. Take us in, nice and easy." Joker nodded, maneuvering the ship through the debris field. "Stealth is running?"

"Stealth is running. But that doesn't mean they can't see us."

"I know, just checking. Keep us slow and easy."

"Do you want to fly this ship?"

Shepard glared down at him. "Yeah, actually, pull over and we'll switch seats."

Joker didn't get a chance to retort as EDI appeared again. "Careful, Jeff. We are being followed."

Seconds later, a laser shot ricocheted off a nearby ship. Alarm klaxons blared throughout  _their_  ship, resulting in several colorful words from the helmsman. "What the hell is that?" Kaidan asked, checking the sensors.

"Brace for evasive!" Joker barked into the comm. His face contorted as several more alarms rang out and something indicated an impact near the Loft. "Now they're just pissin' me off!"

"Hopefully this new plating holds," Miranda murmured helpfully.

"With how much work we put into it, it damn well better." Shepard slammed her hand into the viewport button, lowering the screens over the windows.

"EDI, take these guys out!"

:: _Drive core energy critical! Shields down seventeen percent!_ ::

:: _Balance the core or we'll lose the guns!_ ::

:: _Working on it, Garrus!_ ::

Another alarm rang out. "You want another round?" Joker snapped. "Come on, girl, give it to 'em!"

Kaidan pulled Shepard back against him as he braced himself on the chair, Joker sending the ship spiraling into a variety of maneuvers they couldn't begin to classify, face locked on the panels as his hands flew across them.

Even louder alarms rang, and EDI flickered slightly. "Alert." Over one panel, a hologram of the ship appeared, a large, pulsating red circle covering the cargo bay. "Hull breach on Engineering deck."

"Hell! It's in the cargo hold!" His hand flicked open a security feed. "Christ, what is  _that_?"

"I've got it." Shepard stood up, opening the comm as she headed down the hallway. "Grunt, Jacob, grab enviro suits and your big guns and meet me in the elevator ASAP. EDI, lock all hull doors to the cargo hold and put up kinetics. Engineering, be advised that there is a hull breach in the cargo hold. Take appropriate precautions. Joker, keep us away from the rest of them."

One panel continued to display the security feed in the cargo hold as the bulbous thing bounced around in the hold. Joker rolled the ship, watching as one of the others slammed into a passing wreck. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled, sending the Normandy into a dive to avoiding a collision with another one. An alarm indicated damage to the port side thruster. "You two might want to strap in."

Miranda and Kaidan didn't need any urging, throwing themselves into the other chairs and fastening themselves in. Joker pulled the ship out of its dive meters from the main debris field, spinning it to avoid another of the round laser-happy things. "We're sitting ducks, Commander!" Joker barked into the comm. "I've got to try to lose them in the debris field!"

:: _Just do it, Joker!_ ::

If EDI had one, she would have shaken her head. "Jeff, our barriers are not designed to withstand impact from debris of that size!"

"Then it's a damn good thing we upgraded." EDI slid closed the cockpit viewports just before a wreck slammed into the front of the ship. "Come on, find some room." He bit his lip as the ship shuddered, scraping against another hull.

Kaidan closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as the  _Normandy_  trembled, more alarm klaxons blaring. "Kinetic barriers at forty percent."

:: _What are you_ doing _up there, Joker?_ :: Tali yelled.

"Reroute all non-critical systems to barriers!" Joker grit his teeth, glancing back at the sensors. "This is gonna hurt."

"I hope to God you know what you're doing," Kaidan said quietly.

"Yeah, so do I."

Something jammed into the side of the ship, prompting another alarm. Joker swore, sliding the Normandy between two enormous lumps on the screens. Something exploded, the force knocking the Normandy marginally off course. He corrected immediately, narrowly avoiding slamming the ship nose-first into what looked like a demolished turian cruiser. "I am a leaf on the wind," he murmured.

:: _You are NOT allowed to say that._ :: Shepard interrupted.

"No! You can't get it through –"

"You want to fly the damn ship, Miranda? Let me do my job!" Joker clenched his jaw, brushing the ship in between a pair of unidentified, hulking masses, a chirp finally indicating that he'd cleared the debris field. "Damage report!" he barked towards EDI. She flickered, reopening the viewport as she responded.

"Kinetic barriers steady at thirty percent. Laser weapon damage to third quadrant of Loft hull plating and distal port thruster. No hull breach near the Loft detected. Distal port thruster still active. No other significant damage."

"Tali. How's the drive core?"

:: _Holding steady. Shields replenishing and steady at fifty percent._ ::

"Great." Joker slumped back into his chair, releasing a long-held breath. "Take the helm, EDI, I think I need to breathe."

The cockpit was quiet for a few minutes, broken only by the occupants' heavy breathing. "That was impressive flying," Miranda said.

"Heh. Thanks." He drug his sleeve over his face. "Damn nerve-wracking."

"Jeff. I have detected an enemy heading for the cargo hold."

Joker groaned. "That thing again? Shepard, it's coming back around."

Something exploded in a burst of static as Shepard opened her comm. :: _Ya think? We're working on it._ ::

"Keep movin' her steady, EDI." Joker pulled the brim of his hat up slightly to rub his forehead.

Minutes later, heavy steps indicated Shepard's return to the cockpit. They glanced up as she entered – several smoking pieces of circuitry hung off her shoulder. "Whatever it was, it's dead now," she confirmed. "How's the ship?"

"She's still holding together."

"Damage is minimal," EDI confirmed. "Kinetic barriers steady at thirty percent. Laser weapon damage to third quadrant of Loft hull plating and distal port thruster. No hull breach near the Loft detected. Distal port thruster still active. The drive core is taxed to maximum capacity with slight damage but continues to hold steady. Main shields are at fifty percent. We have rerouted non-critical systems, including communications, to kinetic barriers. There are two hull breaches in the cargo hold, as you are aware. No other significant damage is reported."

"Garrus. How's the guns?"

:: _Holding steady. Calibrations weren't thrown off by the relay jump, and the drive core is powering steady._ ::

:: _We aren't in FTL, so we've been able to redirect FTL power to the main weapons systems,_ :: Tali confirmed. :: _The guns should be primed to fire and still have enough power to do so._ ::

:: _Affirmative._ ::

"Shepard." Miranda unstrapped, standing and pointing out the viewport. "Shepard. It's the Collector base."

Kaidan stood, looking where she pointed. "What in hell . . ."

"That thing could hold millions of Collectors," Shepard breathed. "We saw how many a single ship held. It's enormous."

"You have a plan?" Miranda asked quietly.

Shepard shook her head. "No, but you didn't hear that."

"Understood."

"Joker. EDI. See if you can find a safe place to land. One that will preferably not draw attention."

Another alarm klaxon rang out through the just-now silent ship. Joker jumped for his console. "Too late. Looks like they're sending out an old friend to greet us."

A Collector ship was slowly pulling out of a berth on the side closest to them. Shepard pursed her lips.

"Well, we wouldn't have dropped by unannounced without a housewarming present," she said dryly. "Garrus, get that main gun ready. Those calibrations had better paid off, or you're fired."

:: _Hard to fire someone you don't pay,_ :: he retorted.

The ship spun, a bright yellow glow opening at its nose. "No you don't!" Joker snapped, spinning the  _Normandy_  onto her side. It coasted effortlessly along the beam of light, close enough to have singed the top of the ship.

"Show 'em our teeth," Shepard ordered, hand clenching the back of Joker's chair. "EDI, fire."

"Firing."

A bright, blue beam exploded from the bottom of their ship, zipping through space. It landed off-center, but ripped out an enormous chunk of the ship. Shepard grinned.

"How d'you like that, you sons o'bitches?" Joker yelled, complete with rude gestures.

"Finish them off."

Kaidan was almost positive Shepard's tone had caused an ice age on the closest planet.

"Everyone hold on!" The helmsman said with a half-laugh, spinning the ship onto her back. "It's gonna be a wild ride."

Miranda spotted what he was doing first. "No, no, no!"

"Yes."

Kaidan realized what he was doing. "No, you aren't—"

"Do it." Shepard's voice silenced them, and Miranda's hands grew white on the back of the second gunner's chair.

"Aye aye, ma'am." Joker breezed the Normandy closer to the ship. "Give 'em hell, girl!"

"Firing."

The ship rocked under them as the Collector ship exploded underneath them. Shepard grinned. "And that's revenge, bitches," she murmured, hand tightening on Joker's chair as the ship trembled. Another alarm rang.

"Look out!" Miranda yelled.

The entire cockpit flashed red as the boards panicked, lights, bells, and whistles blaring throughout the ship. Tali was yelling over the comm about the drive core shorting out. The ship lost forward power, and began to fall towards the base below them. "Mass effect generators are offline!" Joker yelled, wincing as his hands flew across the boards. "EDI, give me something!"

"Generators are unresponsive. Drive core unresponsive. Thrusters unresponsive." She paused, flickering nervously. "All crewmen brace for impact!"

The ship slammed into something, tossing all three to the floor. It slammed into it something again, then something else, and finally slid to a stop. Kaidan pushed himself off the floor first, glancing around the room. His eyes settled on Shepard, curled up against the far wall. Miranda groaned, shaking her head from near the doorway as he hurried over to Shepard's side.

"Shepard.  _Shepard_." Her eyes flickered. "You okay?"

She took his hand as he helped her to her feet. "Ow . . ." she murmured. "That sucke—Joker!"

Shepard pushed past Kaidan to where the helmsman was collapsed over his armrest. "I think a broke a rib," he complained as Shepard helped him upright. "Yeah. All of them."

As soon as she was satisfied that he wasn't at risk of imminent death, Shepard turned to the flickering AI. "EDI?"

"Multiple core systems overloaded during the crash. Restoring operations will take time, Shepard."

Joker and Shepard glanced at each other. Miranda sighed. "We all knew this was likely a one-way trip."

Shepard shook her head. "We'll do what we can to stop the Collectors, but I damn well plan on living long enough to shove it in Velarn's face. Repeatedly."

"I'm certainly glad you're in charge," Joker interjected.

"So now what?" Kaidan asked, glancing out the viewports at the monstrosity rising around them.

"EDI. How long until the Collectors find this landing zone?"

"I do not detect an internal security system," EDI answered. "We should be safe here."

"If they're lucky, they'll think we were destroyed as well."

"And hopefully we blew out their sensors," Kaidan said. Shepard nodded in his direction, then opened the comm.

"All ground team, meet me in the briefing room. All nonessential systems are to be shut down – EDI, keep life support and whatever you need for repairs. Fix this bucket and get her spaceworthy one way or another."

"Aye aye, Commander." Joker answered for both of them. She motioned for Kaidan and Miranda to go ahead of her. "Be careful."

"Always am."

"Yeah," Joker murmured as they disappeared. "That's what I'm afraid of."


	43. It Seems That I Thrive on the Dark Side of Things...

The team waited for Shepard in the briefing room. Kaidan leaned back against one of the walls out of the way, watching. They were nervous – they had every right to be. He closed his eyes, recalling the text of his last orders, and avoiding the confused stares from several of the crewmembers. They probably thought he would leave. They probably figured that he had no reason to follow Shepard into hell.

 _Go with her._  Hackett's orders had read. Blunt, as always; short, and to the point, as the Admiral always was. _Shepard has to survive that trip._

He groaned, rubbing his face. He hadn't shaved that morning – hadn't had time – so a ghosting of stubble covered his jaw, rough under his hand. Fortunately, his biotics would probably be getting quite the workout shortly, so it wouldn't bloom into anything unmanageable before he got a chance to deal with it.  _If_  he got a chance to deal with it.

What Hackett hadn't realized was that Kaidan would have followed Shepard into hell with no backward glance even without an order. He couldn't stand the thought of watching that relay turn red from the  _Orizaba_  and Shepard disappearing without a trace - for the second time - in front of his own eyes.

The tension was so high in the room that, when the door finally slammed open and interrupted Miranda and Jack's latest bitch-fest, everyone jumped. Shepard stepped through, carrying an impressive assortment of weaponry and a bag. She had somehow managed to attach both the Cain and the particle beam to her back (she was far too overprotective of those weapons to let anyone even  _touch_  them), and was carrying or dragging the rest of the heavy weapons. She tossed the remaining weapons to Garrus, Grunt, and Zaeed. "Figure out how to use those and get them ready to carry," she ordered, dropping the bag on the floor. "Biotics, grab your bars. You get a breather, you down one. No bitching, Jack." She moved to the front of the table as the biotics dutifully did as they were told, Jack grabbing a handful with more swearing than was necessary.

"Down to business." She took her place at the front of the table. "Now, you might have realized that we've crashed."

As always, the master of the understatement. Her tone never changed from the same observation someone might make about the weather.

"That isn't  _exactly_  how I'd planned this, but that's where we stand. We can't worry about the  _Normandy_. Joker and EDI will do their best to get her spaceworthy.  _We_ , on the other hand, are to beat the shit out of the Collectors, and that is what we're going to do.  _That_  means coming up with a plan to destroy this station. EDI. Bring up your scans."

A bright orange readout of the base replaced the flickering  _Normandy_  over the fractured table. "You should be able to overload their critical systems from the main control center, located here," EDI said, an arrow appearing on the hologram.

"That means going through the heart of the station, past this massive energy readout." Jacob brought up his omni-tool and a line appeared, marking the spot.

Shepard chewed on her lip, skimming it. "If this is designed the same way as the ships, that's the central chamber. That's where our crew and the colonists are, if they're still alive."

"It looks like there are two main routes," Jacob continued. "It might be a good idea to split up and keep the Collectors off-balance, then regroup."

It was a solid plan. Shepard nodded, but Miranda interjected. "No. Both routes are blocked. See these doors?"

"Someone would have to open them from the other side," Kaidan finally interjected, leaning on the table.

"It isn't a fortress," Shepard muttered, glaring at it. "What about this?"

"Looks like a ventilation shaft." Kaidan ignored the looks some of the squad was giving him. "If we're here . . ." he motioned. "It isn't far from our current location  _and_  it leads directly into the chamber behind the doors."

"It's suicide," Jacob said, then crossed his arms. "I'll volunteer."

Miranda shook her head. "No. I appreciate the thought, Jacob, but you -"

"Both of you," Shepard interjected. "I know how to organize a mission. I'd appreciate it if you'd  _let_  me." Miranda nodded, flushing slightly.

She returned her graze to the readout, then her crew. "Legion. You're our fastest hacker and can withstand extremes of temperature – you'll go through the shaft."

The geth cocked his widow. "Acknowledged."

Tali's mask moved, indicating that she thought Shepard was making a mistake. Shepard nodded in her direction - a silent acknowledgement of the quarian's complaint.

"We'll break into two teams and fight down each passage. That will draw the Collectors' attention away from you." Shepard skimmed the team, then started to open her mouth. Miranda beat her to it.

"I'll lead the second team."

"Not so fast, cheerleader," Jack retorted almost instantaneously. "No one wants to take orders from you."

"This isn't a popularity contest! Lives are –"

"Miranda. Jack. That's enough." Shepard held up her hand. "If you don't mind, I already had someone  _in_  mind." Miranda nodded quietly, stepping back from the table. Shepard continued. "Garrus, you'll lead the secondary team." Garrus paused for a second, mandibles tucking up to his face, but nodded. Miranda frowned. "Take Jacob, Miranda, Kasumi, Tali, Mordin and Samara. I'll take Grunt, Thane, Jack, Kaidan, and Zaeed through the other tunnel. The Collectors will probably be more heavily drawn to my position as it is."

She took a deep breath, rubbing the side of her face. "All right. I don't know what we're going to find in there, but I doubt it's going to be pretty. We've probably lost good people. We'll probably lose more. However, as you well know, I don't believe in a lose-lose situation. We're all getting out of this alive, understood?

"No acts of heroism. No insane charges. You do what you have to do but you all have something left to live for. This is the best squad I've seen in a long time, and if anyone can do this, it's us. Our job is to destroy this base, but when the Collectors attacked our home, our mission took on crucial priority. They took crewmen we've all grown to care for - even if you'll try to deny it, Zaeed. We're bringing our people home, and we're doing it on our own terms. The Collectors - the Reapers - want to know what we're made of? Then I say we show them.

"My team. We'll move first to draw their attention. Garrus, wait for us to engage before you take your team out. Legion, as soon as the Collectors have engaged Garrus' team, start through the tunnel." She nodded. "See you on the other side of those doors."

#

Joker glanced back as Shepard half-heartedly waved at him, dropping out of the airlock to the Collector ship proper. Kaidan was right behind her, his look of determination mirroring Shepard's own. Thane, Grunt, and Zaeed followed them out – Jack came last, leaning on the door of the cockpit.

"Well," he said, spinning his chair around. "This is it."

"Yep," Jack said simply. "See ya when we get back."

"You got it." He paused. "Yeah, so, be careful."

Jack caught her tongue between her teeth, then jumped forward and snagged Joker's hat off his head. He grabbed for it, then glared at her as she jammed it onto her head. "What? Is that supposed to be –"

"Sunburn," she said simply, bouncing out the airlock after the others.

Joker rolled his eyes, turning back to the console. "Sunburn," he muttered.

Outside, Shepard started to glance back as Jack jumped out of the airlock. "Nice of you to join – is that Joker's hat?"

Jack pulled it down protectively. "Sunburn."

"Sunburn?" Shepard shook her head, turning back towards their route. "Yeah. Okay. Let's kill some Collectors."

#

Garrus lined up his shot and fired, dropping a Collector easily. A quick weapons change and he was fumbling with the arc projector, a weapon he had to fire correctly or bad things would occur to the rest of the squad. He carefully stuck his head over the low barrier he was behind, settled the weapon on top of it, and pulled the trigger. A group of Collectors twitched and fell.

:: _Pathfinding failure. There is an obstruction in the tunnel._ :: Legion's mechanical voice echoed through their comms. Tali fired up her drone, sending it soaring towards the Collectors that hadn't been hit by Garrus' arc.

:: _Got you, Legion. Hold on._ :: Shepard answered from the other side of the tunnel.

The geth had been the logical choice. Garrus tensed on the trigger again, then released. More Collectors fell to the arc. He wasn't sure why Shepard trusted it, but it  _had_  been logical.

Then again, he wasn't sure  _he_ was the logical choice for leading the second team. Shepard had to have a plan.

Kasumi laughed from up ahead, uncloaking in time to knife a Collector in the back before disappearing. The last fell as Samara threw it off one of the nearby ledges, and Garrus jumped over his cover. "Go! Move!"

Legion continued to report obstructions, and comm chatter from Shepard's team indicated that they were being hard pressed by the Collectors. Fortunately, there were no signs of praetorians or husks, yet – they were probably further in, Garrus thought. They ran into another group of drones themselves, diving back into cover.

:: _Point count!_ :: Shepard yelled into the comm. :: _Collectors are five each, remember!_ ::

"Fifty," Garrus reported. "Group total's close to two hundred."

:: _How much are harbingers?_ ::

:: _Make them fifteen._ :: Tali said, sending her drone out again.

:: _Great. We're running at about three-fifty, then. Getting hit harder than you, plus the harbys._ ::

Garrus fired up the arc, taking out a clustered knot of drones. "Keep pressing forward. We have to get to that door!"

:: _Don't get pinned down! Keep moving!_ :: Shepard repeated his order through her comm. :: _We've got to be able to get through those doors as soon as Legion gets them open._ ::

Garrus tensed again when more shouting broke over his comm.

:: _Shepard! It's comin' right at you!_ ::

:: _I got it, Alenko!_ ::

"Keep it down, you two!" he snapped into the channel, firing.

Samara picked up a pair of drones and threw them off the side of the ledge. A few followed their companions, receiving aid from Jacob and Miranda. Mordin ducked out of cover for a second to set a group of Collectors on fire before rolling back, tapping on his omni-tool. :: _Interesting. Air suggests_ –::

:: _Not now!_ :: Tali interrupted. :: _We're busy, Mordin!_ ::

:: _Move!_ :: Shepard barked into their comms, indicating that her team had cleared their knot. The last Collector fell from a shot from Kasumi's SMG.

"Move out!" Garrus repeated. They ran into no more resistance – although Shepard's team did, as did Legion – until they reached the doors.

Almost immediately, several dozen Collectors ambushed them, dropping towards them from chambers above. Garrus swore. "Get back against the door! Hold this position!" He switched out for the arc again, taking down several drones before jamming another power cell into the weapon. "Legion! Tell me you're hacking these doors!"

#

Shepard waved her team forward. "Move! Hurry!"

:: _Shepard-Commander! There is an obstruction in the vent._ ::

"Hold on, Legion," Shepard said. "We've got a bit of a problem here."

"PRESERVE SHEPARD'S BODY IF POSSIBLE."

Kaidan froze in his cover, glancing at the yellow-glowing Collector ahead of them. Shepard grimaced, and the only indication that she wasn't happy about the harbinger's most recent order was the fact that she paled by several shades. "And we were getting along so well," she muttered dryly.

:: _Shepard-Commander. Temperature is rising. Platform is failing._ ::

"Shit." Shepard glanced at the last green panel, two platforms away. "We have to get over to that panel."

:: _How we supposed to do that? There's guddamn Collectors all over the place._ ::

:: _We can handle 'em_ ,:: Grunt argued.

The harbinger paused briefly as Shepard stuck her head over the wall she was hiding behind. It lobbed a fireball her way and she ducked back. "Cover me."

"What?" Kaidan shook his head, grabbing for her arm. She shook him off with a stern glare.

"Grunt!" She continued. "Charge directly after me. Don't hesitate."

:: _Right away!_ ::

Kaidan stuck his head over the barrier and fired as Shepard suddenly flared a bright green and disappeared,  _charge_ -ing across the room. She impacted the harbinger coming closer to her, knocking it off a cliff – several drones too close to it went flying as well. She reappeared by the mechanism, slamming her omni-tool in it as Grunt barreled after her, laughing into the comm as he bowled Collectors over.

:: _At the doors._ :: Legion confirmed.

:: _Move, move!_ :: Shepard yelled, reopening fire with her SMG. Kaidan sprinted across the room first, sending several Collectors flying in a lazy  _push_  off the ledge. The others followed, Zaeed laying waste with the missile launcher behind him. Jack nearly dismembered a Collector – Thane broke another's neck when he ran out of thermal clips without time to change his gun. "Get your back to the doors! Anyone copy?"

:: _Seeker swarms!_ :: Garrus shouted over the comm. :: _Look out!_ ::

"Legion!" Shepard slammed her hand into the door, slamming her gun into a too-close Collector's face. "We're in position! We need these doors open now!"

:: _Go!_   _Tali, close this door!_ ::

There was a pause as Jack biotically separated a Collector from its arm.

:: _The door has malfunctioned_ ,:: Legion reported. :: _Path blocked_.::

"Shit," Jack said.

"He'll come through!" Shepard reasserted, brow creasing as she blasted a Collector's face off. Almost immediately, the door slid open behind her, and she nearly fell backwards. "Fall back! Fall back, damn it!"

Garrus pulled her back. She stumbled, off-balance, as the turian replaced his clip. "Suppressing fire! Don't let anyone through that door!"

"Jack!" Shepard grabbed her arm, pulling her back as she reopened fire. Legion tapped a few things on the door, and it slid closed.

The two teams collapsed back on the walls, trying to catch their breath. Shepard rested her hand on Legion's shoulder. The geth , surprised, jerked his optic towards her. "Good job," she panted. "Had me worried, but I knew you'd come through."

Miranda finally straightened up, then scanned the area ahead of them. "Shepard. You have to see this."


	44. ... I Always Feel Alive When The Death Bell Rings

Shepard pulled herself off the wall, starting to stumble over to where the rest of the crew was gathering. Kaidan held out his hand. "You aren't following your own orders."

She glanced down, the bright silver wrapper of a biotic carbohydrate bar glinting in the light. "I'm bad at that."

"I know." He pressed it into her hand with a small grin. "That's why I'm here."

She ripped the wrapper off and bit the bar in half, continuing towards where Miranda was standing. The room ahead of them was full of pods, similar to the ones on Horizon and the Collector ship, glowing with their strange yellow light. "What the hell?" Jacob breathed as she pushed through. Behind her Kaidan swallowed, memories of Horizon flooding back to him. Very quietly, something put pressure on his shoulder – he glanced over to catch Shepard's brief smile before she moved toward one of the pods - where a familiar-looking brunette colonist was suspended in some sort of goo.

"Look," she said, attracting their attention. "It looks like one of the missing colonists."

"Lilith." Kaidan's voice appeared over her shoulder. Shepard glanced back at him, and he swallowed. "She's, uh, from Horizon."

"Horizon? We thought they all were dead," Kasumi said.

"Apparently not," Zaeed retorted, gripping his gun as he inspected a pod.

"Shepard-Commander," Legion said. "More humans."

"We found the crew," Tali confirmed.

Shepard ran her hand down the pod. "Then start to get them out. Anyone remember how to open these—"

"Get her out of there!" Kaidan suddenly snapped, pushing past her to start pulling at the pod. Shepard looked up as the colonist awoke, suddenly screaming and pounding on the pod's clear front. Blood started to fleck inside it.

"Shit! Legion, scan for life-signs! Get everyone out of there!" Shepard pulled her shotgun off her back. "Move!"

Kaidan stumbled as Shepard elbowed him out of the way, slamming the butt of her shotgun into the pod front. It cracked, and she slammed into it again. The front broke, and the colonist –  _Lilith_  – collapsed, bloody, into Kaidan's arms. "Find Chakwas!" Shepard barked over her shoulder. "Kaidan, get her stable."

He looked up as Shepard sprinted off while shouting orders, slamming her shotgun into another pod. "Lilith. Hold still." His omni-tool flashed, scanning her. "Can you hear me?"

"C-Commander Alenko?" she moaned, throat hoarse. "What are you doing here?"

"Hold still." He readied some medi-gel for injection, wincing over the scans. "Our ship's CMO should be here somewhere. She can help you."

"It was horrible," Lilith continued as he injected the gel. "Just . . . being there . . ."

"You're safe now." He glanced up as Shepard helped Chakwas limp over, the doctor collapsing at Lilith's side. "Doctor Chakwas, do you know what's going on with this?"

Chakwas shook her head as Shepard sprinted back off. "The colonists got . . . processed. Turned into gray matter by those little robots and pumped through those tubes."

Kaidan glanced up to find Shepard, who was weaving expertly through the crew and carefully checking them for injuries. Donnelly was currently holding a sobbing Daniels; Chambers had curled up into a small ball on the ground, and Shepard had one hand on her shoulder and was speaking in quiet tones. He looked back at Doctor Chakwas, who, while still shaking, seemed to have settled into the comfort of doing what she did best - being a doctor. "Are they taking our genetic code?"

She shook her head, making a few notes on her omni-tool. "I don't know."

"All right," Shepard said, voice echoing through the room. Kaidan glanced back up – Chakwas continued her exam. "Whatever the hell they're up to, we're going to stop it. We've got to be close. Joker, can you fix our position?"

:: _Roger that, Commander. All those tubes lead into the main control room above you. The route is blocked by a security door, but there's another chamber running parallel to the one you're in._ ::

:: _I cannot recommend that._ :: EDI argued. :: _Thermal emissions suggest that the chamber is overrun with seeker swarms. Mordin's countermeasure cannot protect you against so many at once._ ::

Shepard pursed her lips, then glanced towards Samara and Kaidan. "Samara, Kaidan, biotics are capable of creating a strong barrier field around several individuals. Do you think that we may be able to hold the swarms off that way?"

"Yes. I think that might be possible." Samara's calm voice seemed to have some effect on the nervous crew and colonists, who appeared to calm down dramatically. Kaidan nodded his agreement with her. "I would be unable to protect all of us, but we might be able to get a small team through, were they to stay close."

Miranda nodded as well. "I could do it to. Or Jacob. In theory, any biotic could."

In Shepard's head, the choice was relatively simple. Either Jack or Samara, or Kaidan, would be best at ensuring the field's success – no matter what Miranda said, they were the strongest biotics on the team. She could ask Kaidan, but his level head and control would be more useful with the fighting. Her eyes flickered between Samara and Jack.

Samara quietly met her eyes and gave the slightest nod towards Jack. Shepard nodded back. Samara had spoken to her earlier about helping Jack reign herself in – if the justicar thought that this would be best for the headstrong biotic, so did Shepard. "Jack, you'll maintain the field." Miranda found. As with Tali earlier, Shepard quietly nodded towards the Cerberus operative. "We'll need to move fast to get to the security doors – Kaidan, Kasumi, Thane, and Legion, you're with us. Garrus, take everyone else through the other chamber as a diversionary tactic."

"Shepard." Chakwas' quiet voice redirected their attention. "What about me, and the rest of the crew, and the colonists?" She glanced down at Lilith, barely stabilized. "We're in no shape to fight."

:: _Commander_?:: Joker's voice came over their comms again. :: _We have enough systems back online to do a pickup, but we'd need to land back from your position._ ::

"We can't afford to go back. Not now," Miranda protested.

She was right, but there was another way . . .

"Mordin. You're good at getting through hostile territory undetected?" Shepard phrased it as a question, but the salarian took its meaning seriously. He brought up his omni-tool.

"Joker. Need location of landing zone. Will meet you there."

"Tali, go with them. See what you can do for the ship. You're our best chance for getting her out of here."

Tali paused, like she was preparing to argue, but nodded. "Understood, Shepard. I'll see you on the ship."

Shepard nodded. "Let's move out. Good luck."

#

It wasn't long after leaving the central chamber that Shepard and her team disappeared from their comms – they figured it was probably the result of the seeker swarms, or at least Miranda insisted that that was the reason for the static, punctuated by the occasional chatter.

Grunt had complained quite vocally about being placed under Garrus' command, but a few brief words from Samara had settled him back down. That and the sheer rush of Collectors had quickly silenced him as he turned his frustration from complaining to wholesale slaughter.

Garrus propped his rifle on the wall in front of him, showering the drones with bursts of fire. A loud groan echoed around them. "Husks!" he yelled. "Incoming!"

:: _One point each!_ :: Kasumi reminded them. Samara threw her hand out, catching a group of husks in mid-charge and throwing them into their fellows. Jacob caught them as they fell back, tossing them over the ledge.

Zaeed fired a missile into an approaching group of husks, sending parts flying. "Save your power cells. We'll probably need them later," Garrus ordered.

:: _Figured. Just getting' rid of the guddamn husks_.::

"Switch to your assault rifle."

:: _Yeah._ :: Zaeed grumbled. :: _Sure_.::

Grunt cackled, blasting a Collector apart with a blast from his shotgun.

"Keep moving forward! Get up to those doors!"

:: _It isn't too far_ ,:: Miranda said, tearing through a Collector with her SMG. :: _I can see the doors from here_.::

:: _Hopefully they'll be able to get the damn doors open_ ,:: Zaeed grumbled, slamming the butt of his rifle into a Collector.

Garrus glanced over as Grunt and Miranda reached the sealed doors. "Hold those doors!" he ordered. "Get over to them! We have to hold that position!"

#

"Move it, Commander!" Jack yelled, teeth clenched. Shepard carefully aimed her widow and blasted a round through a harbinger's head with a tight-lipped smile.

They'd moved fast through the swarm chambers, but not fast enough. Jack was growing increasingly agitated and fearful as perspiration started to traverse down her face. "Is it clear?" she asked, pain evident in her voice.

"I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONALLY."

"Guess not."

Shepard leaned out from around cover, watching as the golden-colored Collector turned its eyes towards her. "Fabulous. Hang in there, Jack."

"Don't worry. I'm hanging. Fuck."

Shepard dove behind a different piece of cover, aiming to further protect the field-maintaining biotic. Kaidan threw one of the other Collectors, slamming it into a wall.

"WE ARE YOUR GENETIC DESTINY."

"Kaidan, Legion, Thane, focus on the other drones. I'll focus on the harbinger."

"NEUTRALIZE COMMANDER SHEPARD."

:: _Acknowledged,_ :: Thane murmured into the comm. Shepard leaned out of cover, lining up her shot and firing. One of the harbinger's arms blew straight off as it readied a biotic fireball. Shepard relocated into cover before it hit.

"SWARM THEIR POSITION."

"Enemies have heavy weapons," Legion noted as a particle beam singed his cover.

"GETH. AN ANNOYANCE. LIMITED UTILITY."

"Now that's just impolite," Shepard yelled back, switching out for her claymore. The widow was a good weapon, but unwieldy for closer combat. The harbinger stepped into the biotic field, glowing yellow eyes still affixed on her. She cocked the shotgun, stood out of cover, and fired. The shot impacted the Collector's head, exploding it.

They froze, waiting for another harbinger to pop up. Nothing happened. "No organic life-signs detected," Legion announced.

"Good. Come on, Jack."

She nodded, mouth open, breathing heavy. A hand adjusted the  _SR2_  hat still jammed on her head. "Moving out, Commander."

The few other things they came across – a scion, some husks – took a fairly small amount of time to destroy. By the time the door was in sight, Shepard was almost supporting Jack over obstacles. Once the entrance was in sight, Jack broke into a slow jog. Collectors started to swarm their position.

"We need to get out of here, Shepard!" Kaidan said, throwing a Collector back into a wall. Thane opened fire on another and tore it to shreds with his SMG.

"Just a few more steps, Jack," Shepard murmured, blasting a Collector into shreds. "Hang on."

Jack turned to face the Collectors, and the barrier flickered. "Jack . . ." Shepard warned, shooting another Collector.

Jack flared and a wave of dark energy flowed from around them, blasting back both the Collectors and the seeker swarms around them. Jack settled her shoulders, glared back at the path, and attempted to swagger heroically (it ended up being more of a drunken stagger) into the room. Shepard raised an eyebrow, shot one of the few remaining Collectors, and stepped back as the door closed.

"What in hell was that?" Shepard asked. Jack sank down on a wall, panting. Without prompting, she ripped open a bar and downed it while simultaneously wiping her forehead under Joker's hat.

"Making them bitches pay. That liquefying shit? No way in hell that's right. Besides, I  _knew_  what I was doing. Sons o'bitches." Jack dabbed at the bottom of her nose, stopping a small trickle of blood. "Fucking assholes."

Shepard rested her hand on Jack's shoulder. "I'm not – Good work, Jack."

"Heh. Thanks, Shepard."

:: _Shepard!_ :: Garrus' voice echoed through their comms. :: _Do you copy?_ ::

"We're inside, Garrus."

:: _We're at the doors. They've got us pinned down._ ::

Shepard sprang into action. "Legion, get this door open. Everyone else, get ready for suppressing fire!"

Jack grabbed her shotgun and braced it against her arm, taking up position next to Kaidan. "Payback's a bitch," she murmured. He glanced over at her, surprised.

The door cracked open, and the rest of the team almost immediately fell through. Shepard, Thane, Jack and Kaidan opened fire at the Collectors as the others reformed behind them, returning the Collectors' fire.

"Reform lines!" Shepard yelled. "Suppressive fire! Don't let anything through that door!"

"ASSUMING CONTROL."

"Especially that!" Kasumi added.

"Door closing," Legion announced. Their gunfire pinged off the door as it closed with a solid  _bang_  ahead of them.

"Whew." Garrus leaned back against one of the walls, chuckling. "That was  _just_ in time."

"You should have seen it, Shepard!" Grunt yelled excitedly, thumping his shotgun against his armor. "It was a glorious fight!"

"I'm sure it was." Shepard met Samara's eyes and nodded. To her surprise, a small, proud smile crossed the justicar's otherwise impassive face. Shepard opened her comm. "Joker. Are you at the rendezvous point?"

:: _I'm here. Chakwas and the rest of the crew just showed up._ ::

:: _Mordin and Tali's group has just arrived, Commander. No casualties._ ::

"I knew you wouldn't let me down."

:: _Reminded me of second drop on Tuchanka. Collectors seemed to focus on your positions. Ignored us._ ::

"Still. Excellent work."

:: _Look forward to seeing if you survive._ ::

"Thanks," Kasumi retorted dryly.

:: _I'll get working with EDI on the rest of the systems. We should have them up in no time. I'll get Mordin to help._ ::

"Thanks, Tali."

Miranda cut in on the comm. "EDI, what's our next step?"

:: _There should be some nearby platforms that will take you to the main control console. From there, you can overload the system and destroy the base._ ::

Joker wasn't long before unloading bad news. :: _Uh, Commander, you got problems. Hostiles massing just outside the door. Won't be long until they bust through._ ::

The fourteen-person team glanced back at the door. "How many?" Zaeed wasn't usually one for chatter, which meant the others weren't prepared for his interjection. Or the fact that he sounded slightly nervous.

:: _It is difficult to tell, Mr. Massani. But it appears that most organic life-signs from inside the base are redirecting to your position_.::

"Son of a bitch," Shepard groaned. She jumped up onto the platform. "Those walls. Everyone with biotics, arrange them into a solid, fortified line. Leave that side open to allow for an escape but close it off enough to be defensible." The biotics nodded, and Samara began directing the wall layout. "Who here has experience with holding frontal assaults?" There was a quiet pause, and finally Garrus tentatively raised a talon. She sighed. "Okay. Better than nothing."

"There are tank imprints," Grunt said thoughtfully. "Might be useful."

"Good. Garrus, you're in charge of this team. Hold the line, no matter what the cost. Miranda, Jacob, Kaidan, with me." She glanced around at the people in front of her.  _This is it. On this rides everything._  The trio jumped up onto the platform next to her, Kaidan glancing over at her. She took a deep breath, knowing that he was probably seeing directly through her faked optimism. "I want assaults and shotguns in front, snipers in the back. Pistols, SMGs, fall in anywhere. Biotics towards the back. Garrus, Legion, Kasumi, make sure you overload weapons. No heroics. Stay behind the line. Hold this position."

Shepard took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "The Collectors, the Reapers . . . they aren't a threat to us. They're a threat to every _thing_ , and every _one_.  _That_  is what we're fighting for. Not for ourselves, but for the life of every sapient being in this galaxy.

"It's been a long trip – no one's coming out without scars. But everything comes down to this moment. We – and the galaxy – win or lose it all in the next few minutes. Make me proud – make yourselves proud. Fight like I know you can. And for every colonist these bastards took, make them pay in turn."

"This is gonna be  _glorious_!" Grunt yelled. Everyone grinned – Samara and Zaeed shook their heads.

"I'm not sure a better group of people exist in this messed up galaxy. I'm damn proud to have served with you all," Shepard finished. "Good luck."

The door exploded inwards, a flood of Collectors bursting through. "Get out of here!" Garrus snapped in the direction of the platform. "We'll hold them!" Shepard slammed her hand into the console, sending it jerking away as one glowing, yellow Collector turned its gaze towards her.

"They'll be fine," Kaidan whispered as EDI took control of the console. Shepard shook her head.

"I hope so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 42&43 Title: Santana/Eagle Eye Cherry, "Wishing it Was"


	45. Black Swans

The sound of gunfire died out as they followed the tubes to the heart of the base, the clamor of battle replaced by an eerie silence, broken only by the cilck of Miranda's heels on the platform. The other three stayed near the console, Shepard leaning on it heavily with her forehead resting in her hands.

"She okay?" Jacob jerked his head at her. Kaidan shook his head.

"She'll be fine."

"I'm right here," Shepard said gruffly, making them fall silent as she straightened up. "All right. It looks like the tubes are converging. EDI, what can you tell us?"

EDI's voice immediately emerged in their headsets. :: _The tubes are feeding into some kind of super-structure emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures. Given these readings, it must be massive._ ::

"What's that supposed to mean?" Miranda rejoined them at the console as the tunnel constricted around them.

Shepard drew in a sharp breath as they cleared the final tunnel, gripping at the console. She recognized that shape – recognized it all too well. EDI confirmed her suspicions a moment later, the AI's voice almost incredulous. :: _If my calculations are correct, the super-structure . . . is a Reaper . . ._ ::

"That's im–" Kaidan felt his protest die unsaid as the platform merged with another, letting them stare up into the skeletal, grinning face of – "-possible," he finished lamely.

"It isn't  _just_  a Reaper," Shepard breathed, quickly regaining control of her voice. "It's a  _human_  Reaper."

EDI sounded just as surprised :: _Exactly_.::

"What. The. Fuck." Miranda's uncharacteristic use of Jack's favorite word caught their attention. She didn't miss the sudden attention. "What? You can't tell me you saw this coming!"

"I don't think  _anyone_ saw this coming," Jacob agreed.

"I think we need a bigger gun," Kaidan murmured. Shepard nodded, sweeping her head so the miniature camera in her visor could take in the entire scene.

"Velarn's gonna have a heart attack," she replied. "Or, whatever the turian equivalent is."

"EDI, what can you tell us about this thing?" Miranda asked.

:: _It appears the Collectors have processed tens of thousands of humans. Significantly more will be required to complete the Reaper._ ::

"Any ideas why?" Shepard continued the line of questioning, studying the infant Reaper curiously as she stepped a step closer to it.

:: _This may be the Reaper equivalent of reproduction. Or it may serve another purpose. I do not have the data to speculate further._ ::

"Huh. So we get invaded by horny Reapers," Shepard said. Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that."

:: _However, it is clear that the Collectors are merely pawns. The technology and ability needed to create this Reaper is not their own. It is likely that different species construct each Reaper. In this case, the Collectors provide the labor._ ::

"So why make it human?" Kaidan asked, voicing what they'd all been wondering.

"He's got a point. Most of the other Reapers we've seen look like cuttlefish." Shepard didn't bother to tell Jacob that they'd only seen two – now three.

:: _It appears that a Reaper's shape is based upon the species used to create it._ ::

Miranda shook her head. "But they're machines. Why do they need humans?"

:: _Incorrect, Operative Lawson. Reapers are sapient constructs. A hybrid of organic and inorganic material. Exact construction methods are unclear, but it seems probable that the Reapers absorb the essence of a species, utilizing it in their reproduction process._ ::

"Saren said it. The Reapers need organics. I guess it's for more than slave labor." Shepard sighed, glancing back up at the gaping jaw with a slight shudder. "So what are the figures for finishing this thing?"

:: _Millions. Possibly more. It is impossible to know. This Reaper appears to be in a very early stage of development – an embryo, so to speak._ ::

Kaidan swallowed, trying not to think of the faces he'd seen on Horizon being bled into that thing. "So we can stop it from being . . . finished?"

:: _The process_ can _be stopped, Commander Alenko, but it is unclear exactly how much it has developed. I cannot, for example, tell you if it has awareness._ ::

"Great. Just what I like to hear." Shepard reached for her widow. "How do we get rid of this thing?"

:: _The large tubes injecting the fluid are a weak structural link. Destroying them should cause the supports to collapse, and the Re—._ ::

"Shepard!" Miranda cut EDI's words off as the hum of platforms filled the cavernous room.

"Cover me. I'll shoot out the struts." Shepard cocked her widow, diving into cover. "Hold that thought, EDI."

#

A bolt from Legion's widow whipped past, nearly throwing Garrus' aim with the arc projector. In front of him, Grunt cackled as he bashed a drone in the face and shot it as it staggered back. In one of the corners, Zaeed was pasting medigel onto a gunshot wound in his arm as the krogan ducked back behind the line, ripping the block from the merc's hand and rubbing it into a wound on the side of his head.

"LEAVE THE DEAD WHERE THEY FALL," the harbinger's thunderous voice boomed ahead of them.

A blast from one of the lumbering scions caught Thane off guard, slamming the drell back into the ground. He coughed heavily as Samara calmly helped him back to his feet, simultaneously flinging several drones off a nearby ledge.

"Jack!" Kasumi shouted, ripping apart a drone with her SMG. The biotic ducked back behind the wall just before one of the harbinger's fireballs nearly took off her head. She straightened Joker's hat before answering the harbinger's fireball with a shockwave.

"Keep behind the line," Garrus repeated, sending an arc of electricity through the drones. The weapon wheezed, and he snapped a new power cell in. "Legion! Drone!"

:: _Acknowledged_.:: The greenish-blue drone flew over their heads, bouncing into the center of the Collectors. Kasumi overloaded a weapon.

:: _We're running low on clips,_ :: she reported over the comm. Garrus grit his teeth.

"Mark every shot. If you can do something without wasting clips, do it." He fired off another shot with the arc. "We  _have_  to hold this position!"

Almost as soon as the words left his mouth, the harbinger's head turned as if the drone had suddenly lost all interest in them.

"RELEASING CONTROL." It disintegrated into dust.

Jack, panting, straightened her hat again. :: _What the fuck?_ ::

Garrus shook his head. "Shepard must have hit a nerve. Don't get distracted!"

#

The platforms shook as the Reaper fell, forcing Kaidan, Miranda, and Jacob to dive for the floor. Shepard stood first as the dust settled, the baby Reaper having disappeared from its perch. "Whew," she murmured, opening her comm. "Shepard to ground team. Come in."

:: _Shepard!_ :: Garrus' voice answered her almost immediately. A visible wave of relief washed over her. :: _We're holding, but I'm hoping you've got good news for me._ ::

"You'll be able to play with your guns in a few minutes. Get back to the ship – Joker, prep the engines." Shepard reached down, wresting the control console from its hole. "I'm about to blast this thing into molecules."

:: _Roger that, Commander. Transmitting our coordinates to omni-tools._ ::

:: _No arguments here. Switch to close quarters and retreat, stat!_ ::

Shepard scanned the console. "Alenko, give me a hand here."

He knelt next to it. "Looks like you'll want to rig them up here, here, and here."

"Sounds good." Shepard grinned, starting to hold out a hand for a grenade.

:: _Uh, Commander? I've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI's putting it through to Miranda's omni-tool._ ::

"Great. Just who I wanted to talk to," she replied dryly.

Miranda brought the message up on her omni-tool, and an image of the Illusive Man projected itself in front of her. Kaidan stared at him, finally seeing the man responsible for Shepard's resurrection. To his surprise, the Illusive Man's strangely blue eyes seemingly moved to take him in as well before returning to Shepard's back. :: _Shepard. You've done the impossible._ ::

"Favorite pastime of mine, but I was part of a team." Shepard didn't bother to look over her shoulder as she fiddled with the controls.  
"And we've lost a lot."

:: _I know. And the sacrifices will not be forgotten. You did what you had to do, and you acquired the Collector base._ ::

Shepard glanced over her shoulder. "Acquired? I'm about to blast this place into molecules."

:: _I'm looking at the schematics for the base that EDI uploaded,_ :: he continued, seemingly ignoring Shepard's interjection. :: _A timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors, but leave the remaining machinery and technology intact. This is our chance, Shepard. They were building a Reaper. That knowledge, that framework, could save us._ ::

He was right. Shepard paused, glancing over her shoulder at him. The Reapers  _were_  coming, and this was  _their_  tech . . . but had the price been worth it? Hundreds of thousands of human lives had been poured into that . . .  _thing_ , taken through this base.

Kaidan watched as the wheels turned in Shepard's head, his hands clenching into fists. "Shepard, you can't seriously be thinking of handing this over to Cerberus." Her eyes flicked over to him. "Kahoku, thresher maws, rachni, Jack – do you  _seriously_  trust them with this?"

:: _Think of the potential, Shepard. The ability to meet the Reapers on their own terms, with their own technology. It's an opportunity that we can't squander!_ ::

Shepard finally shook her head. "No," she said firmly, turning to face the projection. "They liquefied people – men, women, children, infants – and turned them into  _this_. They don't deserve what you're asking. I'm destroying this base."

The Illusive Man's expression didn't change, but he sounded a little flustered. :: _Don't be shortsighted! Our best chance against the Reapers is to turn their own resources against them!_ ::

"I'm not so sure." Both Kaidan and Shepard stared at Miranda. Was she arguing with the Illusive Man? Jacob stood next to her, shaking his head, a look of disgust flashing across his features. "Seeing it first-hand . . . using anything from this base seems like a betrayal."

:: _If we ignore this opportunity . . ._ that _would be a betrayal. They were working_ directly _with the Collectors – who knows what information is buried there? This base is a gift – we can't just destroy it!_ ::

Shepard scoffed. "You're completely ruthless. The next thing I know, you'll want to grow your own pet Reaper."

:: _My goal is to save humanity from the Reapers – at any cost! I've never hidden that from you. Imagine how many lives could be saved if we keep this base intact, and use its knowledge to thwart the Reapers! Now imagine the lives that will be lost if we don't!_ ::

"No," Shepard said firmly. Kaidan watched her hand rest on her sidearm gently, a tic she'd developed whenever a conversation seemed to be going a way she didn't want. "I don't care what sort of technology we might find here – it isn't worth it."

The Illusive Man was growing progressively frustrated. :: _Shepard, you died fighting for what you believed. I brought you back so you could keep fighting. Some would say what we did to you was going too far, but look what you've accomplished. I didn't discard you because I knew your value. Don't be so quick to discard this facility. Think of the potential._ ::

"Fuck the potential." Shepard stepped forward towards the projection. "I found your base, I stopped the Collectors – and our original agreement was to blow this place to hell. I don't like it when people renege on deals they make with me. We will fight the Reapers and win without this . . .  _thing_." Shepard turned back to the controls, resuming her tinkering. "I won't let  _your_  fear compromise who  _I_  am."

:: _Miranda!_ :: Almost frantic, the Illusive Man turned to face her. :: _Do not let Shepard destroy the base!_ ::

Miranda scoffed. "Or what? You'll replace  _me_  next?"

The Illusive Man didn't seem to comprehend her statement. To be fair, both Kaidan and Jacob were staring at her in shock; Shepard chuckled from where she was still tinkering with the controls without a backward glance. :: _I gave you an order, Miranda!_ ::

"I noticed. Consider this my resignation."

"Holy shit," Shepard murmured, still playing with the controls.

"Seriously," Jacob agreed.

:: _Shepard! Think about what's at stake! About everything Cerberus has done for you! You—_ :: Miranda turned off her omni-tool.

"What a waste of time," she muttered.

". . . did you just . . ." Kaidan struggled to come up with an appropriate phrase to describe what just happened.

"For what it's worth, Miranda," Shepard said, interrupting his train of thought. "Hand me that grenade. I'm very proud of you."

Miranda handed her the grenade. "You were right."

"Funny how that sometimes happens." Shepard slid the controls down. "Now, we've got ten minutes before – what is  _that_?"

The platforms rumbled underneath them. Slowly, they turned back as a skeletal visage loomed over them. "Oh. Shit," Shepard breathed. "Get into cover! Now!"

By then, all four had become accustomed to taking cover whenever, one, Shepard started cussing or two, any whirring or mechanical noise occured, that all four had been in cover by the time Shepard finished the word "that." They stayed behind their walls, panting, as the baby Reaper weaved above them, and more whirring noises announced the arrival of even more platforms and one booming voice announced the arrival of their favorite Collector.

"I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONALLY."

"Damn it," Kaidan murmured.

"Take the Collectors out," Shepard ordered, tugging the Cain off her back. "I'll Cain this thing. If it isn't a full Reaper, it can't be that bad."

"Famous last words," Kaidan said.

"Yeah." Shepard glanced back at the Reaper. "They came out before I could stop them."

Kaidan jumped out of cover, opening fire as the Collector drones began to encroach on their position. Miranda and Jacob joined him, drawing fire away from Shepard as she balanced the Cain on the lip of the platform next to her. The Reaper's skeletal optics turned towards her, red energy circling round its mouth. "I thought this thing wasn't supposed to be alive yet!" Jacob yelled.

"EDI said she didn't  _know_!" Miranda yelled back. Angry red balls of energy shot by them.

:: _I've only got two shots_ ,:: Shepard hissed over the comm. :: _I've got to make 'em count, guys. Keep them off me_.::

Almost immediately the Cain discharged, sending a missile right into the Reaper's single optic. The hair raised on the back of their necks as that side of the Reaper's face exploded in a barrage of metal and fluid, and it disappeared under the platforms with an inhuman roar.

"Did we kill it?" Kaidan shouted towards Shepard, flaring as he tossed one of the few remaining drones over the edge. Shepard picked herself off the floor and reloaded the Cain, shaking her head as more platforms started to whirl in.

"Doubtful." She sighed. "It's a Reaper."

#

As soon as Garrus cleared the airlock, Joker jerked the ship off the surface of the Collector base. "Directing the ship towards Shepard's omni-tool position," EDI said.

"Get back to your posts. We've got to get this ship out of here," Garrus directed, pushing the team back towards the CIC. "Thane, you and Jack get down to med—"

"Hey!" Joker yelled back. "What's wrong with Jack?"

"Just got a bit of fire on our retreat. She's fine," Garrus reassured him, already limping down the hallway.

"Did she bring my hat back?"

"Your hat's fine." Garrus disappeared into the CIC, and Joker frowned.

"She better not have damaged that hat," he muttered, reaching for the comm. "Or herself. Joker to Shepard." The comm burst with static. "Shepard.  _Shepard_!" Nothing but more static. "Come in . . . God, Commander, come in . . ."

#

Shepard blinked, trying to remember what had just happened. With a groan she pushed the piece of debris off her as her memory started to return. "Ow . . ." Her hand reached out and found Miranda, who was sprawled nearby.

She echoed Shepard's groan, shaking her head. A small trickle of blood had started along her hairline, and she dabbed at it. "How much time do we have?"

Shepard winced as she got to her feet. "Three minutes."

"Then we'd better hurry." Miranda hurried off to where Jacob was pinned down by a piece of debris, and Shepard almost sprinted to where she could see Kaidan. She pulled off the platform segment pinning him down, quickly scanning him for injuries. Her omni-tool chirped - nothing.

"Hey. Wake up." Kaidan stirred, reaching out one hand to grab onto Shepard's omni-tool. She tsked. "Hope to God you can move."

Kaidan coughed, a small grin darting across his face as Shepard helped him to his feet. "Right behind you."

"Jacob?" Shepard glanced over her shoulder to where he was dusting himself off. "You okay?"

He nodded, still trying to catch his breath. "Fine, Commander."

:: _Do you copy?_ :: Joker's voice exploded over their comms. :: _Come on, Shepard, don't leave me hanging . . . do you copy?_ ::

"Right here." Shepard moved her hand, directing the others to start heading for the exit. "Is the ground team clear?"

:: _Everyone's on board. We're just waiting on you._ ::

"Great. We'll –" Shepard glanced behind her and swore. The others did as well. "Seekers! Get out of here!"

Kaidan grabbed her arm as she fired into the swarm, pulling her into a run after them. The seekers stayed right behind them until they turned a corner, following EDI's coordinates, and Collectors took up the chase. Shepard returned fire as they ran, a blank, open cliff appearing ahead of them.

"Shit!" Jacob said, almost sliding to a stop just before the  _Normandy_  loomed ahead of them, the airlock sliding open. Joker had somehow found an assault rifle and was managing to stand on crutches and two casts, and was proceeding to pepper the pursuing Collectors with return fire.

"Where'd he learn to shoot?" Kaidan yelled.

:: _Just one of my many talents,_ :: Joker retorted, spraying the Collectors with the rifle.

As debris started to fall around them and the base began to shake, Miranda, Jacob, and Kaidan made it into the airlock. Kaidan turned to return fire to the Collectors as Shepard suddenly staggered to the ground feet from the cliff's edge as one leg gave out, her shields failing. She flared as a barrier replaced them, but shook her head, opening her comm before she staggered back to her feet, firing over her shoulder with her SMG.

:: _Took a hit_.:: She spun, shooting another Collector as she did. :: _Not sure I'm gonna get up there._ ::

"We've got you covered." Joker snapped into the comm. "Don't worry."

:: _I get shot again, Joker, and I'm killing you_.:: Shepard broke into a shuffling jog, then a pained run, towards the ship. Kaidan fired, catching one of the Collectors in the head – it jerked and fell as Shepard hit the edge. He flared, stretching out in a pull. Almost immediately Shepard crashed into his arms. Joker slammed the butt of the assault rifle into the airlock mechanism, which zipped closed. Gunfire  _ping_ ed off the hull behind them.

"Get us out of here," Shepard barked, teeth clenched. Joker limped back towards the cockpit on his casts, throwing his weapon aside.

EDI was helpfully counting. "Detonation in ten, nine, eight –"

"Yeah, I got it EDI!" Joker dropped back into his chair, flattening his hair self-consciously. "Prepping for FTL."

"Coordinates set."

Alarm klaxons blared throughout the ship as it rocked. Shepard pressed one hand into her hip, leaning her head against Kaidan's shoulder as light blurred past the window. For what felt like days, they were unable to release a breath. EDI finally reported in. "Collector base destroyed."

Joker dropped back into his chair with a laugh, arms raised in triumph. Jacob broke into a round of applause as Miranda collapsed into an empty chair along the CIC hallway as if, in relief, she'd lost all ability or will to stand. Shepard grinned, head resting even heavier against Kaidan's neck. His arm tightened around her, a deep, tense, long-held breath escaping him.

"Thank God," Shepard murmured. Kaidan glanced down at her.

"We should get you down to Chakwas," he said quietly.

Shepard shook her head. "Not yet. I have to go quit my job. Wanna come?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: FYI, this chapter's title comes from the Black Swan Theory/Theory of Black Swan Events, which applies to concepts where the event is a surprise to the observer, then later rationalized by hindsight. The theory itself is used in reference to unexpected events with an enormous impact and consequence, and are considered outliers. Wiki has an excellent article on this – it's quite the interesting concept.


	46. Mad Skills

Kaidan supported Shepard down the length of the CIC as she limped, determined, towards the comm room. "This really  _can_  wait, you know," he repeated.

"No, it can't."

"You could have nicked something, or you could be –"

Shepard held up her hand. "Kaidan, a little blood loss isn't going to kill me. Be a little supportive, here."

"Considering that I'm carrying you . . ."

"True." She grinned slightly, adrenaline and medigel somewhat dulling the pain. "You're being quite supportive."

Kaidan shook his head as they passed through the empty tech lab toward the briefing room. Legion was waiting for them outside the door. "Shepard-Commander."

"Legion?" Shepard asked. "Shouldn't you be helping in Engineering?"

"Our consensus indicated that we needed to inform you of our information," Legion answered.

Shepard arched a brow. "And?"

"Our consensus indicated that the Prothean-Collectors self-referencing as 'Harbinger' were controlled by an Old Machine."

Shepard blinked. Kaidan reacted. "They were being controlled by a Reaper?"

"This is what our consensus indicates."

"Wow. Okay. Thanks, Legion." Shepard moved to the door of the briefing room, opening it. "Somehow I can't be surprised by that."

Kaidan shook his head. "Neither can I."

Despite the fact that the table had been broken in half and lights flickered across the ceiling, the FTL communications control still stood. Shepard pressed the button, and the network of orange lines rose above the floor.

"Want me with you?"

"I got this." Shepard shook her head, wobbling on her feet as she pulled away and stepped into the lines. Almost immediately, she received a response.

:: _Shepard, you're making a habit of costing me more than time and money._ ::

"Sorry, can't hear you." Shepard tapped her visor. "Getting a lot of bullshit on this line."

:: _The technology from that base could have secured human dominance in the galaxy. Against the Reapers and beyond!_ ::

Shepard nearly laughed. "Right. 'Beyond.' You don't give a flying shit about anyone who isn't human and you make no secret of that. If I'd handed that base over to you we might beat the Reapers, and you'd have gone off and killed everyone who doesn't share your DNA with their tech. That's not strength to anyone except  _you_. Except  _Cerberus_."

:: _Strength for Cerberus is strength for every human. Cerberus_ is _humanity_. _I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions. Too idealistic from the start._ ::

Shepard shook her head, her voice hardening dramatically. "I know what you are _and_  the price of dealing with you. Since you resurrected me you have done nothing but use me to achieve your own ends - furthering the power of  _Cerberus_ , an organization I refused to identify with. Because of your lack of regard for other humans, half a colony was taken on a hunch, my team was nearly massacred in a Collector ambush, and your emphasis on control kept me from running this mission efficiently and I nearly lost my entire crew. Whether you like it or not, Illusive Man, we're doing things  _my_  way from now on. Harbinger's coming, and it won't be alone. And  _I'm_  going to make sure we're ready when they get here on  _our_ terms.

"You can fall in line or you can step aside, but  _do not_  get in my way."

There was a sort of glint Shepard got in her eyes whenever she was winning. She would never admit it and no one would ever dare to mention it but it was there. He'd first noticed it when she'd played the Council into her hands to send her after Saren, and ever since it had cropped up whenever she gained the upper hand.

However the Illusive Man was reacting, it was what she wanted.

:: _You're sure that's what you want?_ :: What he could hear of his tone was challenging, threatening. One corner of Shepard's face twitched.

"It is. Because I'm going to win this war, and I'll do it without sacrificing the soul of our species. Joker, lose this channel."

:: _With pleasure, Commander._ ::

With that, Shepard spun on her heel and exited the platform in what would have been a dramatic fashion, had it not been hampered by the limping or the hand pressed into her hip. Her other hand rose to her visor, flicking the camera off. Her eyes met his, and she grinned widely. "All right. Medical bay?"

Kaidan nodded, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Medical bay."

He helped her limp back around to the elevator. Chambers, one arm in a temporary splint, was already back at her post and nodded as they passed back through the CIC. Shepard leaned heavily against Kaidan as the elevator doors closed, her head falling onto his shoulder. He nestled his chin on top of her head, arm tightening around her.

"Kinda hurts now."

"Hopefully it didn't mess up your bone weave."

Shepard sighed. "Yeah. That'd be bad."

The elevator opened to reveal a crew deck full of crewmembers and the couple of rescued colonists, all awaiting medical attention. Shepard glanced up. "You're okay, right?"

"You want me to see what I can do?"

"If you're up to it."

Kaidan helped her limp the rest of the way to the medical bay, briefly nand almost invisibly kissed the top of her head, and disappeared into the crowd with his omni-tool at the ready. Mordin was already working on one of the colonists, and Kaidan started towards him. "Yo, bitch." Jack saluted sarcastically from one of the cots, thick white bandage wrapped around her shoulder.

"What the hell happened to you?" Shepard leaned against the wall, still pressing her hand against her hip. Jack shrugged.

"Got tagged by a Collector. Nothing too serious. Had worse."

"You kept Joker's hat safe?" Jack twirled it on her index finger, dust and grime coloring it more black and brown than black and white. "He's going to want it white again. He's overly protective of that hat."

Jack responded with an almost feral grin. "Noticed you and the stiff seem to have worked everything out."

Shepard shrugged, eyes traveling out the window to where Kaidan was talking to a teenager leaning heavily against Gardner's station. "Or something," she murmured.

"You heard it from the Illusive Man yet?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "We all heard about the message. Wanted you to keep that base." She scoffed. "Load of bullshit. Did the right thing nukin' it."

She shook her head. "I hope so. I keep . . . if it had been anyone but Cerberus, I would have given it more consideration."

"Either way. Good move." Jack jumped off her cot. "Whatever. Doc can't keep me here. See ya, bitch."

"Don't scare the colonists, Jack!" Shepard yelled after her. Chakwas stuck her head out from behind one of the screens.

"Shepard." She emerged, shedding a pair of gloves. "I assume you're here because –"

"Um . . ." Shepard pulled her hand away from her hip, blood covering her black glove. "I think the round's lodged in my hip. You might have to dig around for it, since medigel hasn't gotten the memo that I was shot."

"Wonderful. That's what I love to hear." Chakwas started to pull a screen around one of the other cots – most of them were occupied. "Get out of your armor and get up there. There's some not-armor clothes for you, already folded. I'll call Mr. Taylor and he can come get your armor and weapons and queue them for repairs."

Dutifully, Shepard followed Chakwas' instructions, pulling on the generically-sized cotton pants and shirt before pulling herself up on the table with a wince. Chakwas returned with a tray of dubitable looking instruments. "Before I begin," Chakwas said lightly, prepping the wound with antiseptic. Shepard winced. "I would like to remind you that the best way to avoid me is to avoid getting shot altogether . . ."

#

Apparently the bullet had decided to incite fisticuffs with one of the layers of Shepard's bone weave. Chakwas threatened her with force should she try to leave the med bay for several hours but did allow her to change into a spare uniform Miranda brought her. Thane emerged from one of the partitioned cots after a while to return to life support, exchanging a few words with her as to his condition and the success of their mission. Several colonists came through looking for information on Lilith – Shepard had to send them towards Chakwas, who was making her way through the mess. As far as she knew, the woman was in a medigel-induced coma and not improving. Goldstein visited Hawthorne at least once every half-hour, the duo discussing the _Normandy_  raid in tones just hushed enough that Shepard couldn't hear them. Joker had Jack bring her down a datapad with EDI's compilation of Mordin, Tali, and Legion's data on the derelict Reaper, and she kept herself busy by reading over it several times in a row, looking for anything that could help her destroy them.

She knew she'd done the right thing, but destroying that base was tactically stupid. Then again so was handing it over to Cerberus, so perhaps she  _had_  made the right call. As it was, she suspected the Illusive Man would waste no time salvaging what he could from it, if he could get his ships through the relay.

When the doors opened approximately an hour into her stay, Shepard hardly looked up. It wasn't until said person opened and began to rummage through one of Chakwas' drawers that she looked up. "What – Kaidan. Oh."

He half-waved, hand pressed over his eyes and black sunglasses as he rummaged through the drawers, finally finding the right vial and a syringe. "Come here," Shepard murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, knowing it would sound like a set of timpani in his head. Sure enough he winced, but stumbled towards her. "What's the dose?"

"40."

Shepard carefully drew the medication into the syringe. "Arm."

The last time he'd had a migraine  _this_  bad when they were together – sometime after the Spider Incident but before the _Normandy_  exploded – he'd showed Shepard how to handle his medication, just in case. Kaidan dutifully extended his arm, and she injected the medication into the crook of his elbow. "On a scale from one to ten . . ."

"Eight."

Shepard nodded, crossing one leg while keeping her injured one straight. "Lay down." The migraine was obviously working, and Kaidan stared at her from behind his glasses blankly. She set the pillow behind her back across her lap. "Lay down."

"I—"

"Kaidan."

He seemed to give a brief weight to his options, which weren't many, and finally pulled himself onto the cot. "Which leg?"

"Left. You're fine." He carefully rested his head in the pillow and Shepard pressed a button to close the partition around them. "Where?" she murmured, gently resting her fingers at the base of his skull.

"Everywhere," he half-grunted. "Mostly behind ears."

Shepard gently moved her hands where he indicated, moving the tips of her fingers along the base of his skull. Kaidan leaned back into her hands, face starting to slack as the medication kicked in. Her thumbs slid to his temples, moving in a similar linear pattern.

The door slid open outside their partition, and Shepard identified Chakwas primarily by her footsteps. They approached the curtain, and gently pulled it back. Shepard nodded at Kaidan, who was nearly asleep.

"Migraine?" Chakwas half-mouthed, half-whispered. Shepard nodded. "How long?"

"Came in around a half-hour ago."

"Doing better?"

"Gave him his dosage. He's nearly asleep."

"Good. Let me know if anything changes."

Shepard nodded, and Chakwas closed the curtain with a small smile.

#

"So that was some rough shit, huh?"

Joker glanced over where Jack was still twirling his hat on her finger. He was still a little mad about the condition it had been brought back in, and he still felt rather naked without it. But it was a small price to pay for having Jack, Shepard, and the rest of the crew in one piece. "Yeah."

Jack laughed, swinging her legs off the console. "Fucked their shit up though, didn't we."

"I'd say we did that." Joker glanced up with a lopsided grin. "Too bad you were too busy being shot to see my mad gun skills."

"Mad gun skills my ass. Bet you didn't even hit anything."

"Did so. Okay, well, not really. But I was a good distraction. And that was my goal. Cover fire."

"Cover fire isn't mad gun skills."

"Yeah, but I was trying to distract them. I mean, aiming, that's your job."

"Still, though, 'mad gun skills.' Cover fire is  _not_  included."

"So you missed my mad  _cover-fire_  skills."

Jack rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you'll get an opportunity to show 'em off."

"Come on. You're supposed to sound impressed." Joker's voice suddenly jumped an octave. "'Ooh, Joker, your mad cover-fire skills. They're so impressive.'"

She stared at him for a second, hat stopping its spin, before she started laughing. "Now  _that_  was impressive."

"Really?"

He sounded so hopeful, which only made her laugh more. "No."

"Aw. Damn."


	47. Repairs

The ship, once it successfully made the Omega-4 jump back without disintegrating, anchored at the small repair and fueling yard near Omega to sew itself back together. Joker was convinced it wouldn't last another relay jump – EDI was a little more optimistic, but thought it was best to pull in near Omega for repairs.

As soon as she was released from the medical bay and they were safely docked with Tali and Miranda ashore to organize repairs, Shepard called a ship-wide meeting. Kaidan, more relaxed than he'd looked in a while, leaned back against the rear wall with Garrus. "You look better," the turian commented. Kaidan answered with a short nod.

"All right, everyone, there's a very important development you should know about," Shepard started. "It would be that we are now no longer a Cerberus vessel." She held up her hand as several crewmembers, including Chambers, started to stand. "Our former employer, the Illusive Man, contacted me as I was preparing to blow the base. He wanted me to program it for a neutron purge rather than explosion so the base could be kept for study _. He wanted to keep the base where innumerable humans were melted down into genetic matter to create a new Reaper_ , and where all of  _you_  nearly died _._  The technology from that base would, no doubt, have led to our dominance over the Reapers in the coming invasion – but it would most certainly have also led to Cerberus screwing everyone who didn't agree with them over. I couldn't allow that."

She took a deep breath. "If you'd like a more detailed explanation, I've got a bullet-point list of my reasons from severing with Cerberus ready for you. As for us, my small salary as a Spectre and whatever's backed up in my personal accounts is more than enough to keep us in the air for a while. What we've 'borrowed' from the rest of the funding for our mission, thanks to Miranda, will help as well. However, that means that some of you may want to start to look for alternate employment, especially those of you with families.

"Once the ship is repaired we'll be heading to the Citadel so Commander Alenko and I can report in to our respective authorities. Afterwards, our primary directive is to locate evidence of the Reapers wherever we can find it, and hopefully find some sort of weapon capable of defeating them.

"As for the ground crew – Kasumi, Zaeed, your contracts are up and, therefore, you may leave if you want. Samara, Thane, I understand that you have business you would probably choose to attend to. Everyone else may make their decisions. Shipboard crew, if you choose to leave, please let me know and I will write you a glowing letter of recommendation for your next employer. We'll take you as far as the Citadel and you should be able to get transportation to nearly anywhere from there." She nodded. "It's been a pleasure working with you all. Dismissed."

Shepard moved back through the mess as crewmen headed off to help with repairs, heading towards Garrus and Kaidan. "Where do you want me, Shepard?" Garrus asked immediately. She half-grinned.

"Yeah, I didn't think I was getting rid of you that easily. Go check on the guns, see what you need to prime them. If there isn't anything else, see what you can do with the plating."

"You got it." Garrus headed off. Shepard half-turned to Kaidan. He quirked an eyebrow.

"Anywhere in particular you want me?"

One side of Shepard's mouth jerked up. "I've wasted enough of your time, Commander," she murmured, sidestepping him for the elevator. He leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms as the lift moved behind him. Seconds later, his omni-tool beeped, and he checked the incoming message.

:: _Personal debriefing later?_ ::

Kaidan let a small smile play across his face as he headed for the briefing room to write his report.

Shepard, meanwhile, soon found herself standing in the airlock with Tali and Miranda arguing with the mechanic assigned to their ship. Apparently the repair yard wasn't ecstatic about servicing a Cerberus vessel, made even worse when Shepard informed the mechanic about the fact that it was a freelance vessel with a Cerberus logo and that, while they were making the hull repairs, it'd be really nice if they could get rid of said logos for them. When Miranda showed him the agreed-upon sum of credits, plus several for keeping the work quiet, his eyes nearly lit up with credit signs and within minutes, the machine interfaces had latched onto the ship. Tali collected her stack of supplies for the drive core, and they closed the airlock.

"Should we give everyone shore leave?" Miranda asked.

Shepard shook her head. "Where? We could run a shuttle to Omega but with how big the crowds are, I don't want to risk Cerberus ops crawling up our ass."

"Understood. I was just thinking –"

"I know what you were thinking, and I agree. We'll give them leave on the Citadel."

"And you aren't worried about –"

"C-Sec may have questionable ethics but they are  _usually_  competent when it comes to monitoring, especially monitoring drunk sailors. I'll call in a favor to Bailey, get him to keep an eye out for anyone who looks like a Cerberus op."

"I'll get to work on the drive core," Tali interrupted, examining her new supplies. "I'm sure Daniels, Donnelly and I can get it back to full operation in a matter of hours."

"Thanks, Tali." Shepard stopped at her terminal to check her messages. "Chambers, has anyone dropped by for me?"

"Rolston wanted to see you."

"Great. I'll get EDI to send him up to the Loft." She whistled. "Twenty unread messages. Miranda, if anyone asks for me, send them on up."

"Understood."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at one of the messages on her terminal. "Well, unless it's something stupid. Then you can deal with them."

"I'm very glad you put my talents to use, Commander."

Shepard glanced over her shoulder. "Very nice, Miranda. I should have gotten you out of Cerberus sooner." She turned and stepped back into the elevator. Miranda sighed and shook her head.

"I really don't know if this was the best or the worst thing to happen to me," she murmured.

#

Shepard had just finished typing off the message to her mother when EDI bloomed by her tank. "Miss Goto is requesting permission to enter the Loft."

"Let her in." Neither Zaeed nor Kasumi had been up to see her, although Thane had informed her of his intention to leave on the Citadel to be with his son and Samara had noted her intention to leave the next time they put in at Illium, though both agreed to be on-call should Shepard need them. Zaeed and Kasumi were unknowns, though, and Shepard didn't like it. And with how much she liked Kasumi, she'd really hoped the thief would have delayed this a little bit longer.

The woman in question drifted by, perching herself undirected on Shepard's couch. Shepard skimmed the message and sent it off before moving to the couch. "Passed Rolston on the way up," Kasumi started.

"He's leaving. He sends all his money to his wife and baby, so without a guarantee of a steady paycheck . . . but he's said he'll be happy to come back if we get consistent funding. I told him he's welcome anytime."

"It's a good crew."

"It is. But I am surprised that more of them haven't come up. I guess Cerberus did well, picking people who didn't have anything to lose." Shepard leaned back in her seat and stared at the Prothean orb on her table as they fell silent. She finally cleared her throat. "So, I guess you're leaving as well?"

"Huh? Nope. Figure that if people find out that I know what I know, it's best I stick with people who can kill those other people."

Shepard managed to not breathe a sigh of relief, but just barely. "So why'd you come up?"

Kasumi shrugged. "Just wanted to let you know that I was staying." She stood. "I'll clear off the couch for anyone else planning on coming up."

"Kasumi." Shepard stood when she was halfway to the door. "I'm glad you're staying."

"Wouldn't miss it. Oh. I did have a question."

"Yeah?"

Kasumi wasn't an idiot. She'd been working on a plan to inform Shepard about Kaidan's  _interesting_  military status since she'd found out about it. And since Shepard seemed like she was in a good mood, this seemed like as good a time as any. "I know what 'Spectre' means," she started off. "But I was curious what the N7 bit is."

"It's a, uh, training designation." Shepard seemed almost visibly confused. "N7 is the highest designation – should I ask  _why_  you want to know?"

Kasumi shrugged. "I was definitely not looking through the classified Cerberus files on Commander Alenko that I pulled out of the ship a while ago and that definitely did not have that N7 thing in there  _or_  the fact that he was being considered for the Spectres."

"Being considered for the –  _what_?" Shepard blinked a few times. "You're telling me that Ka—Commander Alenko has not only gone through  _very_ advanced training, but is being considered for the  _Spectres_?"

"That's what his file said." Kasumi grinned. "So who'd win in a fight?"

Shepard shook her head, deciding it'd be best not to answer that. "Thanks for telling me."

"Well. Now you know. See ya, Shep." Kasumi bounced out. Shepard sank onto her couch, rubbing her forehead.

"EDI. Tell Commander Alenko to report to the Loft a-sap."

"Right away, Commander." A few minutes later, she reappeared. "Commander Alenko is requesting -"

"Let him in." Shepard stood, holding up her hand as Kaidan stepped through. "Have a seat."

"Hope this isn't your new version of debriefing," Kaidan said as he sank onto the couch. Shepard grinned.

"Oh, no. That's for later." She leaned back against her fish tank, crossing her arms. "So you're an N7 now."

"I didn't tell you."

"No.  _You_  didn't. One of my  _crew_  did. Why didn't you tell me? Didn't you think I  _ought_  to know?"

"Is this going to be another sticking point?"

Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "No. Because in the long run, the fact that you  _didn't_  tell me isn't important. I just wanted to know why you kept it from me."

"To be honest, for the past few months I've either thought you were fake or enthralled by Cerberus, so I didn't  _want_ to tell you." He shrugged. "And on top of that, we've been involved in our fairly vehement fight, so when  _would_  I have told you?"

"Fair enough." She raised an eyebrow. "Why'd you go through N7? It's hell."

Kaidan glanced at Shepard's models, to the hole where the  _Normandy SR1_ and Sovereign were still missing while on loan to Joker. "What else was I going to do?"

Shepard sank down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Kaidan glanced down at her before settling his arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"I know." He sighed, resting his head on hers.

"I had kind of figured, though," Shepard continued. "Two years is a long time and a lot may have changed, but sentinels don't usually wear medium armor and fire off assault rifles. Or go on missions like the one you were assigned to."

"You mean watching you."

"I mean watching me, yes." She sighed. "I do have one other thing to ask."

"Yeah?"

"Did you know you were being considered for the Spectres?"

Kaidan didn't answer, and Shepard glanced up at him. He met her eyes and frowned. "I do now. How do you know?"

"It's in your file."

"You found out from the same person who told you about my training. You sure their information's –"

"Considering who it was, yes. And I don't think Cerberus would bother to make that up since I never looked at your file personally, and they probably figured I wouldn't."

"You never actually looked at it?"

Shepard sighed. "Kaidan, I had the pleasure of watching you throw people off ledges personally for about a year. I had no questions about your capabilities. There was no  _reason_ for me to look." She raised an eyebrow, a small grin playing on her lips. "At the files, that is."

"Marrakech . . ." He laughed, closing his eyes as he laid his head back on top of hers.

"I'm allowed to look," she protested. "Besides, I damn well know  _you_  were looking."

"How could I resist?" he retorted.

They were quiet for a while, content to stare at the blue glow of the empty fish tank. Shepard finally cleared her throat. "So, uh . . . what would you do?"

"Hm?"

"Well, I'd assume that Anderson's sort of using this as your Spectre hazing, kind of like what Nihlus was supposed to do with me. So that means that my input is going to be extremely important when you get called up in front of the Council. You want this?" Kaidan didn't answer, fingers tapping her arm. "Because being a Spectre just kind of sucks. But you'd know – saw what it did to me, I guess."

"Mm." He moved so his chin was on top of her head, nestling her against his throat. "Yeah, I did."

"So what would you say?" She sighed. "I guess you probably don't have a choice. I mean, I  _suggested_  that the Council appoint me a Spectre so I could go after Saren, so I just jumped right into it. But . . . I don't know how it would work usually. You might get a chance to turn it down."

"Are you saying you don't –"

"No. If you want it, I'll recommend you. If you don't, I won't. It's that simple. I just . . . I don't want you . . ."

"You don't want to risk . . . anything happening."

"Yeah."

Back on the  _SR1_ , they hadn't minced words like this. It had been a matter of duty before themselves, and there was no question that they couldn't worry about losing one or the other. It had been considered and dismissed as unlikely – they were on the most advanced warship in the galaxy, a ship that had destroyed a Reaper as easily as a geth dropship once its shields were down. As far as they knew, the Reapers were at least stalled – there wasn't  _supposed_  to be a ship in the galaxy advanced enough to get the drop on the  _Normandy_. And then she'd died, and then come back, and they'd brought holy hell down upon the aliens who'd killed her. But now, the threat of loss was real and the memories were still too raw to confront it directly.

After everything they'd faced, fought, and curb-stomped, the fear of loss was something that they couldn't bring themselves to meet head-on even though they knew it was probably stampeding towards them with a vast metal body and glowing yellow eyes.

"And being a Spectre paints a bright red bulls-eye on our backs."

"Yellow, in my case." He moved slightly. "It doesn't clash with the red one Elysium already painted on it."

"Right."

"So about this Spe—"

"Shepard." EDI appeared by the fish tank, and the duo jumped apart. "Ensign Martinez is requesting permission to enter the Loft."

Shepard stood, self-consciously straightening her shirt. "Well. We'll deal with this later."

"Suppose we will." Kaidan gently rested his hand on her back before heading for the door. Shepard stopped him, pressing her lips to his.

"That's better," she murmured. "Let Martinez in."


	48. Lab Coats and Uniforms

Shepard hardly glanced up as the Loft's door opened. "How's the repairs?"

Kaidan shrugged as he walked by, heading for the terminal that Shepard had the repairmen put in for him at the other desk. "They say they're nearly done. EDI isn't convinced, so Joker's having them go over the ship again."

She nodded, continuing to go over the ship damage schematics EDI had sent her. "I have EDI's report. I'm starting to think my paranoia's rubbing off on her."

EDI almost immediately bloomed next to the fish tank. "I assure you, Shepard, I am no more paranoid than any other AI."

"Sure." She waved towards the ball. "Go harass Joker."

She flickered briefly. "Logging you out, Shepard."

"I did have a question, Kaidan," Shepard continued, picking up the readouts of the derelict Reaper and moving to the sofa. Kaidan looked up from his terminal. "The colonist from the Collector base."

"Which one?"

"You know which one."

He sighed. "What about her?"

"What's the prognosis?"

"It isn't good." He shook his head, starting to type off a message. "But a good deal of the internal damage has been reversed. We'll transfer her to an Alliance hospital on the Citadel when we get there. They should be able to do more than we can."

"Well that's good." Shepard sighed heavily, staring down at the datapad. "You said you knew her from Horizon."

Kaidan looked over at her. "I did." Shepard raised an eyebrow. "What are you looking for?"

"We wouldn't have gotten her out of there if you hadn't reacted the way you did. I was reacting because you panicked."

"Shepard . . ." Kaidan sighed. "The colonists on Horizon hated me. You met Delan." She nodded. "He was, possibly, the worst. They went out there to get away from the Alliance and then I was there. Lilith was one of the few colonists who understood that I was there to help them, not spy on them."

Shepard smiled slightly. "Guess I owe her then."

"Only if you're glad she didn't let me get lynched by a group of Terminus colonists."

She laughed. "Exactly my point."

"You aren't going to be one of those women who question every woman I talk to, are you?"

Shepard shook her head. "I don't give a crap if you talk to women. I just would like to ask about your relationships when you start panicking." She sighed. "Although, to be honest, I'd still probably have beat the hell out of that pod. I just don't think we would have been fast enough if you hadn't reacted the way you did. I guess you paid her back."

He echoed her sigh, turning back to his terminal. "Guess so."

#

It was a week before Shepard, Joker, Miranda, and Tali felt comfortable enough taking the ship through the relays. As it was, the first jump was certainly a nail-biting experience, but the ship managed to hold.

Traveling through the Omega-4 had changed the atmosphere of the entire ship. Daniels and Donnelly reported that a message from the Migrant Fleet had Tali almost bouncing around Engineering, which was a direct change from her previous, extremely nervous demeanor. The two engineers had joined the rest of the crew in a mixture of celebration, relief, and post-traumatic stress, the latter of which resulted in a number of crewmembers seeking out Shepard during her open-hours to talk. Surprisingly, Shepard didn't seem to mind despite the extra emotional concerns and ensuing lack of sleep she was being saddled with from dealing with crewmembers at random hours. Kaidan had retreated back into Samara's observation deck, but there was a rumor that a minute amount of his belongings had migrated two decks up to the Loft and the rumor also suspected that that had something to do with Shepard's decent mood. But, of course, that was only a rumor.

Jack was spending more time in the cockpit with her feet propped up on one of Joker's mirrors or playing with his hat than hiding in Engineering. Miranda and Joker had split XO duties, with Miranda handling the ground team and Joker the ship similarly to the division that had ended up happening between Pressly and Kaidan on the  _SR1_. Mordin and Legion were spending an inordinate amount of time together in the technical lab analyzing the Collector base data while Jacob, Grunt and Zaeed played with the guns in the armory, coming up with a few accidental upgrades in the process. The colonists still seemed terrified of a number of individuals on the team (namely Jack, though Shepard's reputation intimidated them), but seemed even more relieved that they were alive. Lilith was still touch-and-go and still in a medigel-induced coma, but her internal injuries were healing and her external ones were nearly completely fixed. Kaidan had contacted Delan, who had grumpily agreed to meet them on the Citadel to collect the Horizon colonists. Shepard had already forwarded a number of credits to a hospital on the station, who were standing by to take over Lilith's care. And she was fine with that.

And now they were there, at the Citadel. Shepard and Kaidan – Shepard in civilian attire, Kaidan in dress, both with personal shield generators on – were on the bridge, waiting for the ship to dock. Behind them had clumped a personal escort of several ground crew members who, as Shepard had managed to piss off an extremely powerful shadow organization, refused to let her leave the ship unattended.

The locks clipped onto the ship, and Joker leaned back in his chair. "Docked with the Citadel, Commander. I'm sure the Council's looking forward to this."

Shepard half-laughed. "Yeah. I'm sure they are." She sighed. "All right, if you're coming, let's go."

Outside, Kaidan dealt with Delan's bad-temperedness while he handed the few colonists from Horizon over to him. Shepard said goodbye to the several crewmembers who were leaving and was thanked profusely by the non-Horizon colonists before they disappeared into the docking bay crowds. Kaidan was overseeing Lilith's transfer to Alliance physicians when Shepard disappeared from view.

He found her a few seconds after panicking, quietly speaking with Thane away from the main group.

It was a quiet discussion, similar to many of the other ones Shepard had with her crew. He'd never really seen her interact with the drell. They were equals, connecting on some almost-spiritual level that he had never really seen Shepard on - except in some conversations she'd had with Williams.

It'd surprised him that the unflappable Commander Shepard had some sort of religious leaning. But after a while, after the _Normandy_ had been destroyed, Kaidan had started to see where it could have developed - even though she didn't talk about it, everyone knew that Elysium had been the crucible that had created the most terrifyingly badass human female in the galaxy from a navy brat. She'd retreated into a sense of purpose that somewhere, something had a reason for keeping her alive when she found herself cornered, wounded, and covering the retreat of civilians and her last remaining marine in a small portsmaster's office while surrounded by batarians in a situation that would have convinced any other soldier that a control chip from a batarian slaver or a round in the brainpan sounded like a really good idea. Ash had brought it out in her - the two had been extremely close, and Shepard had spent the entirety of their trip from Virmire to the Citadel in a deep if well-hidden depression quickly directed into pure rage when the Council had grounded them, a rage that convinced Saren to kill himself and destroyed a Reaper. That she had connected with Thane on a a similar, spiritual level . . .

Impressive, to say the least. And, more particularly, it was fairly welcome. At least on that mission.

Shepard finally grinned, clasping Thane's hand in her own. He returned her expression with far more decorum before turning and disappearing into the crowd. With a heavy sigh, Shepard returned to the group. "Everyone settled?"

Kaidan nodded, effectively silencing Delan and sending the colonist off, muttering under his breath, with his colonists. "Lilith's off to the Alliance hospital, Delan's got his colonists, and everything's good to go. How's Krios?"

"Off," Shepard replied simply. "We ready to go play with the politicians?"

"I suppose there's no way around it."

"Great. The sooner we're done, the happier I'll be." Shepard turned back to the group. "Miranda, take Jacob and Kasumi and make sure we've got all the supplies we need. Keep your eyes open for Cerberus ops. Garrus, Tali, Samara, if you'll come with Kaidan and I up to the Presidium, I'd appreciate it. Zaeed, good luck finding news on Vido." The mercenary regarded her with a brief nod. "Crew's on shore leave, due back tomorrow night. Keep your eyes open. If anything happens, I want you to let me know a-sap."

Miranda, Jacob, and Kasumi nodded before heading off on foot towards customs. Shepard called up a CRT car. "Let's see how many different ways the Council wants to screw us this time."

#

Anderson's office door slid open and the group filed through. Anderson was staring out at the Presidium again, lost in thought. To Kaidan and Shepard's surprise, a scarred, gray-haired man in an Alliance uniform was also there, deep in conversation with the quasi-listening Councilor. The two turned, and both Shepard and Kaidan saluted.

"Admiral Hackett," Shepard greeted warmly, keeping surprise out of her voice.

"Shepard." He didn't seem surprised to see her. "I don't think I've told you how fortunate it is to have you back."

"I don't believe you have. It also crosses my mind that you're the reason the  _Orizaba_  met us instead of the  _Hastings_."

Hackett nodded. "Ah, yes. You understand my dilemma, I'm sure."

"Absolutely." She glanced at Anderson, then back at the others. "Garrus, Samara, Tali, if you could –"

"We'll keep our eyes open." Tali nodded. Samara echoed the nod, calmly stepping back outside the door. Tali grabbed Garrus' elbow and pulled him back outside, the turian stumbling with a pronounced reluctance.

As soon as the door closed, Anderson spoke. "Captain Shepard informed us that you took the Omega-4 Relay." Shepard nodded. "Am I to assume, then, that the Collector threat is ended?"

"There certainly aren't going to be any more missing colonies."

"And the Reapers?"

"Definitely involved." Shepard glanced over, surprised, when Kaidan answered.

"You have absolute proof?"

"They were building a Reaper," Shepard answered when Kaidan glanced at her deferentially. "The abducted humans were melted down into base genetic material and piped into a Reaper frame. It's apparently how they reproduce, or at least that's what we're thinking. I'd have better data for you, but we're still going over it."

Hackett rubbed the side of his face. "You say they were  _building_  a Reaper out of  _human_  genetic material?"

"That's what we saw, sir," Kaidan answered. Hackett stared out into the Presidium, lost in thought.

"Like I said, we'd tell you more, but we're still going over the scans and data ourselves."

Anderson answered her. "I know. But I'll need your information before I present to the Council. What happened to the base?"

"Destroyed. I've also severed all ties with Cerberus. The Illusive Man wanted us to keep the base for study. I refused."

"That's good to hear. I'm sure the Alliance would be interested in having you back."

Kaidan looked back at Shepard, who fell silent for a while at Hackett's suggestion. She finally swallowed. "I think, for now, it's more important for me to function as a Spectre." At Hackett's look, she shrugged. "Look. If it doesn't look like I have Alliance ties, it may offer me more opportunities to confront the Reapers. I can contract with a variety of organizations that might be suspicious of the Alliance – the STG, for example, and the krogan. Most of the galaxy still considers me a ghost. Any discussion of me rejoining the Alliance is premature, at best."

Hackett shook his head. "I agree. As it is, I would need to put your name forward now to have you back within a year. The infighting in the brass alone would be spectacular."

Shepard smiled slightly. "It certainly would. I  _would_  be interested in returning, Admiral, sometime in the future. For now, there are more important things I need to focus on."

"She's right. The Reapers are still on their way." Anderson shook his head. "Your actions will have only delayed them for a while. And, probably, pissed them off."

"Most definitely." Shepard nodded, then saluted. "I have a feeling you want to talk to the Commander alone, so I'll step out and drop off our data as soon as we've finished analyzing it."

"I'd appreciate that." Shepard nodded again and turned to rejoin her team outside. As the door closed, Hackett and Anderson looked back at Kaidan. "Commander Alenko. What do you have to report?"

"Shepard appears to be the same as before," he said. "Identical, in fact. She brought us through the Collector base with minimal causalities – the ones we did sustain were  _extremely_  minimal – and rescued the colonists that could be saved. Only Shepard would be determined enough to do that."

"And you can confirm her claim of Reaper involvement?"

"I saw the human-Reaper construct myself, sir. There's . . . more that hints at their involvement, but that'll all be in the information the  _Normandy_  is still going through."

"That is good enough for me," Anderson replied. "Admiral Hackett and I have prepared your next assignment."

Kaidan and Shepard had spoken briefly about the fact that Kaidan's transfer to another mission was likely. He'd hoped that it wouldn't happen so soon, but they both knew how the Alliance worked. He steeled himself for the inevitable before nodding. "Sir?"

"We haven't spoken to Shepard about this, but it would be useful to have a liaison with the  _Normandy_ ," Hackett began. "It is still the most advanced ship in the galaxy, and Shepard is our best warning for when the Reapers arrive. We need an Alliance official on that ship so we ensure that we are kept informed."

"So you want me to stay on the  _Normandy_."

"We'll continue the system we've used since you've been on the  _Normandy_. You'll file reports to us regularly, whenever it is safe to do so," Anderson continued. He glanced at the three consoles where Council members would usually appear and sighed. "This is also an opportune moment to inform you that I have put your name forward for Spectre candidacy."

#

Kaidan stepped back outside of the Councilor's office to a scene he really wished he'd missed.

". . . a political nightmare!"

"I'm just making sure the taxpayers aren't paying for you to sit on your ass," Shepard retorted, inches from Udina's face. Garrus was struggling not to laugh in the background, standing just behind the commander (probably prepared to pull her back at a second's notice). Tali was on her other side, one gloved hand ready to step in. Samara was merely watching curiously, her acute justicar senses probably indicating that Udina deserved any physical assault Shepard would dish out.

"The Omega-4 relay? You know how the Council frowns on -"

"Using unmapped relays. Yes, I'm quite aware that this has caused an 'incident,' dumba-"

"Shepard." Kaidan interrupted, and Shepard and Udina took a step back from each other. "They want to talk to you in private."

"Thanks." Shepard glared darkly back at Udina before disappearing through the door. As it closed, she heard Udina move on to Kaidan with Garrus and Tali quietly chuckling to themselves. Anderson had retaken his seat behind his desk, and Hackett was in the second chair. "Ka-mmander Alenko said you needed to see me in private."

Hackett and Anderson had prepared themselves for Shepard's displeasure at having an Alliance representative semi-permanently stationed on her ship, probably viewing him as a sort of supervisor, ensuring that she didn't do anything rash while not under Alliance command. And Shepard hated her every move being questioned by anyone whose authority she wasn't under. Hackett had offered to take the fall, and cleared his throat. "We have decided to station Commander Alenko aboard your ship for the time being as an Alliance liason."

Shepard shrugged, inwardly relieved. "Oh. Okay. Anything else?"

She noted that both Hackett and Anderson seemed surprised by her easy acquiescence. "Are you aware that he is being considered for the Spectres?" Anderson continued.

"I'd heard a rumor. Cerberus, though, so I didn't put a great deal of stock in it." A blatant lie, but it would work.

"It isn't a rumor," Anderson continued. "I put his name forward under your sponsorship."

"And? The Council didn't have a tizzy?"

Anderson chuckled. "No. Contrary to the way they usually act, the Council is quite complementary of your  _abilities_. . . just not your methods. We were primarily waiting for your report from the field. We did not want to inform you of this, because of your association with Cerberus. But now that you've severed ties . . ."

Shepard swallowed. She and Kaidan hadn't yet spoken about his impending appointment - he kept saying that he needed to think about it, Shepard was giving him his space and time to learn from Samara before she left, and most of the week when they'd been getting the ship repaired she and Kaidan had either been working through the Let's-Get-Past-The-Fact-That-Shepard-Was-Dead-And-Move-On phase or not able to do much talking at all from the Making-Up-For-Lost-Time phase (having mostly come to terms with her death, she preferred the latter). Either way, not much discussion had been had on Kaidan's admission to the Spectres.

"I'll need to continue to evaluate him in the field, knowing that he's being recommended," Shepard finally answered. "As is typical with him, his performance  _has_  been exemplary and I have little doubt that I will recommend him. But I would like more time."

"Understood," Anderson replied. "Do you have any further questions?"

"Not that I can think of. Unless you know of any leads on the Reapers."

"Unfortunately, no," Hackett said, a small smile crossing his face.

"Well, then. I'll assume I'm dismissed." Shepard returned his smile. "Admiral, inform Captain Shepard that I will contact her the next time I'm on the Citadel and I'll take her out on that dinner I promised two years ago."

Shepard saluted, the gesture returned by a pair of nods, and left. The door  _zip_ ped closed behind her.

"I believe you're right, Steven," Anderson remarked, pacing back to the balcony overlooking the Presidium.

Hackett chuckled. "I know I'm right."

"How long?"

"Hard to say. The  _SR2_ is not an Alliance vessel – we no longer have access to our regular files."

"Since the  _SR1_? Or is this a new development?"

"You know both of them better than I do, David. It's hard to say. I doubt it will change anything, though."

"No. I doubt it will."

#

Kaidan and Shepard started back towards the docking bay with Garrus and Samara keeping a close eye out for Cerberus operatives. Tali, meanwhile, was keeping a close eye on Shepard and Kaidan. It was how she was able to let a small smile, hidden, cross her face as Shepard glanced at Kaidan, touching his arm as she asked him something undiscernable. It was not the first time Tali had seen that exchange happen, and it explained a lot about both Shepard and Kaidan's recent mood change.

"Commander Alenko!" Garrus' hand suddenly dropped to his gun as a woman's voice echoed from nearby, stopping them dead. The voice belonged to a small, mousey-looking woman holding a medical bag, her brown hair loose around her lab-coat-clad shoulders. Shepard took a short step back, her Commander-Face suddenly falling over her like a curtain.

"Doctor Henry," Kaidan answered cordially. "How have you been?"

"Fine. Excellent, I suppose. I've been picked up by a practice in Zakera Ward, but . . ." She glanced down at her bag. "A few of my patients still need me on the Presidium. Weren't you in the colonies? Did you hear about the abductions? It's all anyone will talk about anymore."

"I was on Horizon."

The doctor's eyes widened. Shepard crossed her arms. "Don't worry. Those responsible have been dealt with."

Usually the image of Shepard crossing her arms, even outside of her armor, would cause anyone short of select mercenaries, Reapers, and the turian councilor to run away screaming. Doctor Henry seemed to possess an incredible backbone, as she promptly regarded Shepard before extending her hand. "Doctor Annalyse Henry."

"Commander Marrakech Shepard." Shepard took the proffered hand as Garrus and Tali glanced at each other. Shepard  _never_ introduced herself with her full name.

" _The_  Commander Shepard?" Henry gave her a small smile. "Commander Alenko mentioned you. Often, in fact."

"Did he?" Shepard raised her eyebrow, glancing at Kaidan out of the corner of her eye. Kaidan's expression was typically blank, but she knew he was uncomfortable. She was starting to have an inkling why and had a feeling that Joker would be making stupid comments about the "missus and the ex" or something about now.

"He was highly complementary, as I remember." She glanced down at her bag. "I assume you're off to some exotic planet or something."

Kaidan's mouth twitched in a small grin as he shook his head. "Probably not."

"Well, good luck anyway. Stay safe, Kaidan."

"Doctor."

She hurried for the CRT terminal. Shepard tapped her fingers on her arm. "'Kaidan,' huh?"

He shook his head. "It was a one night date. Our friends set us both up," he explained quietly. "Her fiancé was killed in the attack on the Citadel. We spoke a few times. That was it."

"Why?" At his look, Shepard shrugged. "I was dead."

"There was a problem."

"Mm?"

Kaidan had started for the CRT terminal, but glanced back. "She wasn't you." Without waiting for a reply, he marched off for the terminal. Garrus glanced at Shepard before following him. Tali stepped next to Shepard, who was still staring after Kaidan with her arms crossed.

"Shepard?"

"Just thinking," she murmured.

"What?"

The Commander gave her a sideways grin. "There's something incredibly sexy about a man in uniform."

They both missed Samara's smile as they hurried after the other two.


	49. Adrift

They returned to the  _Normandy_  long before anyone else. Samara and Kaidan disappeared back into the asari's observation deck, Garrus had returned to check on his guns, and Tali was back to fiddling with the drive core. Joker and Jack had disappeared somewhere and, considering recent rumors, Shepard had no desire to look for them.

She wandered into the tech lab, finding Mordin and Legion hard at work on the data from the Collector base. "Any updates?" They didn't seem to hear her, and she cleared her throat. "Anything new?"

"Oh. Shepard. Glad you dropped by." Mordin glanced up from his console. "Have update. Collector base has a lot of data. But analysis of liquid in stasis pods consisted of advanced flurocarbons. Consisted of–" Shepard lost the salarian as he launched into a discourse about balances of nutrients, plasma, and something about breathing through it that went far over her head and made no sense.

Even so, she nodded. "Diagram it and throw it in your report." Someone would understand him. "Legion?"

The geth's optic flickered as several plates raised and lowered. "We have made progress on analysis of human Old Machine."

"And?"

"Approximately 1,152,000 humans were needed to construct human Old Machine to point of construction. We estimate another seven point two billion humans were necessary for completion."

"Any signs of a weakness?"

Legion paused. "Negative."

Shepard sighed. "Great. Keep looking, and let me know a-sap."

"Affirmative."

A quick walk brought her into the armory. With Jacob and Zaeed gone, Grunt was alone as he dismantled his shotgun.

"Grunt." Shepard nodded as she walked by, receiving a nod in turn.

"Shepard."

She took the elevator to the crew deck, finding herself heading towards life support before stopping. Thane was gone.

She'd liked the drell. He had reconnected her with a side even Cerberus had probably missed – her own belief in something, anything greater – which had nearly the same grounding effect as Kaidan's mostly-tumultuous presence. She figured she owed Thane a hell of a lot more than he realized. Either way, she knew he wanted to spend what might be his last days with his son, and she'd volunteered to be there for Kolyat in a heartbeat. It'd been the first time she'd seen relief in the drell's eyes as he thanked her in his usual calm manner, offering his assistance should the Reapers come before he was too sick to help. She'd taken it wholeheartedly.

With a sigh, she forced her feet to move again. Chakwas was organizing something in the medical bay – probably new supplies. Garrus was cussing in the batteries, and she decided that avoiding him would be for the best. She ran a hand over her hair and returned to the elevator.

After checking her messages, Shepard collapsed on her bed. The lights of the Citadel's other arm flickered outside of her viewport.

Here she was, volunteering herself to go and find information on the Reapers when no information actually existed, and she _knew_  no evidence existed. She had no leads, no information, and two of the galaxy's smartest AIs and one damn brilliant organic had  _nothing._  "Shoulda gone back to the Alliance," she muttered, rubbing her forehead. "At least I'd have something to do."

No matter how sincere Hackett had seemed, she wasn't ready to return, to have a commanding officer, to filing perfectly standard reports –

She cut her thoughts off with a groan. That was  _exactly_  the type of thinking that would get her in trouble.

With a sigh, she pulled herself to her feet and returned to her console, sending Liara a short request for any leads before sagging back in her chair.

"This sucks," she murmured, glancing back at her hamster. It squeaked. "Yep. Definitely sucks."

#

Kasumi, Jacob, and Miranda made it back to the ship shortly after Shepard's team. The thief wandered into the mess hall, picking up a tray of food from Gardner and settling down at a table. She'd  _tried_  to get the two former Cerberus operatives to stop for dinner, but they hadn't listened. It had frustrated her to no end. Even a master thief had to eat on occasion.

Minutes later, she glanced up as Kaidan wandered into the mess hall, taking a tray of food from Gardner. Quietly, from under her hood, she looked. Of course she was "looking," but she was more  _looking_. There was no harm in it and, thanks to her hood, people never really knew if she was  _looking_  rather than looking. And with someone like Commander Alenko it was nearly impossible  _not_ to  _look._ A  _crime_ , really, if one had the opportunity and didn't take it.

Kaidan turned and caught sight of her, starting towards her. "Anyone sitting here?"

"Nope." Kasumi motioned with her fork. "How're you doing?"

"Better," Kaidan answered simply. Kasumi dug.

"How'd the meeting with the Council go?"

"Fine. We didn't see the full Council. Just Anderson."

"Shepard didn't get arrested?"

"No." He half-laughed, and Kasumi almost screamed in triumph. "Shepard didn't get arrested."

"How is she?"

"Fine. I . . ." He trailed off. "Damn."

Kasumi looked where he was, watching Shepard hurry towards them. As she got closer, Kasumi realized that her expression reeked of well-controlled terror, only visible to the trained eye. "Shep? You okay?"

Kaidan frowned, putting his fork down as Shepard drew to a halt. "I, uh, didn't want to bother you," she said quietly, hands trembling. "But I swear to God it's the biggest one I've ever seen and it's around the alochol and I just wanted a drink and God it's enormous . . ."

"How big?"

Shepard made a circle with her hands. "It's like the size of a goddamned Reaper."

He made a brief face. "It isn't the size of a Reaper."

"It's FUCKING ENORMOUS. Just . . . Kaidan, please, it was looking at me with its beady little black eyes and its fangs and its -"

Kaidan sighed again, standing and grabbing one of Shepard's hands. "It's more afraid of you than you are of it," he said heavily, starting towards Kasumi's observation deck.

"Bullshit. It has eight legs and fangs and it's probably poisonous. I swear to God, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight."

They disappeared around the corner. "Don't worry. I'll make sure you sleep tonight."

"I see what you're looking for. Another spi-" Their voices finally tapered off as the door to the deck closed behind them. Kasumi grinned widely, bringing up her omni-tool and typing out a message.

Down in Engineering, Tali was re-reading her latest message from Kal'Reegar and starting to compose a reply when her terminal _ping_ ed. She opened the incoming message.

 _Sent: K. Goto_  
Recv'd: Tali'Zorah, J. Moreau, K. Chambers, H. Chakwas, Jack, EDI, R. Gardner  
Re: Operation Shenko  
Message:  
It's official. Operation Shenko called off. Status: Success.

#

Once everyone had made it back to the ship, they headed for Illium. Samara left the ship with an offer to assist when the Reapers arrived, one Shepard accepted wholeheartedly. They hit Liara up for leads which, while minimal, provided them with something to do until something more substantial came along.

So for about a month they scurried around the galaxy chasing rumors. They got their hopes up a few times – finding a beacon in an archaeological dig got Shepard excited until she used it, at which point she got back to her feet, shook her head, and wordlessly stormed back to the shuttle. Another time they'd found some sort of Reaper-looking artifact but had been swarmed by husks and escaped with only minimal readings on Mordin's omni-tool.

Shepard filed reports to the Council in increasing irritation as Anderson fended them off with increasing frustration, the Commander's mood returning to her pre-Omega 4 sort of sourness with each insult the turian councilor threw at her. Kaidan filed more and more frustrated reports while Hackett futilely fought Alliance brass, who wanted to know why Shepard hadn't been brought in for questioning and Alenko was still on her ship, and why the hell Alenko had been on her ship in hte first place. This made Miranda and Joker grow increasingly more frustrated as they picked up on Shepard and Kaidan's increasing stress, which then trickled down to the crew. Even EDI, who was only just finding out the extent of her unshackled emotional programming, grew frustrated. The  _Normandy_ 's crew was starting to snap at each other from the unsettled tension, so thick in the air that it could have been cut with a blade.

They finally were forced to dock over Tuchanka, Wrex allowing some of the ground team to go a short ways out onto the planet's surface and wreak havoc on the local wildlife. Namely, the offer was taken up by Shepard, Grunt, Jack, Garrus, and Zaeed. Legion and Mordin continued pouring over what information they did have, looking for anything they might have missed. Mordin had, at some point, started to throw things; no one was sure if Legion could be frustrated but it appeared that the geth was, at the least, displeased.

So Shepard returned from ground missions and threw her pillows at her fish tank while worrying about keeping the ship fueled and in good repair, the crew fed when five of them were biotics, and finding nearly nonexistent information about the Reapers; Kaidan filed reports to the Alliance while dodging the occasional pillow; Jack nearly moved into the cockpit; Miranda grew more and more hassled-looking; Mordin stopped humming while he examined evidence for the fiftieth time that week; Kasumi struggled to find a new way to make the ship's life interesting; Joker, who knew first-hand just how desperate they were for some sort of weapon to use against the Reapers, grew more and more anxious as he desperately combed the extranet for any information whatsoever.

They didn't know it, but a harsher reality had grasped the crew of the  _Normandy_  – reality induced by the knowledge that a potential horde of sentient, civilization-destroying, extremely pissed-off synthetic constructs were descending upon the galaxy, and the  _Normandy_  and her crew would be the first targets on their list.


	50. Leads in the Chase

They'd just finished another unremarkable wild-goose-chase of a mission and then been forced to explain the term to the alien team members. Shepard spent an hour hurling a pillow at her tank while muttering obscenities under her breath.

Once her frustration was sated she emerged, checked vital stations, and made her way to the cockpit.

"Where's Jack?" She glanced at the biotic's usual perch. Joker shrugged.

"In Engineering. She said she had to take care of something. Figured it was better to not ask."

"Probably."

"So, EDI learned a new trick."

Shepard glanced at the AI's platform. "EDI?"

"Shepard. To further facilitate understanding and interaction with the crew, I have adopted the use of color as an indicator of emotional interaction."

Shepard arched an eyebrow. Joker chuckled. "We shoulda unshackled her a long time ago, if you ask me."

"Please. Up until a month and a half ago you hated her."

"True. So, what brings you up here?"

"How far are we out from the relay?"

He frowned. "Seventeen. This last one was pretty far out."

"Yeah." Shepard sighed heavily. "I know."

"Where're we headed?"

Shepard scoffed. "Another bullshit remote world that's probably a waste of our time and energy."

Joker sighed. "Great. My favorite." He glanced up at her. "You know, you've looked like something's been bothering you for a while."

She didn't mince words. "We're gonna get massacred by the Reapers."

"Something else."

Shepard sighed, crossing her arms. "Last time we were on the Citadel I . . . Kaidan went out with someone. It shouldn't bother me. I was dead, I don't blame him. And then there was Lilith, that colonist we rescued from Horizon, and . . . I don't know why I keep thinking about this. It's stupid."

"Are you seriously comparing yourself – holy shit! You're female!" Joker held up his hands. "Shit! It's amazing!"

"I hate you."

"I know. Okay, look, what was her name?"

"Doctor Henry. Annalyse Henry."

Joker typed the name into the extranet. "Look. All academic hits, right? Now if we type  _your_  name in . . ."

#

A knock sounded at Miranda's door. "Come in." It zipped closed, prompting her to finally look up.

"You called?" Shepard asked, sinking into the chair across from her.

"Are you okay?"

Shepard paused, the shell-shocked look receding slightly from her eyes. "Yeah." She shook her head. "Joker reminded me why I _never_  search the extranet for my name."

"Oh." Miranda winced.

"What did you need?"

"One of my remaining contacts in Cerberus intel forwarded me something your friend Liara might be interested in. Take a look."

Shepard watched the vid intently, one of her fingers tapping the back of the datapad. "She'll certainly be happy to get her little blue hands on this. I'll tell Joker to change course for Illium."

"What's our plan?"

"The Shadow Broker would be a valuable ally. If there's a way to resolve Liara's issues with him –" Shepard trailed off when she realized that Miranda was quiet, staring out her window. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Huh?" Miranda jumped, redirecting her attention. "Sorry. I just do not believe that the Shadow Broker will be inclined to work with us."

"Why not? I'm sure he isn't  _fond_  of me but –"

"We –  _I_  have evidence that he was working with the Collectors." Miranda's discomfort seemed to be multiplying with each word she spoke. Shepard arched one of her eyebrows.

"What sort of  _evidence_?"

"I . . . witnessed a deal brokered between one of his agents and one of the possessed Collectors – those that we know were possessed by a Reaper. I-I can't say more."

"You have no need to protect Cerberus secrets anymore, Miranda."

She shook her head. "It isn't Cerberus I'm protecting."

"Fine." Shepard stood. "I trust it isn't important . . . and if it becomes important, you'll inform me immediately."

"Absolutely."

#

". . . So I've just finished hoping there isn't an afterlife and that, if there is, humans and turians don't go to the same one when I look back through my scope and spot Shepard standing in the middle of this open area between the barricades, staring at the bridge and scratching her head. She's got no idea that it's me up there, and she's just standing there while there's a sniper who can headshot people who are standing right where she is."

Tali chuckled. "That certainly sounds like Shepard."

"The mercs at the barricade started to get suspicious – usually I would have killed her by now – so I take her shields down."

"You shot her?"

"Only a concussive round, Alenko. By the time she made it over and found out it was me she thought it was hilarious." Garrus shrugged. "Then I tried to catch a gunship round with my face. Definitely thought she was going to kill me for that."

"Hell, Garrus, you don't need that side of your face to shoot." They jumped as Shepard slid into the seat next to Kaidan, coffee mug clenched in her hand. "Besides, I keep you around in the vain hope that an asari'll hit on you instead of me. Hasn't worked yet."

"Poor Shepard. Can't walk off a ship without getting mobbed by asari." Shepard glared at the turian, who held up his talons.

"You complain about it every time we head to Illium. Don't deny it," Tali said, her light laugh coloring her words.

"It isn't my fault that asari are fascinated with me for some crazy, unknown reason," she grumbled, rubbing her forehead.

"You okay?" Kaidan had picked up on her discomfort. She glanced at him, then rubbed an invisible speck of dirt on the table.

"We're headed to Illium so I can fulfill my monthly quota of asari," Shepard quipped, earning a few laughs. "No. We have intel for Liara on the Shadow Broker. I'm hoping we can resolve her issues with him and get him on our side."

"You don't sound hopeful," Garrus noted.

Shepard shook her head. "Miranda seems convinced that he won't help us. She says she saw his operatives involved in a deal with the Collectors. While it wouldn't surprise me if Cerberus, since that was where the info originated, just wanted the Broker out of the way, it brings up some interesting questions. Like, 'how did Cerberus end up with my body?'"

There was a short silence as Shepard downed half her coffee in one swallow.

"You think the Shadow Broker was involved?" Kaidan asked.

"I just know that the Collectors wanted my body, Liara got a personality transplant, and Miranda looks awfully uncomfortable talking about the Shadow Broker. Call me paranoid, but . . ." Shepard shook her head. "I think those things might be related."

"Now that you mention it," Garrus started, rubbing his cybernetic mandible thoughtfully. "Liara really was the only one of us who didn't seem surprised to see you. I thought I was hallucinating from not sleeping for several days when you showed up."

"I thought something had gotten into my suit," Tali added.

"You yelled at me."

"I did not . . ." Kaidan sighed, and shook his head. "Okay. Maybe I did."

"Do you think Liara had anything to do with it?" Tali asked. "Cerberus and the Shadow Broker?"

"I don't know. I was dead." Shepard shrugged. "How was she after the  _Normandy_  went down?"

"She sobbed incessantly all the way back to Arcturus," Tali answered. "I don't think she stopped until after your memorial service.  _I_  almost killed her halfway between Alchera and the station. Then she just disappeared. She was furious that no one was trying to find you."

"That wasn't long before I left for Omega."

"No. Because I went back to the Flotilla around the same time."

"She  _did_  ask me if I wanted to help her find you," Garrus continued. "I told her you wouldn't want us to waste time on you, what with the Reapers coming. She yelled at me and stormed off. At least, I think she was yelling at me. It's hard to tell sometimes."

Kaidan shook his head. "She never said anything to me."

"You'd been whisked off by the Alliance by then.  _And_  you made her nervous when you took command so easily." Tali glanced at Shepard through her mask. "She asked me, too. I told her that there was no way you'd survived that explosion – the best case was that you had been pulled onto the ship that attacked us and that meant you were beyond recovery. If not, there was no way you could have survived atmo. You were gone. She asked me how I could give up on you and stormed out. The next time I spoke to her I was with you and she didn't say anything."

"She saw what Cerberus is capable of. You don't think she'd risk –"

"I don't know." Shepard shook her head, downing the rest of her coffee. "After the Liara we saw on Illium, I'm not sure I knew her as well as I thought I did."

"I guess we'll find out," Kaidan said. "Is there any more coffee left?"


	51. Everyone Hates Vanguards

"Shepard." Liara greeted them without even looking up. "It's good to see you again." She finally finished whatever was keeping her busy on her terminal and looked up. "I heard you took the Omega-4."

"We took care of the Collectors," Shepard confirmed. "Brought you something."

Liara glanced at the group behind the Commander, eyes lingering briefly on Miranda, then back at Shepard.

"It's about the Shadow Broker," Miranda confirmed, handing over the datapad. Liara's eyes widened as she took it. "From Cerberus intel."

Liara played the message, then replayed it, a progressively more hopeful look growing on her face. "It's a leaked transmission between operatives. Some hints to the location and . . ." she nodded, a small smile playing over her face. "It's about Feron. He's alive."

"Feron?"

The asari glanced at Shepard, then Miranda, then back at the datapad. "He was a-a friend. He helped me rescue your body from the Shadow Broker."

The silence that met her announcement was readily similar to the sort of one found by stumbling across the site of a bloody massacre. Kaidan managed to recover first, after Shepard seemed to have lost her ability to vocalize. "What?"

"The Shadow Broker was going to sell Shepard to the Collectors. We stopped him. Feron sacrificed himself so I could escape with her body."

"So how'd you get your hands on me?" Shepard asked, glancing at Miranda. The former operative sighed.

"We –  _Cerberus_  – approached her with the proper intelligence for your recovery. We put Feron with her."

"They told me they could bring you back. What else was I supposed to do?"

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "You at least kept me out of Collector hands. There's no telling what they would have done with me."

"But why didn't you tell us?" Tali asked. "If you'd told us it was to keep her away from the Reapers –"

"By handing her to Cerberus?" Liara was suddenly on the defensive. "None of you would have agreed.  _None_  of you!"

"Of course not!" Garrus confirmed. "But we might have  _helped_  if you'd just told us –"

"I  _asked_ for your help finding her. Neither of you –"

"Right." Shepard retracted their attention. "So the 'she' you're referring to is right in front of you and doesn't appreciate being fought over, okay?"

Liara sighed. "I didn't know how you'd feel about Cerberus restoring you. I know how you felt about them and . . ." She looked back down at the datapad with a heavy sigh.

"He must mean a lot to you."

She answered with a half-laugh. "It's funny. He betrayed me more than once, double-dealt with Cerberus and the Shadow Broker . . . but in the end he sacrificed himself for me. I owe him."

Kaidan knew that Shepard would help Liara, if only for the fact that she'd go out of her way to help her friends (and nearly everyone else), no matter what. So as much as he really did  _not_  like Liara at the current moment, he was prepared for Shepard's next question.

"So what's our next step?"

"I don't know. I-I need to prepare. To think." She stood, starting for the door. "I-I'll head home."

"Liara. Let me help. We'll come by?"

She paused, glancing back. "Yes. That . . . hopefully I'll have a plan by then."

As soon as Liara had disappeared and the door had closed, the clamor started.

"You're seriously helping her, Shepard?" Garrus started.

Tali spoke at nearly the same time. "She handed you over to  _Cerberus_ , and you're fine with that?"

" _Cerberus_ , Shepard, she knew their reputation and did it anyway!"

Miranda said nothing, folding her arms across her chest.

Shepard held up her hand. "Look. I know. I'm not happy about it either. But if both she  _and_  Miranda are right then the Shadow Broker is willing to work with the Reapers. If that's the case, then he is a liability. He's the most powerful person in the galaxy. He can pass any information to them that they want. We can't risk that."

"You are the most single-minded person I know," Miranda muttered. Shepard chuckled.

"Seriously. But considering that we're the only people who are messing with the Reapers it's pretty good that I'm single-minded."

#

Three hours later, Shepard collected Garrus, Kaidan, Tali, Miranda, and Legion and headed for Liara's apartment. The IRT car pulled to a stop outside of a large, high-scale apartment building. Shepard whistled as they stepped out of the car.

"Good to see that Liara's made more credits than all six of us combined." They passed a few Illium cops as they entered the lobby and entered the lobby. Shepard pulled up Liara's floor, and the elevator trundled off.

"Yeah," Garrus answered. "Being a vigilante doesn't pay this well."

They stepped out as the lift stopped and headed to Liara's apartment. A few more cops were scattered about the hallway, and Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Think this is suspicious?"

"Yep," Shepard answered calmly. "And Liara's door's open, and . . . there's a police line."

"Wonderful," Miranda murmured as Shepard drew to a stop behind the line.

"What's going on?"

The cop regarded her with the same look she might give something stuck on her boot. "This area is sealed off. Please step back, ma'am."

Shepard bristled. "I'm a Spectre and this is my friend's apartment, so I suggest you tell me what the  _hell_ is going on."

"Someone tried to kill your friend, Commander Shepard." They jumped as another asari descended the stairs just visible inside the apartment, blue skin fading into her similarly colored armor. "Thank you, officer. Your people are dismissed."

Shepard glanced from one asari to the next, a path also taken by the ground team's eyes. Legion recorded several notes. With a shrug, Shepard strode through the police line. "You can't do that!" The asari officer protested.

The other asari scoffed. "Already done."

With a huff, the lead officer pushed past Shepard's team. Kaidan followed Shepard through the line, an act soon repeated by the others as the rest of the police team left. The asari turned back to them. "Tela Vasir. Special Tactics and Recon."

"Hm. Spectre."

"I heard you were reinstated. Good to have you back – you're one of our most famous operatives. I might get you to sign my chest plate." She paused, judging Shepard's reaction. "I assume you had business with your friend this evening?"

Shepard finished rolling her eyes. "She was following a lead on the Shadow Broker."

"The Shadow Broker?" Vasir whistled. "Dangerous enemy to have."

"Indeed." Shepard glanced around the apartment. "What do we know?"

"About twenty-five minutes ago, someone took a shot at T'Soni. Note the bullet holes." Vasir pointed. "She stuck around for almost four minutes before leaving the building. Whatever she was doing was important."

Some suspicious sixth sense tingled in the back of Kaidan's mind as he watched the asari Spectre. Judging by the set of Shepard's body, she was sensing the same thing. He glanced at Garrus – the turian's talon was quietly resting on his sidearm. Tali, next to him, had brought up her omni-tool as if scanning for information, but Kaidan watched her prep her combat drone. Something clicked behind him – one of Legion's headflaps had snapped shut. Miranda quietly rubbed her SMG from next to the geth, one nail tapping against the weapon.

"If she isn't here," Shepard continued. "Where is she?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be going through her crap. There's no blood, no body. It looks like T'Soni got away. The sniper didn't plan on her kinetic barrier. Clever girl. Paranoid, but clever."

"Yeah . . ." Shepard's tone made Kaidan thumb the grip of his sidearm a little harder. "Did the police find anything when they arrived?"

"Just the mess and the bullet holes." Vasir shrugged. "I gave them a gold star for finding the holes."

"Right. We can get it from here, Vasir. Thanks for the help."

Vasir crossed her arms. "I'm going to see this through, Shepard. You aren't getting rid of me."

A short staring match ensued, until Shepard finally determined that Vasir was outnumbered, even for a Spectre, since there was no way she'd get the drop on another Spectre, someone being evaluated for the Spectres, a paranoid turian, a former terrorist operative, the ever-nervous Tali, and a geth. She shrugged. "Whatever. I'll take a look around."

Garrus and Miranda's omni-tools pinged as Shepard moved off with Kaidan at her side, prompting them to open the orange interfaces. The same message appeared. :: _Keep Vasir in sight at all times._ ::

Legion examined the bullet-holes as Tali started to try and hack Liara's terminal. Shepard and Kaidan disappeared up the stairs, leaving Vasir to go through Liara's desk. Garrus leaned up against one of the Prothean artifact cases, crossing his arms across his chest. Miranda pretended to be studying another case, her eyes constantly on the other Spectre.

Shepard ruffled through Liara's nightstand as Kaidan examined one of the Prothean pieces along the wall. "Speaking of the Spectres," she murmured. He glanced over at her. "We never finished talking about it."

"No. We didn't."

"Made up your mind yet?" Shepard examined a datapad and tossed it back in the drawer.

Kaidan sighed. "It would be stupid to agree, but it'd be stupid to turn it down too."

"Then . . ."

"Yes."

"All right. I'll write my recommendation for Anderson so it'll go in for review."

"Marra." She glanced up, hand hovering over Liara's picture frame. "You're fine with that?"

"It isn't my decision, Kaidan. If it's what you want, then it's what I want." She sighed. "There are Spectre teams, you know. Occasionally."

He nodded. "And it stops all the concerns about fraternization we have."

Shepard chuckled, finally picking up the frame. "Oh. Look what I found."

Minutes later, Shepard and Kaidan made their way down the stairs. Kaidan glanced back at Vasir as Shepard waved Garrus out of the way, the Alliance marine quickly moving to block Vasir's view. Shepard poked the casing on the Prothean artifact, which prompted a drawer to slide out. Unfortunately for them, Vasir was alerted by the noise and promptly pushed past Garrus and Miranda to Shepard's side. "Looks like a backup disk. We'll try it on her terminal."

Shepard tossed the disk to Tali, who slid it into the terminal. A salarian swam into view on the screen.

:: _It was tricky, but you paid for the best_ ,:: he was saying. :: _I narrowed it down to a cluster, maybe even a system._ ::

:: _How soon can you have it?_ ::

:: _Shouldn't take too long. Come to my office. Baria Frontiers, in the Dracon Trade Center. Gotta say though, T'Soni . . . you're making me nervous. How big is the trouble that could come out of this?_ ::

:: _Relax, Sekat. I'll see you in a few hours._ ::

"This must be important," Shepard mused. She glanced sideways at Kaidan, who shook his head. He had no idea how to get rid of the other Spectre either.

"My car's outside. We can be at the Dracon Trade Center in a matter of minutes."

"Miranda, Legion, Tali, find another car and meet us there." There was no way Shepard was letting Vasir out of her sight. The asari started off towards the exit, closely followed by a collection of increasingly suspicious individuals.

#

Shepard was displeased. Again.

Upon landing at the Dracon Trade Center, the third floor – the Baria Frontiers Office, in fact – had spontaneously exploded. Twice. Vasir had sprinted back to her car, heading for the roof, despite Shepard yelling at her to  _not_  do so. She had told Legion and Miranda to keep the hell on her before sprinting into the building with Garrus, Tali, and Kaidan close on her heels.

They had gone through the entire office without the smallest sign of Liara before breaking into Sekat's office, finding the salarian slumped against his wall and Vasir standing over a dead Shadow Broker mercenary. "Damn," the asari said. "If I'd been just a few seconds faster, I could've stopped them."

"I guess this is Sekat." Kaidan scanned the body with his omni-tool, shaking his head back at Shepard. "Dead."

"Figures." She glanced around. "No sign of the data Liara mentioned either. She might have it already."

Garrus cleared his throat when a very shifty look drifted across Vasir's eyes. Shepard was not unaware of said look, but chose to ignore it in favor of finding out what the hell the asari was up to.

She was about to beat it out of her.

"Speaking of which, did you find your friend's body?"

Shepard was about to reply in the negative when a voice echoed from behind her. "You mean  _this_  body?"

Liara stepped out, gun trained on Vasir.

"Oh, hello, Liara," Shepard said. "Good to see you." Her gun snapped into her hand, trained directly at Vasir. Kaidan, Garrus, and Tali followed suit. "And now I want to know what the hell you're doing here, Vasir. This isn't a Council matter."

"This is the woman who tried to kill me," Liara answered.

"Figures," Kaidan muttered.

"You've had a rough day, so I'll let that slide," Vasir patronized. "Why don't you put those guns down?"

"I  _saw_  you," Liara continued. "I doubled back after I left. I  _watched_  you break into my apartment."

"And then you used me to find out where she was."

Vasir shrugged. "Thanks for the help."

"Once she had my location, she signaled the Shadow Broker's forces. They bombed the building to take me out. She killed Sekat and took his data. I'd bet she's still got the disk on her."

"Good guess," Vasir continued, her tone growing even more patronizing. "Not that you'll ever see what's on it . . . you pureblood bitch."

Four sets of biotics flared so quickly that Garrus and Tali weren't entirely sure what happened until they were enveloped in a large biotic bubble while Vasir's shockwave bounced harmlessly off it, and Shepard had suddenly disappeared and charge-tackled the Spectre through the window. Kaidan and Liara sprinted forward at approximately the same time in time to watch the duo, both still flared, slam into the ground. Liara flared, dropping out of the window in a move eerily reminiscent of Samara and taking off after Vasir as she limped off towards the far end of the courtyard. With a groan, Kaidan pushed past Garrus and Tali towards the stairs.

By the time they reached the bottom, Shepard had shaken off the fall and was wreaking havoc on several Shadow Broker mercenaries. "You all right?" Kaidan yelled over, dropping into cover.

"Yep. Slowed the fall biotically," Shepard shouted back. "Gonna have a bitch of a headache though. Anyone know where Legion and Miranda are?"

"Nope."

The mercs were easily taken care of, and a quick sprint found them running in on the firefight between Liara and Vasir. Legion and Miranda finally caught up to them, Miranda panting. "Sorry. She set a bomb that slowed us down."

"No problem." Shepard fired a few shots as Vasir sprinted into her car, taking off. Liara hacked a nearby skycar. "Damn it, Liara." She sighed, pushing Liara out of the driver's seat. "I'm fine, by the way. Thanks for asking. Legion, Miranda, Tali, mark our positions and meet us wherever we end up. Miranda, alert local law enforcement to the situation. Garrus, Kaidan, with me."

Garrus packed himself into the back of the taxi, Kaidan finding a way to cram himself in around the turian. Shepard slammed the accelerator, making the car shoot off the platform.

And, thanks to a frantic Liara, everything almost immediately devolved into chaos.

"There she is!" Liara promptly pointed out Vasir's skycar, and Shepard moved their cab right behind her. Vasir seemed to notice, and jerked off the lane. "Hang a right! No, wait, a left!"

"I've got it, Liara," Shepard replied, teeth clenched.

"Hang a left!" Liara prompted again. Shepard made some sort of annoyed noise. "She's around the corner!"

"Let me pull over and  _you_  can drive." She dove the skycar around a slow-moving vehicle and jerked back, narrowly avoiding a collision.

Garrus moved his leg, making Kaidan wince. "Sorry."

"We're not going into the construction . . . oh, Goddess."

The construction site was fine, but they shot back out into oncoming traffic. Shepard swore, dodging another slow-moving shuttle.

"Traffic!" Liara announced. "Oncoming traffic!"

"We'll be fine."

A red blinking light caught their attention. "Proximity charges!"

"I hadn't noticed," Shepard retorted, accelerating past another car. The cab tilted, sending Kaidan crashing into Garrus' armor.

"Sorry."

"She's got reinforcements!"

Shepard groaned. "What sort of weapons does this thing have?"

"It's a  _taxi_! It has a fare meter!"

"All right. I'll get us up there and you can start charging her ass."

"This is not the time for -"

The reinforcements dispersed after a well-placed ram from their cab sent one of them ricocheting off the walls. Unfortunately, that ram also sent them straight into the line of a –

"Truck!"

"I see it!" Shepard whipped the cab around it as it crashed. "There we go."

"You're enjoying this!"

"Look at my career choice, Liara."

Liara's knuckles were turning white on her seat as Shepard whipped around yet another car and back into oncoming traffic. "A head on collision at this speed –"

"Yeah, I hear those can be bad for you."

Kaidan glanced around Shepard's seat as a small gasp escaped their asari copilot. "Truck!"

"Not again." Shepard shot around it, then slammed the front of their car into Vasir's, sending it spinning. Vasir got it straightened out, only to glance over and find them next to her. Desperate, she rammed their car, sending Garrus into Kaidan.

"Sorry."

Shepard responded with a wicked ram of her own, sending Vasir into another car. The skycar descended in a trail of smoke, and Shepard shot their car down after the crashing one. "Let's hope Tali's group catches up with us. I have a feeling the Shadow Broker's got his people all over this place."

#

They managed to corner the heavily injured Vasir near a restaurant, the diners blissfully unaware of the storm descending upon them. They observed the injured Spectre limping along for a few seconds as Shepard tried to come up with a plan.

"All right," she finally said. "We'll go in quiet, see if we can take Vasir down without civilian casualties. Garrus, stay back here with your sniper rifle. If she won't surrender and you can get a shot, take it. Kaidan, you'll be with myself and Lia—Liara?"

The asari was stalking down the steps towards the restaurant, and Shepard groaned. "Come on."

"Vasir!" Liara yelled as Kaidan and Shepard rejoined her. "It's over!"

Vasir glanced over her shoulder at them. Shepard saw the asari's path and started to give Garrus the order to fire when she whipped a human waitress in front of her, gun outheld. Shepard swore.

"Mariana," Vasir said, voice now loud enough to hear over the panicked, retreating diners. "You want to live, don't you? Tell those people you want to live."

Kaidan glanced at Shepard, who swallowed as a small, faint "please" just reached them. "We'll get you out of here safe, Mariana," she said, voice comforting. Kaidan tightened his grip on his gun.

"That's good to hear." Vasir's tone forced Shepard's jaw to clench even tighter. "All you had to do was walk away. Now it gets ugly."

Mariana whimpered as Vasir's sidearm found its way against her head. She murmured something, and Vasir grinned ferally.

"A son? I hope he gets to see you again." Vasir glanced at Liara. "I hear losing a parent is just horrific for children. Scars them for life."

"I will end you, Vasir," Liara growled. Shepard held up her hand, SMG still trained on the asari Spectre.

"It's okay, Liara," she murmured. "We'll handle it. The usual way."

Unfortunately, Shepard's "usual way" varied on a case by case basis, and as such that was not very comforting to her companions.

"You want Mariana's little boy to grow up without a mommy, Shepard? Thermal clips on the ground, now. Power cells, too."

Shepard scoffed. "Is that all?"

Vasir looked taken aback. "What?"

"Vasir." It was Shepard's turn to be patronizing, something she seemed to be immensely enjoying. "I sacrificed hundreds of human lives to save the  _Destiny Ascension._  I unleashed the rachni on the galaxy. So for your sake I hope your escape plan doesn't hinge on me hesitating to shoot a damned hostage."

Kaidan glanced back over at her. Vasir swallowed, but looked nervous. Behind her, a table was quietly hovering in the corner. "You're bluffing."

"Probably."

Liara slammed the table into the back of Vasir's head, sending the asari catapulting into the water. Shepard sprinted forward, pulling Mariana to her feet. "Go.  _Go._  I'm sorry." She held her gun at the water, ready for Vasir to emerge. "And I promise I wouldn't have shot you, okay?"

Mariana whimpered, nodded, and scurried off into the restaurant. Almost immediately after she'd disappeared, Vasir shot out of the water in a cloud of dark energy, and charged back to the corner.

Shepard groaned. "That is just  _not_  fair."

And Shepard charged after her.

"Wonderful," Kaidan murmured as a pair of shotguns started blaring. He and Liara dove into cover. "I forgot how much I hated vanguard fights."

"Tell me about it." Liara stood and opened fire. Kaidan opened his comm.

"Garrus, I'm pretty sure that if you have a shot, you're to take it."

:: _Figured that, Alenko._ ::

The turian's rifle echoed not long afterwards, a concussive round slamming into Vasir's shields. She charged to another corner, leaving Shepard swearing before she followed. Kaidan readied an overload, unleashing it and jamming Vasir's shields and thermal clips. She swore again, pulled up a barrier, and charged to yet another location. Shepard rolled into cover, cloaking herself in her own barrier with a short grin at Kaidan.

"I forgot how much I hated vanguard fights."

"You're just mad because someone else can do your fancy trick," he retorted.

"There is that." And with that, she charged after Vasir.

Minutes later, there was a loud retort from a rifle, followed by a shotgun, and resulting in loud, choked swearing from Vasir. They glanced up to the top of the restaurant, where Legion stood with its widow in hand while Tali and Miranda were sprinting in from Azure. Shepard stood over Vasir, who was bleeding out against a wall.

Liara stepped forward and, with hardly a glance at the dying asari, took the disk from her. "Sekat's personal data pad," she murmured. "This will have what we need."

With that, she walked off. Shepard stared after her.

"You're dead," Vasir coughed. "The Shadow Broker has been in power for decades. He's stronger than  _anything_  you've ever faced."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. Vasir obviously had no idea what Shepard had faced. What any of them had faced.

"So I suppose that's why you sold out the Council to work for him," she retorted.

"You think I betrayed the Council?" Steps announced the approach of the others, minus Liara. Vasir coughed again. "Like Saren? Go to hell. The Broker's given me damn good intel over the years. Intel that saved lives and kept the Citadel safe. So if the Broker needs a few people to disappear, I'll pay that price without hesitation."

"Spectres don't blow up buildings full of innocent people," Shepard snapped.

Vasir half-shrugged. "Sure we do. We get our hands dirty so the Council doesn't have to. The Councilors might complain about our methods to soothe their consciences, but they never look too closely." Vasir coughed again, eyelids fluttering. "Besides, you're with  _Cerberus_. Do you have any idea what your terrorist friends have done?"

"I know who they are and what they've done. It doesn't matter anymore. I—"

"I think it does. You want to judge me? Look in the mirror. Kidnapping kids for biotic death camps, killing Alliance admirals who ask too many questions. And you're with them. Don't . . . don't you dare judge me. Don't . . ."

Vasir's eyelids fluttered again, just before she sagged back against the wall. Shepard opened her omni-tool before shaking her head and turning on her heel.

"Shepard," Tali said softly. She ignored her. Miranda glanced at Kaidan.

"She's going to take that hard," she murmured. Kaidan nodded quietly, sidestepping them to head after her.

They finally caught up with her with Liara, the asari currently looking extremely agitated. "—still leaning on you for help."

"That's what friends do, Liara," Shepard answered. Liara ignored her.

"I can get us there, based off Sekat's data." She started off for the skycars, Shepard keeping up with her. The others fell in behind them. "The  _Normandy_ 's stealth drive will keep them from detecting us. The Shadow Broker's agents are still shooting their way through Ilium. With luck, they won't notice we've left until it's too late."

"That's a little cold," Shepard commented. "They killed innocent people."

Liara sighed. "You know what I mean."

"Do I?" Shepard's voice adopted a familiar icy edge. "When I hit the ground back at the trade center, you went after Vasir without a backward look."

"A little fall wasn't going to kill you. I  _had_  to stay on Vasir. I  _had_  to stay rational, make the call. Like I did with Sekat."

"That wasn't your fault."

"Sekat had no idea what the stakes were. I put him in harm's way to get the data I needed. I got him killed . . . and I'd do it again. But from here on out, things will be simple." She pushed herself away from the wall she'd found herself leaning on, starting off again. "Get in, get Feron, get out. And kill anyone who tries to stop us."

"That's  _it_?"

"That's it."

Shepard grabbed Liara's arm, spinning her around to face her. "Can we just  _stop_  for a second?"

"Not good," Garrus murmured. Tali and Kaidan nodded. The last time Shepard had been that physical with someone she knew, she'd been punching Zaeed in the face.

"We'll be jumping several light years. There'll be time to talk this out."

"Talk  _what_  out, Shepard?" Liara pulled out of her hand.

"You haven't been the same since I came back. Something's wrong. Something  _more._ "

"What do you want me to say?" Liara snapped. "That I mourned you? That I feel guilty because Feron got captured? I made _mistakes_. I lost people. I helped get you back. And I want to do the same for Feron. I'll sit back and  _talk_  once he's safe. Until then, enjoying the scenery is an insult to the man who saved both of us."

After a long pause, Shepard sighed. "Fine."

As Liara moved off towards the IRT car, Legion stepped up next to Shepard. "We apologize for our lateness," it said. "Lawson-Operative insisted on driving. Had this Platform driven, we would not have gotten lost."

"I did  _not_  get lost," Miranda protested.

"It's fine," Shepard said with a heavy sigh. "Come on."


	52. Who Are You to Tell Me That I'm Less Than What I Should Be?

Shepard retreated to her quarters almost immediately upon returning to the  _Normandy_ , not quite in a mood to deal with anyone asking about the random asari they'd suddenly found in the briefing room, and definitely not in a mood to deal with Liara.

"The Archaeologist known as Doctor Liara T'Soni" had been extremely useful as a source of Prothean information during the mission to take down Saren, if inexperienced and very apt to scream whenever something unexpected or the least bit terrifying (to her, which was about everything) occurred. "The Information Broker known as Doctor Liara T'Soni" seemed to have had a personality transplant that turned her into what Shepard's brain was only capable of describing as a "cold, heartless bitch," which was, incidentally, a phrase that had often been used to describe Shepard herself. Whether or not it was an accurate phrase was indifferent – it was one she was incredibly used to hearing shouted at her, usually from people whose plans she had just solidly destroyed.

Kaidan had not come up to the Loft yet, which surprised her. Vasir's death speech still resonated in her mind – not only because the asari had been able to survive a widow shot to the leg and a shotgun blast to her pelvis for longer than most, but that she had still been able to inform Shepard just why she was a horrible person.

 _But it isn't important!_  Shepard's brain had screamed.  _I quit! I'm not with Cerberus anymore!_  But was that seriously how people were seeing her? She wasn't widely known as being alive anyway, but those who knew she was alive had only heard she was working for Cerberus – she doubted news of her quitting had even managed to get away from the few people she'd told.

How many people hated her because they thought she'd willingly joined a terrorist organization?

Anyone who knew her would realize that it was impossible. She would never have willfully joined Cerberus. But . . . they never really thought that Saren Arterius would turn into the worst traitor the galaxy had seen, indoctrination or not. And two years . . . where had she  _been_  for those two years? Anything could have been happening to her. Maybe everything was an act. Maybe she was  _always_  working for Cerberus.

All she wanted (apart from having the Reaper threat legitimized and prepared for) was for people to realize that she wasn't a traitor, and Vasir's words were echoing in her ears like a curse. Vasir had only been doing what she thought was right – the same thing Shepard always claimed to be doing. But her version of right . . . What if one day she was staring down another Spectre who thought her actions were "wrong" and theirs were "right?"

Maybe she was too focused on this. Maybe she was reading too much into Vasir's words.

But it could also have been because Vasir had been like a mirror, and watching her die had been like watching herself die again.

No. She was thinking too much. That was it.

Shepard stared at the Prothean orb in the center of the table as if in a trance. "Fuck," she mumbled, pulling one of her gloves off so she could rub her forehead without chafing.

EDI, still glowing blue, appeared on her platform. "Shepard, Miranda is asking for your intervention in the briefing room."

"Who's gotten into it now?" Shepard asked tonelessly. She had half a mind to tell Miranda to deal with it herself.

EDI flickered a lighter blue – Shepard wasn't sure what that meant. "It appears that Doctor T'Soni and Commander Alenko are having a –"

"Shit."

By the time she made it to the briefing room door, nearly a quarter of the crew had packed into the hallway or tech lab (which resulted in her getting stopped and yelled at by an extremely irritated Mordin). Shepard pushed her way through the crowd, which steadily began to disperse. Miranda stood waiting by the door. Garrus started to speak, but Shepard waved him off.

"—needed her, Commander!" Liara was in the process of yelling inside the briefing room. "You of all people –"

"Thanks, Shepard," Miranda said. "I don't want to –"

"Don't you think I  _know_  that? But did you even think of what  _she'd_  want? You recklessly barged ahead and –"

"—just go in there when both of them are like this."

"It's never about what we  _want_  – Shepard would be the first to tell you that!"

"Since both of them respect you more than me I—"

"And don't you think that should  _change_? Shepard's sacrificed more than  _any_  of us – you know that!"

"—thought you would get them to stop before they started ripping off pieces of the hull—"

"I kept her from the Collectors! Goddess knows what they would have done to her!"

"—and kill us all. My other thought—"

"And then you handed her to Cerberus!  _You_  saw as well as we did what they were capable of, and you handed her over anyway!"

"—was to send Jack in, but she'd probably try and get it out biotically, and that would end badly. We could have also sent in—"

"They said they could rebuild her! They said they could bring her back! I thought  _you_ , of all people, would want that!"

"—Tali, but she refused to get involved. I believe her words were 'she deserves it'—"

"What would have been better was if you'dasked  _us_ , or  _someone_! It wasn't your decision to make!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"And Shepard would still be dead, the Collectors would still be out there, and we'd end up like the Protheans!"

"How long have they been in the briefing room, or in the shouting match?"

"But did you even  _think_  about the consequences? They could have brought her back as a slave, or something  _worse_! If they hadn't been so focused on being exact then—"

"Either."

"Five or ten."

"But she's  _fine_!"

"Wonderful."

"No, she  _isn't_! Do you even  _realize_  what this meant to her? Having to lose two years, then catch back up with the entire galaxy? Everyone moving on around her? Getting reminded every few minutes that she'd been dead? Do you have  _any_ idea?"

"She's handled it! She's –"

"All right. I'm going in." Shepard pushed open the door. Inside, Liara and Kaidan were on either side of the table, Liara clutching the edge of the table and Kaidan standing rail-straight with his hands clenched by his sides. Liara jumped as she entered with a look vaguely reminiscent of a deer in oncoming traffic; Kaidan, meanwhile, hardly flinched. Shepard sighed heavily, leaning back against the door. "Really?" She asked simply, crossing her arms and affixing both of them with an intense stare.

"Commander Alenko wanted to know my reasons for giving you to Cerberus. He did not like the answer I gave him."

Shepard raised an eyebrow in Kaidan's direction. He nodded. "I did ask why. T'Soni got defensive."

"I expected better. From both of you. You're both members of the team that took down Sovereign, and that earns you some measure of respect from most of the people on this ship. Kaidan, Liara's right – if I hadn't come back we can guarantee that the Collectors would still be out there. Liara . . ." Shepard shook her head. "Kaidan is very, very right. As it is, what's done is done. I suggest you both relax. We'll be hitting the Shadow Broker in three hours. Let's act like it."

Shepard turned on her heel and left, returning to the now-empty hallway outside. Kaidan stepped out after her, closing the door. She was about to walk back through the lab when Kaidan grabbed her arm. "Shepard."

She jerked away from him. "What?"

"I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

Kaidan took a deep breath. "About Vasir."

"I'm not talking about her."

"Marrakech . . ."

"No, Kaidan."

"She said some heavy things. I don't want –"

"I said I don't want to talk about her."

"I need you to tell me that you won't dwell on this."

"Look, Kaidan, I—"

His hand was suddenly rested on the side of her face, freezing her in place. She swallowed, finally meeting his eyes. "Everything she said was not true. The things about  _you_ , at least. Promise me that you'll try to see that."

Shepard nodded. "I'll do my best."

Kaidan didn't sound convinced. "That's all I can ask."


	53. The Shadow Broker

"There! That hatch leads to the communication signals!"

Shepard glanced to where Liara was pointing, already moving towards the general area. "Come on." She and the asari trotted over to the door while Garrus indicated for everyone else to keep an eye out for mercs. Liara tried the mechanism.

"It's locked. Hold on, I've got a bypass shunt program that can crack it."

Legion raised an optic flap. Kaidan and Garrus, closest to it, looked over at the whirring sound. "Hostiles detected."

Shepard glanced at the geth, then back at Liara. "How long is this going to take?"

"I don't know, Shepard. I've never broken into the Shadow Broker's base before." Liara shrugged around her mask. "Well, not this one, anyway."

Shepard reopened the comm. "Get into cover. Shoot out the lightning rods whenever someone's around them. Be aware of your positions at all time and try  _not_  to shoot each other again!"

:: _That was only one time, Shepard,_ :: Jacob retorted, falling into cover just far enough away from a lightning rod.

Once again, Shepard had over-prepared and brought all eleven remaining ground team members. While it made friendly fire far more common, it also made for the current, comical image of Garrus and Grunt trying to share the same cover, the krogan repeatedly elbowing the turian out of the way.

:: _You're sure it's working?_ :: Shepard and Liara had found cover on opposite sides of the field, which meant the comm was the only way they could communicate.

:: _It's illegal, even on Illium! It didn't come with a warranty!_ ::

Shepard's only answer, as she sniped an asari with her widow, was an aggravated groan.

Kaidan lifted a merc, who proceeded to get stuck in the ship's drag and fly off into the atmosphere. "Jack!" The biotic glanced over, and he made a motion roughly indicating lifting. Jack nodded, grinned, made a guttural yell, and threw a merc over the edge.

:: _I'm sure it won't be much longer!_ ::

:: _Remember when you could just slap omni-gel on everything?_ ::

Liara chuckled over the comm. :: _That security upgrade made a lot of people unhappy._ ::

:: _Made it more fun,_ :: Kasumi retorted, leaning around Jacob to overload a merc's weapons.

:: _Rocket drones, front of the ship_ ,:: Garrus reported. Kaidan leaned out past Zaeed and delivered a massive overload at one, sending it crashing to the deck. Tali's purple drone and Legion's green one bobbed towards the mercs as the geth hacked one of the drones, who promptly fired a rocket at one of its fellows.

:: _Their attacks are disorganized. They'd be more effective if they all attacked at once_.::

:: _Please_ don't _give the mercs ideas, Liara._ ::

Jacob picked up on the same trick as the others and lifted a merc off the ship. Miranda fired, causing one of the rods to explode, before sending a warp at one of the drones and crumpling it in midair.

:: _Would it help if Legion and Tali got out and pushed?_ ::

Liara shot a dark look towards Shepard. :: _It'll work!_ ::

Kaidan craned his neck around cover, spotting a near–army of mercs approaching them cautiously. "The next wave looks like a big one."

:: _You just_ had _to give the mercs tactical advice, Liara._ ::

A singularity scattered some mercs as Liara glared at Shepard again. :: _But now there'll be fewer to deal with inside_.::

Shepard scoffed. :: _Keep dreaming, T'Soni_.::

#

There weren't, as Liara had theorized, less mercs inside the base. But after Collectors and husks, they cut through them easily.

Finally, they stumbled across a command center where Liara broke away from the group with a cry, sprinting further down the hallway. "Feron!"

Shepard quickly scattered the troops. "Tali, Legion, check the ship's systems. Miranda, Jacob, Zaeed, Grunt, Kasumi, keep your eyes open. Jack, Garrus, Alenko, Mordin, with me."

They rejoined Liara, who was frantically trying to hack a console in front of a restrained drell. Mordin tapped his chin. "Interesting. Neural grounding rod."

The chair suddenly lit up, and Liara stumbled back with a startled yelp. "Feron!"

"I thought this looked too easy," Shepard mumbled.

The drell, whom they assumed was Feron, released an agonized groan. "This equipment's sensitive to tampering. This chair plugs into the Broker's info network: you have to shut off the power. Pull me out now and my brain cooks."

Shepard glanced at Mordin. "There's no other way to get him out of here?"

He shook his head. "No. Sensitive. Would cause irreparable damage. Also called death."

"Figures," Garrus said. "Nothing's ever that easy."

"Then where can we cut off the power?"

"It won't be easy. You'll have to go to central operations."

"That should be right through there." Garrus pointed. Shepard glanced down the hall. "That's probably where the Broker is."

"What do you know about him?"

Feron coughed. "He did this to me."

"Do you know anything more specific?" Kaidan asked.

"Like, what he is? That'd be useful," Jack added.

"Never got a good look." Feron shook his head. "But he's big. The guards are terrified of him."

"A krogan?"

"Please," Jack scoffed. "Like you could see Grunt doing this."

"I don't know. But not everyone who goes into his office comes back out."

Shepard shrugged. "They said the same thing about my drill sergeant. We're all getting out of here. Alive."

"Good." Feron shifted slightly, jerking his head. "Your friend was right. Central Ops is just down the hall. You do know he's waiting for you, right?"

"I'm counting on it."

Liara clenched her hands. "We'll be back for you, Feron."

"Yeah. I'll try not to go anywhere."

Shepard turned to Mordin. "See what you can do," she murmured. "No killing. Mercy or otherwise." Mordin nodded. "Tali, Legion, we're going to need to cut the power. Make sure this ship stays airborne. Miranda, take Zaeed and Kasumi; Jacob, take Grunt, and clear out this ship. Get them to surrender if possible – we might need them. Garrus, Jack, Alenko, with us." She waved them after her as she stepped around Liara and headed for central operations.

They left Tali and Legion hacking the ship and Mordin examining the grounding rod as the others headed off to go through the ship. A last, small holdout of guards tried to stop them, but were quickly eliminated. Shepard punched the door's mechanism and strode through, leveling her shotgun at the enormous, shadowy figure ahead of them.

"What the hell is that?" Kaidan hissed.

"Something about to die," Jack replied.

"Here for the drell?" The Shadow Broker's voice was a deep, raspy bass, fitting the bulk in front of them. Kaidan watched as Garrus adjusted his assault rifle. "Reckless – even for you, Commander."

"For  _me_? That bombing on Illium wasn't exactly subtle."

"Extreme. But necessary."

"No, it wasn't!" Liara burst in. "Neither was caging Feron for two years!"

The Broker's head turned towards her. "Doctor T'Soni. Your interference caused all this. Feron betrayed me when he handed you Shepard's body. He is simply paying the price."

"Someone was bound to come after you for dealing with the Collectors," Shepard retorted, drawing the Broker's attention back to her.

"It was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Fortunately, the  _Normandy_ 's IFF will allow me to salvage the remains of the Collectors' base."

Shepard bristled. "You'd have to kill me first."

"Easily done."

"You're quite confident for someone with nowhere left to hide."

He paused, glancing from Liara to Shepard. "You travel with interesting companions, doctor. Archangel's bounty is still unclaimed, and Subject Zero's corpse is nearly as priceless as Shepard's. And the death of both Shepard and Alenko –"

"You're treading on dangerous ground, Broker," Shepard growled. Kaidan glanced at her without taking his eyes off the Broker. The last person who'd threatened him in front of Shepard hadn't ended up well either.

"You will not lay a hand on anyone!"

"I'm impressed that she hasn't started screaming," Garrus commented. Kaidan nodded.

"It's pointless to challenge me, asari. I know your every secret, while you fumble in the dark."

"Is that so?" Liara retorted, patronizingly. "You're a  _yahg_ , a pre-spaceflight species quarantined to your homeworld for massacring the Council's first contact teams. This base is older than your planet's discovery, which probably means you killed the original Shadow Broker sixty years ago, then took over. I'm guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave . . . or a  _pet_. How am I doing?"

"Bitch," Jack added.

The Broker seemed unphased, but then moved his lumbering bulk forward to slam into his desk, snapping it in half. Part of it was thrown at them – Shepard and Kaidan both flared instinctively, deflecting it just before the Broker opened fire. "Cover!" Shepard barked, sending them scattering.

#

The power cut, as Shepard had predicted. Fortunately, Legion had been in the system and Tali had done something clever with the lightning rods and the ship went dark for less than a second before everything resumed, and the altitude loss was hardly significant. Mordin reappeared, scanning the now-freed drell. Tali glanced around them. "Any sign of –"

:: _This is the Shadow Broker._ :: The Broker's deep bass came over the shipboard comm. :: _The situation is now under control. We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware._ ::

Panicked, Feron sprinted for Central Operations with the others on his heels. "If he took down Shepard –" Tali started.

"May only be injured," Mordin reminded her.

The scene they burst in on with weapons drawn, however, was chaotic. Shepard was sprawled on her back, panting and trying to wave Kaidan away. He was standing over her with his omni-tool out, arguing with her about injuries. Garrus was kneeling next to a furious and eloquently swearing Jack, trying to tend to whatever injuries she'd sustained. The Shadow Broker, whatever he had been, was no where to be seen.

The voice, meanwhile, was originating from Liara, who was leaning over the room's main console. "However, we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. I want a status report on all operations within the next solar day. Shadow Broker out."

"Goddess of oceans," Feron breathed. "It's you. But . . ."

Liara sighed, turning back. "Everyone who's seen him is dead, so . . ."

"You're the new Shadow Broker."

Tali lowered her shotgun. "Liara, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Would be useful. Unprecedented data available for study." Mordin drew a deep breath through his nose.

"It is either this, or lose everything – his network, trading sources . . . those will help us. With his network I can give . . . I can . . ."

She turned back to the console, shoulders sagging. Feron cleared his throat. "I'll, uh, check the power systems," he mumbled. Shepard, finally on her feet, jerked her head after him – Mordin and Tali helped him out just as the others finally ran in.

"Help keep this ship up," Shepard ordered. "Do what you have to. Garrus, Alenko, get Jack back to med bay."

"I'm fine!" Jack protested.

"You should be heading there too," Kaidan murmured. Shepard nodded.

"Let me see to Liara. I'll report to Chakwas as soon as I can."

Kaidan nodded before moving to help Garrus haul Jack out of the room. Shepard glanced at the others. "Is the ship secure?"

"It is," Miranda answered.

"Excellent. Do another sweep and return to the  _Normandy_. I'll be there shortly." Shepard turned back towards Liara, limping forward. Miranda started to open her mouth, prepared to argue, but sighed and turned on her heel, starting back out the door. Silently, the others followed.

 


	54. Dossiers

Joker watched as Jack propped herself back up on his console. "How are you feeling?"

She glared at him. "Not you too."

"I'm allowed to worry about you."

Jack made a face. "When did that happen?"

"When you weren't looking."

She sighed heavily. "I'm fine. Shep was worried 'cause I missed the chance to beat the shit outta the Broker."

"Isn't like you to miss a fight."

"I got slammed into a column by fifty million pounds of yahg. Wasn't my fault. So are we  _seriously_  picking up T'Soni's shit from Illium?"

"Liara's the most powerful person in the galaxy. Shepard wants to make sure she's got what she needs to work."

"She's gonna have the ship painted pink by the time we get back."

Joker laughed. "I doubt she'll have time."

"Bet me. She'll  _make_  time."

Footsteps sounded behind them, and Joker raised his eyebrows. "Wanna freak them out?" he hissed. Jack grinned, climbing onto his lap while expertly avoiding his legs, and hooking her own legs over his chair arm.

"That better?"

"Just don't squirm." Jack reached up and grabbed his hat, moving it just out of his reach. "Hey! Not fair! I said don't squirm!"

"Really?" Shepard sighed heavily from behind them. "Jack, don't break his legs."

"That's no fun, then." Jack clambered back onto the console, jamming the helmsman's hat onto her heard.

"What happened to you?" Joker asked. Shepard held up her splinted hand.

"I got in a fistfight with the Shadow Broker. I didn't think his skull would be quite as hard as it was. I broke my hand." She glanced at it sadly. "How's the ship? Lightning do any damage?"

"She's the same as always. What's the plan?"

"Liara contacted some acquaintances of hers on Illium. They'll meet us at our docking bay. We'll load up and drop the stuff off. Hopefully Liara will have a lead for us by then, and we'll actually be doing something constructive."

"One can always hope."

Shepard nodded. "It's either that, or we're going to be planet scanning for the foreseeable future."

Joker and Jack groaned in unison. EDI flickered red – a sign of irritation. "The Reapers are millions of years old, for Christ's sake," Joker said. "There's gotta be  _something_  out there."

"You'd think. But it's a huge galaxy. Who knows where they've hidden everything."

"I thought I'd find you up here." Kaidan appeared in the cockpit doorway behind her. "Everything okay?"

"I'm fine." Shepard glanced back at Joker. "He's concerned because the Broker tossed me around."

"I'm allowed to be concerned," Kaidan retorted, resting his hand on Shepard's back as he moved into the doorway next to her.

Jack grinned. "So that explains why you've been in a good mood." Shepard stared at her blankly. "Someone's gettin' laid."

Both Shepard and Kaidan remained impassive, but Jack was able to spot a slow, red flush creep up the back of Shepard's neck. Kaidan blinked as his hand started for the back of his own neck, and Joker chuckled. "Don't worry, Jack, that  _is_  their embarrassed face."

"I'm not going to stand up here for this," Shepard said, turning on her heel and heading back for the CIC. Kaidan glared at Joker, who raised his hands.

"What?" Kaidan shook his head in a what-do-you-think sort of way, and Joker sighed, glancing around the marine to make sure Shepard was out of earshot. "Alenko, how is she?"

Kaidan glanced back down the CIC, then back at Joker. "Stressed. She knows we need to find information on the Reapers – proof we can take to the Alliance and the Council and get them behind us. She just doesn't know where to look."

"Yeah," Joker scoffed. "Let me know if we  _ever_  know where to look."

"I'm tellin' ya," Jack said. "Reapers'll be fucking us up the ass before we know they're even here."

Joker forced a grin at Kaidan. "She's such a ray of sunshine, isn't she?"

"Shut the fuck up, crip."

Kaidan shook his head and retreated back to the relative safety of the CIC.

#

Shepard glanced at Liara cautiously, then back down at the terminal.

She was not one for finding out extremely personal details about her companions, but Liara  _had_  handed her the information and after several minutes fighting with herself she finally gave into her curiosity (mainly because she  _really_  wanted to know how Mordin had used a farming implement to kill someone. Fortunately, that had been in there, unfortunately alongside a recording of his  _Pirates of Penzance_  performance that would quite possibly haunt her nightmares for years).

It was the last file she wasn't sure she wanted to open. With a deep breath, she opened up the file named  _Alenko, Kaidan._

The information was sparse – apparently, the Broker had not thought him important until recently. Above the included files was a short, terse note:  _Shepard's subordinate on_ Normandy _SR1. Rumors of physical relationship with Shepard. Physical relationship confirmed: Resumed aboard_ Normandy _SR2. N7 level training post-_ Normandy _SR1. Recommended for Spectres. Could possibly be used as leverage._  Shepard swallowed, closing her eyes for the briefest second. That hadn't surprised her, for the most part – there was also a file on her mother, stating the same thing. She sighed, opening her comm.

"EDI, I need you to scrub the  _Normandy_. Broker's got cameras in there." Even if the Broker was Liara, there were some things she didn't want other people to see.

:: _Right away, Shepard._ ::

With a heavy sigh, she looked at the list of files under Kaidan's name.

_Alliance Personnel File (2185): Alenko, Kaidan M._

_Conversation Log (Citadel, A993 to C451)_

Fairly happy that the log contained less that she'd feared, Shepard hovered over opening either file. Convincing herself that opening this would show her what information the Broker might have sold to someone else, she opened the personnel file first. The format was so similar to what she was used to that it was oddly comforting.

_Name: Alenko, Kaidan M._

_Rank: Staff Commander_

_Skill: Biotic, Technical_

_Training Level: N7_

_Assignment: Classified (Infiltrate_ NormandySR2 _– SB)_

 _Current Posting: Classified (_ NormandySR2 _, COs: Councilor D. Anderson, Adm. S. Hackett – SB)_

 _Recent Assignments: Councilor's Aide, Citadel; SSV_ NormandySR1

_Physical: Cleared_

_Psychological: Cleared*_

_Mailing: A933, Presidium, Citadel_

_Permanent: OQ 877, Arcturus Station_

_Permanent: 402 Hyllis Road, Vancouver, BC, Canada, Earth_

_Next-of-Kin: Rear Admiral R. Alenko, retired; Mrs. I. Alenko_

_Permanent Address: 402 Hyllis Road, Vancouver, BC, Canada, Earth_

_Note: Recommended for Spectre training. Confirmed. Status dependent upon current assignment. –D. Anderson._

_*Note: Subject shows some signs of extreme survivor's guilt, but possesses the compartmentalization indicative of combat soldiers. Subject is still mentally stable. Recommended for aide-level positions until psychological trauma is remedied, but will clear for combat readiness._

Shepard frowned. It wasn't a  _full_  Alliance file – it was missing his previous assignments, technical records, full psychological evaluations, reports, commendations, and recommendations – but it was just enough to be dangerous. Very dangerous. And survivor's guilt . . . with a heavy sigh she exited it, opening the conversation log. One eyebrow slowly arched as she scanned it.

_Communication between Cmdr. K. Alenko, Dr. A. Henry._

_H: Commander Alenko. I haven't seen you around the Citadel as much recently._

_A: I've been on assignment out in the colonies._

_H: Is it nice out there? I've never been out past the Citadel._

_A: It's nicer in the Traverse than the Terminus. I can't say much more._

_H: I know, I know._

_A: How have you been? Have things been any easier?_

_H: It gets easier day by day. But I'll walk past something and just think about him, and I feel like I just undid two years of getting over him. Just yesterday I walked past an elcor and heard James saying that it reminded him of a gorilla and elephant's love child, and I died all over again._

_H: What about you? Has being off the Citadel helped any?_

_A: No._

"Can I get you anything, Shadow Broker?"

Shepard glared at the white-glowing drone, who was bobbing happily at her elbow. "Yeah. A few minutes without you hovering over my shoulder."

"It would give me no end of happiness to do so, Shadow Broker."

The drone bobbed off, its small VI mind overloaded with the sheer joy it felt at being useful. Shepard shook her head. "Thanks, Colin."

She returned to the file.

_H: Has anything?_

_A: The Alliance finally stopped using her to raise enlistment rates. So I don't see her every day._

_H: It's a start._

_A: Yeah. Maybe._

_H: She was more than your CO, wasn't she?_

_(SB: response time 5.7 minutes longer than usual)_

_A: We were close._

_H: I'd suppose so. It's safe with me._

_H: I have to report to the clinic. Will you be on the Citadel for a while?_

_A: Only until my CO gives me a new assignment._

_H: Will we be able to talk later?_

_A: Maybe._

_(communication ends)_

Shepard stared at the screen before sighing heavily. And with a quick glance back at Liara and the over-exuberant VI, she proceeded to do what she'd done for the other files.

_Delete? Y/N_

_Y._

#

"You all right, Alenko?"

Kaidan ran a hand over his face, swiveling one of the gunners' chairs back towards Joker. "I'm not all right with having Liara back on this ship."

"They're just 'talking'. It isn't like they're 'embracing eternity' or anything. I'd have the cameras on."

Kaidan thoughtfully ignored Joker's interjection. "She handed her to Cerberus. You're okay with that?"

Joker shrugged. "Look. Cerberus might be a bunch of assholes but they've done some good. They rebuilt both the Commander and the  _Normandy_  . . . you have to give them that."

"You can't trust them."

"I'll tell you what I told Shepard – I don't trust anyone who makes more than I do. Well, excepting her of course. Granted, she makes more than just about everyone on this ship right now. Although I'd suspect you make more than she does. She didn't take the Alliance back up?"

He shook his head. "She doesn't trust them."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "Shepard doesn't trust the Alliance? Never thought I'd say that."

"She trusts Hackett, and me, and her mother – but that's about as far as it extends. High brass alienated her when they blacklisted her. She isn't sure why she should trust an organization that doesn't value its deceased officers."

"She's got a point. Hell, half of this ship left the Alliance because of the way they treated her." Joker adjusted his hat. "There was a huge backlash, as I remember. I was in the middle of it, of course . . . 'Come on out and see the pilot who killed Shepard' and all that."

He nodded. "The brass wasn't fond of me for a while either. Hackett finally reminded them that I was under his command and they stopped. He tried to get them to back off of Shepard, but it's easier to mess with a dead soldier's reputation than a living one."

"She say that she's considering?"

"She told Hackett that he could start fighting Command whenever he felt like it, but for right now she says it's more important for her to work in conjunction with the Spectres, rather than the Alliance."

"Makes sense. Especially out here in the Terminus."

"That doesn't matter – pirates already hate her. But Spectres are more respected than Alliance out here."

Joker nodded in agreement. "So anyway, what's the chance we're going to have more than Shepard's money keeping us in the air anytime soon?"

"What? Your extranet subscriptions running out?"

Joker grinned. "I should applaud you for that."

"How's Jack feel about them?"

"We're, uh . . ." A bit of red started to creep into the helmsman's neck. "We're talking about it." Kaidan half-grinned. "Don't you dare."

"How's Shepard feel about you dating one of her team?"

"She's cool with it. Told me if I fucked it up she'd airlock me, but it's a good deal."

Kaidan shook his head. "I'm surprised. I'd have thought Jack would have snapped you in half by now."

"Well . . . there have been a couple of fractures."

"I did not need to know that."

He shrugged. "You asked."

Footsteps announced someone else's approach, and Liara suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Joker. It was good to see you again."

"Likewise," Joker said, a lopsided grin slipping across his face. "Embrace eternity sometime for me."

Liara rolled her eyes before glancing at Kaidan. "Commander, I . . . I'm sorry I didn't let you know before I entered into an agreement with Cerberus. I know how much she meant to you."

"She still does," Kaidan answered coldly. Liara nodded.

"Well, I should get back to . . . my informants won't wait all day."

"See ya, Liara." Joker turned back to the console as Liara disappeared in the airlock. As soon as the airlock zipped closed, he glanced back at EDI. "You might want to scrub everything again. Just in case."

"I was thinking the same thing, Jeff."

"I'll go see what Shepard's next step is." Kaidan stood.

"Yeah." Joker paused, glancing back at him. "Hopefully it isn't planet scanning."

Kaidan headed towards the CIC, spotting Shepard at the galaxy map. He waited by her terminal as she put in the appropriate coordinates. "Where're we off to?"

Shepard sighed, glancing back at him. "Everyone's favorite. Planet scanning."

The ensuing groan echoed through the CIC.


	55. First Annual Normandy Chair Racing Tournament

Planet scanning was, by far, the  _Normandy_ 's absolute  _favorite_  pastime, second only to Shepard's fights with Councilor Velarn.

The ensuing two weeks after taking down and replacing the Shadow Broker were consumed with mining, the crew relegated to a sort of existence where stumbling across a pirate base gave the entire ship more joy than finding the secret to killing every Reaper ever built in a matter of seconds, if only because it gave them an opportunity to listen to the ground team's comm chatter.

During those two weeks, since really only EDI needed to work while scanning, several new events began to get developed aboard the ship. Shepard managed to win the First Bimonthly Skyllian Five tournament after Daniels, Donnelly, and Tali refused to play altogether; Hawthorne won the new Triannual Holographic Chess Tournament, probably because Shepard and Alenko were banned from playing; Jack managed to beat Grunt in the First Annual Ground Team [Addendum: Minus Alliance Marines] No-Holds-Barred Hand-To-Hand Tournament by biotically throwing the krogan into a bulkhead (the truth was, the pool primarily consisted of Grunt, Jack, and Zaeed anyway); Tali and Legion were forbidden from a hacking tournament put on by the crewmen, which gave Kasumi an opening to win. Shepard and Kaidan ended up having to excuse themselves from a demonstration of Alliance marine hand-to-hand (post the No-Holds-Barred tournament) after several minutes and disappeared for about three hours afterwards, which led to Jack and Joker laughing while Garrus struggled to figure out just what was so damn funny about hand-to-hand.

That was only in the first two days.

The last week found progressively more amusing competitions, such as splitting into three different teams to build a hovercar out of a CIC chair, some very spare plastic and metal parts, and a few extra nuts and bolts. Unsurprisingly, the teams were headed by Joker, Donnelly, and Tali (after much debate about whether or not a quarian should even be allowed to participate) and presided over by Shepard and Legion (who was not entirely sure what the point of this was). Tali's team, consisting of Kaidan, Garrus, Gardner and Jacob won, of course, with Joker's team a matter of seconds behind. Donnelly's hover-chair broke halfway through its first lap around the CIC but came in a close third when they pushed it over the finish line.

After planet scanning and with no new leads from Liara, they stopped at the Citadel for some shore leave and the vain hope that a lead would come in. Shepard abandoned the crew for the first time to take some leave of her own, meeting Hannah Shepard up on the Presidium for dinner their second night there.

Not long after Shepard left, Zaeed, Jack, and Grunt unsuccessfully attempted to sneak out of the  _Normandy_ 's airlock. Kaidan and Joker had found themselves scouring the extranet for any new leads, and so the sneaking was unsuccessful. However, Shepard had left standing orders to let Zaeed into the wards to look for information on Vido, so they let them go.

Two hours later, Kaidan and Joker were still searching the extranet for any rumors of discovered Reaper tech or anything that might bear their hallmarks. Joker finally raised his hands.

"Okay, you know what? I need a drink."

"You're on duty," Kaidan muttered, skimming whatever he was reading.

"So? We're never going to find anything. It's the goddamned Reapers. It isn't like they're posting evidence all over the extranet. 'Oh, look, we're Reapers! Have our shit!'"

"I think I found something."

"Everyone thinks the Reapers are too stupid to pick up their own shi—" Joker paused, swinging his chair back around. "Hey, what did –"

"I found something. It's dated a few days ago."

Joker tapped his hand on his chair arm. "And?"

"It's an article from Serrice. Apparently –"

A  _beep_  from Joker's console interrupted him. Joker glanced down and groaned. "Shit. It's Bailey."

"The C-Sec officer?"

"The same."

Kaidan frowned. "What does he want?"

"Search me." Joker opened the incoming comm. "This is XO Jeff Moreau of the  _Normandy SR2_."

:: _Where the hell is Shepard?_ :: Bailey sounded more irritable than usual.

"Not to be disturbed under penalty of very painful death. Why?"

There was an irritable sigh. :: _Dammit. All right. You and whoever else is in charge get your ass to my terminal. I got some of your crew here that I'm about to slap with destruction of public property, public indecency–_ ::

"Sounds like your girlfriend ripped something apart again, Joker," Kaidan quipped. Joker glared at him.

"Yeah. Fine. Be right there."

:: _Good._ ::

Joker opened the shipboard with a sigh. "Hey, Miranda, sounds like Zaeed's group got into some trouble. Bailey wants us to go bail them out."

There was a telltale groan from the other end. :: _Damn it. I'll be right there._ ::

"I'll go," Kaidan said, standing. "If there's anyone waiting for us –"

"I'm fine." Joker got to his feet. "Upgrades and all."

"I still don't like it."

"Relax, Alenko. I can shoot an assault rifle."

"Yeah. I found that out the hard way."

Once Miranda joined them it took a matter of minutes to reach the Zakera C-Sec terminal. Bailey was standing, arms crossed, outside a holding cell.

"You're lucky," he growled, spotting and recognizing at least Miranda and Kaidan. "I was about to send them off when one of 'em mentioned they were Shepard's people. I don't like to mess with Spectre contractors. Hope to God  _you_  keep a tighter rein on them."

"Shepard's got a deal with Massani," Miranda said, stepping in diplomatically. "He's allowed to go raid the warehouse district for information."

"That's all well and good until they start blowing up perfectly good supply containers and -!"

"All right. Hand them over to us and –"

"Look. I like Shepard well enough, but damn it, I expect you to pay for  _something_  because of this!"

"It's part of an agreement they have with a Spectre. I don't know all the details but I think that's probably out of your –"

"I need clearance from the Spectre in question!" Bailey argued. "I can't just let a couple of miscreants waltz out of here –"

Miranda glanced at Kaidan. "Weren't we trying to  _avoid_  Shepard's involvement?"

Kaidan nodded. "Looks like we're going to have to bother her."

"I'm still surprised you aren't with her."

He shook his head. "It's a private affair. None of us were invited, even though Captain Shepard wouldn't mind." Bailey glared at them, and Kaidan brought up his omni-tool. "I'll call her comm channel. I'm  _less_  likely to die painfully."

Moments later, Shepard's irritable voice accosted him. :: _Kaidan, the_ Normandy _had better be on fire or there better be Reapers somewhere. You do not_ know _the lecture Mom's going to give me in a few seconds._ ::

"We're at the Zakera C-Sec terminal. Apparently –"

There was an irritable sigh. :: _Goddamn it. Hand me over to Bailey._ ::

Kaidan stuck his arm out towards the C-Sec officer. "Three of your squad started raising hell in the factory district. Your XO swears up and down you're okay with it. Now I –"

:: _Bailey, I'd like to point out that I'm enjoying my first real shore leave since Elysium,_ and _I'm at what is possibly the most expensive restaurant on the Presidium_ with my mother _. They are Spectre contractors and, as long as I've given them permission to do whatever they need to do to look for information, they're to do it. And you're to listen to my XOs when they_ tell _you that I've given them permission, all right? They're cleaning up Suns – it isn't that much of a loss._

_Now I swear to God, if this gets interrupted again because of Massani, Grunt, and Jack and I have to come down there –_ ::

"Sorry to bother you," Bailey said quickly. Kaidan glanced down at his omni-tool.

"I think we've got it."

:: _Good. Now I have to go get lectured about_ why _you shut down your comms on leave._ ::

"I'll hand them over to you. Next time, give them a datapad with Spectre authorization or something!" Bailey slammed his hand into the door's lock and returned to his desk. Jack bounded out first, grinning.

"That was one of the biggest fucking explosions I've ever caused," she said chipperly. Miranda rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, Shepard's gonna kick your ass," Joker retorted as Grunt and Zaeed rejoined them. "Hard. Come on. Alenko said he found something on the Reapers."

#

The article was a dimly-connected one on the fact that a team had determined that the relays predated the Protheans and the ensuing thievery of those reports from an academic on Thessia. Shepard was underwhelmed, but ran the information past Liara, who confirmed it.

They spent six days on the Citadel, Shepard winning fifty credits by managing to walk Legion right through C-Sec Customs without getting a second look. She met with Thane and Kolyat at one point, both of whom were doing well although Thane was starting to look sicker.

Finally, after determining that no one had any more real information, Shepard made the ship even more thrilled.

They would pick a random cluster and go system-by-system looking for evidence.

Three weeks into that, they'd found a couple of blips that turned out to be smuggling bases or small pirate groups, all of which Shepard ignored after a few communications and moved on (much to those smugglers' and pirates' reliefs). Then, they stumbled across a Prothean ruin, which got everyone excited.

The crew had been listening on the comms, so they were prepared when an irate Shepard returned with the rest of the ground crew and retreated to her quarters. Joker started the ship for the next system, bracing himself for Shepard's inevitable visit to the cockpit.

Steps sounded behind him in the hallway, lighter than Shepard's, and he grinned. "That good, huh?"

"Sorry?" The female voice that answered him was neither Jack's nor Shepard's, but a random unknown ensign who was probably a second-shift engineer and therefore someone he never dealt with.

"Uh . . . thought you were someone else." He spun his chair around. "What do you need?"

"I-well, we needed to bring you this report from engineering." She handed him a datapad. He glanced it over.

"You're on duty since Daniels is out with the flu?"

"Mmhm. Tali asked me to cover."

Joker chewed on one side of his lip as he scanned the report. "Tali does know it would have been faster to send the report over the consoles, right?"

"Oh, but I wasn't doing anything, and –"

Jack had nearly frozen at the front of the hallway leading along the neck of the ship when she'd spotted a female form in the doorway to the cockpit. Being in something resembling a normal person's relationship was a weird experience for her, and it meant she was constantly on alert for the bottom dropping straight out from under her.

That was why she was prepping a biotic kick straight into this poor ensign's back when she stopped herself.

Ensign Whoever was desperately trying to get Joker to notice her. He was staring at the datapad in front of him, still trying to figure out why someone had needed to walk a regular engine diagnostic all the way up from Engineering Deck to the cockpit, all the while seeming completely oblivious to her. Jack crossed her arms, watching.

"So, uh, how hard is it to fly the  _Normandy_?" she asked, peppy. He glanced up for a second, then returned his gaze to the datapad.

"When you're the best pilot in the galaxy, not that hard."

"I guess it wouldn't be for you. You know, maybe I could come up here sometime and –"

"I don't know why you would. Tends to be kind of boring. Besides, the cockpit's usually a little crowded." He cleared his throat. "Yeah, so, I should be getting back to doing my job. You know, flying the ship and all. She's not gonna fly herself."

"Yeah, so anyway, I could maybe –"

Jack decided to spare Joker from what would be intense embarrassment and sauntered into the cockpit, settling into her usual perch. The unnamed ensign squeaked and hurriedly retreated.

"Thanks for that," Joker mumbled. "Still don't know why a simple engineering report had to be walked up here."

Jack snickered. "You completely missed it, didn't you?"

"Missed what? What'd I miss? I missed something?"

"Fuck." She leaned forward and smacked the brim of his hat. "You're dense."

"I am not!" Joker protested. "If you're referring to the fact that she was trying to get in my pants, I didn't miss it. She wasn't being subtle about it or anything." Jack's face almost unnoticeably fell. "Look, seriously. If she's too stupid to realize that I'm going to be more confused about why Tali sent her all the way up to deliver a simple report on the drive core's heat output and our potential problems with the stealth systems thanks to all the fun Garrus is having masturbating – or whatever turians do – with his guns, then she's too stupid to realize that she's stupid."

"All right." Jack leaned back, crossing her arms behind her head. "I see that."

"Besides." Joker tossed the offending datapad into a corner of the cockpit and refocused on his console. "I've got too many ladies in my life already. There's you and the  _Normandy_  and EDI –"

"Jeff, your addition of me to that list indicates a relationship different from the platonic one we exhibit. Also, your insistence on calling me 'mom' indicates that you either have severe confusion about the use of such familial terms or possess an Oedipal Complex."

He glanced over at the AI. "Okay, yeah, that was kind of weird."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. Just a bit."

 


	56. Calm Before a Storm

"How do you want to do this, Zaeed?"

Shepard glanced over as Zaeed stared down his sight, locked on the Blue Suns leader ahead of him. "Don't know. Haven't thought that far ahead."

"I'm not surprised."

"Shut up, Shepard."

"You've got two options," she continued, looking down her widow. "Snipe him from here and run for the shuttle, or go in with guns blaring and hope no one sets anything on fire."

"One time!"

"It's your call. There's no civilians to worry about."

"Hm." Zaeed glanced back at her. "What you thinking?"

Two days before, Liara had contacted Shepard with information on Zaeed's old partner that, when combined with their previous intel from the Citadel, pointed them to a remote system in Sentry Omega where the Suns were dealing in red sand and slaves. Somehow, Kaidan, Miranda, Kasumi, and Jacob had worked together long enough to sneak the civilians back to the shuttle. Everyone else, except Mordin and Tali (who were not participating) had formed a perimeter on the main camp, waiting for Shepard's order.

And now the Suns were getting kind of suspicious.

"You know me. If I was given the chance I'd run down there with guns blazing. But even I don't like that lack of cover." She chewed her lip. "Although . . . if we create a distraction on one side it's possible we can draw their attention."

"Let me guess. You want the turian to dance."

:: _Not on your life, Massani_.::

"Nope. I have a better idea." Shepard opened the ship comm, kept quiet so as not to alert the Suns. "Shore to ship."

:: _Loud and clear, Commander_.::

"Civilians and B Team on board?"

:: _Alenko's sulking over my shoulder as we speak._ ::

"Good. Do a flyby on the slave compound with the GARDIANs. Just enough to distract them."

:: _Roger that._ ::

"As soon as the  _Normandy_  crashes their party, open fire on Vido."

:: _Affirmative_ ,:: Legion intoned.

:: _You got it._ ::

Zaeed sighted on Vido, teeth clenched. "I'll fire once to take his shields down," Shepard said, cocking her gun. "If you get him in one shot I'll give you those fifty credits I won sneaking Legion onto the Citadel."

"It's a deal."

With a roar the  _Normandy_  descended on the facility, opening fire. Almost immediately, shots from SMGs and shotguns answered the GARDIANs. Shepard fired, sending Vido stumbling just as she was knocked backwards a few steps from the weapon's kickback. The merc's head exploded in a shower of red seconds later.

"Payback's a bitch, Santiago," Zaeed mumbled. "Now where's my guddamn credits?"

#

They returned to the ship and dispersed, setting course for Omega to drop off the rescued slaves. Zaeed, in what was a scarily good mood, found an audience for his heavily embellished tales in the mess with Jack and Grunt making snide comments about his stories in the background. Garrus returned to his guns; Shepard disappeared instantly into the Loft for her usual post-mission shower, with most of the rest of the squad entering into their own post-mission activities.

Successfully showered, she came back down to the CIC to find Chambers waiting for her.

"Commander, a message from Alliance command has come through for you."

Shepard raised a brow. "Alliance command? Who on Alliance command?"

"Admiral Hackett. He said it's a private call. He would not tell me what about. I—"

She frowned. "All right. Tell him I'll be on the line shortly – I'll take the call in the Loft."

Chambers reported Shepard's answer to the admiral's aide, then sighed. Hopefully Shepard wasn't in trouble with the Alliance. Not this soon.

"Yeoman Chambers." She was surprised to hear Kaidan's voice behind her, and turned.

"Commander Alenko?"

"Have you seen Shepard?"

"She just received a private call from Admiral Hackett. She took it up in the Loft."

"From Hacke—" The change that came over him almost instantaneously made Chambers wonder if he knew something. "Did he say what he needed?"

She shook her head. "No. Just that he needed to talk to her in private."

"Right. Thanks." Kaidan stepped back into the elevator. Why had Hackett needed to talk to Shepard? Had the Alliance finally issued an order for her arrest? Or had they asked for her back? He wiped his hands on his pants as the elevator slid open. A few more steps brought him to the Loft's (locked) door.

"Commander Alenko," EDI said, appearing outside the door. "Shepard is currently taking a private call."

"I know."

"I will let her know you are here." Seconds later, EDI reappeared. "Shepard asked that you wait until the call ends. She does not sound pleased."

"Great." Kaidan leaned back against the wall, arms crossed. "Hackett must not have good news."

EDI flickered a shade of darker blue. "I believe you are correct, Commander."

The door finally opened, and he stepped through. Shepard was pacing in front of her bed, lost in thought.

"What'd Hackett want?"

She sighed. "He asked me for a favor. Involves my two favorite things – batarians and no squad."

"Batarians and – what the hell sort of favor is he asking for?"

"Kai."

"No, Shepard. You and batarians are a bad mix. The last time you let a terrorist go because he –"

"Kai, please." Shepard rested her hands on his shoulders, stopping his tirade. "The less you know, the better. Just . . . Hackett says the Reapers are involved and he needs me to verify."

"Involved with the batarians?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Kaidan sighed. "Marra, please. Just tell me what's going on."

Shepard shook her head, dropping her eyes as she picked at an imperceptible thread on his shirt. "No. If this goes south, I'm probably going to be killed or end up in a batarian prison. I'm not taking everyone on this ship with me."

"Then where are we going?"

"Viper Nebula."

Kaidan groaned. "Shepard, that's the middle of batarian space!"

"Kai, I . . ." She sighed. "I know. He wants me to go because I'm not Alliance, the  _Normandy_  can run under stealth, and I can verify Reaper involvement."

"Marra." Kaidan pulled her chin up. "Marra, I don't like this."

"I know. Neither do I. But if the Reapers are involved – if it's got information for us –"

"Let Garrus and I go with you. Or Kasumi. Or  _someone_. If the Reapers are involved, it could be a trap."

Shepard's eyes flashed. "Do you really think I don't  _ever_  consider that? But unless we're flying into a nest of goddamned Reapers –"

"What if the batarians are indoctrinated?"

She frowned. "Kai, I can't take a squad. This is a quiet get-in-and-get-out rescue mission. That's all. It'll take me a few hours. Then I just have to verify the Reapers and radio for pickup. In and out."

"Nothing is ever that easy. Not when you're involved."

"I know. And I have a really bad feeling about this."

"Then take a squad!"

"And we  _all_  get thrown under the bus when this becomes a galactic incident?"

Kaidan sighed, pulling her fully into his arms and kissing her forehead. "You're the most stubborn woman I know."

"Yeah. I know. I wish I could tell you more. I really do."

"I know." His hand pressed against her neck. "When are we –"

"As soon as we drop these ex-slaves off on Omega."

"Gives us some time then." Shepard grinned as he captured her lips.

"Several hours, in fact," she replied breathlessly, sliding a hand through his hair. "But this is certainly a big switch from the conversation we were just having."

"Well, if you get arrested by batarians . . ."

"True."


	57. Force Majeure

"I just don't think this is a good idea, Shepard."

"I am inclined to agree with Miss Lawson." EDI flashed a worried, almost-black color of blue.

Everyone was on edge. They had been flying silent in deep batarian space with all battle stations manned when Shepard had disappeared towards the shuttle in full weapons and armor without a backwards look. It hadn't taken a genius to figure out that she was dropping solo, and the ground team had raced to the shuttle to stop her. She was currently standing in the shuttle's door, finding it blocked by several individuals whose heads she did not want to take off. Most of them had grabbed weapons, as if doing so would further convince her to not go alone.

"The last time you and a large number of batarians were in the same place –"

"I  _know_ , Garrus." Shepard held up her hand. "This is a favor to Hackett. He asked that I don't take a squad. That's  _final_."

"An' that's guddamned suicide. You'll end up in a batarian prison –"

"Shepard, listen to us. If you get caught, what are we –"

"Agreed. Odds of success low. Would be –"

"Consensus. Odds of success do not outweigh risk of failure."

"Even I wouldn't do this. This is fucking crazy."

"Come on, Shep, I'm an expert at staying out of sight. I'll go with you."

Jacob glanced at Kaidan, who was nonchalantly leaning against the shuttle with his arms crossed. "Come on. Help us out."

Kaidan shook his head. "We already talked about it. She'll do it her way." While the others were shocked into stunned silence, he stepped forward and kissed her, missing Kasumi's triumphant fist-raise and several raised eyebrows. "Good luck. Be careful."

Shepard looked nearly as taken aback as her crew, but nodded. "I'll radio if there's an emergency. Be ready to pull my ass out."

"I'll be there." Kaidan stepped back as Shepard closed the shuttle door. They returned to Engineering to watch the shuttle pull out of the ship, the door closing with a solid  _zip_  as air pressure returned to normal.

"I sure as hell hope she knows what she's doing," Miranda said, earning a uniform nod.

"So, sleeping with the boss?" Zaeed said. Kaidan ignored him, heading for the elevator.

"None of your business, Massani."

"You know, a coupla years ago I was –" The elevator zipped closed as Zaeed made it in, cutting off whatever he was a "coupla" years previously.

"I would pay to see Alenko rip his ass apart," Garrus commented.

"Only if I can help," Jack added.

Jacob grinned. "Too bad we're missing it."

#

"Here we are. Welcome to Project Base."

Shepard stepped off the purloined batarian shuttle and glanced around the generically structured hangar, the hairs raising on the back of her neck. Something was wrong – something had been wrong since she'd rescued this Doctor Amanda Kenson woman in the first place. A flashing set of numbers over the door caught her eye, and she cleared her throat.  _Damn dusty batarian colonies_. "Is that a countdown?"

Kenson nodded. "That's our countdown to the arrival. When that reaches zero, the Reapers will be here."

Shepard blinked, voicing immediate opinion without thinking. "There's no way in hell you can know that."

"Object Rho has been giving off pulses at standard intervals. Those intervals are decreasing. When the pulse becomes constant – in a little over two days – the Reapers will be here."

"Two days," Shepard mused. "Okay. I need to see this thing."

"Follow me."

 _Alpha relay. Reapers coming. Destroying a relay. Reapers._  Shepard rubbed her forehead as she trotted after the Project's leader, the words and everything connected to them playing bumper-cars in her head. "Do we need to fix anything to get the Project running?"

 _Maybe I'm just being paranoid. We can warn the colonists, get them to evac. In a day or a day and a half – leaves us a little close, though – we'll start this thing up, get the team out on the_ Normandy _, and blow the hell out of this relay. Screw you, Reapers. Work for it this time._

 _Nothing is_ ever _that easy. Not when_  you're _involved._  Kaidan's words echoed in her head, and she nearly missed Kenson's answer.

"No. Everything was in place when I was arrested. It isn't a matter of 'can we,' but rather 'should we.'"

 _"Should we?" It'll stop the Reapers . . . we_ need _to. There's no question. Why hesitate?_

"Is there an alternative?"

"No. The Reapers will hit the system regardless – it's whether or not they have this relay to hit."

Their elevator lurched to a halt, and Shepard followed Kenson to a locked door. "Then we need to do this. It's our only chance."

"Allow me." Kenson's omni-tool flashed, and the lock turned green. "Commander Shepard, I present you Object Rho."

Shepard's breath caught. Ahead of her spiraled something that could have been cut from Sovereign itself, black metal interlaced with pulsing blue strips wreathed in sparks of red electricity. It  _hum_ med deep inside her implants, rattling her teeth with an intensity she'd only previously felt going through the Conduit. Somewhere at the very edge of her consciousness she felt a presence, nibbling at the corners of her mind as if testing, feeling,  _seeing_  – she shook her head as she forced the captured breath out, barely keeping her hands from trembling as alarm klaxons rang inside her head, begging her to flee. "You have it just sitting here." When it finally emerged, her voice carried an accusatory strength she didn't particularly feel. "In the open. You told me you had  _precautions_ , and –"

"When we found it," Kenson said quietly, as if admiring from afar a piece of art outside her own comprehension. "It showed me a vision of the Reapers' arrival."

 _Shit!_  The alarms sang louder, more desperately. Shepard took a step backwards.  _Reaper involvement, triple-check. Now where's the button to launch this rock?_  "Kenson . . . this isn't . . . do you have  _any_  idea –"

"Give it a moment, Shepard. It'll give you the proof you need."

Shepard launched herself back for the door but, before she made it half a step, it felt like someone had launched a charging krogan out of a GARDIAN directly into her midsection. She staggered blindly, losing track of her own movements as the presence in her mind exploded, pushing through her with all the gentleness of the aforementioned krogan wielding a battleax.

And she saw  _them_ , first and foremost, their metal structures heading for the relay – her logic told her it could be any relay, but she  _knew_  it was this one – the blue field radiating as it locked on them, welcoming its crafters back into the galaxy –

They pushed again, trying to dig into her memories, searching for names, places, times – she grit her teeth and flung herself back at them with all the force, aggression, and blind rage she could muster while feeling as if her stomach would turn to slush from the force being exerted on it. They recoiled in shock with her ferocity and she threw herself away from the connection, severing it.

And found herself on her hands and knees, breath coming in sharp, ragged waves. Her heart was lodged in her throat, pounding as if she'd sprinted a marathon. Her arms trembled under her; the ground seemed to move and shift before her eyes, black spots impeding her vision. Something burned behind her eyes – she recognized from Kaidan's symptoms the oncoming really really  _really_  nasty headache. She tasted blood – sometime during the ordeal, she must have latched down on her lip.

It was about that time that she noted the location and source of the only cool spot on her body – the cold, round metal of a gun barrel digging into the back of her neck, hovering around her amp port.

"I can't let you start the Project!" Kenson said frantically, gun quivering at her neck. Running feet began to announce the approach of Project guards. "I can't let you stop them!"

Gritting her teeth, Shepard forced her unsteady limbs under her, jerking the gun away from her neck. A well-placed slam from her armor-clad elbow impacted Kenson's arm with the (now) satisfying crack of a snapping bone. Her shields flared as a gunshot _ping_ ed off them – she threw herself into cover, releasing Kenson in favor of not losing her shields.

"Take her down!" Kenson barked as Shepard returned fire. The wounded leader stumbled back out. Shepard tried to break for the door after her but slammed into it, the mechanism glowing red.

"Shit!" Shepard spat, diving behind a pillar. She needed better cover.

She needed to call the  _Normandy_.

She would, of course, have to put up with everyone muttering "I-told-you-so's" for the rest of her probably-short life, but that was worth not dying.

"Goddamned Reapers," she said, glancing around cover to shoot a guard and look for a better choke point.

At the top of one set of stairs, a stack of supply crates afforded her approximately the same amount of cover as the portmaster's office on Elysium had. With a deep breath, Shepard clutched her gun to her chest and sprinted across the room, rolling behind the boxes just before her shields failed, sacrificing a charge in favor of not overtaxing her biotics. The guards changed their attack, starting to rush her position. Shepard drew her shotgun and dropped her pistol to the floor, simultaneously flicking open her previously-closed comm to the  _Normandy_.

"Don't make this difficult, Shepard!" Kenson barked over an intercom. Shepard grit her teeth, but ended up collapsing against the crate protecting her when a second voice interfered, seemingly coming from the Object itself –

"Do not resist. Give yourself over and be spared."

Harbinger? Or did all Reapers sound the same? Shepard ground her teeth together even harder, popping up to take out a soldier with a flamethrower. To use Udina's favorite descriptive: this was going to be a shit-storm.

" _Normandy_!" She barked into her comm. "This is Shepard! I need backup stat! Science team is indoctrinated!" Shepard popped over the crate, emptying her clip and taking down the closest guards. " _Normandy_ , I repeat, this is an emergency! God, Joker, where the hell are you?

Joker was, currently, staring at a blank comm channel hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of kilometers away while Kaidan paced anxiously behind him. There was, of course, no way for Shepard to know this and she continued yelling into her comm, growing more and more desperate.

"We don't want to hurt you, Commander. Lay down your weapons!"

As soon as Kenson spoke, the Object pulsed. "Your galaxy is in sight. Your final days are at hand."

Shepard dropped her clip-less shotgun and tugged the arc off her back, sending a volt of electricity through her attackers. They dropped. She realized she was still shouting into her comm, but lost track of whatever she was saying. She didn't have time to think it through – she needed to keep calling for pickup. Screw whatever she was saying about it.

"This will only get worse for you, Shepard." Kenson. She was going to kill that woman.

"The end of your species will come."

"Fuck you!" She muttered back towards the Object. "And the ship you rode in on!"

She dropped the rest of her firearms to the ground in easy reach, picking up her heavy pistol and opening fire, dropping nearly ninety percent of the guards with headshots. The clip jammed, and she tossed the weapon aside.

"Activate the heavy mechs!" someone ordered. Shepard whipped her widow into hand, firing several direct shots into the ensuing mech's power center. It exploded, killing most of the men next to it. Having used up the weapon's ten allotted clips, Shepard reached for her SMG.

No clips.

Panicked, she tried her other weapons. Nothing.

"Shit." She glanced over her life-saving barricade. The men were regrouping.

"Patience." Kenson seemed to be assuring her men. "It's only a matter of time."

"Struggle, if you wish. Your mind will be mine."

"Wonderful," Shepard muttered, skimming her weapons. No clips. No power cells. She took a deep breath.

She flared, finally opening fire with her biotics. Shockwaves were efficient but usually didn't kill – however, she only needed to hold up until Joker got her backup. Throws and lifts sent men careening, hard, into walls and floors. She dared not use her charge lest she lose her position, but she had tricks – watching Jack dismember Collectors with her biotics had been, at the least, educational.

She was still yelling into her comm, this time something about  _someone_  needing to be in the cockpit to answer the comm and how this was insane and how she was out of clips and how  _oh my God_  where are they?

Doors slid open again, and more men poured in after having regrouped and possibly prayed to their Reaper deities. "Have faith in the artifact," Kenson assured them. "It'll be over soon."

"You shall be the first to witness our arrival."

Shepard bit her lip again as she popped over her crate, flared and ready to biotically remove some poor sap's arm. Almost immediately a giant pulse forced her back, and  _they_  were in her mind again as she slammed back into the wall and clattered to the ground.

As Shepard fell, the comm link to the  _Normandy_  finally connected and officially severed. EDI spotted the link fizzling out as soon as it had actually connected, and began to wonder if it was important. Figuring Shepard had accidentally turned it on again, the AI moved off to talk to Legion or pick on Joker – whichever opportunity presented itself first. Shepard's visor-cam's video, previously taping the assault, shorted out and left only the audio.

She was not down for long. She cracked her eyelids with a short, quiet moan, finding someone's boots clouding her vision. Hands pulled her onto her back, out of the ball she'd crumpled in after impacting the wall at a high velocity. She raised a hand wearily to try and bat away her assailants – something inside her reminded her that the Reapers were involved and this was  _not_ good and holy shit where was her team – but her hand was pressed back into the floor as little more than an annoyance.

She suddenly found herself drearily stared up at Kenson – no, not Kenson, but –

"Take her to the med bay and patch her up," Kenson-Harbinger/Other Reaper ordered, the Reaper's voice underlying the doctor's. Glowing yellow eyes, which had so often accompanied Collector threats directed at her on the battlefield, stared directly into hers. "We want Shepard alive."

A knot formed at the pit of her stomach, soon ended by the feeling of a prick in her arm and a rush of sedation into her veins. She struggled briefly, her limbs weighing down even heavier as the sedatives began to take hold, her vision finally clouding and darkening as she once again lost all consciousness.


	58. Chased Down Like Dogs We Run From ...

"What if something happened? It's been a day. Anything could have –"

"Will you  _stop_  moping?" Joker glared at his console, ignoring the pacing Alliance marine behind him.  _I swear to God, if he doesn't stop . . ._ "If the batarians had her it'd be all over the extranet by now."

"So you're suddenly an expert on batarians?"

" _No._  But I –"

"I agree with Jeff's assessment. The Hegemony would seize the leverage they believe Shepard provides with the Alliance. We _would_  know, Commander Alenko."

"And anyway, she could be anywhere in the system now. You heard her on her last communication. She'd picked up the person Hackett asked for and was on her way to verify the Reaper artifact."

"And what if it's a trap?"

"You seemed fine with it when Shepard left."

"I was never  _fine_ with it." Kaidan finally managed to sit down, staring into the copilot's console. "I just knew I wasn't going to be able to stop her."

"Are you done?" Joker asked irritably. "You should get some sleep."

"I'm fine."

"Look,  _I_  slept for once. If the batarians decide to get nasty we're going to need all hands prepared."

"She only said she'd be gone a few  _hours_ , Joker. It's been almost twenty-four."

"She's  _fine_ , Alenko. We're talking about  _Shepard_."

"Yeah. That's what concerns me."

"Stop bitching." Jack appeared in the door of the cockpit. "Fuck, I don't know how Shepard doesn't kill you."

"She likes his ass," Joker retorted. "Alenko, look.  _We. Would. Know_."

Kaidan held up his hands, starting to leave the cockpit. "Not if it was the Reapers."

As he disappeared back towards the CIC, Joker glanced over at Jack. "He has a point. Something could have happened." Jack shrugged. "It isn't like Shepard to be on a solo mission this long without checking in."

"Not you too."

"I've just got a bad feeling about it. That's all."

"It was fucking crazy. Even for Shep." She crossed her arms. "I didn't like it from the fucking start."

Joker shook his head. Jack leaned forward, grabbing his hat. "So I was wondering how I should wear this," she started loudly. "'Cause if I wear it like you I look like a tool."

Several people in the CIC hallway glanced at them nervously.

"I do not look like a tool!" Joker made a swipe for his hat. Jack moved it out of his way, jamming it sideways onto her head.

"You do to," she retorted. "So sideways or backwards?"

Kaidan retreated to the briefing room, pacing along the edge of one wall. He never liked Shepard going anywhere alone, a sentiment shared by most of the crew: it was why the couple of missions she'd taken solo before had been nearly guaranteed safe. Miranda hadn't wanted the Illusive Man's credits to go to waste before she actually decided to  _like_  Shepard, and just about everyone else actually liked Shepard well enough to figure that sending her into gunfire alone was a bad idea. It  _had_ happened, occasionally – several times, on small squads, someone would get injured and Shepard would be left doing cleanup, but those were few and far between.

She'd never dropped straight into enemy territory all by herself. And  _no one_ , apart from probably the Reapers themselves, hated Shepard more than the Hegemony.

Kaidan rubbed his hand over his face, finally deciding that it would be a good idea to eat before he collapsed. He left the briefing room and ignored the stares some of the crew were giving him – no one was sure of the origin of the message formally announcing that he  _did_  have a less-than-professional relationship with Shepard, but it had circulated fairly rapidly. And with how the crew had  _previously_  treated him, it had come as a shock to a fair number of them.

Chambers gave him a brief smile as he closed the elevator behind him. He took a deep breath, finally stepping out and heading for Gardner's station. A tray was already waiting for him.

"Wonderin' where you were," he said. "Biotic metabolisms. Keeps you guys regulated like a clock."

"Yeah," Kaidan muttered, taking the tray.

"Heard from Shepard yet?"

"Not yet."

"Hm. Hope she took some bars with her."

"She always does."

Kaidan sank down at the table, across from Garrus. He glanced up. "Heard from Shepard?" the turian repeated.

"No."

"Damn." Garrus shook his head. "I don't like this."

"No one on this  _ship_  likes this." Kaidan sighed. "How're the guns?"

"Fine. Ready to fire whenever."

"Good."

"You think this is going to go south?"

Kaidan shrugged, swallowing. "I don't know. It's been over twenty-four hours since we heard from Shepard. If this was an Alliance operation we'd be tracking the locator on her omni-tool and calling in a full detachment of diplomats and N-operatives. As it is . . ."

"We aren't an Alliance operation and you're the only other N."

"How'd you know about that?"

"Kasumi told me."

"Does the entire ship know?"

Garrus shrugged. "She  _is_  the source of the ship's gossip."

"True enough."

"Do you think the Reapers . . ."

"I don't know. But they have to know that Shepard is our best hope against them. She knows the most about the Reapers and she has the best chance of finding a weapon we can use against them. I'd think that, if they had a chance to kill her . . ."

"Good point. And indoctrination could be involved."

"That's what I'm worried about."

"Do you have any idea what 'favor' your admiral asked her for?"

"No. She didn't let me in the roo—" Kaidan trailed off, staring back into the medical bay. Garrus stared at him.

"Uh, Alenko?"

"I wasn't in there. . . but EDI was." Leaving his tray, Kaidan headed back for the elevator. Garrus trotted after him.

"Are you  _seriously_  going to spy on Shepard? She'll kill you."

"I'm not 'spying' on her," Kaidan retorted, making his way through the CIC. Garrus followed him, curiosity winning out over his desire to stay on Shepard's good side.

"EDI," Kaidan said, finally reaching the cockpit. Joker glanced back at him from where he was still trying to get Jack to hand his hat back over.

"Yes, Commander Alenko?"

"Do you have a recording of the call between Admiral Hackett and Shepard?"

EDI flickered an uncomfortable shade of dingy yellow. "Shepard would not appreciate you listening to –"

"Do you  _have_  a recording, EDI?" Joker interjected, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I do, Jeff. I do not feel comfortable –"

"You're a fucking AI," Jack retorted.

"I am aware of my artificial nature, Jack," EDI chided. "I still do not feel comfortable releasing private calls relating to Shepard. I do not wish to, as organics would say, 'get on her bad side.'"

"Hell. Even the AI is afraid of her," Joker said. "Come on, EDI. If Shepard  _is_  in trouble and we  _do_ need to pull her ass out, we need to know what we're going into."

EDI flickered through a variety of red shades, indicating irritation. "Very well, Jeff. However, I will inform Shepard, should she ask, of your involvement."

"You hear that? EDI's going to throw me under the bus. Thanks, GLaDOS. Save me some cake."

"Play the recording," Kaidan said flatly, interrupting Joker's tirade.

EDI flickered, and Hackett's voice suddenly came out of the AI.

:: _Commander. Thank you for your time. I'll keep this brief. We have a deep cover operative in batarian space – Doctor Amanda Kenson. Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion._ ::

There was a quiet pause, then Shepard's voice. :: _You're saying an_ Alliance  _operative is investigating the Reapers? I thought the Alliance –_ ::

:: _Kenson's team found an artifact out in batarian space. She believes it's a Reaper device, proof that the Reapers are indeed planning to invade. I've known her a long time. If she says she has proof, it's worth checking out._ ::

:: _Must be one hell of an artifact, then. But, apart from the Reapers, why are you calling me? Do you need me to verify?_ ::

:: _Among other things. There's a problem: the batarians arrested her on terrorism charges. I need you to get her out of there. Alone._ ::

:: _I don't like dropping into the middle of batarians, Admiral. It reminds me too much of Elysium._ ::

:: _I know, and I'm sorry. But if the batarians see a squad of armed soldiers, they'll kill her, and it_ will _cause an incident. Go in with discretion, or don't go at all._ ::

:: _What is she even_ doing _out in batarian space?_ ::

:: _She's a deep cover operative, Shepard. You know what that means. I'd heard she was investigating a rumor of a Reaper artifact in the system, and her last report said she'd found it. That's all I know._ ::

:: _Okay. What else can you tell me about her?_ ::

:: _Amanda is a top scientist and Alliance agent. This is a deadly assignment, and she's one of the few up to the challenge. She and I go back pretty far, Commander. I won't let her rot away in a batarian torture camp._ ::

:: _All right. This is important. I'll make it a priority._ ::

:: _The prison is hidden underground at a batarian outpost on Aratoht. I'll upload the coordinates to you. Remember: rescue Kenson, verify the artifact. I'll debrief you when you return._ ::

:: _Got it._ ::

:: _Hackett out._ ::

"So this Admiral guy asked her to bust his friend out of jail? Hell, I can do that."

"If they're messing with a Reaper artifact, that leaves them open to indoctrination," Garrus said. "What if it isn't the  _batarians_ we needed to worry about?"

Kaidan didn't respond for a few seconds, but finally looked back at the AI. "EDI. Have you received  _any_  transmissions from Shepard's comm?"

EDI flickered. "At approximately 0-twenty hours yesterday I did receive a brief connect from her omni-to-ship communicator. The transmission lasted one one-hundredth of a second." She flickered, her color changing to a rose pink. "I believed Shepard had merely accidentally opened her comm link, as she sometimes does while on missions."

"Did you  _hear_  anything?"

"No. That is why I disregarded the connection."

"It could be nothing, Alenko," Joker said. "Shep probably was having problems with her solitaire or something." Everyone knew it was unlikely. "There's no indication that anyone's shooting at her."

"Yeah. Not  _yet_."

"Okay, look. Even if she  _was_  in trouble, we don't know where she is. There's no way  _to_  know if she's left Aratoht. We can't radio the batarians and ask politely if they know where Shepard is."

Kaidan sighed. "I know. But I . . . I just have a bad feeling."

"As do we all," Garrus said.

Garrus started to turn. Kaidan wasn't finished. "EDI. Can you scan the system for her omni signal?"

EDI paused. "Commander, unless Shepard has her omni-tool powered, there is no way to -"

"There's a constant signal coming out of her omni-tool. I set it up."

"Damn. You one of those over-protective sons-of-bitches or something?" Jack half-laughed. "Shep'd kill you."

"You  _stalk_  her?"

"Joker, with how often she runs off on her own, it's better than losing track of her." Kaidan glanced back at EDI. "EDI?"

She flickered. "I-I will begin a scan. It will take an extended amount of time. This is a large system, after all."

Kaidan turned on his heel and started out of the cockpit. Joker spun his chair around. "Alenko."

"I'll be in starboard obs if anyone hears anything," he said simply, disappearing towards the CIC.

"So," Jack finally asked. "Is he panicking or -"

"Panicking?" Joker replied. "He's inches from pulling his hair out and running around the ship screaming."

"I'd almost pay to see that."

"I wouldn't." Garrus turned, heading back for the forward batteries.


	59. ... Your Grasp Until The Sun Comes Up

"—like Shepard was waking up a few minutes ago. But it could be a glitch."

"Probably a glitch. She's on enough sedatives to take out an elcor."

Shepard's limbs still felt heavy, like something was weighing them down. She tried to crack her eyes open, but they may as well have been glued shut.  _Nothing_  wanted to move. She managed to flick her tongue over her lips, tracing it over cracked skin.

"We had to keep upping the dosage. I'm not sure it's a glitch."

"Up the dose, then."

Shepard finally managed to move as more of her senses came back. She'd been stripped to her lightweight underarmor , an ice-cold metal table pressing into her back. Her arms were bound down at her sides to the table – something else had wrapped down around her ankles, probably the same as whatever else was holding her down. Her head pounded back behind her ears as the dim light she was sensing behind her eyelids decided to aggravate her implants. A gnawing pain had taken root in her torso somewhere, struggling with the pain in her head for dominance.

"I will, but not yet. We can't OD her. They want her alive."

 _Reapers. Indoctrination. Alive. Object Rho. Reapers coming. Arriving. Two days._  Shepard took a slow breath.  _Shit. Reapers._

"Vitals are strong. Pulse, respiration, and brain activity regular. Fluid level normal." The orange glow of an omni-tool slammed into her frontal lobe as her eyes registered it, and she unconsciously recoiled. "Reflexes normal. Sedation appears to be holding."

 _Come on, Shepard!_  The voice that echoed in her head sounded suspiciously like the person who had administered her N7 test – not that she remembered his name.  _Get your ass moving! The torturer ain't gonna wait the entire goddamned day!_

She finally managed to crack her eyes, spotting a scientist and a pair of security guards conferring over a data pad. She tested her bonds – to her surprise, she freed her feet in a matter of seconds. The hand furthest from her captors went next, followed by the one closest. The scientist turned back to continue her scans, and Shepard half-froze. "Not a glitch!" the scientist yelped, sprinting for the door. "Security!"

The guards spun towards her. Shepard staggered off the table and knocked the first assault rifle to the side, wrenching it out of the guard's hand with an application of applicable pressure points, a knee to his somewhat-armored crotch and an elbow to the side of his head. The other guard came down when she kicked his weapon aside and opened fire. For good measure, she fired into the other one as she stumbled for the door.

And crashed straight into a barrier.

"Son of a bitch!" Shepard barked, rubbing her forehead. The scientist watched her as if watching some sort of entertainment. She glared back. "Tell your bosses to kiss my ass," she snapped back, accompanied by a collection of hand gestures considered rude by nearly every human culture and a few asari ones.

"Now, to get out of here."

#

Putting her armor back on was a challenge.

Several pyjacks seemed to have taken up refuge in her head, each accompanied by a drum set and the lead singer from some human metal band she never listened to. The rest of the pyjack colony had migrated into her abdomen, where some sadistic asshole had given them knives and they were ripping her apart from the inside.

She dug in a pocket on her armor's thigh plate, producing her last carbohydrate bar and downing it in one swallow. Some of the pyjacks in her torso let up a little, and she scowled.

"How long have I been . . ." her eyes moved to the countdown above where they had thrown her armor. "Fuck."

The movement threw her off balance, and she fell backwards, half-armored.

Finally getting the rest of her armor on, mostly because she stayed on the floor, she strapped her weapons back on and stole every thermal clip belonging to the rack of security mechs. One went into each of her weapons, the rest shoved into every pocket in her armor. "I've got under two hours," she murmured, slamming a clip into her shotgun. "Until Harbinger and his buddies get into this system and hit that relay." She sighed. "I have to get those colonists out. And destroy a relay. Why isn't _anything_  easy anymore?"

It hadn't taken long for Kenson to send nearly every guard she still had into Shepard's line of fire. By the time she made it to Project Control, it felt like every inch of her body had been set on fire, then beaten by a sledgehammer, then set on fire again for good measure. She staggered towards the terminal, her feet growing heavier with every step.

"Welcome to Project Control," the VI intoned helpfully. Shepard winced as its voice echoed in her already-aching head.

"I want to activate the Project," she answered, voice raspy.  _Damn dusty batarian colony worlds . . ._ although, honestly, that probably wasn't as much of a factor as the dry parched-ness lurking in the back of her throat and resting heavily one her tongue. But blaming her physical discomfort on the planet was easier at the moment.

"Warning. Activating the Project will result in an estimated three hundred and five thousand casualties. Do you wish to continue?"

Shepard swallowed, taking a short step back. That was an  _enormous_  colony. But if the Reapers were allowed to use that relay, they would land on earth in minutes. There was no question. It was the difference between three hundred-five thousand lives and trillions.

She took a deep, hoarse breath, coughed when it caught in her throat, and set her hand on the button. It flashed green.

"Project activation in progress. Warning. Collision with mass relay is imminent. Begin evacuation procedures."

Shepard took another breath, pressing a button marked "evacuation." A comm opened."Alert," she started. "All colonists living in the Bahak system. You need to evac–"

:: _Shepard! No!_ :: Shepard groaned as the system-wide comm fizzled and died, button turning a bright, angry red. Kenson's voice grated somewhere back in her head as she spoke through the speakers. :: _Do you have_ any _idea what you're done? You leave me no choice! If I can't stop this asteroid, it must be destroyed!_ ::

"Great," Shepard muttered. "VI, where's Kenson?"

"Doctor Kenson is traveling to the reactor core module."

"Thanks."

Forcing herself to move, Shepard sprinted back towards the door. Right inside it, more project guards stormed down the hallway. Shepard swore, diving behind the doorjamb.

She needed to reach Kenson. Yesterday.

#

Shepard, exhausted, stumbled down the hallway towards the reactor. Her feet felt like someone had dipped them in concrete and let it harden, primarily to watch her stumbling around like a dog with snowboots on and get a good laugh at her expense, possibly whomever had given the pyjacks currently carving their way through her intestines knives. Every move, every shot took a deep, concerted effort to perform, and using her biotics was like trying to move an entire geth dropship with her mind. For once, she wished she'd let Kaidan, Garrus, and Tali teach her how to actually use a military-grade omni-tool for more than its calendar feature, medi-gel application, solitaire, tetris, and field-scanning tool.

Finally, she found her quarry. Kenson stood screaming at the panel in front of the reactor. Shepard's hand cannon snapped into her hand. "Kenson!" she barked. "Step away from the reactor!"

"You've ruined everything!" Kenson yelled, not even looking at her. "I can't hear them anymore."

"That's a good thing. Now turn around."

You've taken them away from me," she lamented. "I will never see the Reaper's arrival." Kenson finally turned, her hand trembling around a detonator. "All you had to do was stay asleep."

Shepard swallowed. "Kenson, I'm sorry," she murmured, then fired.

Kenson jerked as the shot went straight through her heart, killing her instantly. She slumped back against the panel, and her thumb fell lax on the detonator.

Something threw Shepard back against the wall in a wave of heat, and everything went dark.

#

Garrus had found himself in the previously unoccupied copilot's seat while Tali sat in one of the gunners' chairs, watching as Kaidan paced the length of the cockpit. Joker's mouth was set in a firm line, trying not to yell at him while Jack relaxed on his console, twirling the helmsman's hat on her finger aimlessly.

"Two days," Kaidan finally said. "It's been  _two fucking days_. Why the  _hell_  haven't we heard from her?"

Jack whistled appreciatively.

"Probably because she's on a radio blackout, Alenko," Joker finally snapped. "After all, it isn't like we're in the middle of  _batarian_ space or anything. You know, those things that still blame Shepard for holding off the Blitz?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Tali said, although her tone indicated that she was having problems believing herself.

"Yeah," Jack interjected. "Right."

"She's more paranoid than –" Whatever Garrus' analogy was, it dropped into an untranslatable strain of turian. "I'm sure that, even if she  _is_  in trouble, she's –"

"Sh. Sh sh sh. That's her comm." Joker singlehandedly silenced everyone in the cockpit, finding Kaidan suddenly leaning over his shoulder as he opened it.

Shepard's order was cut by static, but clear. " _Norman_ — Shepard. Need –" static. "—stat.  _Normandy_ , do –" more static. "—amn it, Joker, where the fu—"

"Shepard, we're on our way for pickup." Joker squinted at his screens. "I bet I found her."

"How?" Jack asked, craning her neck to see around the screens. "It's an entire –"

"I'd bet on the fact that she's on  _that_  asteroid  _right_  there heading straight for the relay." Joker slammed the  _Normandy_  towards the speeding blip. "Alenko, comm Chakwas and get her up here. Shepard didn't sound good."

"Might have been the static," Tali said quietly.

"It wasn't." Kaidan opened the medical bay comm link. "Doctor Chakwas, we're going to need you up on the bridge."

Of course, EDI alerted Miranda that they had commed the medical bay asking for medical aid for Shepard, which resulted in Miranda, Kasumi (who had overheard and wanted to see what was happening), and Chakwas all reporting immediately to the cockpit. Joker swore as  _his_  cockpit became incredibly crowded. "Look, the bar's in port obs. Go hang out over there."

"And miss this?" Kasumi asked from her perch on a CIC chair in the hallway. Matthews was glancing back at her nervously from the other side of the walkway.

"Any idea what happened to her?" Chakwas asked. Kaidan shook his head.

"Could be anything."

"Did she say anything?"

"Nope," Joker answered, glancing back at Miranda. "And she really didn't say much of anything. That we could make out, at least. Pretty sure she was swearing though."

The ship zipped closer to the asteroid. "Jeff, I have located Shepard's hardsuit computer and omni-tool signal. It appears to be badly damaged, but I can direct us to her position. She is on the other side of the asteroid."

"Get us over there, EDI," Miranda ordered.

As they pulled past the torches propelling the asteroid towards the dot that indicated Shepard's position, Tali glanced back out the viewport. "What is she  _doing_?"

"Sending a large asteroid into a mass relay, if I had to guess."

"I know  _that_ , Garrus. But there has to be a  _point_."

A small figure finally appeared on part of the asteroid closest to the relay – part that looked like part of a base – and Joker opened the comm. "Hey, Commander.  _Normandy_ 's inbound for pickup."

:: _About fu—time,_ :: Shepard's static-filled voice echoed over the link. Joker glanced back.

"Did I screw up again?"

"Probably," Kasumi answered.

Joker moved the ship nearly directly on top of her as the airlock door slid open. Seconds later Shepard dove through, rolling into the far wall with weapons clunking against her armor and the floor as she did. "Get us through that relay," she barked in Joker's general direction, pulling herself to her feet. "I don't care where. And for God's sake, beat that asteroid."

"Shepard –"

Shepard ignored Chakwas, pushing past them and hurrying for the galaxy map, stumbling over what looked like her own feet. They followed her, stopping at the base of the ramp.

"We need to take a look at you, Shepard," Chakwas continued. "You're obviously wounded, and –"

"Not yet," Shepard murmured, bringing up the map. It swung in on the system they were leaving.

Under their feet, the ship jerked as the relay latched onto it. Kaidan stepped forward, resting a hand on Shepard's arm.

"What happened?"

She didn't answer, staring blankly at the relay. He watched – the speck labeled  _Bahak_  on the map suddenly turned a brilliant shade of red, small circles spreading out like ripples around it. Shepard opened her omni-tool, and waited.

After standing stock-still for two minutes, she collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 57&58 Title: Rise Against, "Re-Education Through Labor"


	60. Genocide

Saying that the  _Normandy_ 's crew was shell-shocked would be an understatement.

Shepard had only been actually  _carried_  into the medical bay once previously, when a praetorian decided to knock her off a fifteen-foot ledge on the Collector ship. And she had  _never_  collapsed in the CIC, in front of seventy percent of the crew.

She was supposed to be invincible. And yet, the half of the medical bay closest to the doors found itself full as Chakwas and Miranda worked on her, while all of Shepard's team, Joker, and several crewmembers stood, leaned, or perched silently, waiting, trying to eavesdrop on the two women behind the partition.

Kaidan, Garrus, Tali, and Joker had taken up position on the cots closest to it, none of them speaking. Grunt paced anxiously closest to the door while Jack and Zaeed played Skyllian Five at Chakwas' desk. Jacob leaned against a wall somewhere between the cots and Chakwas' desk while Mordin and Legion continued to run tests on part of Shepard's hardsuit computer from the salarian's perch on another cot. Kasumi was on the remaining cot, head resting on her drawn-up knees. The other crewmen were collected near the door, too nervous to go much further inside lest Shepard suddenly stick her head out and ask why the hell everyone was standing around, the ship wasn't going to fly itself.

Miranda finally stepped out, discarding the gloves she was wearing and pulling off one of Chakwas' spare smocks. A glare removed the lingering crewmen minus Chambers; the ground team ignored her, as usual.

"How is she?" Kaidan finally asked quietly when she'd made no attempt to speak. Miranda glanced at him.

"Bad," she said simply, then sighed when he continued to glare at her. "She had no fluids or nutrients for two days, Commander. For a biotic . . ."

Kaidan groaned. "That's almost a death sentence."

"To top it off, she was caught in an explosion. I don't know how."

"Damaged hardsuit computer. Makes sense now. More tests." Mordin tapped frantically at his omni-tool.

"How bad of an explosion?"

"It caused several fractures. One was a basal – we fixed that. There are second degree burns and shrapnel damage to her face and neck, and her right shoulder sustained an enormous amount of damage. And internally . . . we're fortunate Shepard is both determined and resilient, or we would never have found her."

Kaidan pressed a palm into his forehead. "So how bad is that, exactly?" Garrus asked, raising his talons when the humans stared at him. "Sorry. I'm a turian."

"Bad," Joker murmured, pulling his hat off and digging his sleeve into one side of his face. "Really bad."

"She's on IVs. There isn't anything else we can do." Miranda glanced at Mordin. "We need whatever she recorded on her cam as soon as you salvage it."

Legion raised an optic plate. "We have located relevant but damaged audio files."

"Well what the fuck are you waiting for, robot?" Jack shrugged when everyone glanced back at her. "I wanna fucking know."

"Partial audio feedback commencing."

Almost immediately, an unknown woman's voice emerged from Legion's output, her words cut by intense static. :: _C—Shepard, I pre– Object Rho._ ::

There was a quiet gasp, one they knew belonged to Shepard, then a long pause. :: _You have–sitting here,_ :: She finally said, accusatory. :: _In the open. You_  told _me – precautions, and –_ ::

:: _When we found it, it showed me – arrival._ :: The unknown woman's voice was quiet, admiring.

:: _Kenson – this isn't – do you – any idea –_ ::

:: _— a moment, Shepard. It'll give – proof – need._ ::

There was a sudden sound, continuing to be broken by static, of Shepard's weapons and armor clanking as she reacted to something, sharp breathing punctuating the static itself. "Shit," Jacob muttered quietly, a sentiment silently shared by everyone else.

:: _I can't let – Project!_ :: The unknown woman suddenly barked. :: _I – you stop them!_ ::

Another flurry of activity and static burst over the comm, then gunfire. The unknown woman spoke again, but it was lost in the static and the pinging of bullets off glass. Shepard slammed into something with the familiar crack of her armor and weapons.

:: _Shit!_ :: Of every useful word ever to be fully recognizable in the static, it was that one. :: _Goddamned Reapers._ ::

The gunfire and static continued, accompanied by a slamming noise indicating that she'd found cover. Kenson continued barking unintelligible orders, accompanied by a deep bass that no one needed to ask about – where it was coming from, whether the artifact or a live Reaper, was unknown. Shepard's voice finally reappeared on the comm, clearer than previously, peppered by gunfire and the shouted orders.

::Normandy _! This is Shepard! I need backup stat! Science team is indoctrinated!_ Normandy _, I repeat, this is an emergency! God, Joker, where the hell are you?_ ::

Joker moaned, resting his forehead in his hands. Tali placed a hand on his shoulder.

::Normandy _, I repeat, this is Shepard! I've walked into a veritable fuck-fest of indoctrination and all-over bad news and I need some goddamned backup! Where the hell are you!_ :: There was a brief pause in the comm before Shepard's voice returned. :: _Fuck you and the ship you rode in on!_ :: she barked towards the deep bass voice.

"Nice," Zaeed muttered, before Shepard continued.

:: _Goddamn it, Joker, I need backup! God, I told you to keep the comm on . . . you're probably taking a piss or something. You only ever do that when I need you. EDI, are you there? EDI, this is Shepard!_ :: There was a long pause, then a distant explosion. :: _Shit._ :: Another pause. :: _Joker! Seriously! This is not good! Kaidan! Kaidan, are you in the cockpit? Christ, someone answer the comm! I'm pinned down, out of clips. I repeat, out of clips. I need backup now! Science team is indoctrinated! Probably gonna blow my amp in a few minutes! I need pickup now!_ :: There was a quiet pause, and the echo of desperation in the next sentance hit them harder than the fact that Shepard never swore that much concurrently. :: _Come on, guys, where are you?_ ::

There was a sudden loud burst of intense static, and Legion raised another optic plate. "Remaining recording damaged. Requires further salvage."

"Do that," Miranda ordered. Legion nodded.

"So Hackett did send her into the middle of a bunch of indoctrinated scientists," Garrus said.

"There was no way he could have known," Jacob said.

"No. There isn't."

"Need lab. Further study," Mordin stood. "Finding video data. Will inform of new information."

"Miss Lawson." Almost everyone jerked back to the door, forgetting that Chambers had been standing there. "I'll go see what I can find out about the cluster we just left. Whatever was going on, the Commander was in a hurry to get out."

"We all need to return to our posts," Miranda said. "The batarians – or the Alliance – could be on us for whatever Shepard was doing. We need to be prepared."

With backwards glances and some glares, everyone started to move out of the medical bay. Miranda glanced at Kaidan, who had drawn his knees up to his chest on the cot he'd been on. "Commander –"

"This  _is_  my post," he said, voice low. Miranda opened her mouth, then nodded.

"Fair enough. I will need you to deal with the Alliance, however, if they contact us."

"Sure."

Miranda nodded, slowly returning to her office with one briefest glance back at the medical bay.

#

The news hit the extranet and the  _Normandy_  hard. The only debate was which place it hit harder.

An hour after they'd outrun an asteroid blasting towards a mass relay with unknown results, reports came in from the Hegemony that the Bahak system had gone silent and ships began to report that the relay had disappeared from galaxy maps and even Citadel Control's screens entirely. And then the nearest batarian colony, several systems over, received an enormous spike of dark energy. One of the salarians employed by Citadel Control examined the data and concluded it could have only come from one thing.

An exploding mass relay.

The extranet exploded just like the relay with simulated models of the supernova-powered blast and the recognition that, of the three hundred and five thousand batarian colonists in the system, none survived. Theories emerged from respected salarian and asari universities estimating the force and mass of anything capable of destroying a relay and what lengths someone would need to go to in order to destroy one. It was obviously possible, where as previously they had believed it was not; now that they were proven wrong they needed to catch up, and fast. If one relay could be destroyed,  _any_  relay could.

The Council entered into an emergency session that lasted several hours and was closed to the public. The Hegemony immediately pointed to their favorite culprit – the Systems Alliance – who (of course) denied any involvement then proceeded to produce evidence about the whereabouts of all their ships and personnel (minus other deep-covers, which they just ignored). And then the batarians found their next favorite culprit, who was currently in a hypoglycemic coma in a ship's medical bay floating around somewhere in the Horse Head Nebula.

The theory that Shepard was somehow involved, provided that all the evidence was right and she was truly alive, became more and more prevalent as people remembered that she did have a flare for the dramatic, at least when it came to destroying things. A recent explosion on Pragia had been linked to her; somehow, the fact that she'd taken a ship through the Omega-4 had leaked out; a bombing in a Baria Frontiers office on Illium and a shootout at a swanky hotel on the planet had been linked to her as well; and there was, after all, still memories of Virmire's nuclear bomb and the Battle of the Citadel. Destruction followed the first human Spectre and, if she was actually alive, the only thing bigger than two planets and half the Citadel that she could destroy was a planetary system. And everyone knew her service history – Elysium had given people the idea that Shepard  _really_  hated batarians. So if she had the option to kill three hundred thousand of them, wouldn't she jump at the chance?

A few people decried these theories, mostly individuals who knew her or had met her whilst she dealt, once more, with groups of batarians. Kate Bowman from Terra Nova publically defended her, reminding people that she had let a  _batarian_  terrorist go in order to save a small group of scientists, and most of the people who survived the Blitz on Elysium defended her in an amazingly vocal manner. Captain Bailey on the Citadel was surprisingly supportive, as was the former Consort, an elcor diplomat, and several hundred C-Sec officers, many of whom felt indebted to her for first taking out Fist and then handing them Harkin on a silver plate only months earlier.

Kirrahe took time out from a recent STG mission to defend Shepard to the Salarian Union, reiterating that she would only do such a thing if it was absolutely necessary, and it was probably an act they would all thank her for later. A turian general named Septimus spoke to the Hierarchy about the same thing, reminding them that she had managed to kill a rogue turian Spectre by stealing an Alliance warship and risking her career, the careers of her crew, and several thousand human lives to save  _their_  Council, a governmental body that didn't even  _like_  her  _or_  her species. Samara suddenly appeared on Thessia, using her justicar status in her support to the asari legislature.

Wrex was tracked down through the extranet by Al-Jilani. When informed of the destruction, he merely chuckled and ignored her call.

On Omega, Aria was forced to put down a batarian protest that attacked the assistance she'd given to Shepard. It was easily resolved by shooting a few out the airlock and reminding them that Aria was Omega's equivalent of God and therefore not to be questioned.

On Earth and throughout the Alliance's colonies, the reaction was mixed. The Williams and Alenko families and Shepard's remaining relatives promptly took her side, acts which were considered biased. The Alliance admirals were divided almost straight down the middle – Hackett, although extremely confused about how a simple rescue had destroyed a relay, promptly defended Shepard to the brass with extremely harsh words before boarding his flagship and heading off towards the Arcturus relay, destination unspecified.

In the Council, Anderson unsurprisingly took Shepard's side and reports stated that the asari councilor Tevos was, at least, keeping an open mind. Velarn, of course, was absolutely fine with blaming Shepard for the entire travesty and wasted no time ensuring that everyone knew that. The salarian councilor was too distracted by the scientific findings on the relay explosion to come to a conclusive opinion, but muttered something about a "lack of evidence" when cornered by a journalist outside his personal office before said journalist was escorted to a holding cell by C-Sec.

This happened in less than ten hours.

On the  _Normandy_ , the reaction was a lot different than the rest of the galaxy's. There was no question that they knew and accepted that Shepard had done the right thing. Her recording had mentioned that the Reapers were involved – her helmet cam, once the data was patched back together and run through several of Legion's and EDI's filters, showed the Reaper artifact referred to as Object Rho and may or may not have contained a conversation with something that sounded suspiciously like Harbinger – by then, the audio data was so damaged that only a phrase here or there could be discerned, but Legion assured them that it, under auditory analysis, was the same Reaper that had possessed Collectors on the field.

But with the Commander comatose in the medical bay, answers –  _actual_  answers, not the rampant speculation flying about the rest of the galaxy – were few and far between. Mordin, Legion, and EDI worked feverishly to find out just  _what_  had gone on down on that asteroid using Shepard's hardsuit computer and omni-tool data. Miranda and Chakwas continued to ensure that Shepard's condition didn't  _worsen_  – at this point, that was their biggest concern. Kaidan listened and re-listened to Shepard's corrupted audio files, looking for something – anything – new while refusing to leave the medical bay, Chakwas finally allowing him back in the partition blocking Shepard from view. Joker was blaming himself for missing the comm link despite EDI reassuring him that  _she_  had missed it – finally, Jack stepped in, called him a tool, and managed to distract him temporarily from his self-loathing. Tali went around her appointed tasks, but without the buoyancy and enjoyment she usually showed when working with the  _Normandy_ 's engines. Garrus sat at the corner of one of the mess tables or paced outside the door to the medical bay, often alternating spots with Grunt or Jacob. Zaeed had disappeared into his cargo hold, and EDI was reporting suspicious extranet usage on his personal line.

Kasumi seemed to be looking for her next heist, recognizing that the crew might be fairly strapped for cash shortly.

The crewmen themselves were silent, waiting for something, anything – any report that their beloved-if-sometimes-a-complete-bitch Commander was going to make it out of the medical bay and that if she did, she'd have answers.

The extranet was already, once again, calling them terrorists.

And somewhere in a super-secret space station orbiting yet another star, the Illusive Man reviewed the reports while his personal assistant brought him his next gin, a frown coloring his cybernetically enhanced eyes.

Shepard, finally, knew something he didn't.


	61. Mandeville's Paradox

Shepard panicked.

She hated to use that word, but that was what she did.

She knew she was in what seemed to be a real medical bay, not the cold slab she'd been strapped to during her sedation. But it still smelled of antiseptic and medi-gel, and the only thought in her mind was the need to escape, to run, to beat the Reapers –

She didn't realize that she'd sat up until she became equally aware of an extremely concerned-sounding, comfortingly familiar voice next to her.

"Marra. Calm down."  _Kaidan_. "Marra, you're on the  _Normandy_. You're okay."

Shepard finally looked – actually  _looked_ , forced herself to see the  _Normandy_  and not the medical lab/proto-prison they'd held her in – around her, fully cognizant of her surroundings. Yes. The  _Normandy_. That meant comfort, relative safety, protection. Home. She finally turned her head and her eyes locked on Kaidan's.

His hair was mussed on one side, like he'd been sleeping, looking just as startled awake as she did. And he was concerned. She was used to seeing it, but the fact that someone would worry about her . . . Her heartbeat started to slow back to normal as the panic was slowed, but her adrenaline and mind were still racing. He seemed to notice, and rested one hand on the shoulder that wasn't currently restrained in what looked like some sort of sling.

They froze that way for several minutes, before Shepard found the arm that could move and threw it around him, breaking into terrified tremors. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face in his neck, not sobbing, just shaking. He swallowed, closing his eyes.

Shepard was panicking. She  _never_  panicked.

#

"Great." Joker skimmed over the panels. Jack leaned up, resting her elbows on her knees in the copilot's seat. "Ship on the ladar. Alliance make."

"It is a dreadnought," EDI reported. "The  _SSV Orizaba._  Again."

"Shit. That's Hackett." Joker sat back in his chair.

He'd picked the Horse Head Nebula because it had always sounded funny in his head (and Wrex, not bothering to find out that a horse was an Earth-animal, had repeatedly referred to it as the Whore's Head Nebula, a nickname which stuck). He'd also thought that, while not on the  _other_  side of the galaxy, it was just far enough away from the Viper Nebula that they could plead not-being-there if asked.

"They hailin' you?" Jack asked. Joker shook his head.

"Not ye—now they are." He opened the shipboard. "Miranda, we're getting hailed by an Alliance ship. It's Hackett."

:: _Shit. I'll be right up. Get Alenko out of med bay._ ::

Joker changed the comm's destination to the medical bay. "Alenko. Hackett's hailing us."

There was an extremely, almost painfully long pause. :: _I'll be right up._ ::

He turned back to the blinking ship-to-ship comm, and finally opened it.

:: _This is the_ SSV Orizaba _, hailing the_ Normandy SR2 _. Repeat._  SSV Orizaba _hailing the_ Normandy SR2.  _Come in,_ Normandy.::

Joker swallowed. "This is XO Jeff Moreau of the  _Normandy SR2._  We read you."

:: _Is Commander Alenko on board?_ ::

Clicking heels and heavy footfalls indicated Miranda and Kaidan's approach. He half turned. "Alenko. It's for you."

Kaidan ran a hand over his face – damn it, he hadn't shaved that morning – and leaned over Joker's shoulder. "This is Commander Alenko."

:: _Connecting you to the Admiral._ ::

A few seconds later, Hackett's voice came over the comm. :: _Commander Alenko._ ::

"Admiral."

:: _Is Shepard on board?_ ::

Kaidan glanced at Miranda and Joker, then sighed. "She is. She's in the medical bay."

:: _How bad is she?_ ::

"Improving. Slowly."

There was a heavy sigh on the other line. :: _I'm sure you're aware of the Bahak incident._ ::

"At this point I think everyone in the galaxy is, sir."

:: _It does appear that way. It's crucial that I speak with her. I need to know what the hell happened so I can keep the brass off her. I don't need to tell you what this looks like, Commander._ ::

"We'll dock," Miranda murmured.

"Shepard's in no condition to –" Joker hissed.

Miranda shook her head. "He's right. If he doesn't find out what happened  _from her_ , she'll be arrested for genocide. We can't afford that. Not with the Reapers coming. Tell him we'll dock."

Kaidan glanced at Miranda, then Joker, then back at Miranda. "You sure she's up to it? I don't think it's –"

"Hackett doesn't seem like as much an ass as most Alliance," she reluctantly admitted.

"Admiral, I'll hand the comm to Joker. He'll arrange a dock with your ship."

:: _I appreciate it, Commander. Captain Shepard and I will come over alone. Should put your crew at ease, knowing that I'm not arresting her._ :: Hackett clicked off the comm.

About twenty minutes later, the two ships had successfully docked with one another and the airlocks had hissed closed. Hackett and Hannah Shepard stepped through them, meeting Kaidan at the airlock. He saluted.

"I need to speak with her," Hackett reiterated. "I haven't told my crew what ship we were meeting. It is crucial that they don't realize who this ship belongs to."

"I'll take you down to the medical bay, sir, ma'am," Kaidan said. The trio started off down the CIC towards the elevators, leaving Miranda and Joker in the cockpit.

"How bad were her injuries?" Hannah asked quickly as the elevator doors closed.

"Pretty bad," Kaidan answered. "She only woke up this morning. She hasn't spoken to anyone yet, as far as I know, and I've been with her all day." Kaidan wasn't going to admit that he'd been unable to let go of her nearly the entire day – she'd almost had a panic attack when Joker had called down that Hackett was hailing them, eyes begging him not to leave her. Whatever _had_  happened to her, it was killing her. Not physically, at least not anymore, but something on that asteroid or whatever occurred not long afterwards was affecting her a hell of a lot more than she would ever admit.

They emerged onto the crew deck, passing several members of Shepard's team lingering in the mess hall. Hackett glanced at the table that was mostly made up of those individuals, and nodded. "I see Shepard still has a habit of picking up unusual squad members."

"It is certainly interesting."

"And you've been fine here?"

"There were some rough points."

The medical bay doors opened, and Chakwas stood inside with her arms crossed. "Admiral, she is  _not_  in prime condition," she said. "I cannot allow –"

"I'll be far gentler than the military tribunal the Hegemony will no doubt demand, Doctor," Hackett assured her. "If you want me to help Shepard I  _need_  to talk to her  _now_."

Chakwas glanced back at Shepard, who was back in her usual pants and the sleeveless shirt she wore under her usual jacket, sitting with her knees tucked up to her chest on her cot, staring at the datapad on the other end of the bed. The doctor swallowed. "If there are  _any_  signs of distress, you stop," Chakwas said. "Doctor's orders."

Hackett allowed a small, still serious smile to cross his face. "I won't endanger Shepard, Doctor. You can certainly be assured of _that._ "

Chakwas stepped out with one last look at Shepard, who was still staring blankly at her datapad. Hackett nodded back before closing the door behind him.

"Doctor," Hannah murmured, nodding at her. "I need you to tell me everything that's going on."

"Captain, I -"

Inside the medical bay Shepard closed her eyes, hardly moving. She'd not expected to  _see_  Hackett himself – she'd been preparing to brief him over a communication line and then find somewhere extremely far away from batarians and get absolutely and entirely blind drunk. And then he'd showed up and of  _course_  he'd used the Fifth Fleet flagship to get there, which meant her mother was there as well.

This  _sucked_.

Hackett stood framed by the door for a few minutes, quietly studying her. Shepard finally forced her legs over the side of the cot so she faced him, and he cleared his throat.

"So," he started. "I see you've mostly recovered."

Shepard glanced at the port in her arm. "I'm still on IVs," she murmured, her voice still hoarse. "And I'm under orders to not stand up. Apparently my head took some damage."

"Basal skull fracture." Shepard blinked. "You have bruising around your eyes."

"Oh." Shepard stared down at the floor. "No one's given me a mirror."

Hackett glanced back out the med bay windows, then pressed the button to close the shutters. Shepard could almost hear her crewmen in the mess groan and proceed to send Chambers back up to the CIC since she couldn't lip-read anymore.

"It sounds like you went through hell down there." Shepard was surprised at how concerned Hackett sounded. "How are you?"

Shepard shook her head. "To be honest, sir, I feel like shit." She sighed. "But I wasn't expecting to see you – or Captain Shepard – here. I'll admit I was underprepared."

"You were out there as a favor to me, and I'd decided to debrief you in person." He paused, folding his hands behind him. "Then, a mass relay exploded and destroyed an  _entire_  batarian system. What the  _hell_  happened?"

Shepard swallowed, glancing back at the floor. "What have you heard?"

"I know I sent you there to break Doctor Kenson out of prison, and an entire system got destroyed. I was hoping you could fill in the leap of logic between those two events."

Shepard was silent for a long time. She finally picked up the datapad she'd requested from Mordin and held it out. Hackett stepped forward and took it. "There  _was_  a Reaper artifact," she said quietly. "Whatever, or however, they worked with it at first, they removed their precautions, and the science team became indoctrinated. They captured and sedated me for almost two days – I started the engines on that asteroid with little more than an hour before the Reapers arrived. I tried to warn the batarians, but . . . Kenson cut the communications tower before it could go through. I did what needed to be done, Admiral."

"At least you tried." Hackett flipped through what evidence Mordin had put together. "Damn shame. I thought Amanda . . . Do you believe the Reaper invasion was truly a threat?"

Shepard opened her mouth, then slowly closed it and nodded. "They're here, Hackett," she answered. "The Reapers are in this galaxy. I only had minutes to spare. The countdown based off the artifact ended two minutes after the relay exploded."

"I'm sure the details are in your report." She nodded. Hackett sighed, shaking his head. "I won't lie, Shepard. The Hegemony is out for blood, and there's just  _enough_  evidence for a witch hunt. We can't handle a war with the batarians – especially not if the Reapers are here."

She swallowed, staring at the floor. "What are you saying?"

"You did what you did for the best of reasons, but . . . there were more than three hundred thousand batarians in that system."

"Three hundred four thousand, nine hundred forty-two, plus or minus," Shepard corrected. "I had two options. Spare them and let the Reapers use that relay to hit Earth in a matter of seconds, or kill all three hundred four thousand nine hundred forty-two batarians to buy us time. I had no choice, Hackett. I would do it again tomorrow if I had to."

"I know. If it were up to me, I'd give you a damn medal." Shepard's head jerked up. Hackett was still staring at her datapad, scarred face wrinkled in actual concern. "Unfortunately, not everyone will see it that way."

Shepard sighed. "Okay. What do you suggest?"

"Evidence against you is shoddy, at best." Hackett finally met her eyes again. "But at some point, you  _will_  have to go to Earth and face the music. I  _can't_  stop it . . . but they'll have to go through hell to get there."

There was one question that had been playing over in her mind, even though she knew what the answer probably would be. "How concerned is the Alliance about the Hegemony's response?"

"Very. You know the batarians: they've been looking for an excuse to wage war on us since we showed up. But when the Reapers show themselves, we will need the galaxy to work together. If we're at war with the batarians, the other races will be hesitant to give aid to either side."

"All right." She sighed. "We may have anywhere from a week to a year. They'll hit Earth first – I'm sure of it. Is the Alliance ready?"

Hackett half-laughed. "Ready? It took multiple fleets – and the  _Ascension_  – to bring Sovereign down. And that was just  _one_ Reaper. When they come in force . . ."

"I know. I'd hoped . . ." Shepard sighed, folding her hands in front of her. "Admiral, I'll gladly stand trial whenever it's required. I can't be allowed to stand in the way of our preparations."

He stared at the datapad for a few seconds, then sighed. "I'm glad to see that working with Cerberus hasn't stripped away your sense of honor."

Shepard managed a small smile that didn't extend past her mouth. "I did tell the leader of Cerberus to screw himself."

"So you did." Hackett echoed her expression, but it flickered and fell as soon as it appeared. "Do whatever you have to do out here. But when Earth calls, you make sure you're there." Shepard nodded, dropping her eyes back to the floor. Hackett set the datapad back down on the cot. "Meanwhile . . . keep this. I don't need to see your report to know you did the right thing."

"Yes, sir."

"Be careful."

"I will, sir," Shepard murmured. Hackett nodded, turned, and left, and was replaced by her mother. The doors closed, and he sighed.

"Alenko."

The marine, who hadn't yet moved, saluted. "Sir?"

Hackett glanced back at the medical bay door. "Shepard is not going to deal with this well."

"I believe that's an understatement."

"Alliance brass finally found out about your posting. They wanted you back." Hackett frowned. "This changes things. They want you to stay on the  _Normandy_  to ensure Shepard cooperates. They're worried she'll run."

"They think she –"

"I won't be able to stop a trial, Alenko. I can only postpone it." He glanced back again. "Keep her safe and away from the batarians. I don't doubt they'll try to get their hands on her if possible."

"Everyone on this crew will keep that from happening."

"It would also be best for her to stay out of the public eye for the time being. There is  _just_  enough evidence pointing to her and I have little doubt that the media will waste no time in finding it. They're scavengers. Just . . ." The door zipped back open, and Hannah stepped out. Chakwas hurried back in. "Keep her out of trouble. I'll see what I can do about postponing the inevitable."

"Aye aye, sir."

Inside the med bay Shepard stared down at her hands as the door closed behind the doctor, who quickly scanned her vitals.

"Looking better, Commander," she said. Shepard continued to stare at her hands. "Looks like nothing was permanently damaged. Burns and shrapnel wounds are healing nicely, and it looks like your metabolism's balancing itself back out. I want to keep you tonight for observation, but you should be out by tomorrow morning."

"Good." She sighed, running her hand through her hair. "I think I'm going to have to talk to Anderson."

Chakwas continued her scan. "You don't have to do a damn thing."

"Would be nice if that was actually the case."

"Shepard . . ." The doctor sighed, making a few notes on her omni-tool. "We know what happened. The extranet exploded within five hours of the relay's destruction." Shepard groaned, jamming her forehead into her hands. "We're behind you. We know that your reasons had to be important."

"It isn't you I'm worried about."


	62. More Questions than Answers

Chakwas let Shepard leave the medical bay before the start of the first shift, ensuring that she was back in her quarters before most of the crewmen were awake.

Her first step was to collect her other uniform and retreat into her bathroom. She was still feeling unsteady on her feet – despite the fact that Chakwas said everything should be fine, Shepard still felt like hell.

She stripped out of the uniform Miranda had initially brought down for her and stepped under the shower head, blasting hot water into her face. One of the positives of being a CO – hot showers.

Something poked at the back of her mind as she closed her eyes, letting the water course over her. Why had the Reapers wanted her alive? Had they just wanted to see her themselves when they showed up? Did they need her for something? Shepard shivered, the movement sending water droplets spinning in different directions. Was their plan to do to her what they'd done to Benezia, trapping her in her own mind while using her for their own purposes? Or were they worse? With the Reapers, _anything_  was possible. It  _would_  be worse.

And now they were here. The Reapers were here. In the galaxy, coming towards them. She'd finally seen Harbinger, her worst suspicions confirmed: the Reapers had been behind the Collectors. And now she'd stopped them twice.

It would take months, probably, for them to reach the next relay. That was what Kenson had said – and, by proxy, what the Reapers had said. But what preparations could they make in a matter of months when no one even  _believed_  her? Only a small group of people knew the horrid truth about the Reapers. And look where that had left them: three hundred four thousand nine hundred forty-two batarian innocents dead and a mass relay destroyed when they could have met the Reapers with a fleet full of ships equipped with Thanix cannons from every species in the galaxy and either repulsed them or died trying. They would _never_  be ready. And she could curse and scream all she wanted, but that wouldn't change anything.

"I swear," Shepard murmured, ignoring as water dripped into her mouth. "I'm changing my name to Cassandra."

Then they'd been in her head. One hand fisted in her half-shampooed hair. What did they know? What had they found out about  _her_  – about  _anything_? They could have seen anything, or nothing. There was absolutely no way to know. And just like the Prothean beacons, they'd gone ahead and dug into her mind and pushed and prodded and poked and stabbed with wild abandon, trying to see as much as they could before she'd panicked, throwing them back with the sort of mental strength she didn't know she possessed.

They had seen her at her weakest. Disregarding her own disgust at what was essentially getting mind-raped by a collective of sentient synthetic constructs, she was furious at her own panic. She hadn't been collected. She hadn't been calm. She hadn't left for a team at the first indication that something was wrong. She had been confident that she could handle it herself. And when she'd crashed, she'd crashed hard and the Reapers had been there to see it.

She slammed her hand into the bathroom wall, a muffled groan escaping her. And now they were coming fast, were extremely pissed off, and she didn't know how much they knew. And almost three thousand five hundred batarians were dead, and she was being called a war criminal by the batarians and, probably, her own former military.

Shepard finally finished her shower and collapsed at her desk, checking her terminal. Three thousand messages. She sighed heavily and set her VI to work categorizing them (she'd installed the Shepard VI she'd gotten from Mouse primarily because the entire idea was hilarious, and it now proclaimed that it deleted data like this on its way to real errors and got started. It had never crashed on her, possibly because it figured out that this was, indeed, the  _real_  Shepard). She opened the shipboard for the cockpit while the VI happily destroyed spam emails and sorted the rest on her terminal. "Joker."

:: _Yeah._ ::

"We're en route to the Citadel?"

:: _Yes ma'am._ ::

"Let me know when we get there. I'll take the shuttle in. I don't want anyone locking us down."

:: _I agree with you on that one._ ::

She closed the comm and sank back in her chair with a sigh, dropping her head onto her desk.

#

"I'm still not sure why you're down here," Joker said as the Loft disconnected. Kaidan sighed, staring out the viewport. "It isn't like she killed all those batarians because she felt like it."

"It—"

Joker swore. "You heard everything yourself, Alenko. Repeatedly. Shepard destroyed that Relay because of the Reapers. Would you rather that we were on the run from  _them_  right now?"

"No, I . . ." He trailed off. "It doesn't feel right. Even if it had to be done."

" _Please._  And you think Shepard feels differently?"

"You eavesdropped on the comm. We all did. She said she would do it again in a heartbeat if it needed to be done."

"And you wouldn't?" Kaidan didn't answer. "That's what I thought. You know Shepard better than I do. She doesn't like to kill people who aren't shooting at her. Hell, she made you, Garrus, Wrex and Ash take fire the entire way through Feros because she didn't want to kill the colonists."

"And then she blew Ash up with a nuclear bomb."

"Because she had to. You heard as well as I did. Up until Saren showed, she was going to drop the  _Normandy_  on top of the geth with guns blaring and get her out of there. And you saw her afterwards. It took her four hours to record a vidmail to Ash's family. A  _vidmail_. She didn't write a standard letter. She  _vidmailed_  them."

"But it –"

Joker finally had it. Reaching to the side of his chair for his emergency crutches – you never knew when you were going to have to limp into the tech lab to crawl through vents, after all – he hit Kaidan in the kneecap. "For Christ's sake!" he snapped. "You are seriously one of the stupidest smart people I fucking know!"

"Ow! What –" Kaidan grabbed the end of the crutch. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"One." Joker held up a finger. "You're sleeping with Commander Fucking Shepard, which most people think nets you a medal. Two. Shepard would give money to a homeless twenty-three-year-old vorcha on Omega. Three. Shepard saves sick batarians in plague zones and orphans in her spare time. Four. Shepard bothered to stand between  _Garrus_  and his target without the least concern that he'd try to take the shot in order to spare someone  _everyone_  hated. Five. Shepard took pity on  _geth_.  _Geth_. Those things that keep trying to kill her. Six. The first thing Shepard asked me after 'how did Cerberus get you?' was 'have you heard from Alenko?' Seven."

"Before we entered the Omega-4," EDI interjected. "Shepard routinely fell asleep holding the image currently on her desk."

"That. Eight. Have I mentioned that you're sleeping with Commander Fucking Shepard?"

Kaidan raised his hands, releasing Joker's crutch. "I get your point. I do. But have you thought about what this makes Shepard look like? The Hegemony is going to demand her head, and the Alliance is going to give it to them. We're all going to go down with her, even if she denies that we were involved and takes the blame herself, like you know she will.

"And if Shepard's put on trial, we're going to be the ones subpoenaed," he continued. "So can you imagine if Shepard's best defense is left to the two of us, Doctor Chakwas, the rest of this crew, Wrex, and Liara? The fact that she'll be getting vouched for by a turian is bad enough – and what the hell is anyone going to think about  _Jack_? And what the hell am I supposed to do? Lie on the stand if I get asked if Shepard and I have a relationship? I'm sure  _someone_  suspects it, at least. We aren't reliable witnesses, no matter how long we've known her."

Joker hit him with the crutch again. "So you're just going to give up. Like that. If you throw her to the wolves now you're no better than that turian bastard on the Council."

"That's low."

"So? We've come too far to just abandon her like that. I won't, and I'd hope to  _god_  you aren't. Because if you do, she'll probably die. And I don't know what the hell happened down there, but it freaked her out. And if Shepard got freaked out by something, that usually means that the rest of us are dead."

"So it doesn't bother you that she's essentially a war criminal."

" _No_ , and I don't know why it's fucking you up. Because when the Reapers start curbstomping us, the number of batarians Shepard killed is going to pale in comparison. I trust her. If she says it was necessary then I'll believe it was necessary. So you either trust her, or you don't trust her. You need to make up your mind."

Kaidan stared out the viewport.

"In my analysis of Shepard's data, I concluded that the threat was real." EDI chimed in again. "The artifact referred to as Object Rho did seem to indicate that the Reapers were approaching the galaxy, and I agree with the science team's estimate. The Reapers have arrived in the galaxy, Commander Alenko. Destroying the Bahak Relay, also known as the Alpha Relay, was Shepard's only hope of postponing the invasion. Had she not, I have little doubt that the Reapers would have seized the opportunity to destroy this ship and kill Shepard, thus removing two of the major obstacles to their total victory. The Reapers could have struck Earth minutes after arriving in the galaxy with little to no warning.

"At this juncture, it is pertinent to assume that the Reapers will be unable to reach the nearest relay for months. We may also assume that the Reapers will be spotted by small scout ships or trading and pirating vessels. These reports will be critical to tracking their progress. By the time they reach that relay, I have little doubt that we will be prepared – whether or not the rest of the galaxy is remains to be seen. And the only way that is possible is through Shepard's intervention and the sacrifice of the batarians.

"In summary, Commander Alenko, I believe it would be prudent for you to speak to her. She appears to share your opinions, and it would be beneficial for her mental state to speak with you."

"Her mental state?" Joker turned his chair to the AI. "What –"

"In my professional opinion, Shepard feels as if whatever happened in that system could have been stopped had she been minutes faster. Having Commander Alenko speak to her will possibly allow her to move  _out_  of the fetal position she is currently in."

"She's blaming herself again for something that isn't her fault." Kaidan sighed, standing. "I'll . . . go up there."

"That is probably for the best, Commander."

Kaidan disappeared into the hallway linking the cockpit to the CIC. Joker glanced at the AI, then turned his chair back to his console.

"I do not believe that striking the Commander with your crutches was the best course of action, Jeff."

Joker glanced back at her. "All right, look. I lost a betting pool to  _Tali_  and Chakwas about when Shepard and Alenko would stop dancing around each other. If I have to watch them do it again after these past several months, I swear to  _god_  . . ."


	63. The Worst Turns Into Hell

"Shepard, Commander Alenko is at the door requesting entry."

"Wonderful." Shepard sighed, looking up from her pillow. "Let him in, EDI."

She was prepared for the running steps that quickly indicated his approach as the doors zipped open. "Marra! Are you –"

"I'm fine," she murmured, returning her head to her pillow. Letting the VI sort her messages had left her with nothing to do and, deciding that she didn't want to deal with her crew staring at her, she'd ended up curled in the fetal position with her pillow nestled between her arms, her face buried in it. She hadn't started crying – thank God – but just laid there, curled up protectively, sometimes watching the stars zip by outside her viewport. And now, she had no idea what Kaidan was here for, and she wasn't sure she wanted to know. She hadn't wanted to face any of her crew yet – not with her inevitable assault by the Council coming up.

"You're sure? I can get Chakwas if –"

"I'm  _fine_."

"All right. You're okay." The bed creaked as he sank down next to her. She uncurled herself and rolled into a sitting position, her pillow still protectively clutched to her chest. "I need to know what happened down there."

"You already know."

"Marra." Something in his tone froze her. "Don't shut me out. Not now. Not after that."

"What?" Shepard asked, voice bitter. "Trying to figure out if I'm a war criminal now? I wouldn't blame you.  _I_  think I am. What else could I be? I just massacred innocent non-human civilians. People have gotten the firing  _squad_  for less."

"Is that what you're worried about?"

She shook her head. "No. I trust Hackett and Anderson – they'll keep the Alliance from going that far. But any trial of me is going to distract us from the Reapers, and it'll turn into a goddamned kangaroo court replete with a tug of war using me as the rope. I can't take that, Kaidan. I . . . I can't."

By the end of her diatribe, her voice had grown even smaller, to where it was almost a weak whisper. Kaidan stared down at the sheets under his hand. "What did they do to you?"

She sighed. "You know as well as I do that N7s get trained to deal with capture," she started. He nodded. "We're Special Ops. It's part of the risk. I came through Elysium, through taking down Saren, with nothing. There was never any risk. I came through taking out the Collectors without ever even considering it a possibility. But . . . there's something about . . ." Shepard curled up even closer around her pillow. "There's something about the  _Reapers_  wanting me alive that I can't . . . it terrifies me, Kaidan. As much as I don't want to admit it, it does."

Kaidan swallowed. "Look. If it didn't, we'd be worried."

"You don't get it!" Shepard snapped. "This is  _me_ , Kai. I'm supposed to be able to dropkick Reapers and shoot lasers out my eyes, not go through one silly little ordeal where I had Reapers pawing through my head and got cornered because I was _stupid_! That  _isn't_  how  _I'm_  supposed to be!"

"That's what . . ." He blinked repeatedly. " _That's_  what you're worried about?"

"Shouldn't I be? The Reapers are here. Who is everyone going to come running to? Me! Everyone's going look to me for leadership and guidance and the only thing I can think about is the fact that I fucked up. I got cocky and over three hundred _thousand_  people paid for it! I can't  _afford_  mistakes, Kaidan! I can't!"

Kaidan grabbed her shoulders, pulling her around to face him. "Look at me. Marra." She finally met his eyes, pillow still held protectively. "Don't do that. Don't go down that road. You know that. There wasn't anything you could have done to save those batarians. You were running on  _nothing_. You're lucky  _you_  survived."

"I . . . I know," Shepard quietly admitted.

"Then why are you obsessing?"

She sighed, tucking her knees up to her chest. "Because my mistake – my cockiness –didn't just ruin me. No one's going to believe that no one else on this ship was involved. I've ruined your career, whatever was left of Joker's, whatever was left of anyone's – hell, if anyone finds out that I was there because Hackett asked me, there goes  _his_. I might have killed Anderson's, probably my mother's. I don't know." She swallowed. "The Hegemony is going to be out for blood and any Alliance blood they can get. The more high-ranking or well-known people they can take down because of this, the happier they'll be. If – The Alliance has no choice, whether they decide to like me or not. They  _have_  to hand me to the Hegemony. What other option do they have? Either they shelter me and it looks like I was functioning under Alliance orders or they give me to the batarians. When it comes down to it –"

"You're a Spectre. Everything you touch is classified. If you say you did it for galactic security –"

"Bullshit," Shepard scoffed. "Like the Council is going to hesitate before throwing me under the bus. I may have destroyed that relay knowing that it was the difference between immediate galactic extermination and delayed galactic extermination but both the Council and the Alliance deny that the Reapers exist  _and_  maintain that Saren somehow managed to brainwash me into believing in them as well. Anderson's good, but he isn't that good."

"Councilor Tevos is behind you." Shepard's head jerked back up, and Kaidan nodded. "I don't know why, or what Anderson had to do to get her to believe you, but he did something. Velarn's, of course, offering to escort you to the batarians himself. The salarian hasn't said anything. I wouldn't rule out the Council just yet."

Shepard stared at her desk. "I wonder if that had anything to do with . . ."

"What?"

She jerked, like he'd knocked her off whatever track her mental train had been on. "Nothing. Sorry. Cerberus was messing around with Reaper tech and Anderson got a hold of it. I don't really know much more than the end details, and a lot of it's still classified." She shrugged. "Basically, it sums up that indoctrination is damn scary. Maybe that convinced her."

"She seemed to always have a better opinion of you."

"Yeah. Might have something to do with nearly every asari wanting to get in my pants." Shepard sighed. "But I won't look a gift asari in the mouth, as it were."

Kaidan echoed her sigh, looking her over. If she'd finally started to look better in the months after they'd destroyed the Collectors, it had been almost entirely reversed. Her eyes were still dark from bruising, her face still gaunt and slightly ashen from overworking her biotics. She still trembled from exhaustion, avoided moving certain parts of her body that hurt too much. While the weight that had seemingly dropped on her when the Collectors attacked the ship had consequently disappeared after the mission ended, it seemed like it had returned to stay with a vengeance, her shoulders slumping far outside the normal range of her posture. When that was coupled with the way she had tucked herself into a small ball around her pillow, she looked so utterly beaten that Kaidan almost couldn't believe who he was talking to. "Marrakech."

"I don't know what to do," she admitted. "I . . . I've never been an accused war criminal before."

There was nothing he could say, and he swallowed again. "What's the plan?"

Shepard sighed, and motioned to her console. "The Council's asked me to come and fill them in. After that? I haven't thought that far ahead. Trot around the galaxy? Avoid batarians and the media? Look for Reapers? Hide from the Reapers? I . . . I don't know. I don't have a direction."

Kaidan rested his chin on his fist. "And you're positive that the Reapers are here?"

"More certain than I have ever been of anything," Shepard murmured, resting her own chin back on her pillow. "I . . . I spoke to Harbinger."

His head jerked back up. "We wondered. What –"

"Apparently I've become a nuisance." She made a face. "And besides, I figure if the Reapers had indoctrinated the science team their countdown was probably correct." She finally met his eyes again. "Kaidan, should I . . . do you think I need to explain myself to the crew? What do I . . ."

"The crew is behind you. They trust you." Kaidan finally reached out and touched her shoulder. "They know that you did what you needed to do. The ground team's all seen what data from your camera was recoverable." Shepard jammed her palm into her forehead with a groan. "We know the Reapers were involved. It's just . . ." He paused, and Shepard finally looked back at him. "How long do you think this has bought us?"

Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "A month? A year? Two weeks? I don't know. I don't know how advanced Reaper FTL drives are, and I don't know how long it'll take them to get to the next relay." She paused, staring at the Prothean globe on her table. "There's . . . there's something else I should tell you. I gave Anderson my final comments on your performance."

"And?"

"I recommended you for the Spectres. They'll be inducting you when we dock."

#

The crew easily remembered the last time they'd been collected in the mess for a ship-wide meeting, and it hadn't left pleasant memories. So this time, when they were collected, they were automatically nervous.

Shepard and Kaidan finally rounded the corner of the elevator, and the crew glanced nervously at each other. Garrus and Tali traded a look over everyone else's heads as Kaidan took up his regular post near the medical bay.

Shepard stepped up to the sleeper pods, sinking down on the steps. "All right," she started, silencing the chatter in the mess. "I'm sure you're aware that a relay just exploded and killed three hundred thousand four-hundred and ninety-two batarians, plus or minus. If you were really paying attention, you'd know that we entered said relay a minute before it exploded. Are we good so far?" There was a collective nod. "Good. I won't lie to you." She leaned forward on her knees. "I was behind the destruction of that relay. The  _reason_  for that was because of one simple question I had to answer: did I kill those batarians to buy us time against the Reapers, or did I let the Reapers use a relay that allowed them to connect to  _any_  relay in the galaxy and hit Earth with no warning? I know, for me, the answer was unfortunately clear." She stared back down at her hands. "This brings up an uncomfortable reality that we are now facing: the Reapers are now in our galaxy."

More so than the first  _Normandy_ , this crew had been faced with the reality of the Reapers since the first day of their mission. Before the ship had even cleared her initial docking bay, Matthews and Hadley in the corridor had heard Joker and Shepard conversing in very hushed tones about the Reapers – not the Collectors that they had been hired to fight. Then, when the crew had found themselves on the business end of Collector pods, then rescued by Shepard, then heard rumors that they'd been on the same station as an infant Reaper, the threat had become more than real – it'd become personal. They had nearly _become_  a Reaper themselves. Therefore, the news that the Reapers were in the galaxy had the same effect upon the crewmembers – not the ground team, but the shipboard crew – as surviving a large bomb.

They panicked.

Shepard let the frantic conversations and hurled questions continue for a while before placing two fingers in her mouth and whistling. The mess fell deathly silent. "Now that that's out of the way . . . We're en route to the Citadel. The Council has demanded that I come in to explain what happened. I'm  _really_  looking forward to this.

"If there is  _anyone_  I need on my side, it's all of you. So if you have questions, ask them."

There was a long, pregnant pause. Hawthorne finally, timidly, raised his hand. "So, uh, what actually happened?"

Shepard sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I got cocky," she admitted heavily. "There was a Reaper artifact that had indoctrinated the science team, and they managed to get the drop on me. I ended up sedated for two days – that's why I looked so damn bad when I made it back here. The sedatives stopped working with two hours on their Countdown to the Reapers. By the time I made it to where I could open a communications line there would have been no time to evacuate. All I could do was get us out of there."

"Then you're positive the Reapers are here?" Chambers asked, face pale.

"Absolutely."

"How bad is the backlash going to be?" Donnelly spoke this time, concern making his already-thick brogue even thicker.

"Bad. I have no doubt that the Alliance is going to hand me over to the batarians to avoid a costly war with the Hegemony. At the least, they're going to hold a very public trial. I don't know how much magic Hackett is going to be able to work to either slow them down or downplay my involvement. I'll do my best to keep anything from coming back on you all, but I may not be able to. You need to be prepared for that eventuality."

"How long will it take the Reapers to get here?" Kasumi, considering the subject matter, seemed fairly unconcerned.

"It's hard to say. It depends on how advanced their FTL drives are. We could have a week, or we could have a year. I'd err on the side of under six months, however, knowing how advanced the Reapers are in most other areas – and I'd say six months is a generous estimate."

There was a long pause, and Shepard cleared her throat. "So, no more questions?" There was a general nod. "All right. Of course, this all means that there will be even larger changes coming soon. I will be speaking to members of the ground team individually about their options or their next assignments, depending upon which seems more appropriate at the time. As for the rest of you, there is a problem." Shepard rubbed her hands together, staring at them. "You were all Cerberus. No matter what your current loyalties are, under Alliance law you're still not held in high regard. I can't guarantee that the Alliance won't lock down this ship whenever I get called to Earth. When I do receive my summons from Hackett we will stop at the Citadel. If you choose to get off, you may. I can't ask any of you to face an Alliance court on terrorism charges. If the trial goes well, you're welcome to return to my ship. If it doesn't . . ." She sighed. "Then I hope you can do something against the Reapers.

"We're headed to the Citadel now. If you chose to leave, forward a message to my terminal. I will be sorry to see you go but, as I said, I can't ask you to stay and weather the fallout from the Bahak incident. You've been an excellent crew and there is no other I would have rathered served with on this mission. This is just something I cannot ask of you.

"According to Joker, we'll be on the Citadel in eleven hours. Get some rest." Shepard stood. "I need to go through the several thousand messages I received just after the incident. Please direct your concerns to Miranda." Miranda nodded from her corner. "Dismissed."

Kaidan followed Shepard into the elevator, which started towards the Loft. "Marra, the messages can wait," he said quietly. "You need to sleep. You look like hell and I don't want you to get ripped apart by the Council like this."

Shepard glanced at him. "I can't sleep. I don't think I  _can_  sleep."

"You should try."

"Yeah." She sighed. "Yeah, I probably should."


	64. Insufferable Stupidity

They hadn't been asleep for more than an hour when Kaidan snapped awake.

By the time he finally managed to convince Shepard to try and sleep, she had refused to let him go and he'd found himself holding her as she begrudgingly humored him. He'd dozed off minutes after she had, strangely comforted by her weight on his chest.

It took him a few seconds to realize that he'd woken up because Shepard had wrenched away from him and was sitting straight up and trembling next to him, breath coming in short, fast waves. He pushed himself up next to her, grabbing her shoulder. "Marra?"

One of her hands grabbed a handful of her hair as she closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath. "My God, Kai," she murmured. "It was like they were back. It . . . I could see them heading for the relay again, I could hear them in my head, I . . ."

"Come here." He pulled on her shoulder, and she collapsed back against him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, hardly audible. "It's . . . It's just that I . . . What do I do? How do I – I fucked _everything_  up  _again_."

For the eleventh time that day, Kaidan had no idea what to say.

#

Kaidan and Shepard made their way to Anderson's office when they landed on the Citadel, escorted by a fully armed and armored squad of over-alert teammembers.

Shepard had been preparing to walk out onto the Citadel, mostly unarmed and in no armor, to speak to the Council. Kaidan had joined her at the shuttle in his uniform without so much as an invitation, silencing her argument with a calmly-stated disagreement. Seconds after him, Garrus had showed up carrying his sniper rifle, followed quickly by Miranda and Jacob and then the rest of the squad. After Tali had showed up and even Legion had silently moved into the back of the group, Shepard had given up disagreeing with them.

They walked into the embassies, hoping that the rapid transit cars had allowed them to avoid most notice. Shepard took the lead again, pushing past the receptionist in the human embassy to march to Anderson's door.

"Stay out here," she murmured, starting to reach for the lock.

"No," Tali said, voicing everyone's disagreement. "We aren't going to let the Council rip you apart alone."

Shepard paused, turning over the idea of refusing them entry anyway. Finally she sighed, glancing down at her boots. "Okay. Thanks. But stay over by the door."

As soon as the door opened, Anderson met them and ushered Shepard over to the Council's holographic pedestals. They were already waiting.

Kaidan watched quietly as Shepard moved into a perfect parade rest, hands folding quietly behind her back. Any indication that she had hardly slept the night before – and, because of that, neither had he – disappeared as if her face was constantly set in a perpetual Commander mask.

"She isn't looking forward to this," Miranda murmured, watching her shoulders square. Garrus shook his head.

"Can you blame her?"

"Shepard," Tevos started, her voice as calm and impassionate as ever. "It appears you survived your recent mission. Councilor Anderson reports that you have severed your ties with Cerberus, as well." Shepard nodded silently in reply.

"Then how do you explain the incident in the Bahak system?" Velarn demanded. Barely, almost imperceptively, Shepard blinked. "That is something Cerberus would do, is it not? Yet you say that –"

"I severed my ties with Cerberus before my ship returned through the Omega-4," Shepard interrupted. "Anderson is correct."

"Then how do you explain the Bahak incident?" The salarian councilor finally spoke. Shepard glanced at the floor.

"Were you involved?" Tevos asked. "We have heard nothing that definitively –"

"I . . ." She sighed. "Yes. I was responsible."

She was met by silence. "You say you destroyed an  _entire_  mass relay?" Velarn asked. "For what reasons? Because of your own personal animosity towards batarians? Or was it more of this Reaper nonsense you insist on perpetuating?"

"Councilor," Tevos said. Velarn fell silent. "Commander, what reasoning did you have for your actions?"

"My job," Shepard answered quietly. "Galactic security was at stake and my only option was to destroy the Bahak relay."

"You destroyed an entire relay for one threat. If it was not a –"

"I was captured," she answered, cutting the salarian off. "Then drugged, for nearly two days. By the time I stopped responding to the sedatives I had approximately two hours to respond to the initial threat and stem it. There were very few options I could choose. That was the most appropriate course of action."

"Shepard did attempt to warn the batarian colony and order an evacuation," Anderson interjected. "We have the partial transmission."

"And why is it only a partial transmission? Shouldn't you have tried harder?"

Shepard delivered Velarn her trademark glare. "I did what I could. The leader of the science team there severed the communications line."

"And yet you're here, alive," Velarn continued. "You had time to rescue your ship, but no one else?"

"The  _Normandy_  picked me up approximately one minute before the relay exploded. I don't consider that enough time to mount an efficient rescue mission. I  _did_  what I  _could_."

Legion raised a headflap, but didn't speak. The whirring seemed to have attracted Shepard's attention, and she glanced at the geth for the briefest second.

"The Councilor is merely concerned with the batarian backlash from this event," Tevos said. "We do not doubt that you performed to the best of your abilities, especially once we examined your report. But you must answer us truthfully, Shepard. Did your belief in the existence of the Reapers play any role in the relay's destruction?"

"It's a Catch-22," Miranda murmured, prompting a glance from most of the others. "It means that, no matter how she answers, she's –"

"Nothing good will happen," Kaidan completed quietly.

Shepard straightened herself back up. "Yes," she answered quietly. "The Reapers were a factor in my decision. The science team had reported the discovery of a Reaper artifact. Said artifact had indoctrinated them.

"Our experience fighting the Collectors, who were working in conjunction with the Reapers in order to build a new Reaper, was that they are interested in me. Therefore, once the Reapers determined that I was who I said I was, they set out to capture me. The Bahak relay is –  _was_  – important because it would have allowed them to jump to any system in the galaxy – including Earth – without making several different, separate jumps. I had to make a split-second decision between postponing trillions of deaths and promptly causing trillions of deaths. As regrettable as the deaths of those batarians are, I gave us the opportunity to properly prepare for a full-scale invasion – though it isn't as if anyone will use the time I bought us and those colonists will have died in vain."

Shepard sounded, quite possibly, more bitter than they had ever heard her – from what he could see of them, Kaidan suspected that the Councilors were surprised as well.

"And honestly," she continued. "I don't see why you insist on perpetuating this illusion of stability you've sought to portray. So far I was right about Saren, about Ilos, about the Collectors . . . and yet you refuse to believe that I could  _possibly_  be right about the Reapers. I saved this Council, I saved the  _Ascension_ , I released the last living rachni queen all before I fully understood the threat we faced, but even then I recognized that we needed to be  _ready_. I have done almost  _nothing_  without acknowledging first that the Reapers exist and then seeing what plans I could set into motion based upon any number of outcomes of the current dilemma. The Reapers  _exist_ , Councilors. How do I  _know_ that they exist? Because I've spoken to two, destroyed three, killed the last of their Prothean slaves, and read scientific reports far above my own limited understanding in an attempt to understand and counter them.

"Why? Because I'm the only person of any visibility willing to do anything. I'm willing to ruin my own reputation, my own career, the careers of my friends and relatives, because no one else will. And I'm so damn  _valuable_  that  _Cerberus_  was willing to spend two years and four billion credits  _resurrecting_ , not  _rebuilding_  me, then give me the resources to build the deadliest squad and ship seen in this galaxy to fight the Collectors – Reaper agents – because no one else  _would_. And with everything I've seen, everything I've  _done_ , if I were told now that the Reapers were minutes from Earth I could set any of eighteen plans, with or without your cooperation, into motion.

"We're discussing a galactic extermination force that has  _reached our galaxy_ , and yet we focus on one destroyed relay, three hundred and five thousand dead civilians who unknowingly martyred themselves to buy us time – time we won't use because we're too busy hiding our heads in the sand hoping everything will go away. And I'm fucking tired of it. Either you examine my track record to date and see how often I've correctly determined galactic threats or you continue to treat me like a mistake that never should have been made. I suggest you make that decision  _before_  the galaxy suffers for your inaction."

The Councilor's Office fell silent, the Council – including Anderson – and Shepard's team stunned into silence Jack, tactful as always, applauded.

"It isn't nearly as terrifying when it isn't directed at you," Kasumi commented.

The salarian councilor, possibly because of their lightning-fast adaptive strategies, rebounded first. "It isn't that we do not _want_  to believe you," he began.

"Statistically, my record is perfect," Shepard challenged. "Name a moment where I've been wrong."

"I've given you every file and record that Shepard forwarded to me," Anderson defended. "Unless you haven't bothered to examine it yourself –"

"You must understand that not all of us do not believe you," Tevos said, stepping in delicately. "The problem is that the Council finds itself divided. I was convinced that a threat – whether your Reapers or not – does exist that you have been countering after Anderson shared both your files and the Grayson file." The name was lost on the squad members, but Shepard nodded briefly. "But our fellow Councilors remain unconvinced." Tevos shot a glance at Velarn. "Even if we were unified on this matter, we do not become involved in Spectre activities. We cannot politically back you in any suit made by the Hegemony. Doing so would appear to be favoritism to the batarians."

Shepard sagged slightly, almost invisibly, a quiet sigh escaping her lips. "I know. The Alliance already knows that I'm willing to be arrested – to whatever end – as soon as it's required of me. I don't have any illusions as to my fate – not in that regards."

Velarn started to speak, but a glare from Tevos silenced him. "Shepard, I am sure that a decent lawyer will be able to paint the Bahak incident as fully within Spectre guidelines. No matter what our personal feelings were toward you, you  _have_ always been one of our most successful agents."

"Thank you." Shepard's voice was still quiet, and Tevos cut the comm. The Council disappeared, leaving only Anderson, Shepard, and her team. Kaidan leaned back on the wall, waiting.

"You showed Tevos the Grayson file?" Shepard asked immediately upon the comm severance. Anderson nodded.

"We had a corpse full of Reaper technology. It was our best shot to get the Council on our side." He turned to her. "Shepard, what the  _hell_  were you thinking? That –"

"I'm tired of it, Anderson!" Shepard snapped. "My teams and I have saved the galaxy  _twice_  and  _all_  we've gotten is ridiculed. Someday they're going to have to admit that I've been right and the Reapers are in the Viper Nebula and I'm losing  _patience_! When they get here we're going to be taken off guard because people  _refuse_  to see the threat!"

Anderson held up a hand. "Shepard, I know. I'm as frustrated as you are."

"I don't think you are. I nearly  _died_  destroying that relay and nearly killed my crew with it. I'm not proud of it but I'd do it again if I needed to."

"Shepard, I  _know_." There was a quiet pause as Shepard stared at the far wall of the Presidium, back to both Anderson and her squad. Anderson sighed. "Will you be joining us this afternoon?"

Shepard glanced sheepishly at Kaidan, which prompted glances from the rest of the squad as well. "I don't know. I'm trying to stay low."

"I understand. Good luck, Shepard . . ." He lowered his voice, turning away from her squad. "I will be there when Earth recalls you for trial."

She looked briefly taken aback, but it quickly vanished. "Thank you, sir."

"Now get back to your ship. Before the media finds you."

Shepard grinned, but even Grunt realized it wasn't sincere. "You don't have to encourage me."

#

They did not have the luck they'd hoped.

Some luck  _had_  found them, though Shepard refused to believe it. Shepard would have if, in the grand scheme of the universe, the reporter contacted by the idiot receptionist had been Emily Wong (a woman who liked and owed Shepard a great deal). But no. The reporter was a loathsome pile of something worse than excrement, as calling her a "piece of shit" would be an insult to the dung (or scat, as Shepard had always liked that word).

"Commander Shepard!" The asari-made-suit-clad woman yelled, successfully attracting the attention of everyone in the lobby. Shepard didn't hide her disgust as the woman blocked her hasty progress out the door. "Khalisa bin-Sinan –"

"Al-Jilani," Shepard finished coldly.

Al-Jilani was a spectacularly stupid woman. She had once been told to never-for-the-love-of-the-Enkindlers-procreate, which was about the worse insult a hanar could deal. Unless they were strangling Zaeed. At this point, Shepard was surrounded by the deadliest team in the galaxy and in a horrible, horrible mood. This was a time that even Hackett might think twice about approaching. However, Al-Jilani had no sense of tact, timing, or self-preservation. She believed a sour mood was the  _right_  time to approach a target. When the target was someone who regularly carried enough weaponry to conquer a small moon and had, in fact, just destroyed an entire planetary system, there was  _never_  a right time to approach them whilst being insufferably stupid.

"Do you have time for a few questions?"

"No."

"Excellent." Al-Jilani, unfamiliar with the simple two-letter word, continued. Garrus and Tali took a small step back, having been with Shepard the last time Al-Jilani was unfortunate enough to stop her. Kaidan, contrary to most of the squad's attempt to slowly back away from the camera-drone-wielding female, took a step forward to Shepard's side, just outside the camera's line of vision. "The batarian Hegemony has recently accused you of destroying the Bahak relay. Are you respon—"

"The investigation is ongoing," Shepard replied simply. Grunt cracked his knuckles.

"I understand. But our viewers –"

"I'm afraid I cannot comment on an ongoing investigation."

"But this is the question –"

Kaidan placed his hand on Shepard's arm. "Miss Al-Jilani, Shepard cannot comment on an ongoing Alliance and Council joint investigation," he said firmly. "Have an excellent day."

With Al-Jilani's protests echoing behind them, Shepard let Kaidan walk her towards the CRT terminal with the rest of the squad in tow. Once out of sight, Shepard pulled away from him. "Thanks," she said begrudgingly. "I hate that woman."

"And I'm sure she hates you," Kaidan retorted.

"What's going on this afternoon?" Miranda asked. Kaidan and Shepard glanced at her, then back at each other. Kaidan finally half-sighed.

"Humanity's getting another Spectre," he answered heavily. "Me."

#

Against her better judgment, Shepard stood with him upon his induction.

Unlike hers almost three years earlier, the media had learned about Kaidan's induction and prepared accordingly. Fortunately, once Shepard had decided that she  _would_  attend, she would have been hard pressed to lose her squad. They had grouped at the last set of stairs between the Council platform and the public, running an effective crowd control.

All Kaidan knew was that his dress uniform itched more than usual, and he felt strangely unprotected when he remembered that Shepard was standing right over his shoulder, fully armored.

"Commander Alenko. Step forward."

Kaidan took a deep breath and took the smallest step away from Shepard, towards the Council. Anderson met his eyes and half-nodded from his post beside Velarn.

"It is the decision of the Council," Tevos continued. "That you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel."

He only half-listened as they continued in what he recognized as the typical "Welcome To The Spectres" sort of spiel Shepard had gotten three years before. Something more concerning had occurred to him.

He had a feeling that they would tell him to "investigate" the Bahak incident, even though they all knew what had happened and who had been behind it. But what if they didn't? If they sent him on something else, he would have to leave the  _Normandy_ , leave Shepard in the hands of her crew, leave Shepard in her  _own_  hands.

He wouldn't be able to leave. He couldn't leave.

"Your orders are simple." Anderson spoke last, and Kaidan redirected his attention from his own internal brooding to the councilor. "Investigate the recent incident in the Bahak system. Shepard, your fellow Spectre, will accompany you for the time being. Further orders will be transmitted to you."

"Thank you, Councilor," he answered simply.

"Good luck."

With that, Kaidan took a slow, deep breath, not missing Shepard's own sigh of relief behind him.

Later that day, Kaidan received his orders. They were short, simple, but he knew they would be difficult to follow.

_Make sure Shepard is ready for trial._


	65. Enough

Shepard, as per her definition of "laying low," returned to going system by system through the Skyllian Verge.

But unlike the first round where competitions had been made and credits won and lost, the ship seemed dead. Shepard's mood had darkened considerably since the Bahak incident, and the ship's worst fears – the Reapers – had been realized. But Shepard's mood had the largest impact on the crew – her almost-daily rounds to speak with members of the crew at their posts had all-but ceased, and she rarely emerged from the Loft except for missions and the galaxy map.

Missions like this one, two and a half months after Kaidan's induction and their last trip into any civilized port - Shepard's orders.

They'd dropped in the Hammerhead to check out a strange signal that had been spotted by EDI. Shepard still drove with all the gentleness she'd exhibited on the mako, nearly taking off one of the front jets immediately upon landing with a rock and a steady stream of inventive profanity.

As usual, Garrus had abandoned his guns to be at Shepard's side – Kaidan's new found Spectre status made him her official field second, but the team still answered more readily to the turian. Miranda and Jack, currently in that week's uneasy truce, were perched uncomfortably on the narrow bench in the back across from Grunt, who was reassembling his shotgun with a series of threatening-sounding clicks.

Another blast rocked the Hammerhead, accompanied by alarm bells and a further stream of language from Shepard describing the Hammerhead's designer, constructor, and their mothers. Kaidan glanced over the sensors.

"Son of –  _stop shooting me_!" Shepard yelled.

"Pirates?" Miranda asked from the back. Garrus, at the last screen, shook his head.

"No. Looks like some sort of turret, but –"

There was a  _thud_  as Shepard ran over whatever it was, jerking the vehicle to a stop. "Come on." She unstrapped, prompting them to follow suit. "Miranda, contact the ship and tell them to drop Legion and Mordin at our position. We might need them."

"What're you thinking?"

Shepard glanced over at Kaidan as she opened the Hammerhead's doors. "Sensors indicated some sort of husk tech, but not the usual husks."

"Great." Jack bounced out of the Hammerhead. "I fucking  _love_  husks."

The immediate vicinity of the Hammerhead was clear. Inset into the ground nearby was a prefab mine, its entrance blasted open and strewn with the charred skeletons of its previous (salarian?) workers.

"This looks familiar," Garrus murmured.

"Guns ready," Shepard ordered humorlessly. "I don't know what we're going to find down here, but I don't think it's going to be happy to see us."

Seconds later the shuttle landed, expelling Mordin and Legion before taking back off for the ship. They moved towards the mine with Shepard, Jack, and Grunt in the lead.

Kaidan hung in the back with Legion and Mordin, watching Shepard stiffly move ahead of them. For a brief, terrifying moment he doubted whether or not she should even be cleared for duty.

No one else would doubt her. No one else needed to. But he knew her better than they did.

#

It wasn't until they'd reached the mine's central chamber that all hell broke loose.

The things that emerged from the ground and the crates around them were  _not_  husks, by any sense of the husks they'd seen before; instead, they were some sort of hellish love child between a krogan and a batarian and several other species, if said love child had opted to cut his own arm off and replace it with a massive repeating gun and issue a consistent, gut-wrenching scream for no reason other than to haunt nightmares.

Jack and Grunt immediately launched into the sort of all-encompassing chaos they excelled at creating, happily destroying the new type of husks. Mordin managed to find an out-of-the-way location to hide and incinerate the things between taking samples and running equations. The rest of them opted for cover, wondering what the hell sort of nightmare had inspired a Reaper to spit one of these out.

Shepard had been several steps ahead of the group and been forced to find cover far separate from them. They lost the visual on her seconds into the fighting, but could clearly hear the retort of her shotgun over their own firearms.

The waves never ceased.

Kaidan finally opened his comm as he pushed a not-husk back into a stalagmite, impaling it. "Shepard, we need to pull out."

Jack cackled as she slammed the butt of her shotgun into a husk's gaping mouth. "Save it for later!"

:: _Negative_ ,:: Shepard answered. :: _We need to figure out what these are_.::

"Shepard –"

:: _There's another shaft back here that they seem to be coming out of. Mordin, Legion, get to my position and we'll head down. You should be able to hold this spot for a few minutes._ ::

"I don't like this," Garrus said. Kaidan nodded.

"I don't either, but that isn't going to stop her."

Mordin and Legion broke cover, making their way to Shepard's position before all three disappeared into the tunnel Shepard had spotted. The duo managed to hit the latest wave with enough force to momentarily rout them, allowing the others to clean up the rest of them. Garrus and Kaidan pressed forward, distracting the incoming semi-husks before falling back into cover.

Minutes of persistent gunfire passed, with none of the usual team banter joining it. Five minutes turned to ten, then fifteen, with no sign of Shepard and the others. Kaidan, unable to stand it, opened his comm.

"Shepard! Status!"

Nothing.

"Too much rock," Garrus said, assault rifle ripping through a husk.

"So we hope." Kaidan flared, sending a husk flying.

"This had better be worth –"

The sound of an explosion rent the cavern air, sending even Jack and Grunt diving for cover. "Son of a  _bitch_!" Kaidan snapped, Garrus mumbling what was probably an impressive stream of turian that Kaidan's translater refused to touch.

The semi-but-not-the-regular-husks reacted with pained screams, immediately ignoring the four legitimately not-husks and falling on each other, snapping off hunks of flesh as they began to fall apart.

"That's fucking disgusting," Jack finally said, standing over a pile of husk flesh that she'd previously been trying to biotically pull apart. Strangely, she seemed a little green.

"Shepard." This time, it was Miranda echoing through their headsets as she pulled herself out of cover, nudging one of the flesh-piles with her boot. "Shepard, come in."

"Right here," a tired-sounding voice said. Shepard emerged from a secondary chamber, one of Legion's arms slung over her shoulder. The geth's optic was dark, drooped down towards the hole in his chest. Mordin limped behind them, omni-tool still open.

"What the  _hell_?" Kaidan hurried forward, skimming the synthetic. Shepard dropped onto a rock, rubbing her forehead. "What happened?"

"Trap," Mordin answered heavily. "Had to explode chamber. Clever. Must have known someone would locate. Testing new husk technology. Likely did not expect  _us_."

"Had it worked," Shepard finally answered heavily. "We'd have been stuck in the far chamber and probably suffocated."

"Did you find  _anything_  useful?" Miranda asked. Shepard half-glared at her.

"Mordin got some readings, as did Legion before . . ." She sighed. "There was an artifact back there, but we didn't get close to it." Shepard glanced back at Kaidan. "How is he?"

Shepard's uncharacteristic reference to the geth as "he" was not lost upon them.

"I'm not sure, but his memory core is still intact. That's a good sign."

She stood heavily. "All right. Let's get back to the ship."

As Shepard started back for the entrance and Grunt hefted the geth onto his shoulder, Jack glanced back at Kaidan. "What's fucked her up?"

Kaidan stared after her. "I'm not sure."


	66. Familiar Landscapes

  
_I don't care  
_ _I don't care what you believe  
_ _As long as you are in my heart  
_ _You're just as real as me  
_ _Maybe even more  
_ _Someone has touched so many lives  
_ _Can never, never die_   


* * *

Kaidan leaned back against the doorframe of their makeshift firing squad in the cargo bay, watching silently as Shepard braced her enormous Widow Anti-Material Rifle against her shoulder.

He remembered the first time he'd seen her use a sniper rifle. Vanguards weren't  _trained_  for them, only trained for regular sidearms, shotguns, and the occasional assault rifle. But she'd calmly pulled off her regulation sniper rifle as they stood on top of a cliff, aimed, and blasted the head off the man who'd masterminded the Skyllian Blitz. When he had asked, she'd gotten a slightly distant look in her eyes and quietly murmured that it seemed appropriate to shun her vanguard training and use the weapon that had saved her life on Elysium.

With a loud  _bang_ , the rifle fired. Shepard jerked backwards with the force as the round slammed into the paper target at the far end of the range, utterly destroying it. In a second she'd ejected the clip and replaced it, swinging the weapon up just as the next target dropped. The next shot threw her off-balance, and she staggered backwards. Kaidan stepped forward and steadied her. With a half-groan, she pulled away.

"Marra." Shepard ignored him, opening the barrel of her beloved weapon to check the clip ejector. There were two circumstances where Kaidan used her first name: they were having sex, or he needed her attention. Due to the copious amounts of clothing currently possessed by both of them and recent lack of the former, she figured it was the latter. "What's wrong?"

"Don't know what you – dammit!" Shepard yelped as her finger got caught in the weapon's mechanism. She managed to extract it before dropping the weapon to the floor, sinking against the range stall and digging into her eyes with her palms. Kaidan sighed, settling down next to her.

"Is this about Bahak?" She nodded, paused, then shook her head. "Which is it?"

"I don't have the luxury of questioning my decisions," she said quietly. "But destroying the Collector base instead of using it, and then destroying that relay . . . and every night I have nightmares that aren't mine and I see what we're facing and I know they're here and . . . and I do something stupid like take a salarian and a geth into a mineshaft crawling with some sort of husks and risk them for  _nothing_. Because I've started second guessing my own decisions."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"I should have kept that base. Not for Cerberus . . . but for the Alliance or the Council or just for ourselves. If I hadn't gotten cocky Kenson would never have been able to get the drop on me and thousands of batarians would still be alive. If I hadn't been so desperate to find  _one_  Reaper artifact that we didn't need to destroy . . ." she sighed. "How is Legion?"

"Tali says it's in self-repair, but it'll be fine. What happened?"

"The tunnel caved in behind us, trapping us in the room with the artifact. We rigged up an explosive to open the second tunnel but one of the husks tripped it before we could. He got caught in the blast." She glanced at him. "He . . .  _it_  . . . grows on you."

"Yeah." Kaidan frowned. "So you're . . .  _how_ exactly is all this connected?"

She settled her head in her hands. "I'm fucked."

Kaidan fell silent as a terrifying thought dawned on him. "Hackett contacted you."

Shepard nodded quietly. "He delayed them as long as he could," she murmured. "But they want me to report to Earth a-sap. I got the message as I was heading for the Hammerhead."

That explained that. He rested his head on the back of the stall. "Now what?"

"I guess we set course for Earth." She paused. "Well, that's a lie. First I have to talk to the crew. I'll try to get rid of as many people as possible."

"I hope you aren't planning on trying to get rid of me."

Shepard managed a small, half-hearted smile. "No. You're my escort, after all. God forbid I try to dump you off on the Citadel or something."

"Who're you going to be able to get rid of?"

"I seriously doubt Joker's leaving his baby. I'll try to get rid of Jack . . . hopefully she'll be content to stick with someone else. I was going to see if Liara needed any help – I think Miranda would work well with her, which would mean Jacob and probably Kasumi would stay there. Tali and Legion – if Legion's okay – I'll send back to their people so they can get things under order. Grunt'll go back to Tuchanka. Zaeed'll probably crash a ship into a sun or something. I doubt I'm getting rid of Garrus anytime soon." She leaned her head back, closing her eyes. "As for the rest of the crew . . . I doubt Chakwas is leaving, which probably means Gardner's staying. Gabby and Ken aren't going to leave their engine, and Chambers isn't going anywhere. Everyone else I should be able to deal with."

"You're sure?"

"No. I can't . . ." She ran her hand over her face. "I can't drag them into this."

"That's not your decision." Her head snapped up. "I know you're trying to protect them, Marra. I know. But if they want to go down with you, that's their decision. Not yours." She started to protest, and he held up his hand. "I told you. I know what you're trying to do. And for the most part they'll do what you want them too. But don't discredit yourself."

"Discredit myself?" She laughed tonelessly. " _Can_  I discredit myself any more than I already have? I'm going to be  _arrested_ , Kaidan. I've never  _been_  arrested before. I . . ." She dug her palm into her forehead. "I used to be a goddamned hero, and now I'm a terrorist. How am I supposed to defend myself when the reason I  _committed_  a war crime was to defend against a shadow threat that no one except us believes exists?"

"Marrakech . . ." Kaidan thumbed her chin, drawing her head over to him. "You're a Spectre. If all else fails, everything you say on the stand will be along the lines of 'That's classified.' And besides. Most humans hate batarians more than you do. You might have committed a war crime, but they're sure you did it for the right reasons. Especially once the fact that you quit Cerberus comes out. Anderson will vouch for that."

"I only hope his word's enough," Shepard said quietly.

"It will be."

#

The steps echoing behind him on the floor were totally expected. Garrus was already in the cockpit, waiting for the human homeworld to come into view (he was more curious than he would admit. He'd been curious ever since meeting Shepard to learn if the human homeworld had conditioned their species to be persistent and like a – what was that dog breed they always referred to in cases such as this? A . . . bull pit? – when they were after something they wanted), and that meant that only two people were missing.

"Commander," Joker said as the steps came closer to the cockpit. "Nearing relay. Starting approach trajectory."

Shepard leaned on his chair. "How's Jack?"

"Furious." He shrugged. "She'll live. It was either dumping her off the ship on Tuchanka or getting her arrested with the rest of us."

"Shepard," Garrus said quietly. "There's still time. We don't have to do this."

Kaidan watched as Shepard self-consciously checked her shield generator. "No." An invisible change in the angle of her first Star of Terra, pinned under her collar, was fixed by a second small fidget. "I have to do this."

Joker shook his head. "Shoulda known that wouldn't work," the pilot chastised. "Entering relay."

The  _Normandy_  lurched under their feet as the relay activated. Kaidan silently wrapped his hand around hers, intertwining their fingers. Shepard glanced at him with a nervous smile.

The group was silent as the  _Normandy_  glided silently through the human home-system, the glow of Sol floating ahead of them through the viewports.

"Huh." Garrus was finally the first to speak. "So that's the human homeworld."

Shepard stared at the planet ahead of them, her breath catching in her throat. Kaidan squeezed her hand.

"We've got this."


End file.
